So damn weak. She couldn’t believe she followed him out of the kitchen and stopped him from leaving. Actually said that she could use a hug. The way he said it, she knew she had to take it from him. Could he make the hurt disappear…just for a moment?
Emmett glanced over his shoulder, dropped his hand from the doorknob, and took three long strides before he reached her. He didn’t hesitate. She didn’t push him away.
His warmth wrapped around her, cocooning her. A sense of safety overwhelmed her. How long had it been since she felt safe? How long had it been since she felt like someone cared?
She knew Sophie cared. As a friend. This hug. This moment in his arms. This felt like more than friendship.
Her arms snaked around his waist and her hands slid up his back. He shivered. Did she get to him as much as he did to her?
She could wipe her pain away easily. It would all fade away if she let Emmett consume her, take her to the height of pleasure. But at what cost?
Her head rested against his chest, the steady beat of his heart soothing. Neither of them spoke. She didn’t know what to say. Perhaps he didn’t either. Was he as shocked as her that she asked for the hug he offered? A hug that felt like so much more. Or did her wild imagination want it to be something more? Wanting Emmett was bad. She knew this. Hiding her emotions toward him was crucial. But his warm arms around her made her forget why she needed to avoid him.
Her hands moved higher on their own accord, running her fingertips through his hair. He shivered again at her touch. Lifting her head, she pressed her lips to his before she could think about what she was doing.
He jerked, then opened his mouth to her insistence. Their tongues swirled together, her body molding closer to his. She could feel his hard arousal against her. He wanted her. How could he want someone like her?
He only offered a hug. Here she was, taking more, demanding more than he offered.
She didn’t care. Increasing the kiss, she tried to press into him some more. The movement made him stumble back a few steps. She kept in tune with his steps until she had him pressed against the wall. The kiss turned hotter.
Emmett grabbed her face gently and pushed her lips away. “What is this, Deja? Because this doesn’t feel like a simple hug anymore.”
“Don’t you want me? Because you’re feeling mighty nice to me right now.” She rubbed against him, even as she did, hating herself for it. She was using him. Burying the hurt in mindless sex would erase the memories from earlier. At least for a while.
“What happened today?”
He obviously read her like a book. Just like that, the memories assaulted her. She shoved away and turned her back to him. What did she do?
A large hand touched her shoulder. Touched her heart. “As much as I enjoyed that kiss, I want you to talk to me. You’re hurting. I want to help.”
Turning around, his hand dropped. She slid her hands up his chest, relishing in the way he shivered, yet again, at her light touch. “You can help me.”
He grabbed her hands and clutched them tightly, but didn’t remove them from his chest. “Not like this. Don’t make this into something cheap. I won’t let you do that. Talk to me first, then I’ll make you feel good.”
His words lit her body on fire. She didn’t want to talk. She wanted his hands roaming her body until she forgot every little thing that happened today.
“Emmett…” She purred his name, knowing as she did, she would regret her actions tomorrow. “How long have you wanted me? I never knew.”
His eyes narrowed. “Call me E-man if you’re going to talk to me like that. You can’t hide behind sex, Deja. What happened today?”
She laughed. Almost an evil sounding laugh. “I could make you feel good, E-man.”
His lips thinned into a hard line. He didn’t speak for several seconds. It felt like hours. Then, to her surprise, he squeezed her hands hard and dropped his lips to hers. The kiss scorched her to the bone. Nothing in the kiss said soft and tender. It felt like an enraging inferno, a volcano that just erupted. As if all his pent up emotions, all he hid from her, poured into the kiss. Did that mean he had wanted her for a long time? She had been joking. Maybe there was actual truth to what she said. What was she doing to this man? What kind of bridge did she just create between them?
Because no matter how deeply involved this kiss was he would hate her in the morning. She would hate herself.
He broke away from her, his chest heaving, his breaths heavy. “That’s all you get from me until you talk. I won’t let you belittle yourself. Demean yourself. You’re not acting like yourself. Stop it.”
“This is who I am. I’m a slut. I sleep with any man, for any reason.”
♡
He stared at her in disbelief. Did she actually believe what she was saying? Because he didn’t believe it for a second. None of it.
This was the sorrow talking. Why wouldn’t she just tell him what happened today?
He wanted her so badly his resistance was slowly withering to pieces.
But no. Not like this. He couldn’t. He wanted her to want him for him. No other reason.
Emmett rubbed his thumbs over her hands, trying to soothe, to erase the pain in increments. This could take him a long time to ease whatever was torturing her. Because he could see the truth reflected in her crystal blue eyes. She believed every word she said.
“I don’t believe you. I’ve known you for almost a year. I’ve never even seen you date. Not once.”
She tried to remove her hands from his, but he held on tight. He wouldn’t let her pull away. They needed to sort this out. Now that he tasted her, he wanted more, but only after she squashed her demons. He’d never take her this way.
“I don’t date. I just screw ‘em and leave ‘em,” Deja said with a nasty smirk.
Moving closer, his lips brushed her ear as he whispered, “You’re lying.” He rubbed his thumbs across her hands some more as she trembled in his arms. “Talk to me, Deja. Really talk. Just tell me what happened today.”
He kissed her neck below her ear and pulled away. Her eyes would tell him everything he needed to know. And they did. Desire reflected in the depths, as did the awe. He had the distinct feeling she never felt true passion before. He’d be more than happy to show her—after she told him what happened.
Just as swiftly, the desire disappeared. “Don’t, Emmett. Just don’t.” Her features turned hard as she stared him down with the evil eye he knew so well.
Deflection. That’s what that look was. He had learned the ins and outs of her so well. The last nine months had given him plenty of time to learn her quirks. She was truly a soft-hearted person inside. Her hard persona was an act. So much anguish she held inside.
“Don’t what, Deja? Don’t try to be a friend? Don’t hold you like you matter to me? Don’t let you see how much I care about you? Don’t make you talk? I don’t listen very well sometimes. Get used to it.”
“Excuse me?” One brow rose as she pursed her lips.
He leaned closer, brushing his lips against hers. She trembled at the touch. He didn’t mind giving her little tastes of how good they could be together. She’d give in eventually. She’d talk and then he would show her how much he cared about her.
“I said get used to it.” His lips made one more light sweep across her delectable mouth. “I can see you’re hurting. Something bad happened today—besides the car accident—and I want to help. I’ll show you real desire as soon as you talk to me. I’ve wanted you for a long time. It’s nice to know you want me, too. So, get used to it. Get used to me. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I don’t want you. I just want sex,” she scoffed, as if she were trying to make it sound believable. He knew better.
“You’re so cute when you lie.”
“I’m not lying.”
“Did I ever tell you that you have such gorgeous eyes? They sparkle like the deep blue ocean.” He smiled. “When you lie, they flash a shade of purple. It’s the strangest thing I’ve ever seen. It’s so damn beautiful.”
“Let me go, Emmett.”
He didn’t release his hold. If anything, he held her hands tighter. “Did I ever tell you that I love how you say my name? The nickname you gave me just doesn’t have the same ring to it.”
“Stop it.”
“Did I ever tell you that you look so adorable when you’re trying to look hard and tough? But you know what? You’re a softie. So sweet and delicate.”
“Knock it off.”
“Did I ever tell you—”
“Shut up, Emmett!”
“Did I ever tell you—”
She let out a mangled cry that cut his words right off. Burying her head into his chest, her tears soaked right through him. They were fast and rough. So much pain it broke his heart.
He let go of her hands and wrapped her as tightly as he possibly could. “You don’t have to do things alone anymore, Deja. You have so many people who care about you. It’s okay to let us help once in a while.”
“Sophie cares. I know this. She’s the best friend I never had. But the rest of you…it’s probably just for her sake,” she said between muffled tears.
“Shit, Deja. Do you honestly believe that?”
Silence met his question. She did believe that. How could she think they didn’t care about her? That he didn’t care? He cared too much. Did he hide his feelings too well from her? He never meant to make her feel like that.
He doubted that was the case. She had too much pain inside, too much hidden. She believed that for another reason. A reason he needed to know.
“Believe it or not, I care. Austin cares. Ava and Zane care. Ethan and Gabe care. It’s not just Sophie. You’re part of our family. Why would you think we don’t care?”
Her tears became quieter, as if she had stopped crying, but she refused to answer his question or lift her head. He couldn’t believe she was crying. She never showed this sort of weakness. Not that he saw it as weakness, but he knew damn well she thought that. Whatever she was hiding was bad. He wasn’t leaving until she told him. He’d sleep on the couch if he had to. Hell, the porch if she kicked him out of the house.
“I’m not leaving. You’ll have to grab your tire iron and forcibly remove me before I leave. Talk to me.” He’d let her hit him repeatedly with her tire iron if it made her feel better. But he refused to leave.
That’s all she had to her name when she met Sophie. He could still remember what Sophie told him that Deja said. All I have is my tire iron and my wits. What sort of hard life did she have before she waltzed into their lives? He wanted to know so badly.
“I should beat you with my tire iron.” She said it so softly, yet laced with humor, it made him chuckle.
“If it’ll make you feel better. Deja, please, talk to me.”
She lifted her head, her eyes red-rimmed and so sad looking it tore his heart into pieces. He’d do anything for her. Anything to put a little happiness in her eyes. “You’ll hate me, Emmett. You all will.”
“I could never hate you. It can’t be that bad.” He brushed a hand across her cheek, wiping a few stray tears away.
“I’m not worthy of your kindness. Just stop it.”
“I’ve never seen you put yourself down like this before. Who made you feel this way? It’s not true.”
Her eyes were hard as steel, blazing like a fire, an icy fire. “Everyone. My whole life I’ve been unworthy.”
“Your parents—”
“Are dead.” She said it with such heartache he wanted to cloak her with love. Drown out all her sorrows with love.
She tensed. The ringing in the kitchen should’ve broken the stress developing between them. Instead, it increased.
“I should get that. Can you let me go now, Emmett?”
He nodded. “Sure. But I’m not leaving.”
She rolled her eyes as she stepped out of his arms and bee-lined it for the kitchen. Did she think running away from him would work? He wouldn’t be that easily swayed. He wanted her for so long. Her body. Her thoughts. Her sweet smiles directed his way. Just her. The complete package. He was ready to stop hiding his feelings.
Emmett leaned against the wall near the opening of the kitchen as she said hello to Ava. Maybe she thought he’d leave. Not gonna happen.
“Shit. You’re kidding me. What did he do?” She paused as all the blood drained from her face. Then her voice dropped to a whisper. “Did he ask you to call me?”
Emmett stood up, his body taut with tension. Who was he? Was she dating someone? Did he just make a complete fool of himself? Would Deja try to sleep with him knowing she was with someone else? What the hell was going on?
“I’ll be right there. Thanks for calling, Ava. I appreciate it.”
She ended the call and clutched the phone, refusing to meet his gaze.
“What happened? What did Ava call about?” Emmett waited a few moments, the silence starting to get on his damn nerves. “Damn it, Deja, just talk to me.”
She lifted her eyes, the life in them, gone. “You want to hear it all? Fine, Emmett. You asked for it. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.” She smirked suddenly. “You sure you don’t want some hot sweaty sex before I do? You won’t want me after this.”
“Your attempt at jokes isn’t funny. You also didn’t listen to a damn word I said earlier.” He pressed his lips together firmly before he said something he’d regret. She was starting to truly piss him off. He hated how she put herself down.
“Screw you, Emmett.” She snatched her purse from the counter and shuffled past him with quick footsteps.
“I thought you were going to tell me. Now you’re walking away. Running again. How many times have you ran?”
“I have somewhere to be.” She grabbed her coat from the hallway closet and slammed the closet door shut.
“How are you going to get there? You don’t have a car. I’ll drive you. Where do you need to go?”
Shoving her coat on, she looked at him. Her blue eyes scorched him to the bone. “The precinct. My brother was arrested.”
Not what he was expecting. He had no idea she had a brother. Why would he? She never talked about herself. Never revealed anything remotely personal.
“I’ll drive you. We’ll take care of this. Hopefully, we can get him out tonight. I know I wouldn’t want my brothers spending a night in jail. I imagine, neither do you.”
Deja laughed, although, there was no humor laced within it. “This is nothing new. He couldn’t even survive an entire day without going back. He’s not getting out tonight.”
“What?”
She pulled open the door. The cold night air seeped in. That wasn’t the only thing chilling him to the core. “That’s where I went today, Emmett. To pick my brother up from prison. They finally released him and just like that, he’s back behind bars. Our reunion didn’t go as well as I had hoped. He probably doesn’t want to see me tonight, just as he didn’t want to see me this afternoon. Well, screw him. I’m going. And screw you.”
“You keep saying that to me, but it just doesn’t sound believable. What was he in prison for?”
“Murder.”