Sasha
I went to the cafeteria while they settled my mom in a new room. I’d tried to go along with the nurses, but they’d assured me that everything was under control and that their jobs would go a lot smoother if I gave them some breathing room. I would do anything to help my mom, even if waiting in the dingy cafeteria made me feel like spooning my eyeballs out with the plastic cutlery.
I hated not knowing. That was the worst part of all of it. Was it the cancer? Was it something else? Something new? Something worse?
The nurses had asked for ten minutes. It had been five. I was just about to get up and see how things were getting on when a shadow loomed in front of me. My heart leaped as I looked up, but quickly sunk back down. It wasn’t Zane, as I’d hoped.
“Edward?” I furrowed my brow. “What are you doing here? How are you here?”
He sat down on the chair beside me. I set aside my burnt tasting coffee, which I’d been absentmindedly stirring since I first sat down. I wanted to scoot my chair back a few inches, or as far away from him as I could get without causing a scene, but he’d already reached forward and grabbed my hand.
“I heard about it from your neighbor when I dropped by to see you. When you rescheduled our session, I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”
I’d nearly forgotten that I was supposed to be seeing Edward tonight. I found it disgustingly creepy that he’d gone to my house, probably checking to see if I was with Zane. He really seemed to have a problem with him. That in itself might not have been the worst thing in the world, but to then chase me down to the hospital? I understood how it might have been seen as a kind thing to do, but I didn’t trust when people were too kind. Especially since, like with Edward, most people betrayed their apathy through their facial expressions.
Edward didn’t give a rat’s ass about my mother. He was clearly enjoying holding my hand way too much. His pupils had dilated, and his hand was just a little too warm. I pulled back carefully; shooting an apologetic smile like it was my bad for not wanting him to touch me.
“Thanks, but I’m fine,” I said. “You can go now. I’m sure you’ve got lots of work to do.”
He shook his head. “I’m going to stay with you. You’re all alone here.”
What a dickish thing to remind me of. And anyway, it wasn’t like I was alone because Zane couldn’t be bothered to come with me. He was busy working toward his goals. This tournament was a big deal for him. He’d confided in me, only yesterday, that he wanted to get out of New Orleans. He wanted to get out of the MC life in general. I didn’t blame him. Though the two biker guys I’d met had been absolute sweethearts, I knew there were worse people inside his organization and that they were only waiting for the opportunity to do worse things. They wouldn’t be put off just by Zane’s status for long.
In truth, I was worried about what would happen when Zane finally got out of the game. Would he just jet off and leave me alone here? Or would he wait for me? I couldn’t go anywhere until I’d finished up my thesis, which was coming sooner rather than later, but still.
Besides, one problem at a time. First, this little rat.
“Edward, I’m really fine.” I tried being firmer. “I kind of want to be alone right now.”
Doctor Raymond appeared in the doorway to the cafeteria. My eyes darted to him, and my pulse spiked. Was he just here for a coffee, or was he here for me? He spotted me across the room and headed toward me with a look of grim determination.
“Sasha,” he said upon reaching me. “I have some news.”
“Let’s hear it,” I replied.
Doctor Raymond looked around us, but the cafeteria was essentially deserted. Only a couple nurses sat in the corner. The lady who’d served me my shitty coffee was in the back somewhere.
I looked pointedly at Edward, but he didn’t shift. I was too tired to muster up the strength to tell him to scram, so I just signed and nodded at Raymond to continue.
“Unfortunately, the cancer is back.” He sat down on the other side of me, and I turned toward him and ignored Edward.
“Is it bad?” My voice was barely a whisper. Dr. Raymond reached out for my hand, and I let him.
“It’s a waiting game now, Sasha. The only thing we have left to determine is whether it will be weeks or months.”
Everything inside of me broke. Everything. But I tried to keep it together just long enough to say, “Is there nothing we can do? Nothing?”
He cringed, ever so slightly, at the desperation in my voice. “There’s an experimental procedure, but it isn’t covered by your mother’s medical.” He sighed. “It’s very expensive.” He patted me on the back. “We have a little time to discuss it. For now, I just wanted to let you know where things stand. I’ve already told your mother.”
Dr. Raymond didn’t hover. He released my hand and stood; giving me a kind smile before disappearing back down the hallway he came.
I didn’t turn back to Edward. I was hoping he’d take the hint and leave. But, instead, he took up Dr. Raymond’s spot. He even tried grabbing my hand; I didn’t let him.
“Let me help,” he said, trying to catch my gaze.
I pretended I was too caught up in grief to bother lifting my head. Then again, I was too caught up in grief to lift my head. I felt like I was at risk of going catatonic. All at once every part of my body ached; muscles that I hadn’t known existed making themselves known to me.
“There’s nothing you can do, Edward. Please just go home.”
I saw his hand reach toward my chin out of the corner of my eye, but he made a wise choice and pulled it back. “I have money, Sash.”
Ugh. I hated being called Sash. I wasn’t a goddamn ribbon. I didn’t answer him. If he wouldn’t go away by me telling him to go away, I’d try smoking him out with silence. Failing that, I was going to go full explosion on him. The unfortunate thing was I’d likely not be able to come back from that.
“I mean, I can’t just give you the money,” he murmured. “But if you gave me something in return…”
Before I’d even realized what was happening, Edward’s hand was on my thigh. I’d been in stasis before, but now I was a livewire. I jolted away from him, lifting my head to snarl out a string of curses. Before any could leave my lips, heavy footfalls reverberated through the cafeteria and Edward was jerked roughly away.
Zane was here! He had grabbed Edward by the collar and was dragging him to the adjacent wall. He slammed Edward against it and lifted him until they were face to face. Edward’s legs dangled limply. It was the most wonderful thing I’ve ever seen.
“You are never going to come here again,” Zane snarled. “And if you ever—EVER—touch Sasha again, I will rip your fucking throat out. Understood?”
Edward didn’t answer. Poor choice.
Zane pulled him from the wall and slammed him back again. “UNDERSTOOD?”
“Shit—okay! Understood!” Edward whined.
Zane pulled back and tossed Edward toward the door. He landed on all fours, scrambling to his feet and practically running out into the hall. I watched with an open-mouthed stare. I’m sure my eyes must have been twinkling.
The sound of clapping brought me back to Earth, and I turned to my left to see the two nurses applauding from the corner. When I looked back at Zane, he did his most charming smile and bowed. When he turned to me, his face was grave.
I leaped up out of my chair and flung myself into his arms. He caught me and held me, cradling me off the ground. Only then did I weep. Openly. Horribly. And with tears everywhere. But he held me through all of it, cooing comforting words into my ear. His heat enveloped me, and I allowed myself to fall into it like a cocoon.
“She’s—she’s…” I couldn’t get the words out. “Zane. Can we go see my mom now? I don’t know if she’s awake, but I have to see her.”
I felt him nod against my cheek, and we turned and walked hand in hand toward her room. We didn’t say anything the whole way. I wanted to ask him about the tournament, but it all seemed so insignificant now. It probably wasn’t for him, but things for me had just taken a dip into the surreal.
Even when the cancer had hit her last time, I hadn’t really considered losing my mother. The doctors had never told me I would. It was all, “We’re going to fight!” and “She can beat this!” But now there was no more fighting, apparently. There was no more anything. There was going to be no more mother.
When I was a little girl, I’d done anything and everything I could to make my mother smile. I don’t know why, but getting a smile from her was like catching a sunbeam when nobody else did. It was warm and kind and sweet, and when she and my dad split there was a long time where I didn’t see her smile anymore.
But when it came back, I wanted to never see it gone again. So I’d done everything I could, especially when she was sick, to keep her smile close enough to her lips that she could reach for it if she needed to. But how could I make her smile now? How did you make a dying woman smile?
Especially when you’d lost your smile yourself.
I tried not to fret over it. I had to be strong. Strong.
She was awake when we got to her room. She didn’t look like a dying woman at all. She was pale and sallow-skinned, but her eyes were bright as ever. I realized she was being strong for me too.
“Hey, honey,” she said. “I heard there was a guy with you, but couldn’t imagine in my wildest dreams that I’d get to meet the wonderful Zane.”
I chuckled. “The guy I was with was actually Edward, originally.” I walked to her side and grabbed her hand, hooking the chair behind me with my foot and sliding it over to sit in it. Zane followed, standing behind me with his hands rested gently on my shoulders.
“Edward?” Mom wrinkled her nose. “Your grad advisor? What the hell was he doing here?”
“I know, right?” I smiled and leaned in conspiratorially. “He propositioned me for sex, and Zane practically tossed him out the door.”
My mother looked up at Zane with approving eyes. One of his hands shifted and leaned toward her for a handshake. “I’m Zane, by the way. Lovely to meet you. I wish we could have met in better circumstances.”
She shook his hand with the one I wasn’t holding, her eyes bright the whole time. I could tell exactly what she was thinking. “You must call me Maria. I’ve heard so much about you.”
“Doctor Raymond said there’s some sort of experimental treatment we can try?” I asked.
She sighed. “Straight to business, huh? I guess that’s how I raised you.” Her eyes grew impossibly sad, and she gripped my hand in both of hers. “It’s too expensive, honey. There’s no way we can get the kind of money they’re asking for. And for it to possibly not work?”
Zane’s hands left my shoulders. I turned just as he swooped down to kiss me.
“I’ve got to go,” he said. “I’m going to get you that money.”
“Ooh,” Mom said, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Does your new boyfriend know how to rob banks?”
“Mom!”
“No,” Zane said. “But I do know how to shoot pool. I’ve got a competition to win.” He looked over at me with a deep affection in his gaze. It was the first time I’d seen it there. It wasn’t that he wasn’t affectionate, just that I’d still only ever seen his two normal emotions—amusement and lust. “Are you okay if I leave?”
“Of course,” I said, too stunned by all the information I was receiving to properly form a thought.
He was out the door before I’d had time to process it. Zane had a deep affection for me. He somehow thought he could get enough money for my mom’s treatment. My mom might not have to die!