Chapter Thirty-Three
Xavier
There was a track near work where Kenny and I often met to run. We had just done three times around the track, and we stopped to take a breather.
“Who the hell decided that this would be a good idea?” Kenny said. He was out of breath and immediately sat down.
I sat down next to him and laughed. “You’d be better at this if you didn’t smoke, you know.”
He rolled his eyes. “I do this so that I can smoke. Life, you see, is all about balance. But seriously, I hate running.”
“Actually, so do I. But I always feel better afterward. It’s like I’m running away from my problems.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, and how’s that working out for you?”
“Not great. You?”
“Terrible.”
We both chuckled. “Why don’t we go out for a drink tomorrow night? I sure could use a night out.”
“Tell me about it. That sounds great. Count me in.”
“Actually, there’s something I wanted to tell you,” Kenny said. He looked nervous suddenly. I thought something was on his mind but then he kept joking around, so I wasn’t sure.
“What’s going on?”
“I was going to tell you tonight, but I’d actually like to just get it over with.”
“Uh, okay, fire away,” I said. It wasn’t like Kenny to look so nervous. He was the most confident person I knew.
“Andrea is pregnant.”
I looked at him in surprise. That was the last thing I expected him to say. “Holy shit. I’m assuming you’re the father.”
He nodded. “That’s what she says.”
“Oh wow. Kenny, that’s big news, man. What are you going to do?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve sort of been avoiding the whole thing.”
“How long have you known?”
“Over a week now. I’ve been dying to tell you but telling you also meant admitting to what was going on. It was easier to just pretend like nothing was happening.”
“I know that feeling. But it doesn’t make it go away.”
He nodded. “I know. In fact, it’s probably made it a million times worse. I feel sick from it.”
“How’s Andrea doing?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t really spoken much to her since she told me. I sort of . . . ran away from it all.”
“Are you in love with her?”
“I don’t think I know what love is, to be honest. I’ve said from the beginning that she’s a cool girl and I have a lot of fun with her. And, obviously, the sex is great. But love is a whole new ball game. I think it was always just lust between her and me.”
“Did she say she’s keeping it?”
“She’s keeping it. She’s definitely keeping it. I don’t know what to do, man. I don’t want to run away from the problem, but I’m so not ready to be a dad. What am I supposed to do? Marry someone I don’t love? I don’t want to settle down. I’m happy being who I am. I like going out and partying and meeting girls, and not committing. I like my single life. Why should I change?”
“Just because she’s pregnant doesn’t mean you have to marry her. Things are different now. You can still be a father without marrying her.”
“But a father? A father! How can I be a father? I’m still a child myself.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I feel like I am. I act like I am. This isn’t for me, man. This really isn’t for me.”
“You can’t run away from it, man. You’re a good guy, Kenny. You’re one of the best people I know. You just can’t run away from something like this. You have to do what’s right by the girl. She’s going to need you. It’s not fair to just leave her like this. Just because she’s the one having the baby doesn’t mean that it’s just her responsibility.”
Kenny sighed. “I hate that you’re right. Okay, I’ll talk to her soon. I just need to clear my head. What’s happening in your life? Talk to Holly yet?”
I shook my head. “Nope.”
“I hear she got a job in the city.”
“Oh yeah? Good for her. No wonder I haven’t bumped into her.”
“Have you seen Rick at all?”
“I haven’t seen Rick or Holly since he told me that she didn’t want anything to do with me. It’s been about a month now. That’s the longest I’ve gone without seeing Rick. For the past few years, I literally saw him a few times a week. It’s weird. But I’m not going there. He obviously doesn’t want me to, and Holly clearly wants nothing to do with me. If she did, she would’ve called me by now. I’m still shocked and angry at what she did, but I’m not going to let it get to me anymore. I deserve better than that.”
“You do. It’s her loss man.”
I laughed. “When did our lives get so fucked up? Remember those days when life was easy and carefree?”
Kenny chuckled. “They seem like forever ago. So this is what it’s like to be an adult, huh? All heartbreak and stress. Can we go back in time a bit?”
“If only. So, one more round?” I said and pointed to the track.
Kenny groaned. “You’re killing me, man. I just want a cigarette.”
But we didn’t get a chance to run because I heard my phone ringing from my bag and I ran to answer it. It was our boss telling us that there was a big wildfire and they needed everyone on the team there as soon as possible.
I looked at Kenny. “Shit. You were right about smelling fire earlier. There’s a wildfire. Apparently, it started off small, but it’s gone out of control. We need to get there now.”
We jumped into Kenny’s truck and drove towards the fire. It didn’t take us long to see the smoke in the air, which was now thick and dark and ominous.
“Oh hell, that does not look good,” Kenny said. “This is going to be a long day.”
When we arrived, we saw that most of the team was already there and some were still arriving. The teams from both divisions, city and park, were there, and things seemed to be spiraling out of control. It wasn’t often that I felt nervous at work, mostly because we always got there on time and we always had a big enough team to get things under control. But this fire seemed to be taking on a life of its own and looked almost too big to handle. Kenny and I immediately jumped into action, helping out wherever we could and working harder than we had ever worked before to get the fire to stop spreading.
All around us, I heard people screaming, and I tried not to think about what was happening. I saw bodies and injuries and saw people crying and running around me. It was hard not to get overwhelmed, but the only thing that I could do was work hard and put everything that I could into fighting this fire. It was by far the worst fire that I had ever seen in all my years as working as a fireman.
When I heard the helicopters flying above us, I felt relieved. We simply could not get to the fire on land, and water coming from above was the only way we were going to get this fire under control. We had the whole community working alongside us now, which was the only way we were going to defeat it.
Five hours later, I noticed that things were finally dying down. I felt sickened by the amount of smoke that surrounded us, my lungs protesting with every breath, but there seemed to be more smoke and less fire which was at least a positive sign. I saw my boss and ran towards him. He was just standing there staring out, obviously lost in thought. He looked like he had the world on his shoulders. He always took fires more personally than anyone else. Like he should’ve been there to stop it in the first place. But he couldn’t be there all the time. These things happened, and it was simply our job to come and make it better.
“What’s going on? Have we gotten it under control?” I asked.
When he turned to look at me, I saw tears pouring down his face. He was a tough man, and I’d never once seen him cry or look emotional. It took me by surprise, and I didn’t really know what to do. I felt nervous as I watched him. Something had happened. I just knew it.
“What’s happening?” I asked. My heart was pounding so loud I was sure he could hear it.
“It’s under control. It’s under control. But . . . Ben . . . Tommy . . .”
I looked around in panic. “What about them? What happened to Ben and Tommy?”
Ben Dorson and Tommy Revel were two of the top guys in the team. They’d been there longer than anyone else and they were probably the closest to the boss simply because of their extreme loyalty to their work. They were two guys that we all looked up to in the team. Good, decent men with a solid work ethic.
“They’re . . .” he started and choked up.
Don’t say it. Don’t say it. “They’re dead,” he finished.
“No! No! They can’t be.” I didn’t want to believe that it was true. I thought he was just going to tell me that they had been hurt. But to be taken away so suddenly from all of us had shocked me deeply. I felt sick to my stomach.
“They’re gone,” he said. “I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it. How could this happen to them?”
“Are you sure? Are you sure they’re not just injured?”
He shook his head. “I’m sure. I saw . . . I . . .”
“I’m sorry.” There was simply nothing else to say or do at the moment. How could these two strong men suddenly be gone from the world?
Just then we saw some of the other guys from the team walking towards us. Everyone looked emotional and distraught as the news of Ben and Tommy spread around. They told us that there had been a lot more injuries than expected and that some of the guys had been taken straight to the hospital.
“We have a few more men that are staying behind, but we definitely have everything under control now. Why don’t you all go to the hospital to see the injured guys? They’re going to need people to call their family, and they’ll probably be grateful to have you all there.”
We all nodded and gravely made our way to our cars. I hopped into the truck with Kenny, and we drove to the hospital in an eerie silence. It was strange to think that not long ago we were running around a track and laughing about our lives. Everything seemed to menial now. Here we were complaining, but at least we were still alive. It had been a very long and very hard day, but at least we were still breathing. We were battered and bruised, but we didn’t really have any big injuries.
“Think we could’ve done more?” I said to Kenny as he parked the car.
He sighed. “I don’t know, man. How come we’re okay, and they’re not?”
“That’s what I’m wondering. But I felt like I had done everything. Maybe I didn’t know. Maybe I didn’t do enough.”
Kenny didn’t answer. He was obviously feeling the exact same way as me. We walked into the hospital with an immense feeling of guilt that we were okay while some of the other guys weren’t. This was a day that none of us would ever forget.