CHAPTER 19
MACKENNA
My phone vibrated with a text and I looked down into my lap to read it.
Krista: Did you take any more pics of Hot Guy for me?
Smiling at her across the table, I rolled my eyes.
Me: No. Get your mind out of the gutter
The gutter is exactly where my mind went when I thought about what happened earlier today.
My first kiss with Jimmy. It was so different than anything I’d experienced before—so much better—that it almost felt like my first kiss ever.
When I got home after painting, I barely recognized the girl looking back at me in the mirror. Bright eyes, flushed cheeks, and swollen lips.
My body was covered in sage green smears and handprints left behind by Jimmy. I liked seeing the evidence of his hands on me. As I ran my fingers over the streaks on the side of my neck, I refused to think of the last time a man left his mark there. Because these marks were different. They were done with affection and gentleness. They were wanted.
Another text interrupted my daydreaming.
Krista: Are you staying the whole night?
“No phones at the dinner table, girls,” my dad cut in before taking a sip of his iced tea.
“Pookie started it,” I goaded, using the nickname I gave her when she was a little kid, which I knew for a fact she hated.
She let out a huff before taking a bite of her steak.
I changed her name in my phone to Pookie, then took a screen shot. Snickering, I sent it to her. Krista’s brown eyes glared at me.
“Phones,” Dad reminded with a wave of his fork.
“Ryan,” Mom said under her breath, shooting him a look. “Let the girls have their fun. It’s been a long time since Mackenna’s been home.”
Reluctantly he agreed, and Krista and I went back to having text wars under the table.
Me: Yep
Pookie: Squeeeee!
Me: What is that? Squeee??
Pookie: It means I’m excited, Butt Face
Me: Whatever you say, Pookie
She sent an angry-looking emoji and I snorted.
Pookie: Will you stay in my room tonight? Just like we used to?
Since my parents moved to the new house, I’d only spent one night here. They had a simple guest room set up for me with a twin-size bed. Krista and I were probably too old for sleepovers but I had to admit that sleeping on her queen mattress sounded better, even if she did steal the covers.
She was growing up too fast. The long light brown hair she used to tie into braids was now a shoulder-length bob. I still remembered the day she came home from the hospital, all tiny, pink, and bald. It was love at first sight. And when she got a little bigger, I used to carry her around and call her my sack of sugar.
Me: As long as we can braid each other’s hair and talk about boys
Pookie: Obviously
After dinner, Krista went outside with Dad to water the garden and I helped Mom rinse off the dishes.
She wasn’t going to take the news about Jaxon well.
Part of me wanted to keep it from her because I didn’t want her to worry. But years ago, I made a promise to myself and to my family that I would never let someone like Jaxon keep me silent ever again.
“Mom,” I started, passing her a plate. “Jaxon is out.”
Startled, she dropped the plate and it landed in the dishwasher with a loud clatter.
“What do you mean, he’s out? Out of jail?” she asked. Clearly horrified, her blue eyes held so much fear behind the thick fringe of her dark bangs.
Continuing to rinse out some cups, I nodded.
“He left a note at my house. I reported it to the police but I’m not sure how much they can do about it.” I glanced over to find an expression of pure fear on her face. “I’m not telling you this to scare you. I just wanted to let you know. Communication is important—”
“I’m glad you told me,” she cut in, placing her hand on my arm. “Really. Thank you for telling me.”
“I want to be honest with you. I’m scared,” I admitted. “According to public records he’s been out for almost a month, and I didn’t even know it.”
“Honey, if you want to move home you’re always welcome here.”
“You know I have the means to protect myself,” I told her, referring to the gun I owned. Then I added, “And I have nice neighbors. Maybe I could even get a dog.”
The gun wasn’t the only defense on my side—and I didn’t mean Jimmy either. While it was nice to have a big, strong guy looking out for me, I was capable of taking on an attacker. Not only was I trained in self-defense, but I’d also spent a lot of time practicing at the shooting range down in Tennessee.
Three years ago, I couldn’t hit a bullseye from five feet away. That wasn’t true anymore.
“We knew this was going to happen someday. It’s a little sooner than I expected, but I’ll be okay.” Handing my mom another plate, I gave her a reassuring smile.
She smiled back. “Something’s different.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know what’s changed, but it’s something. You just seem… alive,” she tried to explain.
“I am alive,” I said defensively.
“I know.” She sounded choked up, and I suspected she was about to cry. “Years ago, I lost my little girl. I don’t mean you simply grew up—I mean, something in you stopped existing when you dated that boy. You used to smile all the time. You loved life. And that all stopped when…”
Before she could get too emotional, I hugged her. “Mom, I’m still here.”
“You haven’t been the same since then,” she whispered shakily. “But something is different today. You look happy. I don’t know the reason for it, but whatever it is, I’m thankful.”
The last of the dirty silverware made it into the dishwasher. With a loving pat to my cheek, Mom tossed the dish towel over the side of the sink and left the kitchen.
I didn’t have to think very hard about what had changed. I’d always thought of myself as the type of girl who didn’t need a guy to be happy, and I still believed that was true.
But it wasn’t just any guy who’d made the difference.
It was Jimmy.