Nine

Punk tossed in her oversized bed. Beast’s bed. The bed fit for a Beast. Her eyes kept drifting to the wolf painting above it. It made so much sense now. A wolf.

She sat up, fluffing the pillows for the umpteenth time. Not that it would help. She couldn’t get comfortable no matter what she tried. Her leg was healed. It took Diz a while but he finally got her cast off. And what a relief that was. Her body felt fine. Nay, wonderful. Yet, sleep evaded her.

Sorting out her feelings would be a good idea, but even though hours had passed since she watched Beast turn into a wolf, she still didn’t know what to think about it.

Now that the initial shock had worn off, she could admit it was kind of beautiful. Not the whole ragey part, but… seeing her man, fiercely primal for her. There was something comforting about that. He was easily capable of ripping her head off, but he’d only been angry on her behalf. It made her feel safe. Like he’d fight fire-breathing dragons for her.

But it was those same qualities that made him seem dangerous. He was a beast she could never win against. No amount of training would ever take him down. He was supernatural. He could heal at lightning speed for fuck’s sake.  If he ever threatened her, she’d have no way to fight him off.

She slammed her head against the pillow.

What the hell was she thinking? This was Beast. He’d been nothing but kind to her. Cared for her. Saw to her every fucking need. When she’d mentioned he’d hurt her, he looked sick. When he thought his turning would endanger her, he’d tried to make her leave. He’d healed her leg when she’d been in pain. Held her hand when he shared his own horror story. Kissed her with abandon. Kissed her until she felt sexy again. He made her feel wanted and needed and special.

He wasn’t a threat to her. It was plain as fucking day.

So why couldn’t she let it go, this idea that she always needed to be on guard? She had to find a way to trust completely, or her decade old wounds would never fully heal.

She wanted it to be Beast. She wanted him to be the person she trusted with everything.

A small knock on the door had her jerking her head like the heroine in some horror flick. She ignored it, but after a minute, the door slid open and Ella walked in.

“I know you’re not asleep,” she said. “I can tell by your breathing.”

“You know, that’s creepy as fuck.”

“I know.”

Punk rolled over to face her friend. “So you’re a wolf too. And Dog Boy. Which I guess makes you Dog Girl.”

“Yep.” She nodded. “I’m a shifter. I didn’t know it until I met Drake. I’d never turned, being raised by my dad and all. He was human as the day is long. But Drake taught me how to shift.”

Punk was quiet, absorbing the information. She didn’t have the energy to be a smartass anymore.

“I was going to tell you and Annie. I didn’t want to keep it from you, but things happened so fast. And then you were in the hospital and I decided I’d wait for you to heal. I figured you had enough going on.”

“How the hell am I supposed to believe this? I feel like if I pinch myself enough I’ll eventually wake up. Werewolves exist. Fuck, what else?”

“Not just wolves. There are shifters of all sorts. Cats, bears, deer. Just about anything you can think of.”

“Of course there are.”

Ella laughed, coming to sit on the edge of the bed. “Come on, Punk. Don’t be mad about it. You have a pack of wolves here that would do anything for you. And one in particular that would die for you. You can’t pretend that doesn’t make you feel good. Last week, you had two friends. This week you have a family. I don’t know how you feel about Beast, and I won’t ask. But I know he’d treat you like a princess and fuck you like an animal.” She smirked as only a woman in the know would. “It’s how they do.”

Punk couldn’t help a lopsided grin. She knew exactly what Ella was talking about. She’d only gotten a preview, but Beast’s kiss… it was savage and intense and altogether consuming.

“Yeah, yeah. Keep the details of you and Dog Boy’s sexcapades to yourself. Please and thank you.”

Ella raised her hands in surrender. “I’m just saying.”

“I’m still mad at you, you know.”

“I know,” Ella said. “But I’ll make it up to you somehow.”

“Tell me what I need to know. Help me figure this out.”

Ella grinned. “That, I can do. Scoot over.”

Punk slid to the side so Ella could crawl under the covers.

“Let’s see, where should we start… mates! Intended mates. Every shifter has a destined mate, the one person they’re meant to be with for life. When they find that person…” Ella shook her head. “Punk, they’re fierce when it comes to the woman they love.”

“Beast doesn’t love me.”

“I’m telling you, he does. He won’t say it. Not until he thinks you’re ready, because his animal has recognized you need time to adjust. He’s holding back, babe.”

Punk shook her head. Beast couldn’t love her yet. “Doc…”

“No, you don’t know because you’re not a shifter. We fall fast with our intended. We find them and we’re blinded to everything around us. Life becomes this pinpoint focus and at the end is our mate. And their happiness is all that matters. It’s love at its purest. It’s unselfish. It’s beautiful. It’s forever.”

Her voice was so full of passion it brought tears to Punk’s eyes. She was so fucking tired of crying, but what Ella described was what she’d been searching her whole life for. A love like Nana talked about. She’d never known her Papa, but she knew he was a good man by the way Nana spoke of him. After her attack, she’d lost hope in that dream. But now… maybe there was hope again.

“But Punk, he deserves the same kind of devotion. He’ll be as patient as you need, I know he will, but be sure that this is what you want. Shifters mate for life.”

Punk let the tears fall from her cheeks to land on the pillow. “He’s a good man isn’t he?”

Ella nodded. “He is. I know this is fast, but you’ll figure it out. Like I said, you’re the toughest person I know. You’ll handle Beast just fine. If that’s the way you want it. This is all in your hands. He can’t do anything you don’t let him.” She grinned. “We’re like… their masters. Or mistresses. Whatever. My point is, as dominating as he is, you hold all the cards. If you want this, you say yes. If you don’t, you say no. It’s that easy.”

“And if I say no, all this ends?”

“No. Not for him. It never ends for us. I told you, it’s for life. But he’ll leave you alone. Eventually.”

The idea left Punk feeling empty inside. She didn’t want him to leave her alone. Not really. It was like Ella said, she just needed a minute to breathe. To find herself in all this. To realize… she loved him.

She hadn’t recognized the feelings before, hadn’t been able to put a name to them. They’d been hiding behind all her anger and fear, but that’s what this was. Love. It was new and fragile, but it was there. A butterfly fresh from its cocoon. It just needed time.

“And if I say yes?” she breathed.

“He’ll mark you, and you’ll be his forever.”

Forever. Did she want that? Could she trust a man enough to commit for the rest of her life? Not a man. Beast. Could she trust Beast enough. That was the question.

She wanted to, and she was going to try. She was going to give it her best fucking shot.

“Thank you,” she murmured.

Ella smiled. “You’re welcome.”

“When are you telling Annie?”

Her smile faded. “I don’t know yet. Do you think she’ll freak?”

Punk snorted. “Count on it. But we can’t leave her in the dark.”

“Agreed.”

“I say we tie her up so she can’t run. Then tell her.”

Ella laughed. “Can you imagine? I picture her with all that curly hair disheveled, arms tied to a chair while we explain.”

“In the sweetest voice, she’ll say, ‘kindly untie me please, so I can run the fluff away.’”

“And we’ll say, ‘not if you’re feeling sprite.’”

Punk chuckled. “Sprite. God, I love that woman.”

Ella sighed. “Me too. We gotta think of a better plan.”

“Agreed.”

“Yeah… alright, I better get out of here before Drake wonders where I’ve gone. You get some rest. Things will look better in the morning.”

Punk watched her friend go. When morning came, she’d figure out how to tell Beast how she felt. For now, sleep was finally calling her, and she was going to answer.

***

It was dark. The alley was wet and cold and smelled like trash. The sickly sweet scent of rotting fruit and decaying meat stuck to the inside of Punk’s nostrils.

No.

Someone strong pushed her against the dirty brick wall. He wasn’t large. A fraction of Beast’s size, but she still couldn’t fight him off. She didn’t know where to hit, what was vital and what would just get her a smack across her face.

All her defense training, all her tactical experience, it was like it never happened. Every bit of it was useless when she was stuck in a nightmare from her past.

Time to leave. Time to escape this body that was going to be brutally used. She couldn’t stay.

Like always, she separated her mind from the physical. But there was no escaping this dream. She’d have to watch.

Punk covered her eyes, sobbing, but the scene before her played out anyway. Every wrong touch sent her stomach roiling. So many times she’d bore the dream, trying to ignore the horror that occurred. But this time she was angry. This time she wasn’t going to stand there and watch herself be violated again.

She was going to scream and cry. Scratch and claw. Whatever she could do to fight it. If it didn’t work then fine, but she was going to fucking fight. She didn’t have to give this piece of shit one more second of her life.

Enough was enough.

She screamed. Shrieked with all the energy she could muster. It felt good. The burn in her throat was a cleansing fire.

More. She needed more.

The sound that came from her throat split her ears but she couldn’t care. She felt freer than she ever had. The scene became horrific. In the distance, her body was bloody. Her attacker, vicious. But she screamed and screamed, letting the sound send the biggest fuck-you to her psyche.

No more nightmares of this bastard. No more. She was done. No matter how many times she had to scream her head off, she was going to end this.

She screamed as tears blistered her cheeks, reliving the painful invasion. She screamed because she hadn’t been able to that night and regretted it.

She screamed as everything went black.

Punk let out a ragged sob. Thank you. Dear god, thank you.

The scene was shuddered in precious darkness. The sweet, sweet darkness she’d experienced in the hospital. The one that felt like home. Her darkness. The scent of pine and lemongrass filled her nostrils replacing the stench of the alley.

Stay. Don’t go. Darkness, don’t leave me.

It was so gentle. So careful. It reminded her of Beast. Her Beast.

Punk shivered as the darkness enveloped her, wrapping all around until she felt cocooned in its warmth. She never wanted it to leave.

Stay.

“Stay,” she sobbed.

“I’m not going anywhere.” His voice was a rough breath in her ear.

Punk opened her eyes to find Beast staring, his brow etched with concern. He knelt on the edge of the bed, his hand gentle on her face.

“Beast?”

“It’s me.”

Beast was her darkness. He was the way to healing. In her heart she knew with him, she could mend the wounds that continued to bleed. A complete healing started with her trusting this man.

A sob ripped from her throat and she launched herself at him, completely oblivious of the sounds she was making. His powerful arms came around her, securing her to his chest. How they could be so tender and strong at the same time was baffling. She clung to him with a desperate grip, begging him with her body to please not go. His palm came up to cradle the back of her head.

“I’m here,” he murmured. “For as long as you want me to be.”

“Stay with me. Please. Tonight, stay.”

He pulled away to stare into her eyes. Wiping the tears from her cheeks, he nodded.

Punk laid back, still shaking from the adrenaline of the dream, and Beast climbed into the bed next to her. Realizing he was completely naked, she gasped.

“Uh, let me go get pants,” he muttered. “I just ran in here so fast when I heard you scream.”

She stopped him. “It’s okay.” She wore her tank top and panties so they were even. Almost. And she didn’t want him to leave for even a minute. Not right now, when she was so raw.

He settled against the pillows and pulled her into his arms. Home. Punk let out a shaky sigh.

This was right. She could feel it deep in her bones. He was the one she could trust.

She snuggled deeper into his embrace. If she could crawl inside him, she would.

“Better?” he whispered.

“Yes.” Emotion gripped her throat. She swallowed, trying to make her voice work. “You make everything better. That’s what I’m coming to realize.”

He dropped a lingering kiss to her forehead. “I want to,” he said. “I want to make you happy. Even if…” he hesitated, forcing a swallow, “even if it means letting you go.”

She opened her mouth to speak, but he put a finger over her lips.

“I meant what I said in the shop. I’d wait forever for you.” His voice shook. “But baby, if you need me to back off, I’ll do it. I’d want to make sure you were safe. Just check in on you every once in a while or… or get updates from Ella. My wolf needs to know you’re okay. If…” His brow crinkled until his gaze was forced away. “I’ve been thinking about this all fucking night, and… if you can agree to let me check on you, then I can live with it. I can… I can…”

His voice faded to nothing.

“No. I won’t agree to any of that.”

His frown deepened to a full on scowl. “Shit, baby. You don’t understand. How will I know you’re alright? The wolf in me has to know or I’ll go fucking crazy.”

“He’ll know, because I don’t want to go anywhere.” She cleared her throat, trying to make her voice stronger. “New deal, you claim me or whatever. Give me your mark.”

His mouth opened in shock, but he just stared. Releasing her, he pulled away and sat on the edge of the bed, lowering his head to his hands. “Do you know what you’re saying?”

“Yes. I do. I want to be with you.” She wasn’t afraid anymore. She wasn’t worried about whether or not this would hurt her. Beast was her safe place.

He shook his head, dreads coming loose from the band he’d used to pull them back. “You’re half asleep. You had a nightmare. You don’t know what you’re committing to.”

Punk propped herself up on one elbow. “I know exactly what I’m doing. I want you to claim me as your mate.”

His gaze jerked to her. It was hot and so intense it felt like a physical touch. Without warning, he pounced on her, straddling her hips, his hands braced on either side of her head, his face inches from hers.

“Woman, don’t say that unless you mean it,” he growled.

Holy shit. He’ll treat you like a princess and fuck you like an animal.

Her heart pounded at the idea. She let her eyes glide across his chest. His muscles rippled with power as he hovered above her. He was magnificent. Heat shot between her legs making her squirm. She wanted to feel him there, the hardness of his body pressing against her, easing the ache he’d produced.

“I mean it.”

His eyes roamed all over her face, searching for any doubt. “You’re serious.” His gaze continued down her body. He hadn’t laid a finger on her, but with a simple look, she was on fire for him.

“Very.” She didn’t want to wait any longer. Finally, she was sure of what she wanted.

“Fuck,” he hissed, his eyes wide. “We can’t do this right now.”

“Why not?”

He shook his head slowly, his gaze still perusing her body. Her heaving chest. Lower, where his erection lay against her leg hard and heavy.

“We haven’t talked about all this.” He was trying to talk himself out of it, but he wanted it as much as she did. He lifted a shaking hand to graze her breast through the thin cotton of her shirt. “I don’t want you doing anything you’re not ready for.”

She moaned as he squeezed her breast, her hardened nipple rubbing against his hot palm. “I’m ready, Beast. Please.”

He locked eyes with hers, his breath coming in furious pants that hinted at his restraint. He fucking seared her with his gaze.

“Prove it.”