I feel the pit in my stomach grow as I follow my father to another section of the tunnels. It was smart of him to build his base here. Not only is it cooler because it is underground, it is also easily defensible. It’s one of the reasons he was able to keep such a large group safe, even when they are quite separated from him. I'm not surprised at his clever pick of location. Father had often been multiple steps ahead of everyone else.

I feel another pang of loss, a mourning for those years lost between us. Though that grief is premature, is it not? Perhaps after this talk, he will not want to associate with me. That will be a much bigger reason to grieve.

My thoughts are anxious and dark when we finally stop in a tunnel some distance away from the area the females have claimed as their own. Most likely an intentional separation for Father's own peace. He liked to spend time alone even before...everything. I look around, noticing he must have lived here for some time before meeting the humans, judging from the amenities and comforts he has built around himself.

"Please, have a seat," he says, gesturing to a stool.

I nod, lowering myself down to the sturdy piece.

"Would you like something to drink? Some food?" he asks, looking somewhat confused on how to proceed.

I understand. It feels odd to be so formal with my own father.

"No, thank you. Please sit." I do not like him catering to me like this. It feels wrong.

He takes his time following suit, all of his attention focused on me, just as mine is on him.

Silence descends around us for a few moments, a blankness that mirrors what is going on in my own brain. I do not know how to begin, and am happy when Father takes that burden from me.

"Where have you been all this time, my son?" he asks quietly, his eyes searching my face. "What have you been doing?"

I breathe a silent sigh of relief at the question. It is a good idea to ease into this conversation through a safer topic.

"There was a period of...darkness," I admit. "One I do not like to think on too deeply." That is a gentle way to describe the utter depths to which many of us fell after the Devastation.

"There was one for us all," he agrees soberly, soft understanding in his eyes. "I understand the scars from that darkness."

I nod, feeling my stomach roll. Scars. Yes. But that is not the reason why I feel so untethered. I must now speak of the reason why I hesitated to come here. I need to do so, lance it like the festering wound it is. The weight of it is between us. It forces a distance on us, even though we are physically closer than we have been for years upon years.

"I must admit...I was frightened to face you," I confess, cracking open the door to the conversation we must have.

He frowns, looking away. He does not say I should not have been frightened.

"Things did not...end well between us," he says, his gaze far away.

Facing the same memories I am, no doubt.

"On that we can agree," I say. "I...it is one of my biggest regrets. That things ended so badly between us." I take a deep breath as he turns to look at me once more. "That I was not able to fix it before..."

He sighs, shaking his head.

"My son...it hurt my heart to see you seemingly betraying your own race," he says softly, his eyes shining with tears he does not allow to fall.

I feel a knot form in my own throat at the sight, but I must defend myself, must make him see why I did what I did.

"I did not betray our people," I return, gentle but firm. This is my truth. "Even though it might have appeared as though I did. I thought providing epis to the off-worlders would appease them, at least temporarily. Delay the inevitable." I swallow, my mouth dry. "That is the only reason why I gave them what they demanded when others had protested the practice." I think back to the panic, the chaos that gripped us directly before the war that ended everything. "The path we were on was not working. I was willing to try anything to save those I held most dear." I meet Father's eyes on that note, hoping he can see just how much I love him. "I want you to know...my only intention was to give us more time, time I thought we could perhaps use to our advantage. Find a way to circumvent the looming war." I look away, shaking my head. "I do not regret trying to do so, but I regret that I failed you," I murmur. "Failed you terribly."

I cannot look at him as I utter those last words. I cannot.

"You did not fail me, son," he sighs. I look up in surprise as his hand covers my own. "It was a... difficult time. One of confusion and heightened emotion." He shakes his head, sighing again. "I know you did not betray us now, with the luxury of time to cool my anger and hurt. To clarify my assessment." He squeezes my hand, peering deeply into my eyes. "Do you understand? I know you did not betray us."

I tremble at the touch, at the sincerity in his voice.

"I... you were so angry," I whisper. "You did not want to hear my reasoning, what I had to say-- "

"It was as you say. I wish my head had been cooler," he agrees. "Wish I had trusted more in the son I'd helped raise. I am sorry I did not." He takes a deep breath. "I regret the loss of our relationship even more than you, my son. Can you forgive an old warrior his blindness?"

I turn my hand over to squeeze his back, almost disbelieving. A glimmer of hope cracks through the darkness.

"There is nothing to forgive." And I mean it. My heart is open. It always has been. "Looking back...we all did what we thought was best. And in the end...none of it really mattered anyway, did it?"

The Devastation occurred. Our society crumbled. People...so many people...were just...gone. Father sighs, the weight of the world in that one small sound.

"No. It did not," he agrees. "And part of that was deliberate."

I frown at that. Deliberate?

"How? How was it deliberate?" I ask, wondering if I misheard.

"There was foul play at hand that made this result an almost foregone conclusion. Perhaps that was why I was unwilling to listen to your explanations," he admits. "I knew that despite our heartfelt efforts and our hope to avert the worst...we were unlikely to be successful."

Foul play? I frown.

"But...I do not understand," I murmur, shaking my head. "You knew...knew this was inevitable?"

All of this? The destruction of...everything?

He sighs, his eyes turning inward as he looks back.

"I feared it was," he admits. "Though inevitable is a strong word, I could feel events leading here, momentum towards the end building." He shakes his head. "But no matter how probable it seemed, it was not something I could bring myself to accept." He smiles at me, the guilt clear. "It was part of the reason I was so hard on you, so unbending when you came to me."

I frown, my view of the past changing irrevocably at those words. Rebuilding into something different. Father was and is just another Zmaj after all. He can make mistakes, can be affected by his emotions. My view of him...softens.

Our relationship will be different than the one we had before. Different in a way I cannot predict. But perhaps that is for the best.

However, I still have so many questions, so many loose ends that I want answers for. But Father is done with this talk.

"Enough of the past," he says abruptly. "We have not averted the worst...so now...we make the best of what is." His eyes refocus on me. "You do not know how I fill with joy simply at the sight of your face, Errol. Where do you live now? What is your life like?"

I take a deep breath, clearing the way to think of now rather than what feels like a distant past. Almost...another lifetime. Another Errol.

"I live in a community with other Zmaj males and human females. I am a craftsman there and lend my skills to the nearby city resurrected by one of the humans."

"A village and a city?" he murmurs wonderingly. "That is truly more than I could have hoped for." He tilts his head to the side. "You came here with Kate? How did you cross paths with her?"

"Her rover ceased functioning after she hit a guster with it," I explain, grinning at the memory.

Father's eyebrows climb up his forehead.

"That is...an unconventional use for such a vehicle," he remarks, eyes twinkling with humor. "Though I have come to expect the unconventional from her."

I grin at that observation.

"It is true." I swallow, feeling suddenly nervous. How will he react to the news of my mating? He seems truly happy to see me...will this change that? "Kate is certainly unusual. That drew me to her from the beginning." I pause to strengthen my resolve. Kate is mine. Nothing will change that. "Father...I also have something else to tell you."

"You may tell me anything, my son. What is it?"

Concern is seeping into his eyes. I need to tell him. Not continue to build up the suspense, frighten him further.

"I...it is about Kate. She is...my mate."

He stills, his eyes widening. Should I have waited to tell him this? Perhaps this was still too early in our reunion—

"That is wonderful news!" he exclaims, his face lighting up. "You have chosen well, my son! Very well, indeed! I have spent much time with Kate. Why, I see her as a daughter already!" He rises to his feet, clearly excited. "This deserves a celebration! I will arrange a communal dinner for tonight!"

I smile back, happy to see him so happy at the news, and more than a little relieved as well. It feels as though I am light as a feather now, the problems burdening me suddenly gone. But a dinner? After the scene when we arrived?

"That is not necessary, Father—"

"Nonsense," he interrupts. "I want to celebrate news of my son's mating! To the lovely Kate no less!"

There is no deterring him. I find I do not have the heart to be more forceful in my opposition.

So, soon enough, I find myself sitting in a meal circle with Gomul on one side of me and Kate on the other and Annabel and her group arranged around us. It is not the most comfortable dinner. Judging by the way the other females cast furtive glances at my father, it is quite clear Gomul rarely dines with them.

Kate seems to have broken into the group again, the females all listening as she speaks.

"...I also feel a whole heck of a lot better because of this plant they call epis," Kate explains. "It helps you adapt to the environment. I haven't felt better since we were on the ship! It's really amazing."

Nobody questions that as she explains the plant further. She's gained some much-needed weight, her skin is glowing, her eyes clear, her hair shiny. I can see the others note all these signs of improved health even if they do not verbally acknowledge it. The difference between them and Kate is clear to anyone looking.

"A plant?" Maeve asks when Kate pauses. "Where can we get it? If it's so great, I for one would love to try it!"

She has been asking questions all night, intrigued enough to even risk Annabel's ire. She has also been pointedly ignoring the glares sent her way. Some of the others are just as intrigued as she, though they will not voice their interest with the same enthusiasm Maeve does. Not everyone is strong enough to break from a pack such as this.

"Yes, a plant," Kate answers. "But it apparently only grows in caves dug by these giant worm-like monsters. And they don't really take kindly to people rummaging in their homes."

She looks over at me for confirmation, so I nod.

"Yes," I agree. "Zemlja do not make the epis harvest a simple or easy matter. I would not advise any of you to attempt it."

"Convenient," Annabel mutters under her breath.

I shake my head. That one cannot let a positive word escape her mouth. How she holds on to power here I do not know. The topic turns to Kate's living arrangements next.

"You've decided to live in the smaller community?"

Kate nods, smiling over at me and taking my hand. "Yes. That's where Errol's home is. And I enjoy the smaller, more tight-knit feel of it anyway."

Maeve nods thoughtfully, opening her mouth to say something else, but then hesitating.

Kate notices. "What is it?" she prods. "Now's the time to ask."

"I..." she glances around at the others, taking in the quietly seething Annabel who hasn't said a word so far other than those she's muttered to herself. "I was wondering if I could...come with you?"

A ripple goes through the group at the question, though I am not surprised. Her questions were too specific, too interested not to be leading in this direction. Kate ignores the reaction of the group, giving Maeve an encouraging smile.

"Of course." She looks at the others. "That's an open invitation to any and all of you as well." She turns her attention to Annabel. I can see the nerves in her eyes even though her face appears cool and controlled. "In fact, Rosalind did send a message for you, Annabel. She would be happy to welcome you and everyone else in the group to the city. And from there you could decide whether you would rather live in the city or move to the smaller community."

Silence from the assembled group as everyone waits to see how she will react.

"It'll be a cold day in hell before I bow to Rosalind, of all people," she snarls, flatly rejecting the invitation.

Kate sighs, but not as though the answer is unexpected.

"Annabel, whatever happened on the ship doesn't matter here, and now—"

"You have my answer," she interrupts coldly, standing to leave. "Feel free to pass it on."

Hmm. There are obviously some pre-crash tensions between Rosalind and Annabel. It must be a strong disliking for her to react so rudely. It seems Annabel would rather die than take a single command from Rosalind. Ever. Another indicator that she is not mature enough to lead. Personal squabbles have no place in making decisions for a group. Not when the stakes are so high.

When I look over at Kate to see her reaction to the outburst, I can see she is disappointed, but again, not surprised at this turn of events. She seems to always expect the worst of Annabel. And Annabel seems to always deliver on that expectation.

I squeeze Kate's hand, offering what comfort I can. She smiles at me, shaking off the confrontation and turning her attention back to the remaining females.

"Like I was saying, there's a lot to see if..."

And she is back to attempting to lure more of the humans away from here, putting aside her own feelings for the greater good. My admiration for her only grows the more time I spend around her. I doubt that will change. My mate is truly an impressive female.