I stare straight ahead as the cop car drives away from the house where I’d had such hope. My face is set in stoic lines, but inside I’m about as sick as I can be.

I can’t look any of them in the eye. Can’t look at Sam, who opened his home to me, even though he didn’t want to. Can’t look at my mom, can’t bear to see the anguish I’ve caused.

I especially can’t stand to look at Allegra. That girl would have been far better off if I’d never come into her life at all.

And I sure as hell can’t look at Theo, though it’s not for the same reasons. No, I can’t look at Theo, because he’s probably in the hospital. I put him there.

“You’re in some serious trouble this time, Seth.” Officer Martinez looks at me in the rearview mirror, his dark eyes catching glints of passing headlights, hiding the judgment I know must surely be there.

I know Martinez. He’s busted a few parties I’ve been to. He even gave me and Tristan a ride home one night when we were both too drunk and disorderly to be out on the streets.

I could hate him, but this isn’t his fault. It’s absolutely mine. I did it. I almost killed Theo Flynn.

I had my reasons. Oh, fuck, did I have my reasons. Still…

I’d meant to just teach Theo a lesson. Just scare him, make sure he understood that he would never do any of the things that I could read in his eyes.

But rage had taken over. I’d been worried about Theo, but I’m no better. I’m an animal, just like him. Only I’m wilder than even I knew.

The drive to the station seems to go on forever, marked only by the number of streetlamps that we pass under. Nerves skitter under my skin, shrieking that I’m trapped. There’s no way to quiet them, because they’re right.

I’ve gone too far this time. There’s no hope for me. I can’t even rely on my so-called family to get me out of this mess.

Once they see what Theo looks like, no way will they bail me out. Not even my mother. No, she’ll just finally see me for the monster I am.

And this time… this time it’s not a case of whether or not they press assault charges. I tried to kill Theo. And if Tristan hadn’t finally pulled me off of him, I just might have.

I wanted to. I craved his blood on my hands.

When we arrive at the station, Officer Martinez and his partner, whose name I can never remember, walk me in through the back door into the booking area. Everything is cast in flat fluorescent light, and it hurts my eyes. Martinez doesn’t say much, just instructs me to stand in front of the gray screen so they can photograph me. As I face the camera for my mug shot, I feel…

I feel as lost and alone as I did when Dad kicked me out of his house. I’m legally an adult, but I feel like a frightened little boy.

I stand through detailed photos of my hands and the injuries on my face and the blood on my shirt. After having my fingerprints done, I’m asked to strip out of my clothes, and then I’m examined in ways I’d never even thought about. To see if I’m hiding anything, I guess. Whatever the reason, it only reinforces my sudden, terrifying vulnerability.

Examination over, I’m issued something that resembles blue pajamas. I guess I’ll get my orange jumpsuit once I’m in prison.

There’s no doubt in my mind that that’s where I’m going.

“You get a phone call.” Martinez pauses just outside the holding cell.

The words are devastating.

“Nah. I’m good.” My voice is quiet as I sit on the empty bench. “I need to catch up on my beauty sleep.”

He shakes his head. “I think the gravity of your situation is lost on you, Thorne.”

“No.” I speak softly but steadily, and get Martinez’s attention. “I get it. I really do. I just don’t have anyone to call.”

“I’m assuming you don’t have a lawyer.”

I shake my head, welcoming the cold numbness that’s starting to spread inside of me, freezing out everything else.

“I’ll get you a court-appointed one.” His voice is sombre. I don’t look at him as he leaves.

Thankfully there’s only one other guy in the cell, so I can stretch out on the bench without causing a fight. At least, I assume that’s what would happen if I tried to do that with a full cell.

But really, I don’t know. I’m a shit and I fully admit it. But this is my first time in prison.

I glance over at the guy on the other bench. He’s much older than me, probably around forty. He looks battered and bruised, and he stinks so bad my eyes water. It’s a heady mixture of booze, body odor and what I assume are years of neglect. His eyes are closed and he’s snoring loud enough to wake the dead.

A minute later the stink of urine hits my nose and I realize he’s pissed himself, right there in his sleep.

It’s right at that moment that I realize the gravity of what I’ve done.

Jesus. Am I really here in this place right now? Leaning forward against my sudden panic, I place my elbows on my knees and put my head in my hands.

What the hell had I been thinking? I’ve totally fucked up my life.

Allegra.

If I think about it hard enough, I can almost smell her sweet scent. It’s calming, and I suck in a deep breath.

She is what I’d been thinking about. Her. Always her. She’s the reason I’m here.

I should have killed him after all.