Emmett let the brisk air wash over his skin before he pulled open the door to Chico’s Bar and Grill. He should’ve headed home. To his empty house. To the loneliness. To the quiet. To lick his wounds and wish the night hadn’t turned out the way it did.
Instead, he headed to where his brother Ethan and Dare were hanging out. More punishment. What would Dare say about Deja turning him down? Probably nothing good.
He was starting to realize, and picture, just what kind of childhood Deja had. She didn’t know love when she saw it.
Love?
He froze at the bar as the word flowed around his mind. Is that what he was feeling? Is that why he kept torturing himself? Is that why he put himself out there tonight, saying the things he did, because he loved Deja?
Yep. She thought he only wanted to screw her, and he’d do anything in his power to get his way. Hell, why couldn’t she see if that were the case, he would’ve slept with her days ago when she flung herself at him. He refused to let her bury her emotions with sex. If he ever had the chance with her, it’d be because they wanted the same thing. Not because she wanted to use sex to shield her emotions.
Damn her.
He loved her.
Women were not his forte. He had never told a woman he loved her before. Probably why he was mucking everything up with her. Well, he did try to tell a woman he loved her once and she—
He wasn’t going to think about that right now.
He ordered two beers, chugging one down before he walked away from the bar to find Ethan and Dare sitting at a high-top table near the back of the bar, close to the pool tables.
“Didn’t think we’d see you here. Why aren’t you wooing Deja? Or are you still a chickenshit? I haven’t canceled the date with Debbie yet.” Ethan grinned as he took a swig of his beer.
“Having fun, Dare? Is my brother annoying you to no end like he does with me?” Emmett sat down, wishing he ordered three beers. He could’ve chugged two before joining them. Why did he come here again?
“Na, he’s actually got a wry sense of humor. And he has a keen eye for beautiful women.”
Emmett glanced around the bar, noting for a Thursday night that it had a decent crowd. A few tables held several women, a mixture of them with couples, and the rest filled with men, just like their table.
“Aiming to ask one of these women out tonight?” Emmett asked as he fiddled with his beer bottle.
“Not likely.” Dare eyed him critically, then smirked. “Did you ask anyone out tonight?”
“She thinks I gave you a job just to get in her pants. She doesn’t believe me when I say I like her. That there wasn’t an ulterior motive.” Emmett slammed his beer back and almost drained the entire bottle.
“Whoa there, bro.” Ethan laid a hand on his shoulder, then made him set the bottle down. “Drowning your sorrows, remember, that doesn’t solve shit.”
Emmett looked at Ethan and shrugged. “There was a reason I never tried to ask her out. I knew she’d never say yes.”
“You know, a few days before getting released, I pictured in my head what the outside would be like. How lonely I’d be because I didn’t want to taint Deja with my presence.” Dare stopped talking as both of them turned towards him. “I never pictured meeting a family like you guys. I never pictured my sister hurting at the thought I wanted to leave.”
Dare took a drink of his beer. Emmett recalled the way Deja declined to have either of them drink last night. She must not want Dare to drink. It made Emmett want to snatch the beer out of his hands. Even with his heart hurting like mad, he wanted to please Deja in any way possible. What a sucker. Would that feeling ever go away?
“But you’re gonna stick around.” Ethan phrased it as a statement rather than a question. His brother always had the ability to lay down the law without being overbearing. Why couldn’t Emmett manage to express his true feelings to Deja without being overbearing? So she could really believe him when he said he cared about her.
Dare nodded. “Yeah, I am. Deja needs me. I need her.” Dare tossed his wary eyes to Emmett. “Strangely, I think she needs you, too.”
Emmett couldn’t help but grin. “Gosh, was that your stamp of approval, Dare?”
He cracked a smile and laughed. “Damn right. Enjoy it while it lasts, because if you hurt my sister, you’ll be the sorriest man alive.” Dare suddenly turned serious, his eyes heavy with wariness. “You gotta understand something. Growing up, it wasn’t easy. Our parents were clueless. It was just Deja and I. My sister has always been beautiful. People…kids…can be cruel. She’s not pushing you away because you’re an asshole. She’s pushing you away because she’s scared.”
“It’s there in her eyes. She hides it well, but her eyes are so expressive,” Ethan said pensively.
“It didn’t go well tonight. What do you suggest I do?”
“Don’t give up. She’s worth it. Just don’t give up.” Dare chugged the rest of his beer. “She’s never given up on me. She needs someone who’ll do the same.”
Sound advice. Emmett could do that. Would do that. He stood up.
“Where you going, bro?” Ethan eyed his bottle he didn’t finish, then glanced at him.
“Not giving up. Have fun, gentlemen.” Emmett tossed a twenty on the table.
Dare looked at the money. “What’s that for?”
“Things might get a little volatile because I’m not leaving until she listens to me.” Emmett stared him down, then said slowly, “So have fun.”
In other words, he didn’t want Dare walking in and potentially ruining anything.
Dare grabbed the twenty and waved it with a smile. “Thanks. Don’t back down. Her bark is worse than her bite.”
Emmett left, Dare’s last words resonating with him. She’d put up a fight for sure. But he wasn’t giving up, just like Dare said. Oddly enough, he had his approval. That made everything much better. He felt a little lighter inside because of it.
Deja would be his sooner or later. Because he loved her. Maybe that’s what he had to do. He just had to tell her.
Tell her that? He could barely ask her out on a date, he’d probably never get the words I love you out.
Driving back to Deja’s, his mind tumbled into a million different scenarios. None of them sounded like a great idea. Even going back to her house seemed like a terrible idea. Yet, he found himself standing on her porch ready to knock on her door.
Did she lock her door? He should check again. Regardless of what she thought, Kevin was a dangerous man and could hurt Sophie by hurting the people she cared about.
Twisting the knob, he met resistance. Well, at least she locked the door. On one hand, he was happy she did. On the other trembling hand, he was annoyed as hell. Would she answer the door when he knocked? She wasn’t too happy with him when he left. He should’ve never left.
Saying a silent prayer everything would turn out well, he knocked on the door and waited.
And waited.
Almost pulling his phone out of his pocket to check the time, he forced himself to be patient. Why was it taking her so long to open the door? Did she know it was him knocking? Did she even hear the knock?
He knocked again, waiting what felt like minutes instead of seconds. He started to raise his fist to knock again, refusing to be beaten that quickly, when the door swung open.
Her eyes were red-rimmed, her lips molded into a frown. She looked so sad it broke his heart. He put that look there. He obviously made her cry and that was the last thing he ever wanted.
“What do you want?”
He stared for a moment, taking in her forlorn expression, the distrust in her eyes. What did he want? He wanted a lot of things. Her thoughts. Her feelings. Her heart. Her love. The better question was what didn’t he want? Because he wanted everything.
“You.”
Her bottom lip quivered, then steeled like a tightrope. There was no way he could witness her cry. Once was enough to last him a lifetime.
Without waiting for an invitation, or for her to speak, since she didn’t appear as if she was going to respond to his one-worded answer, he stepped inside, pushing her lightly to the side. She stared at him quizzically, but made no move to stop him. He shut the door and locked it, then turned toward her. She started to open her mouth to speak, but he stopped her with one swift kiss.
He didn’t want her to use sex as a shield. He wanted her to want him for him, except his words didn’t seem to work. She didn’t believe him when he said he cared. Perhaps he could show her. She would learn the truth from his touch. This wasn’t sex. This was passion. He would make sure she understood the difference.
Turning the kiss from soft to insistent, he swooped in with his tongue, demanding she follow suit. She matched him every step of the way. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her closer as the kiss kept a steady pace, their tongues swaying to a delicious beat. His hands worked their way up and down her back, soothing her, caressing, and making her body anticipate more. At least, that was the hope.
She moaned into his mouth, encouraging him further. She wanted him alright. He knew none of their fighting words earlier were between them at the moment. It was in every tiny movement she made, inching closer to him, pressing her lithe body to his. Her sweet moans as he devoured her mouth. He wanted to kiss other unseen areas. This wasn’t enough anymore.
Cupping her ass with his hands, he lifted her up. She quickly wrapped her legs around his waist. He broke the kiss, murmuring against her mouth, “I’m going upstairs unless you say no. What do you want?”
She nuzzled her head between his neck and shoulder, shuddering. He waited patiently for her response, dying to rush up the stairs, but refusing to move a muscle until she answered. He wouldn’t go any further with her unless he had her complete blessing. They hadn’t settled anything between them. Right now, none of it mattered. Later they could talk it out. Right now, all he wanted was her body naked next to his.
He started to worry when she didn’t respond, with words or with a touch. Her head just stayed cocooned between his neck. Her hot breath flowed down his back, making him wish her lips would touch him, just for a brief moment. Anything.
“Deja?” he whispered, his soft words echoing quietly between them. “What do you want?”
Ever so quietly, she whispered back, “You.”
That’s all he needed to hear. He headed for the stairs with her wrapped safely in his arms. As he started to climb, her lips started moving. Tiny kisses peppered around his neck, up his jaw, across his cheek, to a short path to his ear where she took a nibble. He trembled from each touch, almost tripping on the top step. He couldn’t wait to get to her bed.
“Which room?”
He hated asking. He didn’t want to waste any more time than was necessary. Having her under him, kissing, touching, lighting her body on fire was all he wanted to do, not wait for her to answer a simple question.
“First door on the left.” Her lips trailed down his jaw and then across his neck and shoulder.
He shuddered again at the touch, then swung her bedroom door closed with a quick kick. In so many words, he told Dare to stay away. Just in case he didn’t listen, which he could see him doing, he didn’t need Dare to walk past and see what they were doing.
He laid her on the bed, covering his body completely over her. Without missing a beat, he drew her t-shirt up and over her head, unclasped her bra, and took a tight nipple into his mouth.
Heaven. Her body, the way she arched to meet his kiss, made him ache for her even more.
♡
Deja wasn’t sure what she should be doing. With all her talk about sex and men, she was sadly a novice. Could Emmett tell? Would he stand up and look at her with disgust? She always, so easily, rebuffed men. Pretending that she was a sex vixen worked well. Acting confident spoke louder than anything.
She loved his mouth on her breast. She suddenly wanted to feel his chest. Learn and memorize every hard contour of his body. Grabbing the hem of his shirt, she pulled up, almost crying out in dismay when he had to let go of her nipple to allow her to take his shirt off. She whipped the shirt to the floor as he resumed his tender strokes on her other breast.
His hand trailed down the side of her body, the light caress sending waves of desire straight to her core. When his hand met the snap of her jeans, she knew she should speak up before he went any further. She should’ve spoken up downstairs. She should’ve shoved him out the door.
It occurred to her downstairs, why did he suddenly want to sleep with her? He kept saying she couldn’t hide behind sex. What was this then?
Did he truly care?
Of course he did. Why couldn’t she just believe that?
As he started to shove her pants down, she helped him with the task, at the same time wondering if she should speak up yet.
She wanted him. She wanted him so much that she didn’t care what reasons he had for bringing her up here. This just proved even more why she wasn’t worthy of his affections. Taking pleasure from him even when she shouldn’t.
Cold air hit her skin, tiny goose bumps popping up. Some from the cold, some from the desire as his hand dipped inside her panties. She arched up as he started doing delicious things no man had ever done before. Nothing else mattered. Not the issues between them. Not the reason he was here. Not the fact she wasn’t good enough for him. Nothing mattered other than his soft, tender touch.
“Deja, you’re so beautiful,” Emmett whispered as he kissed his way across her chest to her lips.
She locked lips with him as he continued to work magic with his fingers. She wanted so much more.
Her hands stroked his back, his body trembling with hers. She then snaked her hands from his back to the front of his pants. With a quickness she didn’t know she possessed, she unbuckled his pants and started to shove them down.
“Let me.” He lifted and removed his pants and boxers, stopping for a moment to dig into one of his pockets. A condom landed on the bed near her thigh.
The sight of that had her panicking. This was really happening. She was about to have sex with Emmett. If she wanted to speak up, now would be a great time. There would be no going back if she didn’t.
She froze. She could feel him removing her panties, his hands roaming around her body delicately. It all felt so wonderful. Her body had never felt so alive. So ready for more.
No words reached her lips.
Then, he covered her lips with his, making speaking that much more difficult.
As much as she considered herself brave, strong, and in control of her life, she was none of that right now. She was weak. Taking when she should be honest.
His kiss became light as he positioned himself over her body. He quickly donned the condom on and nestled his hard erection perfectly between her legs.
His soft caress across her lips, down her jaw, and to the side of her neck made her forget what was about to happen.
“I need you so badly.” Emmett nibbled her ear and then slid inside her without restraint.
The moment of pain almost blinded her, made her immobile. Then slowly, nothing but a complete sense of rightness settled over her. He felt so large inside her. So right. So perfect. By the feel of him, she couldn’t believe he fit.
She was enjoying the sensations all around her that it took her a moment to realize he had stiffened, ramrod straight, not moving an inch. Why wasn’t he moving?
This was worse than she thought. She should’ve said something. But would’ve he believed her? Nobody ever did. Not one person had ever believed her.
She slowly opened her eyes, unaware she had shut them, to see his face blank of any emotion. What was he thinking?
Bringing a hand to his cheek, she lightly rubbed it and laughed. A sexy laugh. Or at least, tried to make it sound like one. “What are you doing, Emmett?”
His brows dipped as his lips fell into a frown. She supposed that troubled look was better than anger. Although, he could still be horribly angry with her.
“Deja…God, why didn’t you say something?” He dropped his head next to hers on the pillow.
She didn’t want him to look away. That just confirmed everything she always believed. He hated her. He was ashamed, disgusted, revolted.
She should’ve made him leave.
He lifted his head, yet wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a virgin?”