Chapter 32
Alexa
Ariel was more than happy to host me for the night. I hadn’t told her what had happened between Luke and me before I’d left to go to the Rat & Parrot. I hadn’t told her where I’d gone, either. I didn’t need more people telling me what I should and shouldn’t do.
Now that it was all over, though, I felt emotional. I felt sick to my stomach, the nerves catching up to me, the pain of having to talk about Dalton again finally taking its toll on my body.
I sat down on Ariel’s couch and sighed.
“Tell me what’s going on,” Ariel said.
So I did. I told her everything, from the kidnapping all the way through to the relationship with Luke and the MC calling me in to apologize for what had happened.
“I have to admit that after everything, hearing them apologize was the last thing I expected to happen.”
I had been terrified that something would go wrong. I’d been scared that they would ask me to do something I couldn’t do. I’d been scared they would blame me. I hadn’t once thought that they would tell me they were sorry, that their image had been tainted and they weren’t the way they were being portrayed.
“I’m glad I went,” I said. “Despite Luke being such an ass about it.”
“You know,” Ariel said, “I get where he was coming from. He was trying to look out for you. The kidnapping couldn’t have been easy on him, especially with him feeling like he had to look out for you.”
“Why are you defending him?” I asked. Ariel was supposed to be my friend. Even though she was more than entitled to take Luke’s side if she really wanted to, I wanted her to side with me.
“I’m not defending him. I’m just saying I see where he’s coming from.” Ariel was keeping her voice calm, aware that this could blow up in her face. “He really cares for you, and the people that he’d thought hurt you wanted to see you again. He was just trying to protect you.”
“He tried to control me,” I said.
Ariel nodded. “He did it wrong. I’m not saying he did the right thing. But it came from a good place, Lexi.”
I knew Ariel was right. She was telling me how she felt about it, but she was being realistic. Deep down, I knew Luke had done what he’d thought was best. But it had gotten out of hand, and in his anger, he’d said things that had hurt me. That wasn’t okay with me.
“He kicked me out,” I said.
“I know. And he was a dick for that. I’m not saying he wasn’t.”
I nodded. At least my friend was on my side. That meant a lot to me.
“So, I think we should go get Chinese and watch movies and talk shit all night,” Ariel said. “I only have the late shift tomorrow, so we can sleep in a bit and spend some time together.”
I agreed, and we got in Ariel’s car to pick up the takeaway. We could have gotten it delivered, but it was good to get out of the house a bit with my friend.
I couldn’t remember when I’d last done something this normal without it being laced with something more—whether it was love or sorrow or fear. This was just Ariel and me spending time together and getting food.
We headed back to the apartment once we had our food and picked DVDs to watch throughout the night. We decided on a Lord of the Rings marathon—Ariel had the box set. We weren’t dedicated. We talked throughout the movie, and Ariel had more questions about Luke.
“What’s he like in bed?” she asked about half an hour into the movie.
I blushed. I wasn’t going to tell her what I wanted, what we were doing.
“He’s really good,” I said.
Ariel looked at me, her mouth open. She grabbed the remote and paused the movie.
“I was joking with you because you never do this. You actually slept with him?”
I nodded. “Twice now.”
Ariel squealed. “Why wasn’t I the first one to know about this the moment it happened?” she asked.
I shrugged. So much had happened that picking up the phone and gossiping with Ariel had been the last thing on my mind.
“Twice… I can’t believe it,” she said. She high-fived me. “God, finally.”
I laughed. I thought about the way he’d taken me at Blush, the way he’d made me come so many times, dominating me, taking what he wanted, and then how he’d been after he’d gotten me back—demanding and careful all at the same time. He knew exactly what he was doing. Thinking about it alone turned me on. But then I thought about how angry he’d been with me and how he’d kicked me out, and that pushed away all the good stuff.
“It’s going to be fine,” Ariel said. “This won’t last forever, you know. He won’t let it slide, not now that you’ve slept together.”
“How do you know?” I asked. “How do you know I’m not just another one-night stand?”
Ariel pulled a face at me. “Two-night stand, if you have to be specific. But he came to save you, Alexa. He cares. And men who care don’t just dump the woman they’re sleeping with.”
I nodded. I hoped she was right. I had to go see him about what had happened. I knew that. I just didn’t know how. What was I going to say to him? But it would be better to get it over with sooner rather than later.
I went to his office around lunchtime the next day. I didn’t tell him I was coming until I was in the lobby. I didn’t want him to find a reason not to see me, a meeting to run into or a client to suddenly go see. I wanted to get this behind me. This was somehow scarier than everything else I’d been through. I feared losing Luke.
When I walked into his office, Luke’s face was carefully blank, and I had no idea what he was thinking. He wore a collared shirt with a tie, and he looked neat and professional. And hot. No matter what he wore, Luke would always look drop-dead gorgeous to me. His muscles strained against the shirt and his hair was stylishly messy. I wondered if most of his clients were women.
“I want to talk to you about yesterday,” I said.
“I’m relieved you came,” he said. “I was scared you wouldn’t want to see me.”
“You were the one who told me I had to leave.”
Luke nodded. “I know. I was wrong. I was so angry.”
I looked at my hands. “I had to go speak to him, and I’m glad I did,” I said.
“I get that now,” Luke said. “When I calmed down and had time to think about it, I understood your need. I just didn’t want anything to happen to you.”
“You can’t make my decision for me, Luke,” I said. “I know we do the whole BDSM thing when we’re in the bedroom together, but you can’t call the shots in my life. I’m still my own person.”
Luke nodded. “I know that. I’m sorry, Lex. I made a mistake.”
I nodded. He was apologizing. That was a big deal.
“Can I ask something?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“I’m going to do my best to let you make your own decisions, even if they’re crazy and dangerous.” I smiled when he said it. I was a lot more like Dalton than I’d thought. “But can you include me in your decision-making? Or at least let me know where you’re going and with who. Just so I know.”
I thought about it. It seemed reasonable. I had been so stubborn about him hiding things from me that I’d failed to tell him about meeting Sherry, and look how that had turned out.
“I can do that,” I said. “If you’re willing to keep an open mind, I can discuss it with you.”
Luke nodded. “Yeah, I can do that.”
I took a deep breath. Luke looked like he was relieved, too. We had talked it out and it had gone very smoothly. I had expected a fight, that we were going to bump heads about it.
“I’m sorry I kicked you out, too,” Luke said. “It was unnecessary.”
I nodded. That part had hurt a lot more than I was willing to let on. If I showed how vulnerable I was, I was the weaker one in this relationship. Eventually I would have to give in, but right now? No, not yet.
“Will you come home tonight?” Luke asked.
I hesitated. I wasn’t sure that was what I wanted yet.
“Just give me a bit of time to think about it,” I said.
Luke opened his mouth like he wanted to argue, and I readied myself for it, but he took a deep breath, blew it out slowly, and nodded instead.
“All right,” he said. “Just be safe, okay?”
I nodded. Safe was the one thing I was planning on being for a while. I got up and left Luke’s office. We’d sorted everything out.
Why, then, did I still feel torn?
He wanted me to go back just like that, like nothing had happened, like he hadn’t tried to tell me what to do. I couldn’t deal with that shit, not on top of everything else.
I drove back to Ariel’s place. She was still there. She would only leave for work in an hour’s time. Her shifts changed every week.
“How did it go?” she asked.
“It went well,” I said.
“But?” Ariel knew me too well.
“He wanted me to go back to his place—tonight.”
“Why don’t you want to?” she asked.
I sighed. “Because he can’t just get it back like that, like he hadn’t done anything. I can’t just give in.”
Ariel shook her head.
“You’ve been through a lot. You’re emotionally fragile right now. Don’t take that out on him. Did he apologize?”
I nodded. “We came to a compromise as well.”
“Well, that’s more than most women get. Don’t punish him for doing the right thing.”
I didn’t answer her. After a while of sitting in silence, Ariel announced she was going to shower. I wiped down her kitchen counters, cleaning up while I thought everything over.
She was right, of course, She was objective and could see the bigger picture. Luke had apologized and he was concerned for me. He wanted to take care of me. I was being stubborn when, to be honest, someone caring for me was exactly what I needed.
Luke did save my life after all, like Ariel had said. He wanted to be there for me. We all made mistakes. I hadn’t been the nicest person either yesterday. I could have told him what was going on so that he wouldn’t have to worry, so that he didn’t feel the need to follow me.
If it had been the other way around, if I’d been the one to get upset and he’d been the one to do what he wanted, he would have taken me back the moment I asked.
I could do the same for him.