"Errol! Where are you going? The festivities have only just begun!"

I nod at Drosdan, but I don't answer his questions, not even smiling back as I continue on my way. I can see the confusion on his face, but I cannot pretend to be in a good mood despite the revelry around us.

After seeing Kate at the celebration, I am much thornier than usual. It is as though I am experiencing a micro-bijass towards my own kind, one that raises those haunting memories I came to the city to leave behind. Memories of the animalistic state I fell into after our society crumbled. That period in which I lost all sense of self to violence and an utter emptiness. But I suppose it is no wonder that running from oneself is not possible.

I push the memories away again with a focused effort, though I feel them still lurking in the back of my mind, ready to reemerge at the slightest sign of weakness. I know I am withdrawing into myself because of these ugly feelings, these unwelcome memories, but I do not know how else to process my emotions, not when they are so strong, so utterly volatile.

And I know exactly what the trigger was. I feel very possessive over Kate, have felt so since I first saw her, before I even knew her as a person. Seeing her speaking with other Zmaj males at the event, accepting drink from them-- I deliberately unclench my fists, cutting off the growl that emerged unbidden. It does not matter how I feel about her speaking to other males. She has not given herself to me. Not only that, she has pulled back from me several times over these past few days, a clear indication she does not want to pursue what is between us. My poor internal reaction to that is not something I am proud of—in fact, I feel ashamed of it. That shame reminds me of my intention to live this new chance at life with as much peace as can be had.

I cannot continue on this way if peace is my goal. I do not want to risk my well-being, my internal equilibrium. I sigh to myself. The decision is a difficult one to make, but one that I think is best. I need to establish some distance from Kate despite this unprecedented attraction I feel for her. If she does not want me, torturing myself by being close to her does not make any rational sense. And I need to be reasonable and rational now, more than ever.

But as soon as I decide that logic should prevail, Kate's image appears in my mind. And her scent haunts my senses. Despite my newfound resolve, it wears on my normally fierce will. Growling under my breath, I push aside the memory of her as firmly as I set aside the others.

Kate is dangerous for me, for my well-being. She raises territorial feelings that are better left untouched, because those feelings are strong enough to wake something deep inside me—something I want to stay safely asleep. Leaving the celebration is a good decision. If I must watch Kate interact with more Zmaj males while deliberately staying away from me...

My snarl is quiet, and nobody is nearby to hear it, but I still feel shame again at my loss of control. Yes, leaving is a good decision.

Simply knowing it was a good decision doesn’t make me calm when I reach my quarters. It takes some time for the aggression to fade. Thoughts of what Kate might be doing at the party keep invading my mind. Eventually, I do fall into a fitful sleep late into the night. Not that the rest is particularly restful.

I do not feel much happier when I wake the next day, and Rosalind calls me into a private meeting.

"Thank you for coming, Errol," she greets from behind her desk.

"Of course," I respond, taking a seat in one of the chairs across from her. I do not know why she called me in, but she is the clear leader here in the dome. Accepting such invitations is a good idea to keep relations on good terms. Fortunately, she does not keep me waiting long.

"I have a favor to ask of you," she says baldly.

"What is it?" I ask. I already brought the order she asked for. What else can I contribute that she desires?

"You were the first of us Kate and her group encountered. And the person they've spent the most time with since." She leans forward. "I would really appreciate it if you can find out some information for me."

"What kind of information?" I ask, though I think I have a good idea what she wants. I find it better to have things spelled out so there is no confusion.

"I want to know how they survived for this long," she responds bluntly. I appreciate the candor. "Who helped? Because both you and I know they aren't alive without help from outside sources." That is true. I had thought exactly the same thing. "I want to be sure there aren't any dangers coming from this new direction. If we don't have the information, we can't anticipate or plan for whatever the threat might be in order to better protect ourselves."

I understand. That is a good reason and another clear example of why she is a good fit for her position.

"I do not sense any danger," I say carefully. "I feel as though Kate is simply reserved because she does not know what to expect here. And does not know how far she can trust any of us."

Me included, and that may not change now. I let that thought and the pain of it drift away. I cannot dwell upon it. It is not something I have control over.

Rosalind nods.

"I trust you and your judgment, Errol. I really do."

"But?" I ask.

She smiles at me.

"I would still appreciate if you could find out all you can."

That is fair. But Kate has pulled back from me, withdrawn for a reason or reasons I do not fully understand. Perhaps a different approach would be more fruitful.

"I will encourage Kate to talk to you herself," I decide. "I am certain she will anyway, with time."

"Hmm." Her sharp eyes scan me as she relaxes somewhat, leaning back in her chair and dropping the commanding posture she so often dons. I do not think she even does it consciously. "I trust you'll do the right thing, Errol. You always do."

I incline my head.

"I hope I will not disappoint," I say, standing at the clear dismissal.

"You won't," she says with a toothy smile. "Oh, and I wanted to invite you to dinner tonight as well. You will come, won't you?"

"Of course. Thank you for your invitation."

She nods, saying goodbye as I turn to leave the room.

I think nothing of the invitation apart from the fact that I will now have to stay in the city until tomorrow, at the very least. That is, I think nothing of it until I arrive for the dinner. I did not realize I was not the only one she invited to the meal.

Kate appears just as surprised to see me as I am to see her when I arrive, but we each express polite greetings and sit down to eat.

It is only dinner.

After we eat, we can both go our separate ways. Perhaps this is Rosalind's attempt to increase Kate's comfort with me, to make it more possible that she will tell me the information Rosalind wants. If she had asked me, I could have let her know the effort would be wasted. I deliberately keep my eyes on my food. I simply must get through this dinner.

"...and I know that your rover is still sitting out in the desert, unprotected."

"Yes," Kate agrees. "But I can't move it until it's fixed."

I look up to see Rosalind nodding.

"I believe I have the tools you need to get it running again, you're welcome to borrow them."

Kate visibly brightens at the news.

"That would be great!" she gushes. "Thanks, Rosalind. I really appreciate it. And I know the others will too."

Despite myself, I cannot tear my gaze away from her. From her bright beauty, the glow shining from inside her at the good news.

But it is not just the news, is it? The epis has restored a vitality she was missing before, enhancing her natural beauty. Her eyes are clearer, her hair shines brighter, her skin almost glows. If I am not mistaken, she has already gained some weight as well, weight that she needed on her slender frame. And it is also clear she has much more energy than before.

Even as I stare, I admonish myself for doing so. How can I maintain my distance when I cannot even comply with my own resolution not to stare at her?

"Perhaps Errol can join you on your trip."

What? That jolts me out of my own internal dialogue. I finally look away from Kate to meet Rosalind's eyes.

"Are you available Errol?" she prods, her eyes urging me to agree. "I am certain Kate would very much appreciate your company and protection to retrieve her vehicle."

I know what she is doing. She wants me to extract the information she wants from Kate. I should not say yes. This is the exact opposite of maintaining my distance. I will go mad being so close while being unable to touch, unable to explore that electricity between us.

"Oh, I don't need—" Kate starts, her expression turning alarmed.

But I cut in before she can refuse me, adopting a dutiful face to mask my true emotions. "I'd be glad to help."

Because I am weak. I cannot ignore the yearning in my heart despite my best efforts. How can I resist a chance to be alone with her, spend real time in her presence?

Kate nods at my acceptance, looking down at her meal. "I—thank you," she murmurs.

"It is no trouble." It is, in fact, unavoidable, at least for me.

The rest of the meal is more subdued, though Rosalind attempts to keep the conversation light and carefree after achieving her goal. She is a master at manipulation, trapping the both of us in the very scenario that she thinks will do the most good. That will accomplish the outcome she desires.

I cannot fault her for it. Her intentions are to protect everyone she feels responsible for, even if it might mean discomfort for some.

Still, I do not linger after we finish the meal. I fear I may give too much away if I speak to Kate privately. I might reveal how much my desire for her is tearing me apart inside.