CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
IT TOOK HIM less than ten minutes to pull into the underground parking garage of the Palisades and take the elevator up to where his drug of choice waited for him. He glanced up into the camera in the corner of his metallic confines and stared boldly into the face of the one who was waiting at the other end of this ride.
Yeah, he was about to fall off the fucking wagon big time. Was about to slide back into the one place he promised himself he wouldn’t go again. Yet as the elevator came to a halt and the doors opened, there was no denying this was exactly what he wanted.
“I have thirty minutes,” were the words that greeted him.
Derek walked off the elevator and over to the naked man waiting for him. He took the haughty chin between his thumb and forefinger and promised in a voice thick with arousal, “I only need ten. Take me to your room, Jordan. Time’s a wasting.”
AS THEIR WORDS echoed around the open living room, Derek devoured the supple skin of Jordan’s back as he turned and walked, unapologetically naked, across his tiled floor toward his bedroom.
Fuck, he knew he shouldn’t be there, especially since this was the first time he’d seen Jordan since that horrible night at Boyz two months ago. But after speaking to his brother yet again about helping out his piece of shit dad, and then going to welcome Finn back to Sunset Cove only to find him and Brantley all over each other, Derek hadn’t been able to stop himself from reaching for the phone and the one person who ever made any sense in his life.
So much for staying strong and letting Jordan call him. What a crock of shit.
Jordan’s penthouse was as familiar to Derek as his own apartment, and with every step he took, his cock throbbed a little harder in anticipation. Following Jordan’s lead, he kicked off his flip-flops and stepped over the threshold into a room he’d seen in many different capacities. Today, though, he was there for one particular reason, and the naked man heading toward his bedside table knew it.
Once Jordan had tossed a condom and lube on the mattress, he strolled back around the end of the bed and tilted his head so he was looking directly up at him. Derek’s chest rose and fell as he waited for whatever Jordan would do next.
It sucked to know that this man was exactly who he needed, even as his brain was calling him a fucking moron for being back there.
Jordan’s knowing eyes took his measure, and just as Derek knew he would, Jordan took control. “Get on your knees,” he told him, and Derek went to them with no questions asked.
Still dressed in his shorts and tank top, Derek was aware he was several steps behind the man who was about to drive him insane. But that was why he was there, to lose his damn mind, and no one other than Jordan had ever come close to being able to pull him out of his jacked-up headspace when he was stuck there, just as he was now.
He aimed his eyes up at Jordan, and there was no doubt in his mind as to why he was the only one who was able to offer solace while at the same time unravel him. It was the very reason Derek had walked away—he loved him.
“Well, you sure know how to hold a grudge,” Jordan said, as he gently stroked the back of his index finger down the line of Derek’s jaw. When he reached his chin, he took it between his thumb and forefinger, holding Derek in place as he asked, “What made you change your mind?”
Derek tried to pull his head back, but Jordan held him still.
“I thought you only had thirty minutes,” Derek reminded him.
“And you said you only needed ten. That leaves me twenty to listen to your explanation.” Jordan moved then so his lips were by his ear and told him, “Start talking, Derek, or you aren’t going to get what you want.”
“I’m not going to get that anyway,” he said, and turned his head so he could nip at Jordan’s plump lower lip. As he caught and sucked it into his mouth, he reveled in the way that Jordan’s pupils dilated and his breath caught. It was intoxicating to be under Jordan’s spell again. But to know that he had the power to make Jordan stumble ramped that high up even more.
He brought a hand up to touch Jordan’s face, but the guy was lightning quick, wrapping his fingers around Derek’s wrist and holding him off.
“Uh uh…talk first.”
“Jordan,” he said.
“Derek…” Jordan batted his lashes, and Derek shut his eyes, knowing it was the only way to stop himself from begging.
Most days he was convinced that Jordan was the devil. A beautiful seduction put in his path to offer salvation at the cost of one thing—his soul. It was those days that Derek told himself he should steer clear, and he’d finally managed two full months without craving him in some fucking way.
But it was times like this, when Jordan was touching him, that made him feel like they were the only ones on the entire planet. That was when he wanted to shut his eyes, lie down, and surrender everything to him.
“Where have you been these past couple of months?” Jordan whispered.
“Why?” Derek asked. “Do you actually care?”
“Of course I care. God.”
“Well, how should I know, Jordan? You were pretty clear on the subject the last time I was here.”
Jordan dropped his wrist as if it had turned to flame. “That’s not fair. You blindsided me and you know it. Now take off your shirt.”
Derek wanted to tell him to go fuck himself, but he figured that would be a waste of the delicious erection he was staring at. So instead, he reached for his top and drew it over his head. Once it was free, he tossed it aside and went for the zipper of his shorts.
“Are we ever going to be able to talk about this, Derek?”
Derek shoved his shorts down to his knees and took hold of his painfully erect cock. He stroked it as Jordan took a step toward him, and when his eyes fell to what he was doing, Derek answered, “We might. But it’s not going to be now, and it certainly won’t be because you demand it. I’ll talk when I feel like talking.”
Before Jordan could anticipate the move, Derek lunged for him and grabbed his wrist, tugging him forward. Jordan speared his fingers into his hair for balance, then those same fingers twisted and yanked his head back.
“Getting ahead of yourself, aren’t you? I didn’t say you could touch me.”
Uncaring of Jordan’s admonishment, Derek brought his other hand around to grab Jordan’s ass, and then he was moving to his feet, because while they would both get off on Jordan fucking him through a mattress, Derek sure as hell planned to make him work for it first.
“I don’t remember asking for your permission.”
He hoisted Jordan up his body and felt the sharp bite of his teeth as Jordan sank them into his jaw. The guy wound his arms and legs around him like a fucking vine, then used his body as an anchor as he rolled his hips against Derek’s naked abdomen.
“Tell me where you went,” Jordan demanded again, nibbling on his earlobe as Derek walked around to the side of the bed.
“No.”
Jordan’s mouth opened as if he was about to say something more, but Derek cut him off. “Either let go of me or you’re gonna end up on your back, and we both know you hate that position.”
“In all fairness,” Jordan said, “I hate fucking while in that position, if we’re going to get technical about it. You in that position, however, I enjoy very much.”
Derek felt his balls tighten at the reminder of the many times he’d had this man inside him, but he wasn’t about to cave, so he went with it. “Fine. Have it your way.”
With Jordan wrapped around him, Derek fell to the mattress, his weight holding Jordan beneath him until— “Ouch. Motherfucker.”
He pushed up on his hands and glared at Jordan, who bared his teeth, the same ones that had just bitten his nipple, in a full-on hellcat grin. Before he could accuse Jordan of being a dirty fighter, he rolled out from under him and Derek gave up. He didn’t have it in him to fight this today. Jordan was too sleek and too damn quick, and hell, he wanted him too bad.
He lowered down to his stomach and grunted at the sublime feeling of the cool sheets against his eager cock. When the mattress shifted, he figured the slick glide of lube would be applied next, but instead, the bed dipped a second time, and then there was nothing.
Derek ground his teeth together, fighting back a shout of frustration as silence descended on the room. He then rolled to his back to search the space for Jordan.
Like a king watching over all he surveyed, he was seated on the plush chaise lounge, which must’ve been a recent purchase for the elaborate space, with his hands clasped behind his head, his tanned legs crossed at the ankles, and an erection that was primed and ready to fuck.
But looks could be deceiving. So very, very, deceiving. As was the case with them.
“What the hell are you doing?” Derek finally asked, even though it was pretty damn obvious. Jordan now had a firm grip of his dick and was leisurely stroking himself while Derek scowled at him.
“I believe they call it…wait…yes, masturbation. I know you’re familiar with the term.”
Damn know-it-all, Derek thought, as he collapsed back onto the bed. He reached down to his own agitated flesh and pressed his palm to it. He needed some friction there, and fast.
“I’ve missed you, Derek.”
“You mean you’ve missed fucking me,” he snapped back. “Because that’s all we used to do.”
“No. I missed you,” Jordan said, then sighed. “Why do you always have to be so pigheaded?”
“Me?” Derek asked as he jackknifed up in the bed. His legs now hung over the sides, and he noticed that Jordan had moved from his casual position to sitting on the edge of the couch. “You’re the one who freaks out at the first sign of me ever wanting more than some scandalous affair with you.”
That had Jordan on his feet in a flash. “That’s not true. I was sticking to what we agreed to. To take things one day at a time. You changed the terms. Not me.”
“Yeah, how dare I,” Derek said, as he walked over to where Jordan stood. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and I think you get off on sneaking around.”
“Fuck you.”
“You know what,” Derek said as he turned around and grabbed his shorts off the floor. He pulled them on and then reached for his tank. Once that was over his head, he stormed back to Jordan and shook his head. “I’ve changed my mind. I don’t even want that now.”
The fiery expression that lit Jordan’s eyes told Derek he was about two seconds away from getting a piece of his mind.
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re the one who called me, Derek.”
How Jordan managed to dress someone down in such a snooty tone while stark naked would always be a mystery to Derek. The guy had no shame about his body. He’d once mentioned wanting to be a nudist, and honestly, Derek could totally see it.
“You’re right. I did. My bad.”
Turning on his heel, he marched out of Jordan’s room and headed toward his only means of escape. The elevator.
I’m such an idiot, he thought with disgust. What was I thinking coming to him? But he knew the answer to that—he loved him. He would always want to go to him. The only problem was that Jordan didn’t return the feeling. Or, more likely, he didn’t want to admit that he did.
And he has the nerve to call me pigheaded.
Derek jabbed the button of the elevator and stormed inside, ready to get the fuck out of there. But when he turned and saw Jordan, now wrapped in a robe, standing with his arm holding the door back, he sighed.
Here we go, Derek thought. Round two, anyone?
* * *
FULLY CLOTHED, DEREK looked just as he had earlier when he’d arrived. Only this time, instead of arousal heating his eyes, rage had taken its place.
Not having a clue what to say but knowing he needed to say something fast, Jordan wondered when their relationship had gone from easy and sexy to complicated and hard.
“Let go of the door, Jordan. I’m done,” Derek announced, his tone defiant and his stance full of conviction, as if daring Jordan to argue. Usually Jordan would respect that and let him go, but not this time. He’d been waiting for two entire months to hear from Derek after he’d dropped his little bombshell, and he’d be damned if he let him go without finding out where the hell he’d vanished to since then.
“Oh, you’re done, are you?” he asked, and took a step in Derek’s direction. Jordan hit the stop button on the interior panel of the elevator and then continued moving forward. “Well, that’s too bad. Because I’m not. You want to hash this out, then we’ll hash it out.”
He could see Derek’s cheek tick and knew he was holding back from saying what he really wanted. Probably something along the lines of Go fuck yourself. But there was no way he was going to let Derek leave believing the bullshit he’d just spewed out of his mouth. He’d had time to think over these past couple of months too. “I want to talk to you.”
“Tough shit,” Derek fired back. “Time’s up, Jordan. It’s too late.”
“Too late? You’ve been gone,” Jordan shouted, finally losing his temper with a punctuating stomp of his foot. He could feel the blood rushing to his face as he glowered up at the obstinate man, and Jesus, he was perfection.
Derek’s blue eyes were locked with his, and he looked like he wanted to strangle Jordan with his bare hands, but never had anyone fit him so damn well. “You have to understand where I was coming from. One day we were—”
“Fuck buddies?” Derek supplied with an arched brow.
“Yes. And you were fine with that, from what I recall.”
“I was,” Derek agreed, and took a step forward of his own so that they were toe to toe. “But I changed. Maybe I grew up and you didn’t? I don’t fucking know. But I want more, Jordan. And when I told you that, when I told you that I loved you. Do you remember what you said to me?”
Jordan winced, and Derek nodded. “Exactly. You didn’t say a goddamn thing. You looked at me like I’d told you we should get married and have ten kids. So excuse me if I got a little pissed off and didn’t want to see your face.”
“Pissed off?” Jordan said. “You went to a club the next night and hooked up with someone right in front of me.”
“That wasn’t intentional. I didn’t know you were invited. Plus, I asked you once we got inside if anything had changed, and again—nothing. So what the fuck does it matter to you if I hooked up with him or not? Jealous?”
Jordan poked a finger in Derek’s chest as he narrowed his eyes at him. “If I thought for one second you went home with that guy, I wouldn’t have answered my phone today.”
Derek shook his head and gave a humorless laugh. “Bullshit. You’ll answer my calls as long as I keep dialing, and just like the fucking addict I am, I’ll never stop calling you.”
Wow… It wasn’t often that he was rendered speechless, but in that moment he had nothing. Jordan wanted to deny Derek’s words, to tell him that he was wrong. But he was right.
Whenever Derek’s name and number flashed up on his screen, it was like his next fix was delivered straight to his veins. A high he couldn’t shake because Derek needed him. He wanted him. But having it reduced to that? Having it labeled in such a way as if it were a bad thing made it feel cheap and…sleazy.
Jordan brought a hand to his mouth and rubbed his fingers over his lips, trying for patience, and then he raised his eyes to Derek’s stormy ones. “So, just so I’m clear and I don’t misunderstand the next time I see some random guy all over you. You’re breaking up with me?”
“Breaking up with you? That would imply that we were together in the first place. Finn and Brantley, they’re together. They go to bed together, they wake up together. They go on dates in public together. We don’t. We fuck.”
“Not anymore, apparently.”
“Apparently,” Derek agreed in a tone that grated on Jordan’s last nerve.
He had just about had it. He could feel the angry heat crawling up his neck, and put his hands on his hips, ready to do battle since that was clearly what Derek wanted.
“Be careful, Derek. You’re showing signs of being a total asshole.”
“Well, if anyone would know what one of those looked like—”
“My, my, you are in a particularly caustic mood today, aren’t you?”
Derek shook his head but didn’t respond, obviously done with the conversation.
Damn him for being impossibly sexy, Jordan thought, and in the back of his mind a voice was saying, Let him go. If he wants to go, then let him go.
He took a step back, out of the elevator, and wondered if this was it. If this was how they would truly end after everything they’d been through.
As the heavy metal door began to close, Jordan couldn’t let him go without asking, “So, this is how it ends? How we end? This is what you want?”
Derek’s shoulders stiffened and his eyes blazed. “You are so clueless for a man who is supposed to be so fucking intelligent. You know that?”
Jordan flinched at the vehemence in Derek’s tone as he released the door and let him go. Nothing he’d said or done tonight was right, and the flame that burned hot and furious between them was finally threatening to consume them. So maybe it was time to put out the fire before it raged out of control.