CHAPTER 16
Sawyer
I hate crying. I feel weak when tears fall down my face but right now, in this epic meltdown of mine, I don’t mind. Garrison sits on the steps of the town hall, smack in the center of the square, holding me like a baby as I sob against his chest, soaking his shirt with my tears. He rubs my back with one hand while the other runs over my hair. He doesn’t say a word, he doesn’t try to calm me down, he just lets me be which is what I need. I’m not crying right now over Samuel Dean Ellington, he’s only the icing on the cake. I’m finally letting every single piece of emotion out that I’ve been holding deep inside me since my mother’s death… it’s exhausting and freeing at the same time.
“I… I just don’t understand…” I sob, trying to speak around my tears but it’s nearly impossible for me to even comprehend the words and I know what I’m saying. I move my legs, setting them on the ground so I can sit up and try to get ahold of myself. As much as it feels good to finally cry, I’m at that point that I’ve cried as much as I can. My eyeballs feel raw and my head feels like it might explode so it’s time to take a break from the meltdown train.
Garrison slides his arm around my hips as I sit on his knee. He pushes a piece of my hair out of my eyes and kisses my cheek. “That guy was an asshole.”
I nod, wiping at my eyes. “How can he say there’s no point in bringing up the past? Thankfully he’s not my father but the man fuckin’ cheated on his wife. Whether it was last night or twenty years ago, she deserves to know!”
“He’s just covering for himself. Who knows, maybe she does know?”
I scoff and shake my head. “Well, then she’s an idiot for staying with him.”
Garrison swipes his thumb under my eye and I see his lips slide sideways in the glow of the lamppost. “Lots of women stay with men who have cheated on them and vice versa.”
I roll my eyes. “I’d never take back a guy who stuck his dick in some other woman.”
“You get that from your mother,” Garrison says in a way that makes it seem like he actually knew her and my heart swells. “I’ll be honest with you, Sawyer, because I won’t ever lie to you, you deserve better than that. War or even deployments are tough. You’re lonely over there, time zones are messy, you can go days without speaking to the one person that you live for so when someone shows you attention, people stray over there. I’m not saying it’s right but it’s the truth.”
My stomach sinks, hating that situation for anyone. “Did you?”
Garrison lifts his shoulders, stiffening slightly beneath me. “I’ve never dated anyone while I’ve been overseas.” He hesitates. “Some people forgive because they understand, others stay together for show. There’s a million and one reasons why people stay together after someone cheats, you just never know until you’re in the situation yourself.”
Now I feel like an ass because I totally forgot that Clarissa cheated on him while he was gone. I look into his eyes, catching the forlorn sadness hiding in there. Sighing, I caress his cheek and lean forward, kissing him softly. Garrison kisses me back tightly, not like the ways he has in the past. I pull back, searching his face for some kind of answer as to what is wrong.
He catches on and shakes his head, brushing his lips across mine quickly. “Sorry, I just got lost in my thoughts. What can I do to help you feel better?”
I smile, appreciative that he’s turning his concern back to me when I’m the one that brought up his broken heart unintentionally. “Ice cream,” I answer.
Nodding, he points down the street. “I can do that. How about a Tiger Tail or whatever they’re called? You know those Blizzard like things at the pharmacy that you can add in toppings to.”
I laugh and shake my head, standing up. “The pharmacy’s closed right now. Besides, my mother always said those things were overpriced. I never got to get one when I was little unless it was just my grandfather and me.” I hold out my hand, helping Garrison up. “Let’s stop by J's and we can make tiger twists at my mom’s.”
Garrison stands up, sliding his arms around my waist. Slowly, he leans down, kissing me gently and slowly. I sigh into his mouth, content for the first time since my mother died. My hand moves to the back of his head so I can pull him in closer to deepen our kiss. I’ve never been so happy to run over a motorcycle in my life as I am right now.
Garrison
Walking back to the Beast, Sawyer holds my hand and leans against me. It’s been too long since I’ve been in sync with a woman like this. I want to say I like it but at the same time, I fear her getting too close. I know I’d survive if anything ever took this… relationship away from me but I fear that Sawyer wouldn’t. I don’t want to be the one to risk hurting her more than she already has in her lifetime.
Having been on the cheated end of a relationship, I’m right there with her on her thoughts about cheaters, but I know many of my Navy buddies that have done it and regretted it before it was even over. Their situations were different than mine was. I was the one away from home while Clarissa was supposed to be starting our lives together back in the States. Instead, she was knocking boots with some guy in our bed. She expected me to forgive her, as did my parents, because image was more important to them than the havoc she wreaked on my heart. It’s why I swore I’d never fall for another woman… but that was before I ever knew Sawyer Kingham existed.
Arriving at the vehicle, I open the passenger door, waiting for Sawyer to get in but she’s in a trance, much like I was myself. I look around and realize we’re standing in the exact spot we first met. I smile, recalling how angry I was at her when she ran over that new to me motorcycle, not realizing it was a blessing in disguise. If she hadn’t flattened my ride, I would never have gotten to know her for the strong woman that she is. Caught up in the moment, I try to steal a kiss, but her eyes don’t leave the storefront of the New to You Boutique. Following her gaze, I try to see what she’s focused on and immediately, I recognize the garment from our first meeting.
“You okay?” I whisper.
Startled by my voice, Sawyer jumps slightly and nods. “Yeah, fine, totally fine.” She crawls in the car without another word or so much as a look back at the dress in the window front. Not wanting to push any buttons, I follow suit, stopping by J's to pick up supplies for our ice cream date then heading back to her mother’s. Half an hour after pulling into the driveway, Sawyer has the blender blasting on high as she sprinkles Oreos into the mixture of ice cream and drop of milk.
“My mother swears, swore sorry, that the milk was the secret ingredient to making the twists blend together so smoothly,” Sawyer explains, cringing as she uses the past-tense with her mother.
Leaning against the counter beside her, I lightly touch her forearm. “You don’t have to use tenses with me, babe. Talk about your mom how you want to.”
Sawyer looks up at me with tears in her eyes and I run my finger down her cheek. I hate when women cry, I don’t think I know a single man that enjoys it, but if she needs to let it out, I want to be the one to hold her while she does. It’s why I let her soak my t-shirt on the steps of the town hall while she sobbed for half an hour because she’s all alone. Don’t get me wrong, Sawyer is absolutely the kind of woman that can handle shit thrown at her without flinching or thinking twice about it. Her mother did a mighty fine job of raising to her to deal with anything that she’s handed, and doing it with her head held high but the fact remains that she’s alone. I honestly believe that’s why she’s so insistent on finding her father because without him, the girl has no family left. It annoys me that someone like Sawyer, who loves her family and thrives on their support and love, is left with no one while both my parents are still alive but I want nothing to do with them. Life is fuckin’ unfair when it comes to shit like this.
Blinking quickly, she hides the tears and I sigh, knowing she won’t break down again like she did just an hour before. The blender finally stops and she takes a spoon from the drawer and dips it into her concoction then holds the utensil in front of my mouth.
“Taste this and tell me that it isn’t better than a Tiger Twist or a Blizzard,” Sawyer says confidently.
Opening my mouth, Sawyer deposits the dessert and she’s right, the treat tastes delicious on my tongue. Not thinking clearly, because if I was, I’d know this was a bad idea, I move my hands to either side of Sawyer’s face. Leaning down, I push my lips against hers, wasting no time in parting her lips and letting our tongues dance. Sawyer moans against my mouth as she turns to face me, and my hips push her against the counter. The spoon clatters to the floor as her hands anxiously move up and down my chest, unsure where to go. Then, my brain kicks me in the ass, reminding me that this is wrong, so very wrong. Quickly and reluctantly, I pull away, ending the kiss. Sawyer’s eyes stay closed as her lips stay pursed, not wanting the kiss to end.
I relax, knowing we have that in common. “It’s fuckin’ amazing,” I whisper, taking a step back to put some space between us.
Her eyes flutter open and she looks at me with a mix of euphoria and confusion. “Yeah… it is,” she comments back and I know she’s not talking about the ice cream.
Then, like a total dick, but knowing in the end, it’ll help us both, I continue to step away from her, walking backward and pointing over my shoulder. “I should go…”
Snapping out of her dreamy state, Sawyer’s eyes go wide and I see the last thing I ever want, pain on her face caused by me. Turning quickly so I don’t have to stare at her anymore, I walk quickly to the front door before I change my mind. I was wrong, I was so fuckin’ wrong. I thought I’d be able to survive if something bad happened between Sawyer and me, but no, I’ll be devastated which is why I’m getting the hell out of here now, before it’s too late but the thing is though… I know it already is.