9
“I fear I made a grave mistake yesterday,” Sarah said tentatively. She was sitting at the breakfast table. The only thing that had managed to get her out of bed was her fear of Lord Flynn, not wanting to displease him again. Much to her surprise she found that he was not at the breakfast table, so she was alone with Catherine.
“I am sorry to say that you did. Unfortunately, my brother can be rather tempestuous, especially when he feels slighted. However, I am amazed that you would go and find comfort in the arms of a stable boy.” Catherine enjoyed a slight smile, before adding, “I did not think that you had that much of an adventurous spirit in you.”
“It was not like that,” Sarah said, trying to force herself to eat something to keep her strength up even though her appetite was practically non-existent.
“Then pray tell, what was it like?” Catherine asked. Harold's sister was eating as well as ever. Sarah envied her temperament, wishing that she could remain as calm as Catherine.
Sarah sighed. “George was with me when all that horrible business happened in the forest,” she said, glad to not have to lie for a change. “I was so scared. Without him I do not know if I would have been able to make it here. I owe him my life. I did not intend to go to him last night. I got lost in the gardens. It was mere happenstance that we found each other. He saw that I was upset and offered me a shoulder to cry on. That was all.”
“Well, you should know by now that my brother is the jealous type. He does not take kindly to things like this.”
“Indeed, in fact he has banned me from ever spending time with George again. He said that if I do then he will kill George.”
“That sounds like my brother,” Catherine sighed, “but he was most likely speaking out of emotion. He often says things he doesn't mean. One must learn to ignore him when he gets like that.”
“Can I confide something in you, Catherine?” Sarah said, eyes darting around to ensure that no servants were in earshot. Catherine leaned forward eagerly, eyes wide with excitement.
“Of course you can,” she said.
“Even though it is about your brother?”
“I promise that I won't say anything. I have always longed to have someone with whom I can share a secret. My lips are sealed.”
“I must confess that I am having doubts about the wedding. The day approaches and I know that I should be filled with excitement, yet in my heart there is only trepidation. I am worried about the kind of life I will have with your brother. I know he is a lord and I should be honored to be married to him, but I fear for my own happiness. What am I to do? How can I be a good wife to him?”
Catherine leaned back in her chair and looked at Sarah with pity.
“Rosemary,” she began. Sometimes Sarah had to remind herself that that was the name she was using. “I know that you have lived a sheltered life, but you must learn to use your womanly wiles to your advantage. Harold is many things; prideful, stubborn, arrogant, but most of all he is a man. He doesn't know what he wants. He has many expectations from life, but all he really needs is to hunt and to feel important. If you want him to be happy then treat him as though he is the most amazing man to ever have graced this land. It does not matter if you mean it. He will be happy riding away, leaving you alone to your own devices. Then you can see whomever you want.”
“I would hate to be so devious. I would never want to lie to him,” Sarah said, swiftly realizing how ironic her words were.
“Sometimes a little white lie is needed to create harmony. There are many times when I have had to lie to my brother to ensure that he does not get too angry. What you must concern yourself with is keeping his mood placid. It is like a game of chess with him. Take your time, make your moves when he is at his most vulnerable. Praise him when he needs it. I am sure that it will all come with experience. Living with him will give you the hints you need in order to be the best wife possible.”
“I only hope that I can indeed be the best. It would bring great shame upon my father if Lord Flynn changed his mind.”
“Oh I very much doubt that will happen. Do not be too anxious. He is not that complicated a man when you get to the heart of it. Try to show him that you are willing to love him and shower him with adoration. It is as simple as that,” she said.
It didn't seem at all simple to Sarah. The thought of being a doting wife, of being intimate with Lord Flynn filled her with horror. The mere thought of it made her queasy. Her skin crawled with revulsion and she didn't know how on earth she was supposed to be that type of woman for him. It seemed completely out of her character, and indeed out of Rosemary's too.
Sarah now envied Rosemary for having escaped this fate, but she was sure that Rosemary would have been able to handle this situation far better than she was able to. Rosemary would no doubt have either escaped or found a way to wind Lord Flynn around her little finger, such was the seductive charm that Rosemary possessed. But Sarah was just a simple handmaiden, who knew little of these games the nobles played.
Sarah tried to not look too troubled by the thoughts careening through her mind, and she smiled at Catherine, hoping to give the impression that Catherine's words helped her a great deal. Sarah's stomach was in knots though, especially after breakfast when Catherine insisted that they go and try on the dress for the wedding, and to see where the wedding was going to take place.
Catherine led her outside to the gardens once again. This time they walked around the rear of the house, where the gardens opened up on acres of open fields. They stretched down, facing the south. Servants were already busy erecting a huge marquee and an arch, as well as placing chairs for all the guests. By the looks of it the people attending would number in the hundreds, which only made Sarah more anxious. Most of them were Harold's guests, for he was eager to show off his new wife. Lrod Brambly was the only person Sarah knew, and there was no guarantee that he was going to keep her secret.
In her mind she had an image of standing at the arch beside Lord Flynn, ready to take her vows and dedicate herself to this lie for the rest of her life when the truth came out. Perhaps Lord Brambly would reveal the truth. Perhaps it would be someone else, someone who had been acquainted with Rosemary. She could imagine Lord Flynn's face twisting in anger, then the fury sputtering out of him like smoke from a musket.
Everyone would gasp at the revelation. Everyone would ridicule her for ever pretending that she could be a noble's daughter. She was a mere handmaiden, the daughter to two people who had been killed in the war. Their deaths had meant nothing to the English lords, and neither would hers. Lord Flynn would have no hesitation in banishing her from his realm, in sending her to the dungeon, in hanging her for all to see. He'd probably dress it up as a warning for others to not look beyond their station.
Harold was a prideful man whose opinion of himself was directly tied into the opinion of others. The way he appeared to others was of the utmost importance to him, and by her own actions Sarah would smash the impressive image he had built for himself. He would soon be the man who had been taken in by a handmaiden, who had been unable to recognize an impostor when she was standing directly in front of him.
Seeing the preparations for the wedding being made before her eyes brought everything into a stark reality. Until then Sarah had been able to tell herself that the wedding was still some time away, that she still had more time to escape, but now she saw that her impending nuptials were imminent, and the time for her escape was dwindling.
“It's going to be so perfect. I do hope that some day I will be able to have a wedding like this. You are so fortunate, Rosemary. I know that my brother is not perhaps the ideal picture of a husband, but he is a good man and as long as you honor him he will cherish you and love you, and give you a good life. I do hope we are able to remain friends throughout life, Rosemary. I would like us to look back on these fond times when we have children of our own and think about how it all began for us.”
“I am sure one day you'll have everything you want,” Sarah said. “And I will never forget these days, of that I can assure you,” she added.
The two of them spent some more time looking at the scene of the wedding before Sarah turned her back away and walked towards the house again, leaving the view of the south behind.
“That is where my future lies, of that I am sure,” Catherine said, taking a few moments to linger where she was standing, gazing towards the horizon. “Father will want me to marry a southern lord to increase our standing. I do hope he chooses wisely.”
“Do you not wish that you had more say in your future?” Sarah asked as they made their way back to her chambers, where the dress was waiting for her.
“Don't we all, but Father knows best. I am sure that in time I will be happy with his choice. I suppose I will have no other choice,” Catherine said.
Sarah felt great pity for Catherine, and now understood something of what Rosemary had been trying to tell her when they had left for Lord Flynn's estate. This life was like a prison for noblewomen. They were unable to make any decisions for themselves, none that mattered anyway, and their lives were entirely in the hands of the men who saw themselves as superior to them. It was a saddening portent of her own future.
Sarah never thought that she would regret living the life of a noble.
Sarah looked in awe at the dress that had been chosen for her. It felt far too luxurious for her, and when she put it on she felt unworthy of wearing it. The plum-colored fabric was soft, and the jewels that were stitched into the dress sparkled as they caught the light that slipped into the room from the window. The dress fell down to her ankles, barely hovering an inch above the floor, and it narrowed at the top, clinging to her slender frame.
“Oh Rosemary, you do look a picture. I am quite envious myself because I do not think I shall ever look this beautiful,” Catherine said. Sarah blushed, and was sure that Catherine must have been lying. However, when Sarah walked over to gaze into a mirror she was amazed with what she saw. It was like looking at an entirely different person.
“You are going to make everyone stare at your wedding. All the women will envy you, and all the men will wish that they were in Harold's place. Oh yes, you will certainly have the attention of everyone upon you, and I do believe that seeing you in that dress will mend any enmity between you and Harold. He will not be able to resist bowing down to your glory while wearing that dress, and then, in the evening, you two can properly worship each other.”
As she said this Catherine arched an eyebrow. Rosemary blushed again, and did not understand how a dress could have such an effect. She tried to ignore thoughts about the wedding night though. That was another matter entirely.
She was swaying to and fro, turning this way and that to properly examine her figure in the mirror when the two girls heard frantic footsteps. The door was flung open.
“You two must come downstairs now. Lord Flynn has an important announcement,” a servant said.
Sarah gasped and exchanged a glance with Catherine. “I shall just slip out of this dress and be there presently,” Sarah said.
“There is no time!” the servant said, hurried and flustered.
“Whatever this announcement is, it must be important,” Catherine said. “It will be a shame that this dress will see its debut before the wedding, but I suppose it cannot be helped.”
“Indeed. I do not want to give your brother further cause to be angry with me,” Sarah replied, and it would take more than a few moments to extricate herself from the dress. So it was that she walked downstairs clad in the glamorous garment, feeling foolish as everyone looked at her, agog.
They reached the banquet hall to find a large gathering of people, many of whom Sarah recognized from the first night she arrived. They all turned to look at her. Lord Flynn was the last to turn, as he had been involved in a heated discussion with another man. When he looked at her his eyes fell and an amazed expression came over his face. His eyes were fixed on her as he made his way across the room and took her hand in his, bending down to touch the back of her palm with his lips.
“My lady, you are a vision of loveliness,” he said. Sarah curtsied in gratitude. Her feelings would have been greater had Lord Flynn not already proven himself to be a cruel and vicious man.
Still holding her hand, Lord Flynn turned to face the crowd and raised his voice as he addressed them.
“My lords, my ladies, thank you for coming here at such short notice. I hope you know that I would not have called you here unless there was a great need. As many of you are aware I have been sending patrols towards the north to keep an eye on those barbarians who have so plagued us over the years. While the focus of the King turns south to the threat from the French and the rest of Europe, I have taken it upon myself to guard the rear of England.
It would be just like those devious Highlanders to wait for us to be embroiled in another war to then strike when we are at our weakest, but I will not see this great country be taken advantage of like that! No, I remain vigilant, and thus I have been collecting reports of their activity. I even managed to capture one of the brutes recently, although he wasn't exactly talkative.
The reports I have received give disturbing news. Much movement has been detected, and I can only assume that they are preparing for war. Perhaps they have grown tired of waiting for us to begin a war with France, or they think they can defeat us anyway. They think they are going to take us unawares, but I know their plans, and we will meet them before they are ready! The call for war has been sounded and we must answer.”
At this Sarah's heart lifted. Surely if a war was imminent the wedding would have to be delayed. It would give her more time to escape, and although she was not a cruel person she also considered the possibility that there was a greater chance of Lord Flynn dying on the battlefield, which would free her of her oath. Yet just as soon as the thought struck her, Sarah was filled with guilt. Despite the desperation of her situation Sarah could never wish such a terrible fate on anyone, not even Lord Flynn. Moreover, if Lord Flynn was busy in war he would be less likely to discover her secret.
“I have long planned for the day when we would ride to war again to face these monstrous barbarians. It is with a heavy heart that I give this call to war though, and I did not call you all here lightly. We must stop these barbarians before they come to our lands and pillage our villages. They are a strong foe, but I know that we can be stronger. We shall drive them back into their lands and remind them of their rightful place. They are nothing but savages, and do not have a place in our civilized world.
But there is something else that weighs heavily on my mind,” he said somberly. “As you know I have been making arrangements to be married. Perhaps though...perhaps this is a sign from the heavens. Rosemary, you are wearing the dress intended for our wedding. Yes, we should get married before we ride!” he said.
Sarah's eyes widened with shock. Once she was married she would be guilty of lying about her identity in a legal proceeding. Lord Flynn would have every right to dissolve the marriage and any chance she had of having a normal life afterwards would vanish. She would be a pariah, and her name would be known in all the surrounding area. Besides that, the thought of being married to Lord Flynn was abhorrent. She would do anything she could to avoid that fate.
The crowd cheered though, and Harold was buoyant at such an idea.
“Harold,” Sarah whispered. It took a few moments until he deigned to look at her. A wide smile adorned his face.
“What is it, my dear?”
“Do you think this is the wisest course of action?”
“What could be better? It would show the Highlanders that we are not afraid of them, and that we are not willing to put our lives on hold!”
“I just mean that we would be rushing into something when all the preparations have not been made. There is still so much to do in order for us to have our perfect day together.”
“You women and your thoughts of perfect days,” he scoffed, “surely the important thing is that we're getting married. Everything else is mere spectacle. What a way to begin our lives together, a wedding and a war. It would create a grand story for us to tell our children,” he said, his eyes alive with the thought of this great drama unfolding between them.
Sarah anxiously tugged at her clothes, trying to think of anything that could avoid the two of them being married in this instant.
“It would, I am sure, but what about...what of my father!” she said, her voice squeaking a little as the words leaped from her mouth.
“What about him?” Harold asked, furrowing his brow.
“Well, I am his only daughter. He has so often spoken of his dreams to be at my wedding, to give me away and watch me get married on the happiest of occasions. I would love to marry you right now, of course, but I fear it would be doing a great disservice to my father. I think his heart would be broken if he knew that he missed my wedding.”
Lord Flynn took a breath. “Indeed. I believe in my haste I did not give enough thought to your father. It is only right that he should be at your wedding. But now that I have got the idea in my head I do not want to waste any more time. The Highlanders may think that they can disrupt our life, but I will see to it that we continue as normal. You shall come with my armies and we shall be married on the battlefield. We shall begin our lives together in war, and our joy will be our glory!” he said, his smile spreading wider across his face.
Sarah's dread only increased though. She tried to plead with Harold to change his mind, but already he had let go of her hand and had disappeared into the crowd, boasting to everyone about how he was going to get married in the middle of a war.
Many people came up to Sarah to congratulate her, but she was barely aware of them. Her mind was dizzy. She thought she would have been able to escape Lord Flynn when he was away at war, but now she was going to be even closer than ever! It didn't seem fair that she would have to suffer like this...especially not in war, where she would have to face the brutes that killed her parents. Her entire life felt as though it was a tragedy, and all she wanted was for the suffering to end.