21
Cameron
I turn the engine off and look up at the house. God, this is my worst nightmare.
How do you tell a kid that you’re his father when you don’t believe it yourself?
I know it’s true, I have the proof, and yet somehow, I feel like I’m in a bad dream and any minute Ashley is going to laugh and tell me it’s all a joke. Then I can go back to having her in my arms and being happy.
I can stop resenting her so much.
I don’t want to resent her… but I can’t help it. How could she have hidden this from me?
I take out my phone and scroll through it, hoping to find an urgent message from the hospital saying I’m needed—that I have to be somewhere. I want to be anywhere but here. I grip the steering wheel in my hands as I imagine how this is going to go. How would I have felt if some stranger turned up and announced that he was my father? What would I have thought of him?
Poor kid. What a fucked up start to his life.
Right, that’s it. I need to make this right.
With renewed determination, I climb out of the car and head to the door and knock. I glance up the street as a man starts to mow his lawn and I look around. At least this is a nice neighborhood they’re living in.
The door opens in a rush and Ashley stands before me. Her hair is in a high ponytail and she has no makeup on. My heart somersaults in my chest. She’s so fucking beautiful.
“Hey,” I push out.
She smiles and it kicks me right in the gut. “Hi, Cam. Thanks for coming. Please come in.”
God, she smells good.
I follow her into the house and glance around. It seems so strange being here without her on my mind. When I was here before, I was so focused on her I don’t remember much about the house. It’s homey, nice and clean, and I know she said she moved with bare essentials and put the rest of her stuff in storage back in New York. She walks into the kitchen and I follow her, unsure what to do.
“Would you like a cup of coffee?” she asks.
“Please.” I frown as I take a seat on a stool at the kitchen counter.
She fusses about and I sit silently, uncomfortable. I feel myself begin to perspire.
She turns and hands me my coffee. “Do you still want to tell him today?”
“Yes.” I sip my coffee. “I’m not starting our relationship with lies.”
Her eyes hold mine. “Like we did, you mean?”
I raise my eyebrow and sip my coffee. “No comment,” I murmur.
She blows out a breath. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be snarky and I know you are doing the best you can.”
I purse my lips as I watch a small spot on the kitchen counter. I need to focus on anything but looking in her eyes.
She reaches out and puts her hand on my forearm. “I’ve had five years to adjust to this situation, Cam and you haven’t. It’s a lot to process. It will get easier, I promise.”
I nod. “I hope so.”
She smiles awkwardly and shrugs. “I thought maybe we could tell him and then, if you want some privacy, I could go out for a couple of hours and leave you two here alone?”
I frown and nod. I feel my nerves flutter.
Don’t leave me alone with him.
“Okay,” I mumble, distracted.
“What are you going to say?”
“When?”
“When you tell him?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I’ve run though every possible scenario in my head all night. I think I’m just going to blurt out with it.”
“He’s very in tune, Cameron, and he’s really intelligent. If he picks up on the fact that you’re sad about it, he will latch onto that.”
My eyes rise to meet hers. “Do you think I’m sad about this?”
She shrugs. “You’re acting like you are.”
I frown. “I’m not sad I have a child with you. I’m upset with the way it happened, that I’ve missed out on so much. I’m furious that I found out from my mother and not you. You have no idea how that made me feel.”
She closes her eyes in regret. “I’m so sorry the way things transpired, Cameron, and I know you don’t believe me, but I can’t regret the week I spent with you. We would never have gotten to have that if you’d known earlier. You would have dismissed me as the psycho who turned up here with your kid in a heartbeat.”
Her eyes search mine and I don’t know what to think… or how to feel?
Blinding betrayal is all that comes through.
I drop my head. I don’t want to have this conversation. I can’t deal with it.
“Can you get him, please?” I ask.
Her eyes hold mine for an extended moment. I know she wants to finish this conversation, but I can’t.
I can’t go there. “Please?” I urge.
“Sure.” She walks out of the kitchen and calls upstairs. “Owen, you have a visitor.”
“Who?” he calls and I hear him run up the hall before he comes bouncing down the stairs. “Who is it?” he asks as he follows her into the kitchen.
“Cameron.” She smiles calmly.
Fuck… I wish I felt calm.
His face falls, and then he forces a smile when he sees me.
“Hello, mate.” I smile.
“Hi,” he replies.
“We’re having coffee. Would you like me to make you a hot chocolate?” Ashley asks him.
“Okay.” He smiles.
I pull out a stool next to me. “Why don’t you sit here?” I tap the stool.
He climbs up and sits at the counter.
His dark hair is unruly and curly like mine. He has the same olive skin and the cheekiest smile I have ever seen. He brings a smile to my face.
“What have you been up to?” I ask.
“You sound funny.” He smirks.
“Owen, use your manners, please.” Ashley frowns.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Your voice is different.”
I smile. “That’s my accent. I’m Australian.”
He frowns as he thinks.
“Can you say Australia?” I ask.
“Australia,” he repeats as clear as day. “What is it?” he asks.
“It’s a country, my home.” I smile.
Owen frowns and his curious eyes rise to Ashley.
“You know, Owen, kangaroos come from Australia,” Ashley tells him.
“Oh.” He thinks for a moment. “Do you have a kangaroo?”
I smile. “No.”
Ashley hands him his hot chocolate. “Thank you.” He smiles as he takes it from the counter.
Ashley pulls a stool around to the other side and takes a seat. I inhale.
Just do it.
“So… Owen.” I pause. Fuck. “I… I wanted to talk to you today.”
He sips his chocolate and watches me intently.
“It seems that…” I frown. Fuck, this is hard. “It seems that when you were born, there was a bit of a mix up.”
Owen frowns.
I glance at Ashley and she looks to have turned a pale shade of green.
“Yeah,” I continue. “There was a mix up and we only just found out about it.”
He sips his chocolate as he listens.
“You see, I’m your dad, Owen.”
He frowns and I can see the information swirling around in his little head. “But I already have a dad,” he says.
“I know. You have two dads.”
He frowns and looks over to Ashley, and then back to me. “My other dad’s just busy, that’s all. He’s coming back.”
Ashley’s eyes fill with tears and she bites her bottom lip.
“I know.” I smile sadly. “But I thought maybe you and I could hang out a bit?”
He frowns.
“Would that be alright?” I ask.
“But how did that happen?” he asks.
“Well.” I pause. Fuck, what do I say here? “Erm.” Fucking hell. “So, your mom had an egg.” I poke his little chest. “Which was you and I had the seed and together we made a little baby.”
He frowns as he thinks. “How did the egg get the seed?”
I glance up and see Ashley is smirking.
“I…” I shake my head as I try to think of an answer. “When I kissed her. I gave her the seed when I kissed her.”
His face falls in disgust. “You kissed my mom?”
I nod. “She’s very pretty and I couldn’t help myself.” I glance up and Ashley is close to tears again. “And she spoke French,” I whisper with a smirk as I rub the top of his head. “Do you know any French, Owen?” I ask.
He shakes his head and thinks for a moment. “I know French fries.”
I smile broadly and Ashley laughs.
“Yes, like that, Owie.” Ashley smiles. “Just like French fries.”
He drinks his hot chocolate and thinks on it for a moment.
“I thought today you could show me around here, because Mom’s got some things to do. Is that okay?” I ask.
He frowns and his eyes flicker to Ashley.
She smiles softly. “Cameron is my friend, Owen. He’s a lovely man. You’re going to have so much fun together. You’re very lucky that you get to have him for a daddy.”
I get a lump in my throat and Ashley must be able to sense it because she grabs my hand on the counter and I find myself squeezing it as a silent thank you.
“Okay.” He shrugs.
I frown. “Okay?” I ask, surprised. Surely it’s not going to be that easy…
“Wait, what do I call you?” Owen asks.
I smile softly. “Dad. You call me Dad.”
I sit on the lounge room floor and watch Owen play with his Lego. It’s freaking me out watching a little version of myself making sense of the world.
I’ve been watching him for two hours. I could watch him all day. “Do you want to go for a bike ride?” I ask.
“I don’t have a bike.”
I frown. “You don’t have a bike?”
“No, because it’s dangerous on the roads.”
“Oh,” I reply.
“Shall we go for a skateboard?”
“What’s a skateboard?”
Oh God, it gets worse.
“Okay, let’s go up to your room and you can get your mitt and we can play catch.”
He looks at me blankly. “I don’t think I know how to play catch.”
I frown. “Where’s your ball and mitt?”
He shrugs.
I stand. “Can you show me your bedroom?”
He stands and walks upstairs with me following. He opens the door and holds his hand out. I walk in and look around.
“This is a nice room.” I smile.
“It is.” He lies on the bed.
I walk over to his bookshelves and go through all the books he has. “You have lots of books.”
“Mom reads to me every night.”
I smile. “Does she? Is she a good reader?”
He shrugs. “Okay, I guess.”
I smile and open his toy box to look inside. It’s filled with soft toys and baby crap. “So… where are all your balls and bats?”
He shrugs. “Santa didn’t bring me those.”
I smile sadly. “Oh.”
I frown as I look around. This is the most fucking boring kids room I have ever been in. “Do you want to go for a walk?”
“Yes.” He smiles as he jumps down from the bed.
“Get your shoes.”
He opens his wardrobe and I peer in from behind him. Two lonely little pairs of shoes sit at the bottom. I glance at the shelves and they are only half full.
He has hardly any clothes.
“Where are your other shoes, Owen?”
“This is it.” He smiles. “These are my good shoes for going out.” He points to a brown pair of dress shoes. “And these are my shoes I wear on walks.”
I smile. “Oh, good. That makes sense.” I rub his head. “Grab the walking shoes.”
He takes them out and passes them to me.
I frown. “Can you put these on?” I ask.
He shrugs.
“You don’t know how to do your laces yet?” I ask.
He shakes his head.
I smile. “Sit on the bed and I will do it.” I look around. “Where are your socks?”
“In my top drawer.”
I open his top drawer to find three little pairs of socks and a few pairs of underpants.
Guilt hits me like a freight train. She does have it tough.
Suddenly, I feel like the biggest fucking asshole that ever drew breath. I shake my head and put his shoes and socks on before we head downstairs.
“Where does Mommy put her letters from the postman?” I ask.
Owen frowns as he thinks for a moment. “On the side table in the drawer.”
“Why don’t you head out the back yard and I will meet you there?” I ask.
“Okay.” He runs out the back door and I go to the side table and pull out the drawer to flick through the mail. Fuck, I need a rental receipt. I keep flicking… Nothing.
I go over to the counter where there’s a basket of letters and things. I flick through those, but still there’s nothing. Shit. I glance around and see a folder on top of the kitchen top cupboards. I pull it down and bingo. Bills all put into a paid and non-paid sections. I flick through until I find a rental one. I take it out and stuff it my pocket.
“Dad?” A little husky voice calls from outside.
I stop and frown as a myriad of emotions run over me.
One word has never sounded more frightening; yet more wonderful at the same time.
Shit just got real.
Ashley
I sit and read to Gloria in my lunchbreak.
It’s Monday and the weekend went surprisingly well.
Owen was happy when I returned home on Saturday and Cameron seemed to survive it.
They made an arrangement to see each other again on Wednesday. Apparently Cameron is taking the afternoon off work.
Wonders never cease.
Today, at work, we have been amicable, too. Maybe we can do this co-parenting thing. He’s gone to his office now and then he’s in office all day Tuesday, so I won’t see him again until then.
A little voice inside of me wishes he was coming to see me, but I know that’s not going to happen now. It is what it is.
Dr. Anderson pops his head around the corner. “Ashley, if you have a minute, could I see you when you’re finished, please?”
I smile and nod, shit. Dr. Anderson is Cameron’s cute doctor friend. They constantly talk and laugh together, and I know they have a friendship outside of work.
He must have told him.
“Gloria, we might need to leave it there today, honey.” I smile.
“Okay, dear. Thank you. That was wonderful. Will you be back tomorrow?”
I smile. Give her an inch and she will take a mile. I take her hand in mine. “Of course.” I walk out into the corridor to where Dr. Anderson is waiting in the hallway. With his handsome good looks, I can imagine he’s also dating half the nurses in this place. “Just come in here, Ashley,” he says as he ushers me into an office.
I frown. “What’s this about?” I turn to face him.
He smiles sexily. “Now forgive me for being blunt, and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way...”
My face falls. He’s going to give me a lecture about Cameron.
“I’m Seb.” He holds out his hand to shake mine and I smile and shake his hand.
“Seb?” I ask.
“Sebastian.”
I smile. “Nice to formally meet you, Sebastian.” I widen my eyes in jest. “I’m Ashley.”
“I know who you are.” He smiles sexily.
I frown. Okay, this is weird. “How can I help you, Seb?”
“Would you like to go out Saturday night?”
What? God, that was the most unexpected thing I have heard in forever.
“Go out?” I frown.
“Yes. On a date… with me?”
I scratch my head awkwardly. “I’m away this weekend. I’m sorry. I can’t,” I lie.
Jesus… just say no.
He smiles and nods. “Okay.”
He holds my eyes with his. He is very cute. “Some other time?” I smile.
“Sure,” he replies. “I hope I haven’t overstepped the mark by asking?”
“Not at all.” I smile. Quite the opposite. He’s just given me a much needed confidence boost.
“So…” He hesitates. “I guess I’ll wait for you to ask me out next time.” He smiles.
I chuckle. “Okay. You do that.”
“Because I wouldn’t want to seem pushy and all.” He smirks.
“Good.” I nod.
“But, just so you know, I am an excellent dancer,” he adds.
His cheeky smile rubs off on me and I find myself beaming like an idiot. “That’s good to know.”
“And I know the all best restaurants.”
I smirk.
“And I’m free every night,” he adds cheekily.
I shake my head. “Goodbye, Seb.” I grin as I leave the office.
“Call me,” he shouts in a fake girl’s voice as I leave the office and laugh out loud.
That just made my day.
I pull into the parking lot just before 5pm on Wednesday night. I’m here to pay our rent and pick up a few groceries for lunches tomorrow. My phone rings. It’s Jenna.
“Hi, babe.” I smile as I answer.
“Oh… My… Fucking… God,” She stammers in a whisper.
“What?” I frown.
“Cameron turned up this afternoon with a brand new black SUV Audi, fitted with a car seat in the back seat.”
“What?” I shake my head. “You’re joking?”
“Nope. He told Owen he bought it so they could go to his house sometimes.”
“Shit,” I whisper as I try to cross the road in the busy traffic.
“And get this, then he and Owen went outside just now and they’re bringing in bags and bags of shopping and taking it up to Owen’s room.”
I screw up face. “Shopping? What food?”
“No. Clothes for Owen.”
“What?” I shriek. “What do you mean?”
“He’s bought him half the shop,” she whispers.
“Why? Has he gone mad?”
“I don’t know, but it’s expensive shit, too.”
Oh God, he infuriates me. “Trust him to try and bribe Owen with money. He’s such a fucking idiot.”
A lady walking past frowns and shakes her head at my language. “I’m sorry.” I wince.
“He’s just trying to be nice, probably,” Jenna whispers.
I shake my head in disgust. “He’s spoiling him. He’s going to turn out to be a spoiled brat, just like Cameron is.” I shake my head.
I approach the real estate. “I’ll be home soon,” I reply.
“Don’t tell him I told you. Owen is really excited so be nice. This is his father, remember.”
I blow out a breath and close my eyes. “Yeah.” I sigh, deflated. “Thanks for the warning. See you soon.”
For fuck’s sake, what a nightmare. I walk into the Real Estate office and see the nice receptionist. “Hello, can I pay my rent, please?” I smile as I take out my wallet.
She smiles. “Sure, it’s Bellevue isn’t it?”
“Yes,” I reply as I stand with my card in my hand.
She types and then frowns. “Oh, your rent is paid up until the end of your lease.”
“What?” I frown.
She shrugs and turns the computer screen so I can see it. “It was paid in full on Monday.” She points to the payment on the screen.
“By who?”
“Erm...” She types in a few more things. “Stanton Holdings.”
I glare at her, and if she wasn’t so bloody nice, I would just love to punch her in the face, simply for being the bearer of bad news. “Really?” I snap.
She smiles and widens her eyes. “Awesome.” She does sparkle fingers. “Surprise.”
I glare at her, don’t mess with me bitch or you will go down today, too.
I turn and storm to the car. I’m furious.
I don’t remember getting home. I don’t remember driving at all because I am so fuming mad right now that I can’t see straight. I pull up in the driveway next to the fancy Audi and my blood starts to boil.
I’m going to kill him. I’m going to actually kill him. I walk in the house and see Jenna as she comes running out and drags me back with her to the kitchen.
“He’s paid the rent for twelve months,” I whisper.
Her mouth falls open. “Oh my God, Ash, that’s Awesome.”
I screw up my face. “No, its not. This is his way of making everything alright.”
“Ashley, stop it. He can afford it.”
“It isn’t about the money. It’s about him assuming he can do it. He didn’t ask.”
“Calm down,” she whispers.
“I will not calm down!” I yell.
She puts her hand over my mouth. “Now is not the time to discuss this. Owen is so excited.”
I put my head into my hands. “Oh my God, Jen, this is out of control.”
“He will settle down. He’s just trying to be nice, Ashley. Let him.”
I blow out a breath and rub my hands though my hair. I know on some level she’s right. “Yeah, okay.”
Shit. I take a seat at the table to try and relax a little.
For ten minutes I sit there, until finally I know I have to make a move.
“I should go up and say hello,” I murmur.
“You should probably kiss him, too. He’s fucking gorgeous.”
I roll my eyes and fake a smile. “So funny.” I widen my eyes. “He’s also a fucking asshole,” I mouth.
She giggles and blows me a kiss.
I creep up the stairs and I can hear them talking and laughing, then I hear Owen shriek in glee.
“Higher.” Cameron chuckles.
“I can’t go any higher.” I hear Owen laugh.
“Don’t be a chicken. Yes, you can,” Cameron assures him.
What the hell are they doing? I open the door to find Cameron lying on the floor and Owen jumping nearly to the fucking roof on his bed.
“What the hell?” I shriek. “Owen, stop it. Do not jump on your bed!”
“Uh oh.” Cameron laughs. “Party pooper’s home.”
My mouth drops open in horror and Owen stops bouncing, sensing my oncoming meltdown.
“Hi, Momma.” He smiles and points to Cameron. “Dad’s here.”
I glare at Cameron and he smiles cheekily, raising his brows.
“Hello,” I greet him dryly. “Owen, you are not to jump on the bed. It’s dangerous.”
Cameron shakes his head with a broad smile and climbs off the floor.
“You should know better,” I snap.
“What else has he got to do?”
My insides begin to spark like petrol on a fire. “Read some books,” I snap. “You know, like a human.”
“Momma, Dad bought me some new clothes.” Owen smiles excitedly.
“Did he?”
Owen runs to the wardrobe and swings the doors open and starts pulling out sweaters and jeans. They’re the most beautiful clothes I have ever seen.
“And shoes!” he shrieks. He runs over and grabs three boxes and pulls out a pair of black Nike high tops, and another two expensive pairs of runners.
I stare at him as my brain freezes. Owen is so excited, and who am I to take this away from him? “That’s nice, baby,” I push out. “You’re a lucky boy.”
Owen remembers something else. “Oh!” he yells. “And I got a cap.” He runs over to the bed and puts on a Lakers cap and beams. “Because Dad said we go for the Lakers now.”
His cuteness gets me this time and I smile. “Did you say thank you, baby?”
“Thank you.” He smiles as he swings his arms goofily beside him.
“You’re welcome, buddy.” Cameron smiles.
I stand for a moment with my arms folded and look between the two of them. “Whose car is that?” I ask.
“Mine. Well… ours. I bought it to stay with Owen.”
I frown. “What?’
“Well, you can have the car when you have Owen, and I will have the car when I have Owen.”
I stare at him as time stands still. How often does he think he’s going to have him?
“Oh.” I have no words. “What’s wrong with my car?”
“Your car’s a bomb, Mom,” Owen interrupts.
I glare at him. “My car is a good car. There is nothing wrong with my car and cut the entitled business, mister,” I snap.
Owen withers and Cameron frowns.
“I had to buy a car anyway, and I won’t be driving it when I don’t have Owen so you can have it.”
I nod and I know I should say thank you, but I can’t. I can’t bring myself to say it.
“That won’t be necessary. Owen and I will be driving in my car,” I reply coldly. I turn and walk toward the door. “I’ll be downstairs.” I turn and face them. “And no jumping on the bed.”
“Can you come over to my house for ten minutes with Owen?” Cameron asks.
I frown.
“If… if you don’t want to come, you don’t have to, but I just wanted to show Owen my house.”
I stare at him. He has a car now. He can take him when he wants. “Yes, I will come,” I reply. He’s not going there without me. No way in hell.
We pull up in the driveway of Cameron’s house.
“This is it.” He smiles into the rear view mirror at Owen.
On cue, Owen gasps, and I roll my eyes. Oh, please, this is pathetic. This new car scent has heightened his excitability.
“This is your house?” Owen whispers in awe.
“Yep. Pretty cool, huh?”
We park the car and walk in, feeling like a party pooper for real. Owen is so excited, he is bouncing around, and Cameron is proud of himself and playing the happy host.
I should be happy, too. I should be happy that they have an instant connection, but I hate to admit that I’m I’m a bit jealous.
Owen could at least act loyal to me.
We walk in and my heart sinks. Last time we were here together I was falling in love, and I can understand exactly how Owen feels.
Cameron is fun and he makes you feel fun.
Owen has Cameron for life and I don’t. Is that a selfish thing for me to be feeling?
God, yes. I know it is, but I can’t help it. I internally kick myself for being a childish fool. Cameron takes Owen by the hand and leads him through the house one room at a time. I follow them, unimpressed. I didn’t get this good of a tour.
He then takes us upstairs. “This is my room.” He smiles to Owen and then glances over at me and my eyes drop to the floor.
I spent some of the happiest nights of my life in this room.
“And this is your room.” He opens the door and my heart sinks. This is the room I came into before, only now it’s painted navy blue and has a single bed and children’s furniture in it. He’s had it done already.
The linen is all expensive denim with little red, white, and blue flags hanging over the window. The same red, white, and blue cushions are on the window seat. A large, red, circular mat is on the floor near the desk.
It’s gorgeous.
Owen’s eyes nearly pop out of his head. “This is my room?” he whispers excitedly.
“Do you like it?” Cameron asks, his voice filled with hope.
I can’t take this. My eyes tear up and I leave the room in a rush and walk downstairs into Cameron’s study.
“Stop it, stop it, stop it,” I whisper. I close my eyes as I try to stop my tears from falling, but they won’t.
After a few minutes Cameron walks in and closes the door behind him softly.
“What’s wrong?” he whispers, concerned.
I scrunch up my face in pain. “It’s just so hard watching you give him everything I always wanted to but couldn’t,” I whisper.
His face falls and he pulls me into an embrace. “Ashley, this isn’t a competition.” He holds me tight against his chest and lets me cry.
“I know,” I whisper. “But it sure feels like it.”
He blows out a breath. “It’s not.”
I pull out of his grip. “Why did you pay my rent, Cameron?”
“So you don’t have to go back to the club.”
“What?” I frown, that’s not the answer I was expecting.
“You’re not going back, Ashley. ” He replies coldly. “Over my dead body are you stepping foot back in that place.”
Suddenly his motive is crystal clear: He wants to control me. He wants control over Owen and me.
I step back from him as uneasiness rolls through me. “You don’t get to tell me what to do, Cameron. You lost that right when you ended it between us.”
His jaw clenches and his cold eyes hold mine. “The hell I don’t.”