Natalia

 

I paced in tight circles around the bedroom, gnawing at my fingernails. It felt like my body and mind were tearing apart. Powerful emotions were pulling me in every direction. I couldn’t get a handle on what was happening inside me. My brain was a hornet’s nest of conflicting thoughts.

 

I was deciding if I should run.

 

“You can’t go,” I muttered to myself out loud, fully aware of how crazy it sounded to be talking to myself in an empty room. “Where would you even run to? Don’t be an idiot. You don’t know how to do anything, how to get away. The Espositos have people everywhere. Nicholas will know the second you hit the street that you’re trying to escape. Do you really think he’d just let you take off without so much as a glance back?”

 

I twisted on my heel and started moving in the opposite direction. “You have to go. Don’t you remember what Marco told you? ‘Stand up for yourself, Natalia.’ You know damn well that, if Nicholas is here, you aren’t going to be to do anything like that. You’ll be his forever. You might not get another chance like this. You have to.”

 

I stopped in my tracks and looked at the open window. A fire escape snaked downwards from it, descending to the back alley below. Even if the Espositos did have eyes on this place, it was doubtful they’d notice me sneaking out the back.

 

“No, don’t be ridiculous,” I said, resuming my pacing. “You’re helpless. You’re a victim. You always have been and always will be. That’s just what you are, Natalia. Get used to it and stop trying to be something you’re not. That’s going to get you killed. The people here are too dangerous to test like that. It doesn’t take much to get hurt. Remember Amelia? Yeah, of course you do,” I scolded myself as the harsh memory of her sticky sobs came hurtling back to the forefront of my mind’s eye. “You remember her very well. All she did was whisper. What do you think would happen if you ran?”

 

I changed direction again, back to clockwise circuits around the mattress. “Stop being such a coward! Stand up, stand up, stand up! And then fucking run, you dumb idiot! Run! There won’t be another chance this good to hit the pavement and just keep going. Get out of the city, out of the state. Hell, get out of the country, if you can find a way. The only rule is keep moving. They won’t be able to catch up if I have a head start.”

 

I stopped in place once more and looked at the closet. A few of Nicholas’s shirts hung there. I walked slowly over to them and took the sleeve of one in my hand. Bringing it to my face, I inhaled deeply. His scent filled my nostrils. It was spicy, musky, intoxicating. If I closed my eyes, I could picture him in front of me, that broad chest filling up my entire field of vision, dominating me without lifting a finger.

 

It felt almost like my body was betraying me by how quickly it had become addicted to the thought of him. And not just the thought, but his presence, his touch. Even now, when he was God only knew where doing God only knew what, his smell was enough to bring me to my knees. The urge to submit to him utterly and completely was powerful.

 

And hadn’t I promised him that much? Didn’t I swear to obey his every word? He’d said for me to stay put. The thought of disobeying him frightened me. I could just picture his wrath, dark and purple, stealing over his face. I didn’t know what he was capable of doing to me.

 

But the memory of the ice kept resurfacing, unheeded. He’d cooled me down, swept my body with a touch gentler than I would have ever thought possible. There was a degree of caring in his touch that surprised me. It was impossible to fake that kind of thing. At least, I believed it was. Somewhere below that grizzled exterior was a man with a serious hold on me. It was more than just dominance. It was a connection. I didn’t understand it or know how it had happened, but it was there, whether I liked it or not.

 

I looked out the window again. The world beckoned. A life beyond the shallow husk of what I’d known. It had been a series of subjugations from the second I was born until now. One after the other, an unbroken chain of “Come here, Natalia,” and “Do this, Natalia,” and “Don’t even think about doing that.” For once, wouldn’t it be nice to do what I wanted? To stand, walk, run, however and whenever I pleased?

 

I’d go to Mexico. With my dark hair, I could blend in there. It wouldn’t take me long to get enough of a tan to pass off as a local. As long as it were away from here, I could make it work. I just had to leave. Now.

 

Before I could stop myself, I shrugged on the shirt of Nicholas’s I held in my hand. I buttoned it up. It was long enough to serve as a dress. Besides, I had no other clothing. This would have to do.

 

Three quick steps and I was at the window. I put my hands on the windowsill and paused just long enough to take a deep breath. Then I was out, leaping through the opening and going down the fire escape.

 

I hoped I’d made the right decision.