CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
On the drive back to Ames Bridge that Friday, Beck couldn’t stop thinking about how much he’d missed Cal. The interview had gone great, and he thought he had a good chance of getting the job, but the whole time he was there, he’d been thinking about Cal and his farm and how to tweak their plan for improvements. Warren had noticed how distracted he was, and Beck hadn’t known how to explain it without saying too much. He couldn’t pretend to be distracted by work, since all he was doing was cleaning out his grandmother’s house. He’d finally acted like being back in Ames Bridge in Grandma’s house had brought up a lot of grief, not necessarily untrue, but certainly not the whole picture.
He’d forced himself not to text Cal while he was gone. He didn’t want to seem clingy. He didn’t want to have fallen in love. But as soon as the interview was over, instead of having lunch with Warren like he’d originally planned, he made an excuse about being needed for his event-planning work and took off for home.
Shit. Why was this happening? If it were someone else, he might think his grandmother’s ghost was at work, determined to get him to stay in Ames Bridge. But would she want him with Cal?
Maybe he would get the job at Ainsley Academy. He’d take it and move as soon as he finished cleaning out Grandma’s house. Ending things with Cal would be like ripping off a Band-Aid, but that would be best, right? The longer he stayed, the deeper in he’d get, and the more lonely nights he’d spend sobbing into cartons of ice cream, wishing he could touch Cal one more time.
***
Cal’s phone buzzed, and he pulled it from his pocket. Beck was home earlier than expected. Cal texted him a picture of Fern’s foal, Ragweed, who’d been born around two a.m. For once, Cal had been thrilled to have a horse give birth in the middle of the night, simply because it was something to distract him from missing Beck.
She’s gorgeous, Beck texted. When was she born?
Early this morning.
When do you want to come over and finish our list of supplies?
Right now and we can go shopping this afternoon.
Good.
One day. Beck had been gone for one day. But they hadn’t seen each other the day before and… No, that was still no excuse for Cal to be so pathetic. Beck had only been in town about a month, and now Cal couldn’t stand going forty-eight hours without seeing him? That was bullshit and yet…
It was all so very real, this need for Beck. Not just his tight, hot ass, but his arms around Cal as they slept, the way he smiled when he saw Cal at the end of the day, his enthusiasm about improving the farm, and his cooking. Hell, any man would be crazy to turn away his cooking.
Was there any chance at all that Beck would stay in Ames Bridge? Not if he didn’t have a job here. He’d said the settlement he got would keep him going for a while, but ultimately he needed to work. No one was going to hire him to teach around here, not after what had happened at his old school, but he could get work as an event planner. Not many people cared if their wedding planner was gay. That was a socially acceptable gay job—like organist or hairdresser—as long as the gay planner in question didn’t ogle the groom’s ass too much.
Cal could offer to hire Beck to handle the improvements, and with Elsie, Irene, and Trish on the case, Beck would have more work in no time. But if he did stay, what would happen between them?
Could Cal take the risk to be more open? There was no point in making improvements if doing so lost him half his business. But would it? Why did this have to be so fucking hard?
Cal leaned his head into the barn, where José was brushing down Houston after giving him some exercise. “I’m heading over to see Beck and talk about the plans for the new garden. We’ll likely head into town for supplies. You need anything?”
José shook his head.
“All right. Text me if something comes up, and be sure to keep checking on Ragweed every few hours.”
With a last glimpse into Fern and Ragweed’s stall, Cal headed out the barn door.
***
Beck circled the raised flower beds in Grandma’s side yard, double-checking the measurements for boards he needed to replace—triple-checking in some instances. He didn’t really need to do it at all, but he was restless waiting for Cal, and he didn’t want Cal to catch him staring out over the fields, obviously waiting, so he gave himself something to do.
Katie’s bark alerted him to their impending arrival. But he didn’t whirl around like he wanted to. He walked slowly to the porch and set the measuring tape just inside the door on a table. Did he need anything else for an excursion to the building supply store? No, his notes were in his phone.
Cal would be there any second. Stay calm. Don’t jump. Don’t spout off about missing him desperately. Offer him a drink, talk through what we need, and then make sure he really is comfortable shopping together.
Katie raced up on the porch as he let the screen door shut behind him. She jumped on him, trying to lick his face, as excited to see him as if he’d been gone for months rather than a day.
“Down, Katie.”
“Katie, you’re going to smother him.”
Finally Katie quit jumping and took off after a squirrel.
That left Cal and Beck staring at each other. Fuck, had Cal somehow gotten even more gorgeous in the last day?
“Hi,” Cal said.
“Umm…hi.” Wow. They were really pulling out all the conversational stops. “Do you want a drink?”
“I’d love some tea if you—”
“I’ll get you some.”
Beck left Cal on the porch and disappeared into the house. His pulse pounded in his ears as he put ice in two glasses and filled them with sweet tea. Why was he suddenly so nervous? Why did Cal seem just as bad off? At least he wasn’t alone.
When he stepped back onto the porch, Katie was lying on her side in a sunny patch of grass, and Cal was sitting on the porch railing.
He handed Cal his tea and then sat beside him.
“Beck?”
“Yeah?”
“Before we talk about supplies, I’ve got a proposition for you.”
The ice in Cal’s glass rattled, and he set it down. Fuck, his hands were shaking. What was he about to say?
“What would you think about me hiring you to manage all this work we’re planning?”
“Me?”
Cal smiled. “Yeah. You.”
“But I’m—”
“I know you hadn’t planned to stay in Ames Bridge that long, but I was hoping if you had some work you enjoyed, you could stay at least a few extra months.”
Beck’s heart pounded. If he got the job at Ainsley, he’d have to leave soon or at least travel for some training and then move permanently in August. That was only three months away. The project might be finished then, but he couldn’t be sure.
Ainsley Academy seemed great. The admin were supportive, and he knew he’d enjoy working with Warren, but he hadn’t felt anything resembling drive or passion when he’d been there, not like he did when he thought about managing a project for Cal’s farm or when he just thought about Cal.
“Like I said before, I’m not really qualified to run a project like that. I’ve done parties, a few rehearsal dinners, some ceremonies, but I don’t know shit about ordering building supplies and co-coordinating with contractors.”
“Don’t you coordinate with caterers, decorators, and suppliers to do big parties?”
“Well…yeah.”
Cal raised a brow. “Is it really all that different?”
“The contacts are.”
“I can give you contacts. So can Trish and other people you know.”
Beck tried to think of another excuse. “I…”
“Think about it. Please.”
Cal was actually asking Beck to work for him. This might be the closest he’d come to asking him to stay. But if Beck agreed to this, what did that mean for them? Did Cal think Beck would keep being his secret lover indefinitely?
“If I stayed and took this job, how would that change things?”
Cal looked away and tapped his foot rhythmically against the railing. “Which things?”
“Us, Cal.”
When he looked back, Beck could see the answer in his eyes. Not a damn thing would change.
“I agreed to keep things quiet because this is temporary. I won’t hide indefinitely.”
“I’m sure you’ll get tired of me eventually. Can’t we just see how it goes?”
“Won’t even more people make assumptions about us if you hire me?”
Cal blew out a long breath. “Plenty of people are making assumptions now. As long as they don’t catch us together, things will be okay.”
“I don’t know if I can work with you while hiding that we’re seeing each other.”
Cal frowned. “What do you want from me?”
“Something I can’t have.” Beck’s chest ached. He should just turn Cal down and be done with it.
“What I want is for all this shit to go away.”
“So things can be like they were before I moved in?”
“No!” The word echoed around the porch. “Not the shit between us. The assholes and bigots that keep me from being able to take you out to dinner, hold your hand, kiss you, and do any other fucking thing I like.”
“Cal, I want that too, but—”
He held up a hand. “Don’t. I know you think I should just ignore it, but I’ve worked so hard. If those bastards could just see what I’ve done, if they could see me for who I really am…”
Tears pricked the back of Beck’s eyes. “Cal, there are plenty of people who do see you.”
Cal sank back against the porch support, anger seeming to drain out of him. “Maybe, but it’s still a battle every fucking day.”
“What you’ve done with the farm is amazing. When I first saw it, I was still angry with you for how you treated me as a kid, and I still couldn’t help but be impressed with what you’ve accomplished. You’ve made all these changes since you came out, right?”
Cal nodded. “Most of it. But the people who support me have never had to confront the reality of me dating another man.”
Gay in theory was different than gay with a man at your side, a man you cared for, one you might want to hold hands with, a man people knew you took to bed at night.
Beck slid down from the railing and reached for Cal, pulling his head down until their lips met. He kissed Cal tenderly, sliding his tongue along Cal’s lips until he opened for Beck. Cal spread his legs and pulled Beck closer. As they held each other tight, Beck reveled in how right Cal’s body felt against his.
“This is exactly what I want,” Cal said when he pulled back from the kiss a few moments later.
“Then let’s see if we can find a way to have it.”
“But I don’t—” Beck laid a finger on his lips.
“We don’t know how that can work right now, but that doesn’t mean we have to give up.”
Cal nodded. “Okay.”
“Now let’s figure out the rest of what we need for this project.”
“Are you taking the job?”
Beck’s heart slammed against his chest, but he gave the only answer he could. “Yeah, I am.”