I dreamed of pain. And shouting. And multiple voices, all talking at once.

Then one particularly deep voice. One that was becoming familiar.

"Stay with me Mia. I decide whether or not you can leave, remember?" he demanded in a grim voice.

Then I just drifted. In the darkness. I sank into it gratefully, sensing that coming out of it would not be good. There wasn't anything waiting for me. But I couldn't drift in the cool, soothing darkness forever, no matter how much I wanted to. I started drawing closer and closer to wakefulness. I didn't know how much time passed before I actually opened my eyes again.

Something was wrong. I couldn't see. Everything was blurry, dim. All I could make out was white. I tried to get up. A wave of debilitating pain hit me. I froze. Okay, moving wasn't a great idea.

I sucked in a breath.

There was a vague rustling next to me and in a few minutes, the pain drifted away again, behind an odd, foggy wall.

"Mia?" It was Ashur. His voice didn't sound right though.

"Yes," I tried to say, but it came out as a hoarse, unrecognizable sound. What was wrong with me?

I started to move again, but then remembered the pain.

"Stay still Mia," Ashur's voice again, oddly gentle. Ragged. "You're hurt."

Hurt? "What...?"

"You were burned," he responded. "You've been in the med unit for a few days now." He paused. "You're healing too slowly."

Burned?

A jumble of images started flashing in my brain. The fighting. The harrowing climb up the ladder. The darker purple dragon coming right at me.

I swallowed. Burns were bad.

I was guessing burns from a dragon weren't any different. I didn't really want to know how damaged I was, like not knowing meant it hadn't actually happened. But I’ve always tried not to run from reality.

"How bad?" I asked. At least the drugs were helping. My anxiety and fear were a bit muffled under whatever it was they'd given me.

The silence made the kernel of fear inside me grow bigger though.

"Bad," he finally admitted, softly.

I swallowed. That hesitation spoke for itself, didn't it? I found I wasn't quite ready to acknowledge that yet, no matter how much I usually liked to face problems head on.

"Omari?" I asked.

"He's fine. He was kept safe along with the other children."

"Can I see him?" I guess that wasn't the right choice of words considering I couldn't really see anything.

A short silence once again. Not great. My suspicion was confirmed when he answered.

"We've been keeping him away because..." he trailed off. His throat clicked as he swallowed. He tried again. "He wants to see you, but we didn't think it was a good idea until you were better."

I knew what he was saying. They didn't want to unnecessarily traumatize a child. I was glad they hadn't let him see me if it was really that bad. I was going to have to face that head-on soon enough.

"Why did they attack?" I asked instead.

"Cinira's violet skein has an old grudge against us that she makes sure to keep alive. We usually just give them a wide berth to keep the peace. From what I can gather, someone from their skein went missing. And they thought we might be to blame."

"Why would they think that?"

"That's a story too long to get into right now."

I opened my mouth to speak again, but coughed, the metallic taste of blood coating my tongue.

"Here," Ashur said softly, bringing a cup of water to my lips.

The cool liquid eased my raw throat a little but not enough.

"Were you to blame?" I asked. "For the missing person?"

"No," he said shortly.

I believed him. He wasn't the type of person to lie about that just for his own ends. Maybe trusting him wasn't the smartest thing ever, but he hadn't given me a reason to doubt him yet.

"You're healing with almost human slowness," he explained. "I've been waiting here for you to wake up."

"Why?" I was going to be just as hurt awake or asleep.

"Because you need to change," he said patiently.

"What?"

"You need to change into your other form. The change helps us heal. Cells are renewed because they have to turn over." The air moved around me. His voice was closer as he continued. "The burns are bad, Mia. But a full change to your other form and back should heal them."

I shook my head, but stopped as it set off another cascade of pain. I really needed to be more careful of movement. I breathed through it while Ashur waited quietly.

"I can't," I finally said. "I can't change."

"You can," he argued. "You have to."

"Wouldn't I have changed already if I could? It's never happened!" I argued, too scared to latch onto the hope he was giving me, slim as it was.

"Did anyone ever show you how?" he pointed out. "It isn't like it just happens one day, not for someone like you who didn't grow up around people like yourself."

I shook my head, trying desperately to squash the hope that kept trying to rise up inside me.

"I can't," I insisted. "According to you, I'm not a dragon or phoenix, not completely. And there's human banging around inside me too. How could I transform into anything if all of that is competing? If it's all jumbled together?"

He paused as he considered that. "You're more phoenix and dragon than human," he said in a quiet voice. "Which means more of you can change than not. You have to try." The sound of him shifting in his seat. "You have to. For Omari's sake."

"Cheap shot," I remarked sharply.

"I'll use any shot I have to get you to at least try," he said, completely unrepentant. "You're being stubborn for no reason right now."

I sighed and tried really hard not to move anything.

"What do you have to lose?" he added softly.

He had a point there. But what if I couldn't do it? Right now, I hadn't tried, so that tiny smidgen of hope was still there, no matter how much I tried to control it.

I took a deep breath, trying to hold back the cough that wanted to come out again. He was right. I needed to at least try. I would be no worse off than I was now if it didn't work. And maybe much better.

"What if I look stupid?"

That startled him. "What?"

"If I can change, what will my transformed self even look like?" I asked. "What if I look ridiculous or monstrous?"

"I can't believe this," he said, exasperated. "Who the fuck cares if you look stupid? At least you'll be healed! Of all the..."

He started muttering to himself but I thought it was a valid concern. Not one that would stop me from at least trying. But valid.

"How am I going to get out of bed?" I asked, trying to be practical now that I'd come around to the only real choice.

"You don’t have to. Hold on."

There was a tug in my arm as he pulled the IV out, but I hardly even noticed it over everything else that hurt. They must have given me something pretty damn strong for the pain, which I truly appreciated.

"I'm going to wheel the bed to the elevator," Ashur explained.

Suddenly the world around me was in disorienting motion that I couldn’t see. Even the subtle vibration of the hospital bed wheels caused pain to nearly take my breath away. I held it to spare my ribs further torture as he pushed.

Ow ow ow. I gritted my teeth as it seemed the trip would never end. Thank God for drugs.

I must have lost some time because when I was with it again, I could feel the blazing warmth of the radiated sun.

"We’re on the roof, it’s safe for you to change here," Ashur informed me.

"Okay. Wait—what if I do change? Won't I crush the bed?"

"I don't give a fuck about the bed," he growled.

All right then. Sheesh.

I had to grit my teeth as a fresh wave of pain tried to take me down. This was not fun at all. When I could breathe again, I asked him what he wanted me to do.

"Close your eyes."

That much I could do. I closed my eyes.

"Now, I want you to picture a dragon—"

"But I'm also part phoenix," I interrupted. "What if I don't turn into a dragon?"

"I can smell the dragon in you," he explained. "At least as strong as the phoenix. I don't know what your actual genetic makeup is, but as you said, you're an odd mix. Who knows what will come out on top? Mia, go with what I can sense. The dragon is there, just under the surface. You need to focus on it."

I didn't know about that. But I was willing to try.

"Imagine every part of that dragon," he continued in a quiet voice. "The scales. The teeth. The claws. The wings. It doesn't have to look exactly like you will look—it's more the idea of a dragon that you need to envision."

Okay. I'd never done anything like this. It was kind of like meditation, which I wasn't great at but I tried my best. I focused as hard as I could, picturing the parts as he listed them off. I lay still for excruciatingly long minutes, trying to block everything out, picturing every tiny detail that came to mind.

Nothing.

Apart from the beginnings of a headache to add to all my other problems. My heart started sinking.

"Nothing's happening," I said, letting out a painful huff of frustration as I pointed out the obvious.

What if I really couldn't change? How long would it take me to recover? How much would I recover really? I knew how badly burn victims could be damaged. I could lose a lot of normal functions. While I wasn't a vain person, the thought of being forever scarred from this-- I blocked out that thought. It wasn't productive or helpful.

"Keep trying," Ashur said patiently. "You can't expect it to just happen. This is your first time. It's like anything else—you need practice." I grabbed onto the confidence in his voice, using it to bolster my own. "Now, picture it again. The light shining off your scales, the breadth of your wings..."

As he spoke, I tried something different. He kept telling me to picture myself. But I had no idea how I would look. However, I knew exactly how he looked in his dragon form.

So I pictured him.

It was simple. The image of him in his dragon form was truly seared into my mind. I remembered how he looked when I first met him. How he looked during the battle. The strength and power of him, the sheer size...

My body started to tingle.

"Focus, Mia," Ashur urged, banked excitement in his voice. "You have it!"

I remembered the grace with which he flew. And the tingles intensified.

My eyes snapped open as my body convulsed on the bed, a rush of sensation sweeping through me in an overwhelming flood. It was agony and ecstasy, going on forever and for only a moment.

The bed broke under me and my clothes ripped away as I burst out of my body.

My vision returned and sharpened until I could see clearer than I ever had before.

And the pain-- that grinding pain, hovering around me even through the haze of drugs-- it was gone. Nothing had ever, or would ever be, as radiant as the absence of pain.

I shuddered as I tried to lift my hand to my face.

A claw-tipped wing poked me on the cheek instead.

I blinked at it. Well. Shit.