15
I walk down the aisle of the plane as I head back to our seat. We’re midway through our flight back to Los Angeles. Cameron is sitting with his head against the seat, and he smiles sexily as I approach, patting his knee.
I feel my heart flutter. Lately, that seems to be a common occurrence. Just one look from him sets me into schoolgirl raptures. As I approach our seat, he pats his knee again and I bend to kiss him gently. “I can’t sit on your knee,” I whisper as I look around.
“Who says?” he grumbles as he pulls me down. “This isn’t coach. We can do what we want here.”
He lays me across lap with my feet on my seat, and then he shakes out the blanket and covers us both. I smile as I curl into him and his warm arms come around me before he softly kisses my temple. “That’s better,” he whispers.
I smile against his chest and snuggle into him. He smells so damn good, and he’s right, being this close is much better.
We laughed, we danced, we made love, and we fucked like animals in New York. I have never felt so fulfilled in my entire life.
If happiness is a gift, Cameron Stanton is my Santa Claus.
I’m falling in love.
With every glance, with every touch, with the air that he breathes every second.
Cameron Stanton is his own kind of magical drug and the high he gives is as good as it gets.
The longer I’m on it, the harder the withdrawal will be.
Unfortunately, I already know our fate, but I’m trying to put it to the back of my mind and enjoy the time we have together.
“Thank you for a beautiful weekend, Cam.” I smile up at him.
He kisses my forehead and he smiles in return. “Thank you,” he whispers against my hair. “It was a great weekend and I don’t want to go home. Can’t we just run away?”
I smile and listen to the drone of the engine while sitting on top of my beautiful traveling companion, his lips pressed to my forehead. I somehow drift into a peaceful sleep.
First class really is the only way to travel.
The car pulls up in Cameron’s driveway at 11pm and we both climb out of the car on sleepy feet. We’re tired. After drinking copious amounts of alcohol and engaging in a million sex sessions over the last forty-eight hours, our bodies have literally given up. The driver retrieves our bags from the trunk and Cam takes them. “Thank you.” He smiles as the driver hands his credit card back.
We walk up the driveway. “I’m going to go home, babe.” I yawn.
He frowns. “I thought you were staying…”
“I didn’t bring any of my stuff for work.”
His eyes hold mine. “Don’t go.” He bends and takes my lips with his and brushes the hair back from my face. “Stay with me again.”
I smile. I know I should go home, and I know I should tell him everything because my sanity and my job depend on it. But I just can’t bring myself to do it. With a heavy heart, I turn toward the house. “I’m going to get sick of you,” I reply dryly.
He smacks me on the behind and I laugh as I jump. “I’m already sick of you. This is a sympathy sleepover.” He fires back.
I smirk as he opens the door. “Good, I thought you were getting needy on me.”
He flicks the light on. “I don’t do needy.” He turns to face me. “Ashley Tucker, my all night fucker.”
What the hell? My eyebrows rise by themselves and I burst out laughing. “Ashley Tucker, your all night fucker?” I gasp.
He smiles a proud-of-himself smile and raises a brow. “Has a ring to it, doesn’t it? You should think yourself lucky to be spending time with someone as romantic as me.”
I widen my eyes in jest. “Should I, now?” I mouth, I smile as I watch him put our bags down. His cheeky personality is addictive and really, he shouldn’t worry—I’m needy enough for both of us.
“Why don’t you go and take a shower while I fix us a snack?”
“Do you want me to do anything?” I ask.
“Just get naked and clean.”
“I’m just telling you now…” I point at him. “There is zero chance of you getting laid tonight.”
He laughs as he walks into the kitchen. “I’ll bet you fifty bucks I do,” he calls after me.
“You need to get a referral to gamblers anonymous,” I call back as I walk up the stairs. “You have a serious addiction.”
I walk up the stairs and down the corridor towards Cameron’s bedroom. I call it a corridor because it is way too long to be a hallway and it seems to go on forever. I turn the light on and stand at the doorway. It doesn’t seem real that I should sleep in a bedroom like this. It’s huge, exotic and luxurious. From the thirty-foot ceiling to the carpet that is so plush that you sink into it, not a detail has been missed. The furnishings are straight out of a magazine. Black drapes hang over the huge windows in that little bit too long trend. I walk around the room with my arms folded in front of me as I stare at my surroundings. This has to have been decorated by a stylist. In fact, the whole house must have been. I frown as a thought crosses my mind, and I walk back down the hallway until I get to the next bedroom, walk in and turn the light on. Another room filled with cream, caramel, and coffee furnishings. There’s a large bay window with a window seat overlooking the exotic pool, too. I smile as I walk around. What a beautiful tranquil space. I open the first door that leads off it and find a full bathroom, all white marble. I open the next door and find a walk in robe. I stalk back into the room and smooth out the velvet coffee-colored quilt as I look around. If everything did work out—and I know its not going to, but if it did—Owen would love this room.
My heart constricts. I miss my little man desperately. Even having spoken to him morning and night hasn’t lessened the ache I feel for not having him around and I’m counting the days until I see him again. Just over seven to go now.
I need him here. I need him here with Cameron and me.
Will Cameron ever accept him?
I close my eyes as the sharp sting of reality bites.
I walk back into Cameron’s room and turn on the shower in disgust at myself. How did I get myself here, in this position?
Why didn’t I just tell him on that first day?
I’ve fallen in love with a man who doesn’t even know about the biggest part of me.
I blow out a deep breath as I realize I’ve left my bag downstairs. I walk back into the bedroom and into the closet and I stop dead in my tracks, my eyes widening.
Holy fuck! Are you kidding me? His closet isn’t a closet. It looks like an upscale
store lined with hanging space and shelves. Suits and business shirts all hang in color code. Expensive shoes are all neatly in rows, too. Dear God. For a while, I’d forgotten he was rich. I feel my apprehension rise and I go to the large set of drawers. I slide the top drawer out and frown. There’s at least thirty expensive brand name watches all laid out on display. Why would you need that many watches? I pull out the next drawer in a rush and find at least a hundred ties all neatly rolled up in perfect rows. I shake my head and go to the third drawer. I take out two pairs of boxer shorts and two T-shirts. I walk out of the closet, close the door and I notice another door next to it. What’s in here? I open it to find a closet, a mirror of his, but empty. This is the wardrobe of Cameron’s future wife. I frown and walk in and look around. It has the same beautiful shelving, wall-to-wall mirrors and drawers, a plush carpet… but no wife.
Sadness overwhelms me and I think back to the ad in the classifieds—how different things could have been… if only...
I walk back into the bathroom feeling very rejected, and hop under the hot water, lost in my thoughts. I don’t know if it’s because I’m so exhausted or because I have realized just how much I stand to lose when the truth comes out, but I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.
This isn’t how it was supposed to go.
A strip club, me working for him, and risking my job just by being here, falling in love…
I’m acting happy and carefree when all I want to do is beg on my hands and knees for him to accept Owen and for the three of us to make a go of it. What seems like a long time later, I feel Cam get in the shower behind me. He takes me in his large arms and holds me close, his large muscular body cradling mine. “You tired, Bloss?” he asks as he starts to soap up my body.
Unable to think through my fragile mind, I nod as I put my head on his chest and he washes my back.
“It’s okay. We’re home now, baby,” he whispers above me with a gentle kiss.
With his arms around me and the hot water running over the two of us, I feel myself fall further into the abyss of Heaven. Unfortunately, with it comes a sense of dread.
There is a lot at stake here.
I fear it’s more than my poor heart can survive.
“Good morning, Dr. Stanton.” The surgery nurse smiles.
“Good morning,” he replies chirpily to everyone as he approaches the group. Wearing navy scrubs and a hat, this is still most definitely my favorite outfit that Cameron wears.
It’s surgery day and the interns are watching from the station. I’m in the operating room as an assistant. We’ve all taken turns and today it just happens to be mine. We are in the changeover room where patients say goodbye to their loved ones. I left Cameron’s in darkness during the early hours of this morning when he got up to go to the gym. Now at work, I’m feeling very jumpy indeed. What if someone discovers we went away with each other?
What if someone saw us?
Would I get sacked from my job if they did? I glance around at the other people in the room. Can they tell that we are sleeping together from our body language? My heart is hammering in my chest.
God, what a fuckup my life is. Don’t talk to him at all. Just say nothing. It’s safer.
The patient—an overweight man in his early fifties—is wheeled in with his wife walking behind.
“The big day is finally here. This is John, everyone.” Cameron tells us through a smile.
“Hello, John,” we all reply. Cameron takes the man’s hand in his. John coughs, as though short of breath. He looks up at Cameron, his fear evident. “Just make sure I wake up, hey, doc?” he says roughly.
Cameron smiles warmly. “Everything’s going to be fine, John. I do this operation all the time. We’ll have you back on that golf course in no time.” Cameron’s eyes flicker to the man’s wife as she wipes her tears with a tissue. The poor woman is frantic with fear. “He’s going to be okay,” Cameron reassures her. “Say your goodbyes and he will be back with you in approximately eight hours.”
“Eight hours?” she gasps.
He smiles sympathetically. “It takes a long time to repair hearts, Elsie. We can’t rush these things.”
Elsie bends and holds her husband in what she fears will be their last embrace. Cameron moves back to give them space and finally, she gives him one last kiss and is shown from the room, unable to hide her tears. The anaesthetist moves in and explains the procedure and puts the cannula in, while Cameron goes back to holding the man’s hand and making small talk about football to take the terrified man’s mind off what is about to happen.
This is life or death surgery.
If I didn’t love him before.
I most definitively do now.
He was born to be a doctor—to save lives. His purpose is greater than the average human’s. That cheeky, playful personality is a mask for a man who is very in tune with the people around him, a man who has a gift to save lives. The empathy he has for his patient has torn a huge hole in my defences.
I will tell him tonight.
With tears in my eyes, I watch Cameron walk up the hospital corridor toward Elsie, his patient’s wife. The lump in my throat is making it hard to breathe as I try to remain professional. John didn’t survive the operation. On the seventh hour of surgery, after Cameron had done everything he could, John’s heart gave way. In what can only be described as the most traumatic experience of my life, I watched Cameron fight for forty minutes to save him. The entire operating surgery was in tears as we watched him fight and fight.
He wouldn’t give up.
In the end there was nothing he could do, and it was the nurses who urged him to stop.
With his gloves in his hand, he approaches Elsie and hangs his head. He says something and then her hands fly over her mouth in shock. She drops her head and burst into tears. Cameron takes her into his arms and holds her for an extended time. My tears break the dam and roll down my face. I glance around to see Amber and Scott in tears as they watch, also.
This isn’t how it is supposed to go.
This isn’t how things are supposed to go.
Two senior nurses, who had been waiting in the wings, approach them and pry her from Cameron’s arms to take over and usher her down to an office.
Cameron falls into a seat in the corridor, and with his elbows in his knees and still dressed in his scrubs, he hangs his head.
Oh God. He’s devastated.
His pain is palpable.
His partner, the other surgeon, walks around the corner after obviously hearing what has happened. He puts his hand on Cameron’s shoulder in sympathy and sits down next to him.
They both sit in silence and say nothing.
What is there to say?
I didn’t see Cameron for the rest of the day today. He went home not long after John died. He didn’t answer his phone when I called him, either. It’s after eight when I pull into his driveway. At the security gates, the guard approaches the car. Oh shit, I forgot about this nonsense.
“Hello?”
“Hey, I’m here to see Cameron,” I say nervously. He probably won’t even let me in.
“Is he expecting you?” he asks.
“No. I came to see if he’s alright.”
The security guard frowns, puzzled. “What’s your name?”
“Ashley Tucker.”
He disappears into the watch house and I see him pick up the phone. A moment later the huge gates open and he waves me through. I park the car and walk nervously up to the front door. My heart is beating so hard in my chest. I open the door and walk in.
“Hello?” I call out.
I glance around and don’t see anyone, so I walk into the kitchen. Where is he? I see the lights on in the backyard, so I open the door and walk out into the resort-like pool area.
Cameron is sitting in the dark on a deckchair with a glass of scotch in his hand.
“Hey.” I smile sadly as I walk toward him.
“Hi,” he replies flatly.
I sit next to him. “You okay?”
He nods.
We sit for a while in the silence. I’m unsure what to say because everything is the wrong thing at this point.
Finally, I ask, “Do you want me to make you something to eat?”
“Not hungry,” he whispers, almost to himself.
I watch him struggle to contain his emotion. “How many patients have you lost in surgery?”
“Five,” he replies, emotionless.
I nod.
“Five too many,” he adds softly.
I stare out at the pool in front of us. I wish there was something I could do to take away his hurt. “Do you want me to go?”
He shakes his head.
I bite my bottom lip as I watch him. “How can I help you?” I whisper.
His eyes stay focused on the pool in front of us.
“Can you make me forget the day I’ve just had?” he whispers sadly.
I stare out at the pool. “I think I can.”
A trace of a smile crosses his lips as he sips his drink.
“Do you want to show me what this bondage thing you like is all about?”
His eyes flicker to me.
“I’ve never done it.” I smile shyly. “But… would that take your mind off things?”
Arousal flickers like fire in his eyes, and suddenly, I don’t know if that was a good suggestion.
“It would,” he whispers darkly. Without another word, he stands and takes me by the hand, leading me into the house and slowly up the stairs to his bedroom.
We get to his room and he slides my shirt over my head, and then slides my pants down my legs until I stand before him completely naked. He bends and takes my nipple into his mouth, biting me hard until my head throws back in pain.
Ah shit, I think I’m about to find out what rough fucking is really like.
“Lie on the bed,” he orders.
I kneel down on the bed.
“On your back,” he commands.
Oh shit. I roll over and lie on my back.
“Starfish.”
I spread my legs and arms, and he walks into his wardrobe, returning with silk, navy tassel ropes.
Hell. Here we go. This is not what I had in mind when I came here to comfort him. He’s not going to try anal is he? Fucking hell, what have I got myself into? I swallow the fear in my throat, and he ties one arm to one bed post, and the other to the other post. He pulls me tight so I can hardly move.
“Legs open.” He growls.
Oh shit. I spread my legs and he ties one leg to one bedpost and the other leg to the other bedpost. I’m spread out as far as I can stretch.
His eyes scan down my naked, spread body, and he smiles as he licks his lips. I watch him circle me on the bed as he lifts his shirt over his head and then drops his pants.
Naked and beautiful, he gives himself three long strokes, and I feel my insides clench in appreciation. I never imagined doing anything like this… but if I can distract him and give him just an hour of relief from his pain, it will be worth it. He leans down and kisses me—all tongue, all suction—and my head lifts off the pillow to try and get more of him. His lips drop to my neck, and I turn my head in time for him to see my eyes close with pleasure. With him kneeling on the bed next to me, I can see every vein and the pre-ejaculate that drips from the end of his thick cock.
I start to melt.
“I can’t get enough of you,” he whispers before he bites me hard. “Even when I’m deep inside your body, it isn’t close enough, Ash.”
He starts to really bite me and it borders on too painful as his stubble burns my skin.
Holy hell, I’ve never seen him like this.
His lips drop to my collarbone, down to my breasts, where he bites my nipple. “You drive me fucking crazy, Ashley.”
He sucks deep and I cry out in pain, “Ouch, Cam.”
“Don’t Ouch Cam me.” He growls as he bends and bites my hipbone hard. “You’re about to find out how ouchy it can get.”
I buck and feel the bite of the ties. Jesus, what have I got myself into here? He bites my hipbone again and I pull on the ties as I struggle. He drops his head lower and lower until he’s between my legs. I hold my breath. He stills and spreads my flesh wide for him to gaze at.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” he whispers. Goosebumps scatter across my skin. This seems too intimate for where we are supposed to be. His mouth moves over me and he sucks as his eyes close in pleasure. He sucks harder and harder, and I buck up, earning a smirk from him as he pushes me back to the mattress. “You’re going to come, Bloss. You’re going to come so fucking hard, it’s going to hurt.”
I watch him, half petrified because I’m in a state of pain already, yet half aroused and intrigued. He starts to lap at me, lick me, bite me, and it’s all I can do not to break the ropes that bind me. He almost brings me to orgasm, and then doesn’t let me have it, pulling back at the last second again and again.
“Cameron,” I cry. “Give… it to… me,” I pant as I struggle with the ties. I need to break free. He starts to flick his tongue over my clit in what I can only describe as the most amazing feeling I have ever experienced, and I shudder as I pull on the ties and let the orgasm fill my body. I pant as I battle with the overwhelming urge to close my legs.
“Cameron…” I plead. “Untie me.”
He rises up to his knees and pushes three fingers into me hard, and my body shudders. Oh God. He starts to work me. In, out, hard, hard pumps with his fingers, and I’m so sensitive from the orgasm, I don’t think I can take it. I need to bring my legs together and I struggle with the ties.
“Cameron…” I pant as I struggle.
He pushes four fingers in and I cry out. “Ouch!” I yell. He’s deep inside me, up to his knuckles.
“Oh, this beautiful cunt needs a good workout. I can’t wait to fuck it.” He growls as he works me. I can see every muscle flex in his upper body as he moves.
He hits my g-spot and really starts to pump. I start to convulse. Holy fucking shit. Another orgasm rips through me and my legs beg me to slam them shut. “Cameron, please…” I whisper. “Untie me.”
He kisses my stomach tenderly with an open mouth. “We haven’t even started yet, baby.” He smiles against my skin as his finger softly plays with my hypersensitive clit. I’m so wet, and this just seems too intimate, giving him complete control over my body like this.
My eyebrows rise. Haven’t even started yet? What the hell? Oh God, this is torture… in the best possible way.
He rises above me and straddles my stomach, his hard cock resting just above my navel until he starts to rock himself on me. I watch him, his tanned body, his muscles rippling as he moves, his dark, wanting eyes watching me as he pumps higher and higher… until he’s over my face, teasing my mouth with his dick.
“What do you want, Ashley?” he purrs.
The sight of him above me and the throb of my sex starts a fire deep inside me—a fire I didn’t know I had the ability to bring to life. I struggle with the ropes and I lift my head to lick him, but he pulls away from me.
“No licking.” He growls. “You’ll take it all.”
I frown as he feeds his cock into my mouth and slides it down my throat until I gag.
He slides out with a dark smile and I can’t help but frown as he does it again. I gag once more.
“Cameron,” I whisper. “You’re too big.”
“If you can take me vaginally, you can take me orally.” He pushes forward. “Open your goddamn throat.” He growls.
I close my eyes and struggle with the ropes as I try to calm myself down. He’s right. I can do this. I open my mouth and try to calm down, and he smiles as he senses my submission.
“Good girl,” he whispers as he slowly starts to work my mouth. “Do you know how fucking perfect you look from up here?”
We get into a rhythm, and the sight of him above me with a sheen of perspiration on his skin is too much. I want to touch him. I want to hold him.
“I’m going to come?” he whispers as he watches me.
My eyes widen. Holy hell. If I wasn’t choking before, I know I’m about to now. I nod around him and he puts his hands onto his headboard and really starts to ride my mouth. I close my eyes to deal with him. In, out, deeper and deeper. I knew he was a lot of man to take, but this is reaching a whole new level. He cries out as he comes in a rush... and, surprisingly enough, the head job gods bless me with the ability to take it all. I lick my lips and smile up at him as he slowly empties himself into me.
His eyes go darker and he crawls back down my body, sliding himself into my sex. My head falls back onto the pillow and I moan as I tug on the ropes.
He’s everywhere—in my mouth, pulsing in my sex, my neck still burning from his whiskers.
This is the hottest sex I’ve ever had in my life.
Oh… I need this.
He spreads his knees and slowly starts to work me. I need to be fucked.
“Fuck me,” I beg.
He smiles and picks up the pace, and starts to hit me full on. Hard punishing hits that leave me with no option but to lie here and take it. I can’t move, I can’t clench. I can’t hold it.
I scream out and he pants as he hammers my body. Suddenly, he pulls out and is untying me in a rush. I pant as I try to get my bearings, but he flips me over and pulls me onto my knees, pushes my head down to the mattress, and slams into me from behind as he stands at the side of the bed.
And then it happens. I feel like I’m having an out of body experience as my body hands complete control to him. He takes me over as he holds my hips and fucks me like an animal.
I’m wet with perspiration, still with semen in my mouth when he slaps me hard on my behind and pushes his thumb into my behind.
Holy fucking fuck.
I scream into the mattress as an orgasm rips through me. Cameron moans a deep guttural sound as his own climax tears him apart.
We stay still and silent for a moment. I’m in shock.
What was that?
He bends and kisses my shoulder softly, and then he turns my head and takes my lips in his over my shoulder. “Now that… was a ten...” he pants. “Good girl, baby.”
I laugh against his lips as my body starts to thump in pain. Rough sex with Cameron Stanton is a where the term pleasure and pain came from.
There’s not a doubt in my mind.
The day has been long as I stand in my lounge room like a child waiting to be picked up for her first party. I didn’t see Cameron all day today. He was in appointments at his surgery. But he texted me at three this afternoon and asked if he could take me out to dinner tonight. He said he knew a place that was completely private. I’m going to tell him about Owen tonight over dinner… and I think it’s going to be okay. I rushed out this afternoon and bought a new dress. I even had time to do my hair and makeup. Last night after we had animal sex, and he was so tender and loving, we laid in bed in each other’s arms and talked for hours after.
He’s a beautiful man and I’m in love with him. There isn’t a doubt in my mind.
He knocks on the door and my nerves somersault in my stomach. I open it in a rush.
“Hello.” I smile.
His eyes drop to my feet and back up to my face, and he smiles sexily. “You look fucking hot.” In one quick step he has me in his arms and is pushing me backwards as he kisses me.
I giggle up against his lips as I walk backwards. “I like this greeting”
He sits down on the sofa and pulls me down onto his lap. “How has my girl’s day been?” he asks.
His girl. If only. “It was good.” I smile. “How was yours?”
“Good. Average.” He smiles cheekily. “It’s about to get better.”
His smile is contagious. “Why’s that?” I smirk.
“Because I...” He stops and slips the spaghetti strap off my shoulder. “I get to take this off you when we get back here tonight.”
I smile. “You’re staying here tonight?”
“I have my work stuff in the car.”
I bite my bottom lip to stifle my goofy smile. He’s acting very boyfriendly tonight.
I kiss him softly. “Well, I’ll just have to make it worth your while, won’t I?”
“You will.” He stands and pulls me by the hand. “We have to get going or we’ll be late.”
“Are you sure nobody is going to see us?” I ask.
“No. But I’ve decided that I’m going to talk to Jameson tomorrow and tell him I’m seeing you.”
“What?” I frown. “No, Cam, I don’t want to get in trouble.”
“You won’t, but I’m not walking away from you because you’re an intern.”
Hope blooms in my chest. “You’re not?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Nope. Let’s go.”
The car trip is made with my hand on Cam’s thigh as he drives, while I’m having a silent freak out about Jameson. Is this the right thing to do? He doesn’t want to walk away from me. I’m excited that he doesn’t want to end this, but I’m petrified that I’m going to get into trouble. Worse than that, I know I have to tell him in the next half hour.
We pull up at a set of fancy stone gates. A security guard comes out, bends, and peers into the car, smiling warmly. “Hey, Cam. Go through.”
The gates open to reveal the biggest mansion I’ve ever seen and I frown. “What’s this restaurant?” I ask.
“This isn’t a restaurant.” His eyes flash to me. “This is my brother’s house. Tonight you’re meeting my family.”
My eyes widen in horror.
Oh no.