When Rosalind finds out Kate and I are planning on going to visit the Zmaj that helped Kate and her group survive, Rosalind sends word that she wants to meet with me first. I understand her perspective and agree. This will be the first time one of our own group is going to make contact, so it's only prudent we keep her apprised as well.

"I'm coming with you," Kate insists when I tell her I must make a trip to the city before we can leave on our own.

"You are welcome to come." I would be happy to have her always with me. "But it is not necessary if you would like to remain here." I can see how well she is adjusting, how much she likes the other females here. It warms my heart. I want her to be comfortable and content. I do not want to force her where she does not want to go.

"No, it makes sense for me to go," she counters. "That way we can just leave for the tunnels right after. There's no point in delaying the trip. It'll only give both of us more time to worry."

That is sound reasoning. I do not want to fight her joining me. So we leave the Tribe after some quick goodbyes and climb into the rover to head to the city.

"I have to admit," I say as I settle into the seat, "this vehicle is spoiling me for foot travel."

Kate grins and says, "You and me both," as she presses on the accelerator.

The ride to the city is pleasant and uneventful, the rover eating up the distance without a problem. I’d never know it had been broken. I feel a burst of pride. My mate is a female of great skill, skill that I cannot help but admire.

"Here we are," she says when we arrive at the city a short time later. "I wonder what Rosalind wants to speak to us about."

I can hear a slight touch of nerves in her voice, but not too much. Kate is a strong person in her own right. I know she would not be overwhelmed by Rosalind and her commanding presence.

As soon as we enter the city, we go directly to Rosalind's office, where she is waiting for us.

"Thank you for coming," she says with a smile, gesturing for us to sit. "How are you doing? How is the Tribe treating you, Kate?"

"Good," Kate murmurs, smiling back. "Really good."

I can see that her guard is up. With a jolt, I realize I no longer see that wall around me. Isn't that wonderful?

"That's great," Rosalind remarks, settling her entwined hands on her desk and leaning slightly forward. "I'm glad to see you so happy with your new living arrangements. Now, on to business and why you're here." She looks over at me and then back at Kate. "I just wanted to touch base with you before you head back to your group, Kate. I have some requests."

"What kind of requests?" I ask. I knew there must be some, or she wouldn't have asked us to meet with her. Kate's lack of surprise is also clear.

"I want you to send Annabel and her group orders from me. They must join our group here in the city. Once here, they can of course decide to go to your community if they would prefer, just as you have," she says, nodding at Kate. "I would also like to ask permission to use the rover for trips back and forth to the mine and the village there, to check on the other survivors."

There is a small pause as Kate watches the other woman. I can see her processing the information and deciding what to do with it, taking her time with her response despite the pressure I know she feels. I have a feeling Rosalind is lucky to have couched both of her requirements as requests.

"I would be happy to lend the rover for you to use on those trips," she finally says carefully.

"Thank you."

"But I do not feel comfortable commanding the other women to come back. Annabel will not take kindly to that." The wry tone in Kate's voice signals how much of an understatement that was.

"The order would come from me," Rosalind counters. "And if the other women come, even Annabel will surely follow."

Kate shakes her head. "You don't understand the climate over there. I'll pass a message along to Annabel, even though I'd prefer as little contact with her as possible. But I won't order anybody to do anything. They'll come back if they want to. I refuse to involve them in politics I don't even entirely understand myself yet." Her voice is strong, sure. She is standing by her convictions, another thing I admire about her.

I do not know if Rosalind will feel the same way. I watch her behind her desk, wondering what she will have to say to this clear refusal. Hmm. I can see she is not angry. In fact, there is a blooming of real respect in her eyes for Kate's refusal. As one leader to another, I know she can sympathize with my mate's desire to do what's best for her people, even if it is difficult for her.

"I see," Rosalind says, nodding sagely. "Well then. I thank you for your help." She stands up, taking both of us in. "And I would also like to wish you a safe journey tomorrow."

"Thank you," I say, along with Kate, who speaks a brief beat behind me, as if somewhat surprised at Rosalind's calm response.

We do not linger after the dismissal. Rosalind is busy. I know she must have a great deal scheduled after us. Kate waits until we are outside again to voice her inner thoughts.

"I didn't expect Rosalind to react like that to my refusal," she says in a low voice. "It threw me off in a big way."

"How did you expect her to react?" I ask, curious. I have not seen Rosalind be unreasonable. Not in front of Kate or otherwise.

She shrugs. "I don't know. I thought...I thought she was trying to make me into her subject, willing or not." She looks up at me, a self-deprecating smile on her face. "I wonder if I'm just looking for the worst in her because of the triggers Annabel created in me."

"Perhaps," I agree. "Though Rosalind is an often tough leader, I have not found her to be unfair. Or someone who forces her will on others unless absolutely necessary."

Kate nods thoughtfully.

"Maybe she isn't so bad," she agrees slowly. "She's definitely managed to accomplish a lot here on Tajss."

Her words may sound grudging, but I can see she means them. Nobody can spend an extended amount of time with Rosalind and not admire her. I feel the same about Kate. I'm glad to see this mutual respect developing between them. It bodes well for the future of their relationship.

That night, we visit the other females in Kate's group, as we will be leaving in the morning.

"Oh, and they gave me full access to help work on the ancient tech!" Addison exclaims, giddy with joy over the news. "Isn't that great? And..."

As she continues to chatter on excitedly, I take a step back, feeling as though I've been dealt a blow, a completely unexpected one. The tech...

I have a flash of memory, quickly suppressed. I do not want to think about the past, when tech was freely available. This conversation is triggering too many memories I would rather leave buried, never to emerge.

"I am going for a walk," I say to Kate, attempting to keep my anxiety off my face and not knowing if I have succeeded.

She looks over at me with a frown, but I do not stop to explain. I need to leave, need to escape from this talk that triggers memories best left alone. I leave the room and hurry down the hall. My strides eat up the distance, no clear destination in mind as I run from my own thoughts, until I find myself at the edge of the city, nobody outside at this time of night to witness my irrational episode.

Will there ever be a time where I can listen to these kinds of conversations without fear? Or will I forever be running from my own memories? Attempting to bury a past that keeps reemerging? I do not know. I lower myself onto a bench, lost in myself.

That is how Kate finds me later, sitting alone at the edge of the city. Still trying to make sense of everything. She sits down next to me, her hand sliding down my arm in comfort.

"Hey," she greets me softly. "What's wrong? Why are you upset?"

I shake my head, but she reaches over and turns my head towards hers so that I must meet her eyes. So that I cannot avoid her.

"You can tell me," she murmurs, that sincerity in her eyes almost painful. "Maybe I can help. Let me at least try." That she cares for me, deeply and genuinely, is clear. I am certain that with her voice, with that look in her eyes, she could make almost anyone lay their troubles at her feet. That is a seduction all its own, the gentle suggestion to reveal all that I cannot deny.

I am no exception. I have no protection, no armor against the heartfelt plea. I slide my fingers through her silky hair to cup the back of her head.

"I find myself...almost fearful of seeing my father," I say. It is the first time I have admitted this aloud to another soul.

"What?" Kate says. "I thought you were happy to find out that he is alive. Why would you be fearful?"

If only it were so simple. I sigh, looking away from her eyes again, out into the vastness of the desert. I cannot see her watching me while I speak of this.

"My father and I—My father did not agree with the choices I made before the Devastation." That is the gentlest way I know of describing his utter shock and disgust at what I had decided to do.

Kate is silent for a little while.

"I can't believe that your choices could have been so terrible," she says. "You're such a good person, Errol. I'm reminded of that time and time again. What did you do that he not agree with? Was there some kind of misunderstanding?"

Misunderstanding? Perhaps. Not in my father's eyes.

I swallow, trying to beat back the memories. They are growing ever more stubborn in their desire to rise up, in their fight to insinuate themselves into life again. Although it feels as though their full reemergence may be inevitable, I refuse to allow them to simply engulf me, take me over, and destroy me, as they threatened to do in my past.

"I do not know how much you have learned of our history so far," I start, after wrestling those dark pieces of the past. "But the Devastation, the conflict that led us from our peak to the desolation now...it started with epis."

"Epis?" Kate asks. "How? How could something so wonderful cause all this."

"It is wonderful," I agree. "Perhaps too wonderful."

"What do you mean?" she whispers.

"Tajss is the only planet where epis grows. But that does not mean others did not also desire to reap the benefits it provides." I shift restlessly. "Tajss became the sole supplier of epis for many different worlds," I explain. "But...we soon became consumed by their need, enslaved by it. So we voted. And decided to rebel, to cease supplying it."

"But epis is addictive," Kate says in low voice. "Oh...no." She understands where this story must end.

"Yes," I say. "When we revolted, refused to supply it any longer, there were many unhappy off-worlders."

"Oh, Errol," Kate says, her eyes wide.

"It was clear we were nearing a disaster, one of catastrophic proportions. If the off-worlders did not get their doses, they knew they were facing certain death."

"Which meant they had nothing to lose," she says quietly.

"Exactly." I frown as I think back on that time. "War was looming. A great one. I did not know how we were going to resolve it. But I did know we needed more time. More time in which I hoped a solution would be found." I take a deep breath and let it out. "So...I formed a group to harvest epis. To supply the plant to those off-worlders who were threatening us."

"So that you could delay the attacks."

"Yes," I agree. "In the hopes they would at least be temporarily mollified, though it was a losing battle. But my father—" I get a sharp flash of the look on his face when he realized it was me supplying our then-enemies with the life-giving plant, and the image affects me like a blow to the gut. "He thought it was a betrayal of our people. That I had turned my back on my own."

"Oh, Errol." I can hear the heartbreak in her voice for me. "Didn't you tell him what you were trying to do?"

I think back to the confrontation, to his refusal to listen. He would not entertain any reason that could explain my actions in a less negative light.

"He did not want to hear what he thought of as excuses," I explain, thinking back to that moment, when I felt as though the world was falling out from beneath my feet. "He would not even let me try."

And then, the world ended. My small group alone could not keep everyone supplied with epis indefinitely. Not when there were entire planets who had become dependent. We may have delayed the war, but we could not stop it. Looking back, I do not think anyone or anything could have.

"Errol," Kate sighs, her hand sliding down to my chest. "That's terrible."

"I regret not trying harder to fix things between us, to heal the rift before—before it was too late. Before everything was gone.”

"That is not your fault. You couldn't control when things deteriorated, couldn't have known it would come to this." Her fingertips grip me tighter. "It isn't too late now. You have a second chance. One that you can make the most of."

A second chance. I roll that phrase around in my mind. Yes, it appears I do have a second chance. Will it help? I do not think Kate understands the enormity of what happened, how enraged Father was. How hurt. The father I could always count on for sage advice, the friend who would calmly listen as I aired my thoughts, had disappeared in that instant he realized what I’d done. When I do not reply, she continues more briskly.

"Okay. There's nothing to forgive here, though you need to take the chance to try to explain your intentions. You're not going to feel better until you meet with Gomul, because you won't know if you can fix this until you try." She steps in front of me and crouches down, taking my hands in her small, soft ones. I sometimes wonder how someone so soft and small can have such a solid core of strength in her. "I also want to tell him of our mating," she adds with a small, hopeful smile. "And if there are any fences to mend, we will mend them together. I promise."

I feel my heart fill at her words. I have never had someone care about me so deeply before or support me in such an unwavering manner. But, again, she does not understand how badly I disappointed my father.

"Kate..." I start.

"No, Errol," she interrupts, gently but forcefully. "We're going. Heck, I'm even willing to face my down my own nemesis to do it. That's how much I care. How much I know you need this."

It is clear her resolve will not be shaken. I cannot be more forceful in my refusal, not to her, not to my mate, whom I only want to speak soft words to. I would give her anything that is in my ability to gift her. Even this.

"As you wish," I agree simply.

Her face softens at my acquiescence. Wrapping her arms around my shoulders, she leans her face against mine, feathering a kiss over my ear.

"Everything will be okay," she murmurs. "You'll see."

I want to believe her. I wrap my arms around her slender waist, her closeness comforting me in a way nothing else can.

And I hope.

Hope fervently that she is right.