~Twenty

Ugh!

I rolled over to my side to sit up.

“Young lady, let me explain something to you. I’m the queen bee around here.” I cupped my belly as I spoke. “Will always be. And you need to know the queen sleeps at two in the morning,” I whispered forcefully.

I dropped my palms behind me to the sides. My head went back as I tried breathing through eternally stuffy nostrils. This would mark night two of no sleep. It was Thursday—now Friday—and I felt so…off. Maybe it was because I’d missed Bible study, something I deeply enjoyed and had become dependent upon for spiritual balance. But no way could I attend this week. If ever again… It could have been the lumpy full sized mattress that once suited me, but now that I’d been sleeping in a California king for close to two years, it would no longer do. Or it could have been the smell of the new digs. The noise pollution of a city I had to retrain myself to endure after hours. Maybe it was the mother in me who worried about Kyree, sleeping in the next room. This was new for him, too; his first night.

I sighed again, turning to my side to leave the bed. The linoleum flooring was cool to the touch as I padded out of the bedroom and into the hall. The next bedroom door was cracked. I peered inside, snaking my neck. Ky was fast asleep in his old bed, just the way he was the last time I’d checked on him. His little desk held a few of his fidget spinners and the book, When We Dream, by Nickon Harris. It was one of the last on his summer reading list. I couldn’t believe soon it would be time for school again.

School…

I cringed then collapsed against the doorjamb. What would I do about school? There was no way I could keep him enrolled there. I couldn’t afford the tuition and the commute in the mornings would take over an hour. And then adding a job I’d have to make it to in that time frame… Dropping the baby off at a sitter.

I grabbed my belly.

Finding a sitter…

My eyes squeezed and head rolled in exhaustion and despair. How did I find myself in this situation? Why was I once again here? In a place where I was facing my deserved circumstances for a rash decision. My mistake this time? Trusting a man with my heart—my life—who didn’t trust me.

I shook my head, leaving the doorway, not wanting to think about that. There was a short walk to the kitchenette and living room. I checked the locks on the windows. Again. This was a safe neighborhood, I knew, but after having been in the suburbs of Alpine where there were more trees and green acreage than people, I’d apparently developed a phobia. The small living room was littered with furniture, bags of unsorted clothing, and old memorabilia from my place in East Orange that I couldn’t begin going through. I tried getting as much of it organized as I could before I brought Kyree here earlier, from my mother’s.

After checking the locks on the door, I took to the bathroom to relieve my bladder. I washed my hands and began walking back to the bedroom. Cupping my belly again, I spoke to her.

“We’re going to try this again. It’ll be three soon and Mommy’s got a lot of work to do. I need sleep, little girl!” my voice was low, playful, but seriously admonishing.

I was unbelievably tired as I scooted back and wobbled until I found comfort on my side. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, hoping sleep would take over. Unbelievably, after a few seconds, my stomach growled. My eyes flew open and just as I shifted to push up and pitch a fit, there were forceful raps at the door.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BOOM!

Too quickly, I twisted to leap from the bed to grab my phone, but was able to make it. With a yowling heart, I checked in on Kyree first, who was still lost in sleep. I closed the door and headed for the front door quietly. Hardly anyone knew we were here. Who would be banging at the door at this hour?

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Police?

I tiptoed as quietly as I could manage to the peephole. Bodies moving was all I could make out at first because they faced the opposite way with their backs to me. One was looking at the names on the mailboxes.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

That series had me rearing in the air on my toes, landing flat on my feet.

“Who is it?” I demanded, now pissed.

“Open the door, Jade!”

Relief flooded me at the mention of my name. This wasn’t random. I peered through the peephole again. This time, I saw hair. A beard. Then a pale muscular arm. John? My hands went to the locks, twisting and unhooking until I was able to swing the door open.

“Oh, my God,” I whispered.

Tyheem’s head collapsed backward in relief. John’s eyes mimicked his partner’s. But the expression of the big ogre in front was one I was entirely unfamiliar with.

“Are you serious right now?” His words were expressed too low, too calm. That was until he screamed, “Answer Me!”

Trent shouldered forward, coming into the apartment dangerously scouring the place as he passed me. He was supposed to be in training camp. What was he doing in Jersey at this hour?

“Who here with you?” he demanded without looking back for an answer. “Where he at?”

As John and Tyheem filed in behind him, faces tight, arm muscles flexing, and jaws twinging, I thought to try to stop Trent.

“Trent, where are you going? Who are you talking about?”

I watched as he pushed the bathroom door opened, stepped inside and yanked the shower curtain back.

“Trent!” I tried again. “What are you doing?”

I followed on his heels, at some point Tyheem and John coming between us in the tiny walkway. He led them to the bedroom at the far end. I grabbed my belly protectively, on alert as I followed them.

Trent flicked on the light and searched the small room, under the bed and inside the closet.

“Who are you looking for, Trent?” I asked again.

When he didn’t see anything, the muscles around his eyes flicked twice.

“Where’s Ky?” he gritted in movement out of the room.

“He’s sleeping, I hope!”

Trent was so violently loud, pushing in doors, dropping his heavy feet to announce his hunt. He smacked the room door open and at some point, found the light. It was hard for me to see him now that his security made their way past me again to be near him.

I now felt violated. That was Kyree in there. My son!

“Wait a minute, Trent!” I yanked John’s arm away, shoving him to get closer. “You need to calm the hell down!”

By the time I’d made it to Tyheem’s big frame, Trent was storming out of the room. The guys followed him out as I paid one last glance to Kyree, who was stirring, but still sleep. Thank God kids his age slept like logs. I quickly flicked off the light and closed his door to head to Trent. I was now pissed.

When I made it out to the small living room that now looked tiny with these three giants standing swollen in it, I saw red.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? Kyree wouldn’t have been hiding underneath a bed or in a closet from you!” I watched as Trent’s head turned to face me. “Who are you looking for? You didn’t think I’d be in the arms of another man so quickly after exchanging vows again, did you?”

“Grab Ky, get your shit, and let’s fuckin’ go!” he roared in my face. He stepped forward, back bent to reach me at eye level. “Now!”

My eyes flew wide. “I’m not going anywhere! How did you even know I was here?”

It had been two days since Ryshon called about the pictures and video. I hadn’t answered calls or texts from anyone except Lashawn, who was able to get a couple of her friends to help me move my things from one of Trent’s garages, onto the truck, and from the truck in here that night after April left for Camden.

“My aunt called me crying when she came back to find shit missing!” he yelled. “And you got my baby’s things here?” His eyes shot all around. I managed a few essentials from her nursery, specifically a bassinet and changing table still in their boxes. “You think I was going to have my daughter and Ky living in this shitty shoe box?”

“Small equates to shitty, Trent? So, now, I can’t select a place suitable for my children?” 

“You ain’t selecting nothing!” His long thick arm reached past my head when he pointed. “Get whatever you need now.”

“I’m not going anywhere! This is my place!”

His head snapped back, astounded. “This your place?”

“Yes!”

“So, you brought my aunt to your stash spot last week? That’s what y’all was doing in Bloomfield? You got some balls, don’t you? You been plotting for how long, Jade?”

“It’s not like that! I’ve had this place since last year, from my Section 8. I told you about it then.”

“So, you are still scamming the government? Are you serious right now?”

“No! I’ve been paying the rent on my own.”

“And you check on it with my aunt, too? For what?”

He wasn’t letting my monumental slip from last week go. I cupped my face with my palms.

“It’s not like that, Trent!” I repeated myself. “I was giving it to LaShawn. We’ve been talking about it since Christmas. She’d been saving her money so I can relinquish the lease to her. I came last week to tell the landlord we were ready, but he wasn’t here. I’ve spoken to him since then and he’s cool with it.”

His eyes gestured the room, scattered with my things and my kids’. “And now…?”

A cry shot from my belly. “Now, it’s time to revisit things. I’m not leaving. I can’t go back to what I thought was security. We’re staying!” Tears fell.

Through them, I watched as Trent stood straight, taking a deep breath, trying to calm himself. I’d never seen him so out of sorts. He was violently angry, eyes red and the cords of his neck prominent. Then he lowered his face to me again to peer into my eyes.

“We’re married. We fight. I get it! But let me tell you what you not gone do!” He stepped closer to me, his face directly to mine as I trembled with fear for the first time since meeting Trent. “You don’t get to pack up and leave! This marriage shit is forever! You don’t like it? You should’ve fuckin’ never snuck into my room all those nights until you finally got what you wanted! I’m more than a good lay. Next time, be careful what you ask for. Move. Now!”

The sun was coming up.

Through tremoring shakes and a tear-stained face, I beheld the dawning sky from the balcony off the master suite. I was in a tower, and around me was green acreage of billowy landscape and manicured trees beyond the pool and tennis and basketball courts. The air felt and smelled different here. No noise pollution outside of insects and harmless wildlife amid the modest forest.

Alpine…

The place I ran from. The short-lived hiatus from my reality. It was after five in the morning and I was back here. Ky was nestled in his bed, back asleep from the forty-five minute commute. And our things were being off-loaded into one of the three garages, from which they came two—now three—days ago.

I buried my swollen face in my hands, my elbows on my knees as I sobbed quietly.

What am I going to do now?

“Everything’s off the truck,” I heard from behind me. It felt like 2015 déjà vu. “I’m going to have April take it back in the morning. You should call the landlord about handing in your key in the morning, too.”

He was pushing me. I didn’t have to lift my head to see with my eyes.

“I need to speak with Lashawn first.”

“If she saved for this spot, she can take care of business by herself.” There was finality in that, a hidden edict.

I finally picked up my heavy head and found his imposing figure half out on the deck and half in the master suite lit with a calming glow.

“I’m not going back to living as though none of this happened.”

“I’m not asking you to.”

“So, you see why separation is necessary?”

Trent let out a breath, nostrils swelled. “I’m leaving now. I’ll stay in Connecticut until we can talk all of this through. I don’t think it’s what you’re blowing it up to be, but I’ll wait till you’re ready to talk.”

“You can’t hide there forever. We won’t last long like this,” I warned.

“I pray we don’t.” His face stern with conviction. “I just don’t need you jumping the gun and disappearing behind my back. You’re pushing me away because we’re getting so close to that sacred place of partnership and you’re scared to let it all go to be there with me. You, me…we deserve this, J. We need each other. Nobody’s gonna ride for me like you do. I’m man enough to admit it. Man enough to beg you if I have to.” His head shook softly as he went lost inside his words. “You’re my everything. Ain’t no other woman out there that comes close. I don’t know how many times or ways I can say it before you believe me.”

Trent turned to leave, his thick shoulders hunched, face to the floor.

“I started off wanting a lover in you.” I shrugged with my head. “You blew my mind with that part. Then I wanted to be your best friend. Turns out, you’re sucky at it. Great sex is great. But being in a trusting, secure friendship would make me great.”

Trent gazed at me with revealing eyes. I knew he was in pain. Understood his limitations right now. He shouldn’t have been here. He was risking his job by leaving training camp.

The radio stations were jumping. John was tapping away, looking for something he could ride out to in the pitch blackness of the night as we cruised the highway on the way to Jersey. I heard a snippet of The Isley Brothers’ “Living for the Love of You.”

“Hold!” I yelled from the back seat. “Run that back.”

He turned the station back and I sat back in my seat, holding my phone. My thumbs scrolled her profile on IG. This had been my treat over the past two weeks; stalking my wife. Jade’s pretty belly was in full bloom. She took lots of pictures of herself nowadays. They weren’t her old “Maybelline queen” style either. Her natural hair was even longer and thicker than before, eliminating the need of a weave. Her makeup was lighter, no dark heavy made up eyes or extra thick lashes. The selected tones were soft on her glowing skin.

And she was hella-sexy. She wore heels and shirts that exposed the bottom of her brown round belly. She had somebody take a flick of her walking away from the camera as she rocked baggy jeans, high-heeled sandals and a blouse that was fully open in the back with a tie at the shoulders. Her whole back was exposed, showing she wore no bra. She held her arm in the air, raising the peace sign with her two fingers as her thick wavy hair fell down her shoulders.

Then there was one of her by rose bushes I recognized from the back yard. She had on a fitted sexy dress that exposed her lower thighs. It showed every curve, telling my little one was all belly. Her tits were bigger, nipples uncontrollably hard in it. She wore high heels as she posed with one propped in the air as she rested on her toes, the other flat on the ground. Her one hand grabbing a rose by the thorny stem while she stared sexily into the camera with her mouth open. 

Damn…

Jade made this pregnancy look so sexy. That pic reminded me of the one she took next to the pool, laid out flat on her back with an arch between her spine and the concrete lip. Her tits spilled from the triangle cups and her arms over her head. That one had me beating my stick in the bathroom. No way I could tell anybody.

Her IG was public now, for some reason. I didn’t know how to feel about that with these sexy pictures she’d been sharing of my mark on her: her beautiful belly. We’d always been connected, but the upsurge of hearts she got on posts caught my attention one day. Before the Brielle incident, she averaged thirty to sixty hearts and less than ten comments. Now, she got tens of thousands hearts and disabled the comment feature. I guess she didn’t want people to talk: only see her.

My head shot up from the phone. That’s when it hit me. Jade wanted to be seen by people. People she was sending a message to. Brielle…and me. This was her way of telling Brielle she was carrying my baby. She was telling me she was happy without me.

“We’re here, champ,” John alerted me of pulling up to the crib.

He stopped at the front door, cutting the engine and lights right away. He knew the routine: we’d done this four times already since training camp started. My coaches had been bitching a fit every time I told them I was leaving at night after chow time to ride home, just to make a turnaround trip back to Connecticut. Altogether, coming and going was a four and half hour trip, at most. Taxing, but necessary.

I stepped out of the truck, pushed the door closed slowly and crept up the front stairs to the house. Using my key, I unlocked it and stepped in. The smell of home hit me right away. A cool breeze from the central air mixed with potpourri scent, fresh flowers, and cooked food that was put away a couple of hours ago before everybody turned down for bed. I went through every room on the main floor, checking for locked windows and doors.

In the kitchen was a paper bag I knew was left for me. April may have been sleeping, but I told her each time I’d be coming through. I never asked for much, other than to disarm the security system so it wouldn’t go off, waking Jade up. Inside the bag were cookies—homemade. Jade… She must have baked them for dinner tonight. I bit into one, beasting for anything my little one had touched and created.

Then I took to the back stairs, two at a time, making sure to be soundless as I did. Ky’s door was halfway open as usual. I stepped in and saw him on his stomach, knocked out with his mouth opened. I swiped his head as I smiled. We talked every night since they’d been back. He had no clue of the beef taking place between his mom and me. Didn’t even ask me why I came to get them in the middle of the night from Bloomfield. I’d guessed his mom handled that. I headed out as quiet as I’d come in.

Next was the master suite. My heart raced on the way there. I hadn’t spoken much to Jade since I left her at the house and basically begged her to stay here without me. I don’t think I’d ever been so scared in my life as I had those few days of not being able to contact her. At first, I thought she was just mad about the pictures and video that were somehow taken in front of the restaurant. Divine flipped and fired the security on duty that day. Me, I was still in the dog house.

The soft recessed lights were on when I walked up to the open double doors. I couldn’t see her from that far away, so I had to go deeper into the room. Her humming stopped me in my tracks. She must have been dreaming. I hoped it was a good one.

About me. Please, God…

I took a few more steps closer until I could make out the imprint on her puffy cheek. She must have lay on the other side of her face for a while recently. My dick swelled. Blew up, rock hard just looking at her. That’s how open this girl had me. I was trained to respond to her scent. To react to her presence. Her body… Even though it was buried under the comforter, it owed me something. We were connected, whether I liked it or not. But I couldn’t touch. Couldn’t let her know I’d been making these late-night runs.

And I needed her. Man, I needed my wife. It had been hard going without her for over three weeks now. Training camp was always hard on players because we were isolated for so many weeks with a bunch of pent up dudes. Well…some of them. JJ was getting some regularly. Cole was easy access. And even though it was frowned upon, he was unapologetic about his late-night creeping. Even our new recruit, Ramsey Bishop, had stepped out a few times. That was crazy. Like my pictures with Brielle, my marriage rumored to be over, the blogs had been tapping away about pictures that went viral of the former talk show co-hosts, Ramsey and Wil Cunningham. The media said it was obvious they were sleeping together. At first, I paid it no mind. Now, that we were in camp together, I knew the real deal.

A few of the guys did their dirt, but stayed low with it, needing that relief to get them through these rough weeks of camp. Except for me. My only release came from milking my cock to IG pictures she wanted me and Brielle to see. They say revenge is best served when it’s cold. As I stared at my gorgeous sleeping wife, I disagreed. That joint hurt more when it was as hot as she was. I pulled out my phone and snapped a shot of my sleeping beauty, wanting one for the road. Then I backed away for the door.

Slowly, I made my way down the hall, eating another cookie I wasn’t supposed to have. When I passed April’s door, I knocked quietly then opened it before taking off for the stairs. By the time John and I were pulling out of the gate, and onto the street, she should have been setting the alarm.

Now it was time for me to go back into the mental zone I worked myself into to survive this latest storm in my life. Pray and play. That’s all I did in Connecticut as I waited out this time. I stretched out in the back seat and tried to sleep the two hours back, satisfied that my family was good.

I bit the banana, stomach crying for sustenance as I ambled over to April at the stove.

“Mmmmm… I can’t wait!” I garbled.

“I don’t know how you eat that nasty thing!” April fussed about bananas as she stirred the pot of lima beans. “I’m almost ready for you.” She tossed her chin. “Go hand me those bowls over there. I’ll put the rice in them while this cools a little.”

“I think this is my favorite pregnancy food this time around.” I backed away to the cabinet opposite the stove. “I can’t get enough of your beans.”

“Well, at least I can cook something you like after all this slaving after me you done did these past four months or so. It’s my pleasure. I’ll make ‘em again this weekend if I have to.”

I smiled, excited by the prospect. After laying the stacked bowls on the counter near her, I heard my phone chirp from the island in the center of the kitchen.

“Don’t tempt me, now!” I teased on my way.

When I saw his name, my heart began to gallop.

Trent: J we down to the last few days of camp. Can’t front. This one been the toughest. I’m focused up here. Thirsty for the opportunity to make it to the super bowl but preppin the new players and dealing with this new assistant QB coach ain’t been easy. Eli’s been supportive as he can. JJ been hot headed as we know him to be. Lmbo! Dude been verbally cutting everybody on the field. But I get it. We want to be solid for the ride this season. We going all the way.

Another text came through while I was reading the first.

Trent: And Trick called me last night sayin he thinks its best to check my moms into a mental hospital. Shes been tripping out not wanting to take her meds. Remember her meltdown when she couldn’t find her keys last week? He said he caught her screaming to a tree in the backyard at like three in the morning the other day. I told him to hold tight until I’m done up here. I been praying and asking God for wisdom in all this. Its killin me that shes going thru and he going thru it with her but my flesh wanna be mad at both of them and leave the situation. But I keep remembering what you told me at the reception about focusing on what God gave us instead of those people who dropped the ball. Then I think about the story of Joseph and how God would want me to respond. I hope you don’t think I’m letting them off easy.

Oh, Trent, baby, you’re being a man about it all. A man of faith…

I could never fault him for caring for his family. Brenda, as crazy as her story has been, was his mother. Trick was his uncle, who grew up as a brother to him. After their heart to heart when we returned from Saint Justin, they’d been in touch. I was happy for Trent.

Another message from him came through.

Trent: Last one. Naima made a bangin’ three herb chicken last night. All the dudes was raving about it. It was good. Little did they know Jade make the best three herb bird ever. It’s how she caught my eye. Remember that? Missing you like crazy. Kick it later.

I put the phone down, steeling frozen. He’d been doing this lately; sending text messages resembling diary entries. It wasn’t like him. And I never returned them, but was touched by each one. I wasn’t as resolved as it appeared. I was sure I missed him more than he missed me. My pride wouldn’t allow me to share it.

And now that training camp was coming to an end, how long would it be before I broke down and found myself making a trip up to Connecticut and setting the wrong precedent in this relationship.

But how long could I endure without him…or closure?

Her face was hard as they wheeled her off, but her eyes were blank. I hardly recognized her. At first, the guy in scrubs backed her up, seeming like he was giving us a final look at her before showing my moms to her new room. She eyed us hard, mostly Trick. He gave her a nod just before the guy turned her to head to the double doors.

So many thoughts raced through my mind. Would I see her again? Was this the right decision? Would she be okay? I never had to put a parent away before. This was crazy, but I wasn’t alone. Since the wedding, Trick and I had been in touch. I even had him come up to the crib and Jade barbequed for us while we hung by the pool. We kicked it for hours that first night. It got so late, he ended up staying over. We had a lot to catch up on. A lot to apologize for once we realized how stupid the beef was.

He told me he was shocked and scared on the low about my sentence. He didn’t know if I’d lost my CMD edge and could handle prison. He also said he was disappointed in me. Thought I knew better. Then I explained the reason I okayed Glock staying at the boarded up house when Snot-Snot called for help was because he was Trick’s man. I thought it would be doing right by Trick. As stupid as it sounded now, I could tell that touched Trick. He thanked me and apologized at the same time. That night, he drank and Trick got so emotional talking about all the deaths we’d had in the family over the years, from his brother and my uncle, Trey, to my brother, Trevor, and of course, Shank.

Shank never let us react emotionally to his illness or incoming death. Ever. He wouldn’t tolerate it. Let’s just say that first night at my crib, we did it together. April and Jade came out at some point. April leaned on Trick’s shoulder as he practically wailed with his feet in the lit pool. Jade wrapped me in her arms as I lay my head on her belly, feeling the baby kick against my face. I didn’t cry, but was raw and sensitive to it all. Since that night, we’d been in touch weekly, mostly about my moms and her bizarre behavior Trick couldn’t handle anymore. This time when the doctor recommended aggressive treatment and monitoring, we both agreed.

“You know Trevor used to tell Shank all the time he thought something was wrong with her?” I turned to Trick. Without looking at me, he nodded. “Me and you was like…mad young. Maybe eight or ten, but I remember when Shank used to buy them big ass bushels of steamed crabs from that lil spot on Westfield. And one day, we was all eating them and I heard your big brother complaining about something not being right with her. That was like the first time. I don’t think Shank thought she had mental problems. He probably thought she was just weird as fuck. Keep it real: I did, too. But when I came home, I was seeing different shit. And my people was filling me in on her crazy ways. Shank was sick and I ain’t wanna stress him over it, but I paid attention.”

My moms was behind the heavy double doors and my eyes fell to the floor. He nudged me to leave. Snapping out of it, I turned with him for the elevator.

Trick kept speaking at a low tone, “I remember all that shit. It all came back to me right before Shank died and she started coming around the family again. To be real, it got me remembering how you used to say she was mean to you and why you wanted to live with Mommy and us.” We stepped on the elevator and I pressed for the lobby. Yeah… I remembered begging to live with my grandmother. “I used to think you was just complaining about nothing, especially after Trevor died. Then Shank took you under his wing and I flipped the script. After that, I sold my soul to the streets and turned a blind eye to everything that wasn’t getting me fast money.”

Trick was quiet on our way to my truck where Tyheem was waiting on us. John was off this week. Earlier, Trick and my moms drove up to my house. I had Tyheem drive us to the hospital to drop her off. The plan was for Trick to drive April back down to Camden—well, April would drive because Trick had no license. My moms actually drove to my house, which was a part of the disconnect to me. If she was so sick, how could she drive? But I saw for myself, she was off. She took orders from Trick like a child.

“About the house,” Trick spoke once we were back in the coolness of the air-conditioned truck. “My lady got two more weeks to find a place on her Section 8. We’ll be out then.”

Everybody got Section 8!

The mention of it annoyed me, reminding me of uncertain times in my life. I hadn’t been hearing much from Jade, but what she did communicate since that night in Bloomfield was she broke the lease on that apartment and handed in the keys. I was happy, but not relieved. What else did she have up her sleeve for the next time I screwed up?

“No sweat. Take your time,” I offered.

I’d been considering offering him the place for a little while, at least until we saw how my mother did at the hospital. But I needed to discuss that with Jade first. For some reason, I felt she could make an unbiased call on it better than I could. She was smarter at things like that.

“Hello?” Trick answered his phone. I didn’t even hear it ring.

I went for mine, too, to check emails. Divine was heating plans up with a casino he was trying to take over in Vegas. I couldn’t wait to see this one through. Was grateful he pulled me in on it.

“Oh, shit! For real?” Trick stomped his foot on the floor board and rocked in his seat, hyped. “Yo, I’m in the area now!” He looked out the window, searching for something. “I’m coming through, yo! That nigga gone be surprised to see me, too!” He listened in, smiling real big. I went back to my phone, now on social media to stalk my little one. “A’ight! Don’t even tell him. I’ll be there. A’ight. One.” Trick cut the line.

He turned to me, still psyched. “You know who that was?”

“Who?” My eyes were still to the screen.

Daaaang, Jade…

“Cousin Wendi! Remember her? Mommy’s cousin?”

Dropping the phone, I thought for a minute. My grandmother had a first cousin, who packed up his kids and left Camden for Newark when he hooked up with a Puerto Rican baddie. Wendi was his daughter.

“The one with the little brother, who always wanted to stick underneath us?”

“Really you!” Trick laughed, that missing tooth space proud. “Yeah. Him, Butchie. He just got out yesterday. Six year bid, this dude! They giving him a little welcome home party in The Bricks later.” Trick was hyped. “We should stop through and show love before the crowd comes in, man.”

I was stuck at the little homie doing six hard ones. Butchie was a friendly kid, impressionable. He didn’t talk much, but was a soldier. He was over one weekend I walked to the store and dudes tried to jump me. He was about four years younger than me, but tall and bulky, and was able to help fight them off until the store owner caught it and scared us all away with a bat. That was the last time I remember seeing him.

“We only… What?” Trick looked around to see where we were on the highway. “Twenty minutes from Newark. You could say hi and drop me off. April’ll come get me on her way down.”

My first thought was to say no. I had practice to get to. It was almost twelve noon and I still needed to get back to Connecticut. I’d only come down to check my moms in. But I figured it was no biggie since he was now saying he’d stay. We could drop him off, say hello, and head straight up to Connecticut. Plus, I hadn’t seen Trick this happy in years. I almost forgot how much of a big personality he had. The guy must have had a real change of heart when it came to me.

I tossed my chin to the front seat. “You’re gonna have to tell Tyheem which way to go.”

“A’ight.” Trick moved to leave the truck. “Stay here. I’mma get the lil homie and bring him out to you. He gone be double surprised as shit.”

I nodded, going back to my phone.

Me: Its done. We checked my moms in. I don’t know how I’m feeling right now. Actually… I’m feeling crazy. Guess what? On our way to the hospital she asked what we were having. A boy or a girl. When I told her it’s a girl she told me I’m gonna look good with a little princess. She said it don’t matter if the baby looks like you or me she gone be alright. Crazy! Right?

Anyway. I’m in Newark dropping Trick off to family I ain’t seen in years. I wanted to come back to the crib in case you and Ky were back but now Imma head back up for practice. Plus I can’t promise I can keep my hands off you if I see you. I miss you so much. Tell April Trick want her to come scoop him. He’ll give her the address.

Miss you Jelly

I closed my eyes after hitting send, my finger brushing over my lip. Jade had me on some sucker shit. I halfway cared, growing desperate to have my baby back. It’d been a cold world without her. If this was the only way I could prove to her I was best-friend worthy I’d do it.

I looked around outside of the truck, trying to remember if I’d ever been up this way. I’d spent time in Newark with StentRo when he came back to his hometown to give back to the community with fairs and food and clothes drives when invited. But I wasn’t sure if I checked my family out those times when helping him out. The block was quiet at this hour and didn’t look familiar. In front of the truck was a baby Benz, C-Class. A few cats were leaning against it, shooting dice. Things got loud for a minute, catching my attention. I could see Tyheem staring, too.

“Yo, why does that one voice sound familiar?” he asked.

I shrugged with my head, even though he couldn’t see me. “These your stomping grounds. You probably know them.”

Tyheem’s head moved closer over the steering wheel. “Not really.”

Then they got loud again. One must have scored.

“Word life, man! I put that on my seed: you cheatin’ out this bitch!” one accused.

“Man, I ain’t got shit to cheat for! You see what I’m sittin’ on. I got skills, my nigga!”

“You sittin’ a’ight!” the first one came back with. “That’s all you doing. That ain’t even ya ride, my nigga. That’s yo bitch ride!”

“Ohhhh!” the guys in the group egged him on.

“Who the fuck you think copped it for her, dick head?”

“I thought maybe some other dude. Maybe she got smart like ya other baby mother did and went and fucked wit a real baller.” He laughed, totally disrespecting dude. “Ain’t that what ya son moms did? What Hov say? ‘In the future, other niggas playin’ football with ya son’?” The guys in their cypher cracked up at that one. The type of laugh that said they chose a side. “Fuck outta here with that whack ass, E.O. bullshit. You in the Bricks, my nigga.” He kept laughing.

My face was tight, processing what dude had just said.

“In the future, other niggas playin' football with ya son—”

Wait…

“No fuckin’ waaaaaay,” Tyheem breathed out in the front seat.

At the same time, we went for the doors. But I was ahead of him, making my way to the small cypher. When I made it, my eyes scanned the heads for a familiar face until it landed on him. Then I widened my stance, crossing my arms over my chest and cocked my head to the side. Ryder’s expression was blank at first. Then he chuckled, grabbing his sacks.

“Word? Y’all set me up?” his tone was casual.

“What the fuck,” one breathed behind me.

“Fuck you want, nigga?” Ryder spit.

“My apology, and I ain’t got long. So get with it.”

He rolled his eyes, backing up to lean back on the baby Benz. “Errrbody want Ryder to apologize. Y’all keep waiting. Go ‘head.” He snapped his head. “I ain’t that nigga.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, I am.” I stepped closer to emphasize it.

“Yo, Ryder, man!” One of his friends yelled and tried stepping closer. “Who dis?”

“Ut!” Tyheem intercepted him. “These ain’t the problems you want.”

“You disrespected my wife, our house, and my friends. You think I was goodie with all that? I ain’t that nigga.”

“Man, listen,” Ryder tried laughing. “whoever that chick was, was tryna play me. I ain’t start no shit. Just finished it. She spoke on some bullshit lies Jade done told her.”

“What lies?”

He laughed again, looking to his left as he swiped his nose. “About how I ran through that pussy, is what.”

Ryder may have been talking his shit, but I smelled fear from him. This was not his hood and these dudes were just clowning him, so I didn’t think they were his peoples like that.

“Jade pussy ain’t been run through until I had it.”

Ryder’s face wrinkled, one cheek went up as he looked me up and down. “Yo, you trippin’ over recycled pussy. Ask yo wife how I used to skeet-skeet all up in her.”

With one step, I was on him. I had Ryder against his babies’ mother’s baby Benz with his feet dangling.

 “Motherfucka, I can make her do shit with my dick you couldn’t with your tongue.” I was inches away from his face. His hands were at my one holding his neck, trying to break from my grip.

I saw a swift body move next to me. That was followed by a smacking sound I knew was a punch when I saw one of the dudes drop next to me against the car.

“Oh, shit!” Somebody yelled behind me. “Pull out! Pull out!”

“I wouldn’t do that, my nigga,” Tyheem warned. Then I heard the cocking of a pistol. “Let’s be fair about this.”

“Yo! What’s going on, man?”

“Trent, bruh! Fuck is you doin?” new voices screamed behind me.

That last one, I recognized as Trick. I couldn’t look, my eyes were glued to Ryder’s that were turning red and filling with tears from not being able to breathe. He was short. Maybe 5’7, and a light weight. He knew he had no wins.

“Hold up, mayne! This my cousin, and I swear on everything: y’all mufukas pull out on him, I’m lightin’ the whole E.O. tonight!”

The kid Tyheem knocked out was stirring near my foot. 

My breathing turned harsh, ready to do damage on the kid. Pent up anger and frustration was rushing in, good sense never arrived.

I moved closer to Ryder’s wet face. “Now, I’m waiting. How long you got before this lullaby rocks yo ass to sleep?”

“He can’t talk, yo!”

“That nigga ‘bout to die!”

Then I heard Trick. “Trent, man. Put him down, please,” he begged. “Ain’t nothing worth your beautiful family. I’m here. I got you.” His voice was pained as he pressed up to my right side. “I’ll take care of whatever this is.”

“Fuck that! I got this. Put ‘im down, cousin.” I sensed that was Butchie.

They were speaking facts. I could kill this dude, but for what? He wasn’t worth it. I let him down. Ryder fell to his ass, holding his neck as he gasped for air. I slung spit next to him and pulled up my sweats.

“I’ll tell my wife to expect that apology before the sun goes down,” were my last words as I turned to walk away.

Good sense had finally arrived and my conscience began flooding in. I was sure no one could see it, because I shielded it from my face. I was gone. Had flipped. Violent.

The guys followed me to the truck.

“Yo, Tyheem, man,” Trick yelled, on my heels, “get him in there. People gone start coming around, taking pix and shit for the Gram!”

Tyheem was already on it, had the door waiting as I approached the truck. I caught him slipping the pistol back in the holster as he waited.

“Yo, Brick, man,” Butchie yelled while following us. He pointed to Ryder, holding his neck on the ground. “Don’t let that nigga go nowhere until I say so!”

Trick and Butchie jumped in the truck on the other side and Tyheem pulled off.

They moved to leave the truck.

“Yo, man, y’all be safe out here,” I bade.

We drove around for close to thirty minutes catching up. I filled Butchie in on the Ryder situation, not giving away more details than he needed to know. My problems with my stepson’s father were mine. I was a grown man and could handle them alone. I knew I’d catch Ryder whether it was randomly like today—even though I wasn’t expecting it—or at Christmas when he dropped off gifts for Ky—if he bought him anything, because according to Jade, he hadn’t yet—or on the low at next year’s birthday party. We were going to settle his disrespect from that day.

“No problem, TB. I’m glad I saw you, man! Can’t believe you remembered me after all these years. Yo, you know how many times I told people you my cousin and they didn’t believe me ‘cause we ain’t in Camden no more?”

“No doubt. I remember you, man. I ain’t been around in a while, but we came up together, Butchie.” I didn’t want family like him thinking I had a big head. I didn’t want any of my family believing I was bigger or better—unless it was out on the football field. “You just keep your head up, and hands out them streets. Ain’t too late for you, man. I’mma be praying for your success.”

“Ah, man!” Butchie was more hyper than I remembered him, but mad cool. I could easily think it was because of my celebrity, but I recognized that loyal spirit in him from when we were pups. “That’s G, my nigga. You think you could hook me up with job training? I’m pushing three hun’-ed, man. I could be security. I probably can’t carry legally, but I got them shifty eyes and can peep out snakes. I likes to get my hands dirty!”

“Now that I got your number, I’ll put you in touch with Tyheem.” I tossed my chin to the front seat. “He can hook you up with the information. If you’re serious about this, I’ll cover the cost of your training. Lots of players are looking for good security. It’s about more than holding a gun. It’s about street smarts and knowing how to diffuse a situation. My man, Ramsey Bishop, just said he looking for somebody. The market’s definitely there.”

“Word? Ramsey Bishop from that show From the Sidelines with fine ass Wil? Damn!” He clapped his hands together as he laughed, face turning red. “Yo, nobody saw that coming. He a good look for the Kings, yo!” He nodded his approval. “Or I could be your other security!” Butchie looked gassed at that prospect.

“Nah. I can do that. I may’ve been on knock off, but this my brother. That’s why I’m ready to get back to this Ryder nigga now. We wasn’t raised as nephew and uncle. We was like twins. I’mma prove my loyalty again. Watch,” Trick vowed.

The weight of his words were too much for me. I was nobody to look up to, but wouldn’t mind having my dude back in my life.

“Nah.” I brushed my nose with my thumb, my eyes went out the window. “I got something else for you. Something that’s going to get you outta Jersey. I’m waiting to see how it go down first,” I shared honestly.

I was referring to the casino Divine was about to take over. When it happened, he would need fresh eyes in security. Trick may have been a felon, but Divine employed them by the dozen. I’d put in a word for Trick. He could use a change of scenery. Wasn’t nothing in Camden for him but familiar enticement of trouble. In the meantime, I’d watch him. See if he could live up to his word of letting the past go.

Trick nodded, acknowledging my proposal.

“I’ll hit you about it as it develops. You just gotta stay sucker free in these streets.” I held out my arm to give them some love, Trick first.

“Peace, Trent!” Butchie yelled when he was out of the truck, looking in. “I got you on all dat, big homie!”

I nodded. Trick saluted me, and I acknowledged him with a neck bow, too.

Tyheem pulled off and I relaxed in my seat, scooting back to rest my head. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes.

God, what is up with my temper?

It had been flaring up too much lately. I felt out of control and didn’t like it. I could have done some serious damage to that clown! Dude was a light weight. It wasn’t even fair. He was Ky’s father, for God’s sake!

On the ride to Connecticut, I prayed and repented until I fell asleep. If there was one thing today showed me, it was why I still needed Jesus.