~Ten

“That catfish was good, Jade,” April complimented me as I wiped down the stove.

I turned and offered a humble grin. “Thanks. The only time I can get Ky to eat grits is with fish. He says catfish is his favorite, but when Mommy didn’t have it, he’d eat whiting; didn’t know it and didn’t complain.”

I caught Trent snickering, forking the last of his food, before I turned back for the sink.

“I can’t wait to get to this flower house. Sounds so nice from how you explained it.”

“Jade stay in that place,” Trent grumbled. “I made the mistake of running her over there and waiting in the truck one day.” April laughed. “Man, I was hot when she came out with a box of flowers.”

I realized over the past few days I enjoyed the sound of April’s cackle. It was spirited and filled the room.

“Yeah. I gots to see this place. These flowers Jade got around here are gorgeous. I can’t believe how long they last before dying!” April exclaimed.

I tossed my chin over my shoulder at the kitchen sink and winked at her. April had been taken by the fresh snowballs, zinnias, and other blooms I kept in her room and around the house. I told her about the young woman in Englewood, who owned her own flower shop that was more like a house, it was so massive in space. She even imported exotics and out-of-seasons. I tried making my way over there weekly for fresh cuts for the house. It relaxed me, walking the shop and viewing her selections. And her outdoor garden in the back was gorgeous. I suggested April take a trip there for a retreat.

“You’ll enjoy it. I already placed my order online for this week. She’ll have it ready when you leave. Take a cup of coffee. Take pix on your phone,” I suggested. “I’m kind of jealous. I wish I was headed over there this morning instead of what’s on my agenda.” I smiled and somehow locked eyes with a perceptive Trenton at the table.

His expression dropped as I turned back for the sink to wring out the dishrag.

“I’m ready!” Kyree flew into the kitchen with his coat and book bag on.

“Come here, pumpkin pie.” I dried my hands on a towel and turned for him. “Let me fix your collar and zip your coat.”

I knelt to right him.

“You ready, big guy?” Kyree playfully asked Trent.

I froze, my face still to Ky’s chest. Within a few seconds, I turned toward Trent, whose glass was inches away from his mouth as he sat steeled, too.

“Lil boy, who you calling big?” April screeched, finding that reference humorous.

Ky smiled and shrugged. “He hates that name. That’s what Mommy calls him.”

“Ah—oh.” April’s guffawing halted when revelation hit. Her eyes ballooned. “Ohh!” She turned to Trent, whose regard was stapled onto Ky and me. “I see why he hates when you say it.” She stood from the table. “Later on, we’ll find a better name for him that’ll tease him even more. Let Mommy keep that one all to herself. Deal?”

Ky giggled. “It’s a deal.”

My child had no idea of the significance of the name, but could sense it was something he wasn’t welcome to.

“C’mon, Ky.” Trent stood, too, bringing his plate to the sink. “Jordan’s probably ready. Let’s get crackin’.”

While at his level, I embraced Ky tightly, bestowed a lingering kiss on his soft cheek. A dramatic moan followed.

“You know I love you with my first because you are, my love. Right?” I was sure Ky could see the betraying twinkle in my eyes. He was the cause of it. This little guy melted my heart.

This morning felt different. I felt raw. So much could change between now and when he returned home from school.

“Mmhmm.” He nodded. “You love me because I’m your only, too.”

I smiled with a heavy heart. That would’ve been my second line to him.

As a child of a mother who dangled the carrot of satisfaction over my head, I never wanted Kyree to forget I loved him. I showered him with emotional and physical affirmation. Lately, I’d been second-guessing my stamina in doing that. Since moving in with Trent and completely falling for him, I had to share my affection with someone else. In fact, my object of reciprocated affection had changed. Instead of pulling on Kyree for adoration, I’d been getting it from Trent.

A passing chat with Pastor Carmichael one afternoon when I dropped by the business wing of the church to pick up Lex for lunch cleared it up for me. He mentioned how single mothers of boys inappropriately place their sons in the role of a lover or man of the house. How these mothers, emotionally, expect kings when they should be raising their sons for the role of it. He said what they’re doing instead is raising inept and confused men. 

“It’s important to raise a child with both mother and father—and preferably in the same home—for mental and emotional development. It’s key for balance, as well. Note how many mothers effeminize their sons unintentionally by dressing them in skinny jeans and disciplining them with too many words rather than actions. An attending father balances that. Parenting is one of the most daunting jobs. All mothers and fathers need regular reprieve by having the other parent tend to them emotionally and physically and to take over the task of discipline.”

As I gazed into Ky’s beautiful brown eyes while he bounced impatiently on his toes, I wondered if balance was this delicate with just him, how could I possibly absorb another child?

I stood. “Okay, baby. You go and make today a success. Okay?”

“Yup!” He agreed before taking off toward Trent, waiting by the entryway to the hall.

Ky bolted down the hall to the garage and Trent slowly turned to follow, his ruminative eyes on me. I snatched mine away at the sense of April’s movements near me.

“I’m out, too.” She placed her plate on the counter, near the sink. “I’m gonna take your advice and pick up a cup of coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts on the way. See ya later.”

I waved her off, happy to see her excited. Moving quickly, I knew I had to finish with the chicken soup I was up early preparing for dinner, and settle the kitchen before my conference call with Ase Garb. One of the guest bedrooms here on the main floor where Trent’s security would be staying needed to be cleared out when that was done. All of this before my GYN appointment this morning.

As I was cutting up herbs, my cell rang on the island countertop behind me. Wiping my hands, I stepped backwards, curious about the call. My lungs filled at the sight of my mother’s name on the face.

Should I ignore it?

My first instinct was to. I’d had enough on my plate this morning and couldn’t afford to lose my cool before a business call. But then something deep inside—something needy—wanted to cry out to her. To lay out at her feet my dilemma and receive comfort. Without coordination, my hand went for my phone.

“He—” the phone fumbled in my hand, I was so desperate not to miss the call, waiting too long to answer. “Hello!”

“Hi, Jade!”

My shoulders dropped in disappointment, and suddenly I felt foolish for allowing myself that fantasy.

“Ginger?”

“Yeah. Cutie pie Ky left his Kindle Fire here back in February. At first, I was counting down the hours before he had you call and come for it.” Ginger, my parents’ housekeeper, was not much older than my mother. She was made a widower young and most of her family was either in Minneapolis or back home in Romania. She was kind and endearing, so much that I never understood how she got along with my mother for fifteen plus years. “So, your Mom asked me to call and follow up with you. I’m hoping it’ll be soon. He’s the best cookie inspector before they reach Mr. McDowell.”

The muscles in my face struggled to form a smile. I could only imagine how well Ginger and Kyree got along. She often acted as a buffer during my teenaged years when I fought with my mother more than I did catty schoolmates.

“He asked about it over the weekend. I’ll see if Trent can swing by and pick it up this week.”

“Doesn’t he have a birthday nearing?” She scoffed. “Certainly Mrs. McDowell can hand it off with his gift.”

She remembered. Ginger was always good at that. I bent over the island and rested my elbows on it.

“Ummmm…” I licked my lips, eyes scanning the ceiling for the right words. “He’s having a party here at the house on Saturday, Ginger.”

“Should I prepare a cake or goodie bags? I came across this fun Lemon Vanilla Cookie Krispie Treats recipe that could prove to be successful…” she pushed.

First, a snort slipped my nose, a smile followed until tears raised, and I swallowed them back.

“I don’t think she’s going to make the party. Don’t worry: I have enough of your recipes to give those kids a sugar rush.”

I tried laughing to brush over that first ugly fact.

“Not again, Ms. Jade!” She gasped. I could envision her eyes growing. “I had a hunch something was going on. Each time I mention Kyree her eyes immediately light up then go dark, and it’s like her shoulders drop.”

Similar to how it was explained she reacted after my pregnancy. 

“Yeah. Well, you can write a tell-all about our never-ending bouts.”

“I was hoping a new day was in order, dear.” The sadness in her voice was palpable.

“So did I.” I sighed, leaning my forehead on the back of my hand. “But, hey, at least Ky got to know a loving side of his grandma. Right?” A wry smile spread on my face.

“I’m hoping this isn’t the end. You two just came back to each other, something I’d lost hope for after the second year.”

My eyes squeezed from the pain of the picture she just painted. How does one go so long without speaking to their healthy, able-bodied mother or daughter?

My phone vibrated from a text in my ear. I put Ginger on speaker while I peeked.

+1(973)555-5666: Yo pull up tonite wit ky. I got something for him tell him to bring clothes to stay the nite

I shuddered.

Stay the night where?

My reaction to that command was so fixed, it hardly registered that another text had come through from LaShawn.

“Did you hear me, Ms. Jade?”

My lashes fluttered. “Oh. Uhhh…” I pinched the bridge of my nose between my eyes. “A text popped up on my phone. What was that?”

“I said, I’m hopeful things will be different this time. Mrs. McDowell is absolutely smitten with Kyree. She brags about him like nothing I’ve ever seen!” I could hear the wonder in her words.

Yeah. Definitely not like her own daughter…

“We’ll see, Ginger. We’ll see.” I stood from the counter, shifting all my weight to my feet. “Listen, I’ll talk to Trent about picking up the Kindle Fire and arrange it with you. Okay?”

“Okay, dear. Give my best hug to Kyree.”

“Will do.” I smiled genuinely before disconnecting the call.

My phone buzzed again.

Shawnie: Mufukas always talk shit they don’t know!

That incendiary remark reminded me to go to her original text. I tapped away to find a link to Instagram. There was a post from Spilling That Hot Tea blog of Trent with Pastor Carmichael in front of DiFillippo’s here in Jersey. He was hugging a woman and smiling during the embrace. It was Lex. They met for lunch this week, but I didn’t know Lex was there. She looked like a Nubian goddess with dark chocolate fingers with nails dipped in a soft white polish. The attention grabber was that robust radiant cut engagement solitaire that had to be over three carats as she cupped Trent’s shoulder. The brown rust hued long coat she wore reached her heeled boots and looked great against her voluminous black afro falling freely over her shoulders and near Trent’s face as they enfolded.

Lex once told me how Pastor Carmichael craved DiFillippo’s when she was pregnant with Lisa-Mare. That memory led me to wonder if they’d told Trent about the pregnancy. I’d been so preoccupied lately, I’d forgotten to mention it to him. It was probably best for them to deliver the news. It wasn’t mine to tell, seeing Lex wasn’t thrilled about it.

The comments of the post had already been in the thousands. Like the glutton I am, I clicked to read them.

“Two fine ass bearded men. I’ll fuck em both!”

“Are they brothers?”

“TB part of that beard gang. My fuckin’ gawd!”

“I hope that chick he hugging is the replacement for that gold digger.”

“That’s his new chick? Damn! Wasn’t he just engaged to the hazel-eyed hoe?”

“TB stay with dime pieces!”

“Can I get one?”

“I knew he was gonna get tired of old girl. #DumbAssTrick”

“#byejade go trick the next baller! leave trent alone!”

“Did old girl give the ring back?”

“TB came to his senses and dropped the thirsty cocksucker.”

“That can’t be her real hair!”

“Jordan hooked him up with one of his stripper broads. Ha!”

I tossed the phone on the island. Taking a deep breath, I rubbed my face, remembering I didn’t put on makeup yet.

“It’s his first lady, dumb twads!” I groaned in my palms.

It was now clear why Lashawn was upset. People commented freely on information they had no privy to. Trent told me to unfollow all the gossip blogs last year after the pictures of us on the yacht got out. I didn’t think that would allow me an escape. Even AJ Calloway reported about it on Extra! I did unfollow the blogs, but couldn’t help peeking in every now and then. And on occasion, Lashawn would send me things like this. The general consensus of Trent Bailey fans was that I was a gold-digging whore, who didn’t deserve their redeemed champion. I knew it shouldn’t, but it hurt. When I met him and learned about his fall from grace, I used to say it was Trent and me against the world. Lately, I’d been feeling it was me against his world.

Traveling back across to the counter, I decided I had to push that out of my head. I wouldn’t even respond to Lashawn yet.

Elle: The intern is telling me about a Trenton Jackson commenting on FB posts asking you to check your inbox. She said she can see you’ve been seeing his messages and she doesn’t know what to do. Should we block him? She’s not allowed to check inboxes or block without approval. I didn’t want to give the green light considering his name.

I took a deep breath and backed out of that text thread, going into another. The sound of a cough had my head lifting from my phone. Across the exam room, the doctor was typing at the computer all the information Jade had to fill out once we got here. We were waiting on her to finish up in the bathroom.

+1(310)555-8427: What the absolute fuck? How long are we going to do this? You can’t do a 5 min convo?

  I felt my nose go wide as I deleted it. Then I moved on to text April. I hadn’t heard much about my moms since she was discharged from the hospital last week. My little cousin, Kendal, posted a picture in front of an emergency room about checking in on his sick auntie. I had a feeling it was my moms he was referring to.

Me: Yo April. Whats good with mom dukes?

The door cracked open, snatching my attention. Jade tried managing with her clothes in one hand and a small plastic cup covered with a napkin in the other. She wore a gown and socks as she walked out wobbling, trying to cover her backside. I jumped to my feet, grabbing her clothes, and she took the cup over to the doctor.

“Okay.” He acknowledged her, taking the urine. I watched his every move with it, knowing what it would be used for. “My nurse here will take your blood work and I just plugged in your vitals and other pertinent information.” He tossed a strip into the clear cup and rolled on the stool like a pro over to the table where Jade climbed onto, handing the nurse a printout. “Let’s get your legs up here. Scoot down so you’re not nice and comfy.” His humor was whack as he nodded to a nurse, who had her tray set up to take blood.

My attention was on Jade’s spread thighs.

Why her legs gotta be in there?

I tossed Jade that question with my eyes, but she didn’t catch it. Her attention was on the nurse, who told her in the lowest tone she was about to take her blood then smiled. Jade nodded with blinking eyes that shifted to focus below at something invisible, it seemed.

The doctor rolled back to the counter where the computer was. I don’t know what I was expecting next. Maybe to see what he was going to do with her legs in the metal holders with her goodness spread eagle to him? But no.

He went back to the counter, peeped the cup, and hummed, “Mmmhmmm.”

‘Mmmmhmmm’ what?

I wanted to ask as he pushed his feet against the floor to wheel back to my wife’s open legs. “Positive,” he spoke low without a smile.

“Oh!” The nurse piped out. “It’s positive, Ms. Matthews! Did you hear?”

Jade’s eyes blew up. “Huhn—no. What was that?”

I don’t know what I hated more: the fact that she missed she was having a baby or hearing her referred to as Ms. Matthews. She was not Ms. Matthews. She was Mrs. Bailey and I wanted the doctor and his nurse to know that. But of course, that wasn’t possible yet because our marriage was still on the low. The low that was about to blow because she was, true indeed, having a baby. My baby.

The doc brought a metal clamp between her legs. “I’m going to move forward with the pap smear and cervical cultures,” the doctor shared as he pushed his hand—or something—inside her.

My eyes flew to Jade and caught hers closing as she took a deep breath. I couldn’t see what he was doing from my angle, but could tell by her facial expression, they were “in touch.” 

“Okay,” she answered without breathing. “How far along?” Her eyes opened to the ceiling.

“Based on the first day of your last full cycle…” he stalled, looking like he was reaching inside of her. Dawg, how deep are you? I knew them walls—every inch—and never got lost inside! “…I would say about sixteen weeks.” His eyes were to the wall as he kept reaching. Feeling. Then he pulled out. Pulled out. “Yup. About the size of an avocado. You’re just into the second trimester, sweetheart.”

“Second trimester…” Jade breathed, eyes to the ceiling, blinking hard.

What is a trimester exactly?

I didn’t ask. Couldn’t find my voice.

The nurse had taken her blood and was wrapping her up with a band aid. She tapped Jade’s arm and smiled. 

“We’re going to do an ultrasound to see what’s going on with the little tyke in there.” He waved on a cart the nurse was wheeling over. “Do Mommy and Daddy want to know if they’re having a quarterback or a cheerleader?” he asked with dry humor.

By the time my eyes shot over to Jade, hers were already on me. Her closed mouth twitching and eyes blinking, but on me this time.

She swallowed. “That’s entirely up to you.”

Her tone was so…formal. Professional. And her eyes didn’t stay on me long. They moved back to the ceiling.

I nodded to the doc, who locked eyes with me. He had some type of stick attached to a wire in his hand. After nodding to me, he rolled it over the gel on Jade’s flat stomach.

“So, no morning sickness, change in eating, fatigue, or moodiness this time around?” he asked Jade as he watched the screen that was full of brown cloudy shadows.

“No.” Jade’s answer was short and fast. “Nothing.”

“You were lucky to go so long without any symptoms,” his voice was low. It was like he was making small talk while concentrating on navigating the stick over her. “Just a spike in weight. Was it like this your first pregnancy?”

“No,” her voice cracked and my head flew to her face.

She wasn’t crying, but she swallowed hard. Jade’s expression was empty. She just stared up to the ceiling. My line of sight followed her to a small vent over the exam table. But nothing attention-worthy. Then I found my way back to the monitor and—

My God…

Tiny feet. Two… With five toes a piece.

What the fuc—

Then there were legs, a butt, hands, arms, and a head. I felt my body shake as I looked back to Jade. She wasn’t with me. Her eyes were on their favorite spot in the room. The ceiling vent.

There was a whole damn baby inside my lady. A whole goddamn baby!

My baby…

“Ut!” the doctor spit out.

“Oh!” the nurse followed him.

“You ready to know who will continue your legacy, Mr. Bailey?”

No doubt, people reduce you to your occupation when you’re a public figure.

I couldn’t speak, just nodded.

He moved the stick again over Jade’s belly and I caught her torso jumping a little. She was uncomfortable. My eyes shot all over, trying to keep up with all that was going down.

“Hereeee we go,” he sang, concentrating. “A little lady. You see?” His head flipped back to face me. I had no idea what I was looking at. “Here are the little thighs and at the apex are the genitals.” He waited for my response.

“I don’t see anything.”

“Because that’s your girl.” He winked and smiled for the first time.

I squinted, trying to see what a baby girl looked like. My baby girl.

Shit. I can make babies?

“Congratulations, Mr. Bailey!” the nurse cheered. “Ms. Matthew!” she added, holding Jade’s hand.

My lady may have managed a fake smile, but her eyes never left the ceiling. And that’s when a familiar feeling washed over me. A mother not excited about something important to me.

That’s not how she looks at Kyree…

Hell, it wasn’t even how she looked at me since I admitted to having feelings for her. And I understood. I got it. I fucked up. Jade didn’t want kids at this point in the game. She felt she had something to prove to the world. I didn’t agree, but got how I made this happen.

God, what have I done?

Was I overreacting about Jade’s temporary disappointment? Should I just eat her attitude and wait for her to bounce back in a couple of hours? Jade was tough, had faced harsher circumstances than this. She was good. I would take care of her and the baby. She knew that.

I wasn’t expecting to be a father, but I’m good on it.

As the doctor talked to Jade about prescriptions and upcoming appointments, I faded to the back and tried to shrink myself so she could breathe easy. I was used to doing that when necessary. I even ignored when we were about to leave and Jade was back in her clothes, holding paperwork they gave her while waiting on the nurse to come back with her prescriptions, and she studied the pamphlet with the words Unplanned Pregnancy? You Have Options.

Time. Jade just needed a little more time.

Any minute now. She’ll snap out of it…

As I heard the garage close behind me and walked into the side of the house, by the coat room, I asked, “You want me to go pick up the prescriptions later?”

Jade kept moving, taking off and hanging up her coat on the rack. “No thanks. I need to go back out later anyway. Your order is ready for pick up at Neiman’s, I need to pick up something for Ky’s presentation tomorrow, and his father wants him to stop by. Then I need to hit up Target to get the linens for the guestroom down here.”

She didn’t look at me while she moved, starting down the hall to the kitchen. After hanging up my bubble vest, I followed her. Watched her. She looked the same. Not pregnant. Her booty jiggled the same pace and her hips swinging was the same. She brushed the back of her neck, and I noticed the white nail polish nicely done. Physically, nothing was different. She was good. Still had time to adjust.

I yanked my beard, thinking.

“Hey, April.” Jade tossed her a smile while going in the opposite direction to the counter, checking the crockpot.

“Wait till ya get a load of this!” April spoke to the laptop at the island. “I just got off the phone with my sister, Lucy. She asking if Trent broke up with his girlfriend. I said, ‘Lucy, that man engaged to her. Ain’t no breaking up!’ She told me to go to this website where they got pictures of Trent posing with some cute girl with a big afro.” She turned the laptop toward us, although we were across the room. “Who that girl with the fake hair?”

Jade looked quickly, walking over to the sink to wash her hands. I squinted at the screen.

“Oh.” I chuckled, moving to the fridge for a snack. “That’s my pastor’s wife. And I think that’s all her up top. You ain’t recognize him in that pic?”

I couldn’t believe they got a shot of that. People make stupid shit out of nothing.

“Oh. I ain’t recognize him.” April’s forehead wrinkled as she studied the pictures again. “I ‘on’t know how I missed that beard. It’s almost like yours. I still can’t believe you grew it back out.” I laughed, now eating out of the big bowl of fresh fruit Jade cut up for me. “Anyway, did you read the headline?” she yelled. “Gold-digger’s Day’s Done! What the hell?”

I laughed, forgetting how dramatic April could be. She was such a soilder at Shank’s side, I was used to her calm and toughness. Now, she acted like she wanted to fight somebody. That CMD was coming out.  

“Don’t pay that no mind,” I spoke with a mouthful. “They post anything for clicks. I bet a lot of people don’t even comment on that website.” I shook my head, going back to the bowl for more.

At least the blog, Spilling That Hot Tea, tried digging for the truth and most times got close to it instead of posting bull. 

“Yeah.” April huffed. “Like this fool gonna say right here, ‘Good thing he made his exit before the “accidental” pregnancy came’! Can you believe that?”

A clash rang around the kitchen from across the room.

“You good, yo?” I didn’t see anything out of place.

Jade’s back was to us and her hands were gripping onto the countertop, shoulders shaking.

What the…

“Jade, what’s wrong, baby?” April asked.

She swung around, towing a big closed mouth smile. One I could tell right away wasn’t real. Jade’s arms shot into the air and dropped back down, slapping her thighs.

“The accidental baby’s here!” The fake smile dropped.

In a millisecond, I saw the red in her eyes. Then her face spasmed. Next came a rush of tears and she howled a cry. Her hands slapped her mouth, not wanting it to spill. Her shoulders shook and eyes closed tightly. She was losing the battle of keeping the cry in. I’d never heard her wail like this. Something jerked in my damn belly.

Jade had broken down.

Automatically, I jumped to get to her. Her eyes went wild, hands shot in the air and palms opened up.

“No!” I froze. “I’m fa-ine!”

The tears wouldn’t slow. The wails wouldn’t stop if she wanted them to. And I could tell she wanted them to.

“Jade, baby,” April’s tone was a world away different from a few seconds ago, but she kept her distance.

We both did.

Jade shook her head, turned for the entryway, and jetted out the kitchen. I stood frozen, not knowing what to do. Then my legs moved to do what was natural. I tried going after her. I needed her to do this with me.

“Ut-uhn!” April shouted behind me. “Not right now. Give her a minute, baby.”

I stopped in my tracks, inches away from the door my wife just shot through. My gut told me to listen to April. She was a woman. Plus, I had seen her boss up enough to believe she knew what she was talking about. Out of nowhere, I realized I was out of breath. My jaw grinding and nose stretched. My hands went to my waist, but I didn’t move away from the doorway.

“Come back, Trent. Not right now.”

My phone vibrated in pocket. Not thinking, I went to snatch it out.

+1(310)555-8427: Trent please!

My head swung back. “FUCK!”

“Come on, honey. Just sit for a second. Just a few seconds.” I swung around and faced my aunt, flexing. Slowly, I walked over to the island and sat on a stool. April dropped her head into her hands, taking a deep breath. Then she looked up, across the room. “She know for sure?”

I nodded, a million and twenty things running across my mind. “Just came from the doctor’s.”

“How far along?”

I deleted the text then tossed the phone back into my pocket. “Sixteen weeks,” I mumbled. “Not that I know what the hell that means.”

“Well, damn! She in her second trimester?” It was more of a statement.

I turned to look at her. “What exactly does that mean?”

“It means she approaching the middle of her pregnancy.” My face wrinkled, confused. “A normal pregnancy is forty weeks. They break up the weeks into three trimesters. She at the beginning of the second one.”

“We had this thing going on for sixteen weeks?”

“She ain’t have no symptoms?”

I shook my head. “The doc asked the same thing. She been complaining about gaining weight, but I thought…” I shrugged. “I ‘on’t know.”

“Not everybody have signs. Poor Jade seem like one in that small number. Probably thought the weight came from fixing all this good food.” She tossed her chin to the crockpot Jade was looking inside of when the shit blew up. “She probably thought it was happy weight.” April slapped her hip. “I had years with it.”

I had no idea what that meant. “A little girl,” I could barely get out.

April sucked in a breath. Her eyes turned dreamy. “A baby girl! Get outta town. Jade’ll do well by a girl. Don’t worry. In no time, all her attention’s gonna be on getting ready for her.”

“Public opinion,” I groaned, rubbing my face with my palms. “She’s fixed on that. I mean… I get it, but I been in the game for a minute: I’m used to people spewing bullshit. She gotta shake that.” I scratched the back of my head.

“Well,” her voice was low. “That ain’t easy when your man is larger than life.” She smiled at the countertop. “Your uncle may not’ve been a big athlete, known around the world, but he was the man in Camden. You know.” She pointed with her forehead, giggling. “Everybody wanted that Shank. And I was a tiny ole thing; just a few pounds more than Jade is now. People thought I only wanted Shank’s money. I was young, pretty, and had that body, honey. Whew!”

“Yeah, but you ain’t let them fade you, April.”

“You think they didn’t? Shiiiiit. People’ll say I stayed with him through all that cheating for the money. Ain’t no amount of money can replace loyalty. I stayed because I loved him. He loved me. Then when it came out that he was sick! Oooooh-weeeee!” she sang. “The rumors turned into me getting his disability.”

“Shank ain’t get disability. He ain’t never pay into it.”

She snapped her neck, being sassy. “We know that.” Her two fingers flying between the two of us. “They didn’t. Shank saved a lot in his youth. That’s where you get it from. He had life insurance, too. He was smart and we was comfortable. I’m still good. But it wasn’t easy living in our bubble with all them bitter people flinging them rumors.”

I never thought about that. Shank kept a fan club, even after he stopped working. He was a legend. Still is.

“You was good to him, April. The best for him. Ain’t no disputing that. You was a rider.” My forehead stretched, as I felt every word I spoke.

“And Jade is one, too.” Her eyes skirted around the kitchen. “I see her around here. The sacrifices she make every day.”

“Word up.” She didn’t lie.

“Jade don’t want to keep you from shining. She only wanna polish you. She put you and her son on the same level: only two people she go to bat for. Told me so herself. And I been watching. Everything is about you around here. She turned your castle into a kingdom. That was what I tried to do for Shank. I ain’t care it was temporary. He was a good man and needed to live out the rest of his days like a king. Ain’t nothing more matter. But…” She sat up straight in her seat. “I only had Camden and a few surrounding towns to fight against. Jade got the whole world: everybody who rooting for you, and the ones that ain’t. Those little shoulders and hips want to be around to shield you, not bounce a baby on.”

“You think she shouldn’t keep it?” I felt betrayed.

“You kidding? Trent, I ain’t got no kids! I’m depending on you to make me a grandma. I’m just glad it’s gone be with a woman that look and cook like me.” She winked. 

A baby. Sixteen weeks. There’s a baby in there…

I couldn’t shake that.

“Oh!” April had my head snapping toward her. “Brenda!” I’d forgotten about the text I sent her, asking about my mother. “She got admitted again this week. Trick told me.”

I stood from the table, grabbing my phone to call Tyheem.

“Where you going?”

“You said to give Jade some time. I’m going to check on my moms.”

“Trent.” She called me midway to the doorway. “I ain’t a mother, so I’ll never speak against one. But Brenda got some shit with her that ain’t never been good to you.” Her eyes circled around the room. “You gotta family going on here. They love you like crazy. Don’t forget that when she be on her shit.” She took a deep breath, pulling the laptop to her. “I’m too old to be slappin’ the shit outta her. But that Jade…” Her forehead stretched and she nodded.

“I’m sorry, man. She been off today. Hate that you had to come all this way for nothing.” I turned in the hallway, hands in my pockets, trying to calm myself. “I really am, man.”

I faced him again. “Aye, yo—what’s your name again?”

“Watts,” he nodded while speaking. “Watts Brown.”

“Watts, I take it you’re her man. I gots no problem with you. It would be nice if family could at least call with the heads up. I’m always the last to know.”

“Brenda’s a good friend of mine. I don’t mind being here for her. I’m sorry this our first time officially meeting.” I saw the admiration in my mother’s boyfriend’s eyes.

He was happy to speak to Trent Bailey of the NFL. The last time we saw each other, he was probably too intimidated to come up and say anything. He was smart. Now, after sitting in the waiting room at Cooper Hospital for over thirty minutes again, he was the one to come and apologize after I sent a nurse in there to tell her I was here.

“S’all good, homie.” I turned again, trying to decide what to do. April tried to warn me about this.

“I guess ‘cause all this with her health going crazy came outta nowhere. Know what I’m saying?”

“Nah. I don’t. Nobody tells me nothing. Nothing—”

“Go ‘head with the bullshit,” someone grumbled behind me.

I turned then bounced my head, begging his pardon. His boys walked inside the waiting room a few feet away.

“Pardon me?” Trick walked closer to get to my moms’ room.

“I said stop fuckin’ whining.” He stopped and threw me hard eyes, face tight. “Ain’t none of us got no control over Brenda. She do what the fuck she wanna do. You know that.”

I shook my head. “Nah. Like I told Watts here: I ‘on’t know nothing because nobody tells me nothing. I gotta find out my earth’s in the damn hospital room on social media!”

“And that’s our fault out here?” he referred to him and Watts.

I took a deep breath, even chuckled to try to shake off the heat vibrating off of me.

“Look, man.” My shoulders rolled and head cocked to the side. “If I ain’t addressing you, you ain’t gotta speak at all.”

Trick posted up by putting one foot in front of the other, stepping closer. “Somebody gotta speak to shut ya bitching up.”

“Word? You flexin’ because I feel somebody should let me know about my moms? How would you like if grams was in the hospital and people came through except you because nobody told you?”

In my peripheral, I could see Snot-Snot coming out into the hall. Tyheem was on his ass.

“But you found out, though! I made sure.”

“Nah. Fuck, we lyin’ now?” My face balled. Trick ain’t tell me nothing. “April told me!”

“Nigga, why you think I told her?” Trick’s chin was in the air, his nostrils wide, eyes wide.

I knew this stance. Trick and I grew up as brothers instead of the uncle/nephew relationship we were born to. We fought together and each other. Heated debates ending with hands was easy to fall into.

At this point, knowing where this was leading, I was with it. I’d already had a bullshit day, eating Trick’s shit wasn’t going down. I was past logic. It was all bravado and emotion now.

“Fuck outta here.” My face balled again. “You musta forgot to tell her the first time, because she ain’t the one who told me.”

Trick stepped closer, chin even higher, lips hiked to show his missing tooth. “Who the fuck you think had Snot-Snot call, bitch? Snot-Snot, dumb ass?”

I wasn’t listening. Past the point of thinking.

I straightened, pulling my pants up. “You got one more time to call me a bitch and I’mma split ya shit. Fuck with me!”

“What?” Trick came charging and I knuckled up, ready to catch him.

Before we could meet, Trick was snatched up and Snot-Snot jumped in front of me.

“Yo, chill, Trent! We in the hospital, homie. Ya moms in there mad sick, yo!” he tried.

I saw past him, shooting daggers at Trick, wiggling in Tyheem’s hold.

“Nah,” I shouted. “Let his tough ass go. I’mma body him in front of his boys!”

“Yo, Trent, man!” Snot-Snot begged.

I saw his ass wasn’t slick with it tonight. Snot-Snot was the one that testified against me in my trial, cutting a deal with the FEDs. I had one for his bitch ass, too.

“Excuse me! This is a hospital!” Some stiffy voice called, trying over our hyped voices. “Either you all leave or security will remove you. And by removal, I mean calling the cops!” The pudgy woman stood with her fists on her hips.

Something in my spirit was nipped. Not stopping to analyze it, I took to anger instead.

“Yeah. That’s right! Take ya bitch, crying ass on to ya million-dollar life! We don’t do suckas down in the CMD,” Trick kept yelling behind my back, as I took off for the elevator. “Hah-haha!” he laughed, mockingly. “Look at you. Ya moms don’t want you around. Like how that feels, bitch? Shank ain’t here no more. My sister got me, and you ain’t got shit but that million-dollar life, nigga. Fuck outta here!”

I wanted to turn around and beat the living shit out of him. That was nothing for me. Not only did I hear every taunting word, I felt each syllable. But here was the line I couldn’t cross. A minute or two earlier, I was ready to split his skull, but between that lady speaking up and the Holy Spirit beginning to rebuke me, I settled on walking away.

We left Camden before the cops were called. The ride home was quiet as I went over everything that went down there.

It’s been Trick keeping me posted?

Why hadn’t I put it together about Snot-Snot? I guess I thought one of my aunts or cousins gave him my number. They all had the new one. And the biggest question was why didn’t my mother want me to see her. We had no beef. She couldn’t have been holding Jade questioning her about the Christmas gifts against me. Her curving me brought pain I was familiar with, but maybe had the stamina to deal with recently, because it had been so long since I tried connecting with her. What had I ever done to her?

Why she ‘on’t love me?

That’s when my flesh leaned to pity. I moped inside the house after chucking the deuces to Tyheem. The kitchen was empty and clean, my food, I was sure, was in the platewarming part of the oven. I wasn’t with it. Had no appetite. I needed to get upstairs to my bed.

I heard the television going when I passed April’s closed bedroom door. Ky’s was cracked with the light out. I was sure he was nodded. Down the long hall both doors were closed. Inside, the lights were off. Not even the recess lights were on. I lay my gold chain on top of the chest of drawers and stripped down to my boxers.

In the shower, echoes of my reality bounced off the walls.

“Look at you. Ya moms don’t want you around.”

“Shank ain’t here no more.”

“My sister got me, and you ain’t got shit but that million-dollar life, nigga.”

Truth hurt like a motherfucker.

I moved in the shower as fast as I could then dried myself, avoiding looking in the mirror. Naked, I walked into the suite to grab boxers. My chest hurt with each step I took. When I made it to the bed, I couldn’t find her at first. Not because she was hiding. Because she was in an unusual spot: her side of the bed.

Jade was still in her feelings. I didn’t care about that setback. I needed her now.

I disappeared underneath the comforter and crawled my way over to her. Jade liked sleeping on her back, making it easy to reach her pussy. Her one leg lay flat and the other on its side. I kissed my way up her smooth thighs until I felt her stir. She turned her weight on the opposite hip, still sleep. I made my way to the top of her thighs, my dick growing at the scent of her. The little silk shorts she wore were loose. My mouth was on her in no time.

I started with the tip of my tongue on her clit. She stirred again. My mouth salivated as I beat the pearl, feeling it swell. She moaned and tried switching her weight again. That’s when I widened my tongue and brushed it through her labia, the tip pushing into her clit before I did it again. I started at the bottom, between her ass cheeks and rolled my neck up to swipe every inch between her soft lips.

“Mmmmm…” she breathed.

Jade’s hips rolled around my ears. I could tell her spine was curling. My mouth went to work, focusing back on her nub now that I woke her up. I made sure to give the slurping sound that I did every now and then. Jade loved that shit. I lifted her by her cheeks into my face.

“Oooooh…”

She grabbed the back of head, pulling me closer. My moms may have had a beef with me all my life. Jade may feel some kind of way because of the news earlier. But in a moment where I felt I had no control and no love, I knew I could come here—here—drive her crazy and have her need me. And not just sexually. Jade made me feel invincible. She made me feel whole.

So, yeah. I was mad as hell and hurt like a motherfucker, taking it out on her pussy. But I did it because I knew I could. I knew, even in my weakness, she’d want me. So, I flung my tongue until evidence of her need smeared on my face, her pussy vibrated against my mouth, her throat pushed out helpless moans, and her entire body shook over the mattress. My satisfaction was on its way.

“Trentiiiin…”

And there it was.

When she was done, I moved up the bed, roughly pulled her into my chest, wrapped my arm around her belly. I didn’t even want to clean my face. I’d sleep with it stained. I knew the scent would follow me to my sleep and chase the nightmares away.