~Nineteen

“Wow!” I breathed, stunned. “That was my nose.”

I watched Jade wipe the gel from her belly.

She nodded with a big smile. “Mmmhmmm.”

“But that last ultrasound you said she looked just like Ky did as a newborn. That’s crazy.”

She giggled again and picked up the phone to carry it across the room. Then the image was still again.

“That means, this month, she’s looking like you.” Jade pulled the white tank over her head and straightened it over her belly. “Maybe she’ll go back to looking like me next month.” She giggled, teasing her hair with her fingers.

I hoped I could be at the next checkup. I hated missing them. I made sure she FaceTime’d me for this one.

“Where’re you going after this?” I asked on a yawn.

“I’m hoping that refill of prenatal vitamins will be ready by the time I drive by the pharmacy. Then I’m taking Ky and Jordan to the movies.”

“Oh, word? What y’all going to see?”

She frowned in her compact as she touched up her lip gloss. “I’m not sure.”

Jade stayed picture perfect. She was so damn cute pregnant. I could never tell her, but her nose had swelled in the past month or so. I noticed since our wedding, because I’d been away so much, working. I left home nine days ago to do a few mentoring workshops in Kentucky, then in D.C. Yesterday, I flew out here to L.A. to meet with a sports medicine specialist for a checkup, take a meeting this morning, and do an appearance for juvies before flying out to Connecticut tomorrow to start training camp with the Kings.

It was July. Already. Time had flown since our wedding. I had a couple of weeks off in June to spend with my family, but then I was away a whole week, doing Kings community obligations. The last week of June, when Ky got out of school, we spent a week in The Bahamas as a family vacation with him. I was home maybe a day before having to fly out to Kentucky. Life had been too busy for my family, but I was grateful for another chance at my career and tried not to complain. I enjoyed talking to young kids about careful decision-making. I dug hearing their dreams and pushing them to accomplish each one. It gave me purpose.

But so did Kyree.

“Y’all saw Spiderman last week, right?”

Another trip I’d missed with Ky.

“Yeah. Who knows what they’ll ask to see today.”

“As long as it ain’t no rated R joints like All Eyez on Me.” As I laughed my phone beeped.

A call coming in from Elle. I tapped to ignore it, deciding to hit her when I was done with Jade. 

“I know!” She laughed, too.

“He good, though? Ky been alright?”

Jade rolled her eyes. “He hasn’t mentioned his father, but I know he hasn’t forgotten about it. Zoey said she overheard a conversation between him and Jordan about what if his father made him come live with him. Like that’ll ever happen.”

Kyree had been having a tough time with his parents beefing. Ryder had been asking for him and Jade bit the bullet, letting Ky go see him. But twice, Ky came back home upset with either something one of his sisters did to short him or the latest thing his father said that confused him. He told Kyree a few weeks back that he’d be living with us part time and him the second half. Poor guy was torn. And when he told his father that, bum-ass Ryder made him feel guilty about not wanting to live with him.

Jade had been stressed about what to do. She didn’t want to keep Kyree from his father, but only knew one way to protect him. I’d been quiet on the subject, just listening to support her. It was best for me not to give my opinion. Jade was too vulnerable and would have moved the way I advised. My advice would be to keep him away from the asshole until he grew up; hopefully Ryder would first. I felt powerless, wanting to deal with Ryder directly. But I knew better.

When I was in Connecticut for public relations, I took Kyree with me for a few days. It was a men’s trip that mommy couldn’t come on. We had a blast at Hotep stadium and around the state. It was our secret that we had B-Way Burger three nights in a row.

I tapped my rumbling belly. “Where’s Ky now?”

Jade packed her things into her bag as she answered, “He’s with April until I get back.”

“She going with y’all to the movies?”

April had been hanging out with them a lot since I’d been on the road. We invited her to The Bahamas and she turned us down. Jade talked her into a trip to Macen Beach with her sister on us, thinking she needed a getaway, too.

“No. She’s ready to go to the flower house. You know she loves that place.” She winked at me.

My little one was flirting. She did it out of the blue a lot. It teased me. I knew Jade was a little freak before, but she stayed horny while pregnant. That messed with me, too. I never wanted to leave her hungry.

“She said you took her to some place in Bloomfield the other day. Where you got my aunt, yo?” I joked.

Jade’s face went wide. “Oh, that.” Her eyes rocked back and forth. “I had some busin—”

Jade turned away from the phone.

“All right, Mrs. Bailey,” I heard the doc. “Your prescription has been called in. All looks well for Mommy and baby.”

Jade smiled at him then quickly turned to me. “Okay, baby. I have to go. I’ll call you tonight?”

“Alright.” I kissed my two fingers and tapped the screen with them, ending the call.

I tossed the phone on the bed next to me and stretched wide, groaning as I did. I’d give anything to be home. I was tired. The type only my bed could rest off. And I was hungry. I looked around the room for fruit.

Tyheem walked in. “Elle just hit me, saying the joint on lock down.” He shrugged. “Some beef between rival gangs is all they told her. It’s been pushed back till further notice.”

That was the last thing I wanted to hear. I had a crappy breakfast, trying to be on time for my meeting with Divine, Chesney, and a group of investors they invited to get in on the latest opportunity Divine had going on. Chesney knew I was looking to diversify my portfolio more now than ever. I understood wealth had to be earned through diligent saving and investments. It was a group of five he invited in. StentRo was one. His flight out left a couple of hours after the meeting was over. Like me, he was ready to get home to his family.

Now, I was envious of his exit. I stayed because Elle had scheduled this last stop on the juvenile center tour about an hour away from my hotel in West Hollywood. Now that it was pushed back, all I could think of was if that call had come earlier, I could’ve been on Stenton’s flight. I could’ve gotten in one night at home before camp.

Maybe.

“What’s further notice?”

Tyheem shrugged again. “Could be a couple of hours. Could be tomorrow.”

I chuckled at that, thinking I should have known the answer. I’d experienced a few lockdowns while in the pen. My flight left first thing in the morning for training camp. If this visit wasn’t going down today, it would be pushed back till next year.

“What you wanna do now?” he asked.

“Man, grub.” I scooted off the bed. “I’m hungry like a mug!”

“Where?”

“DiFillippo’s chicken parm is screaming in my head now. I’ll call over to let them know we’re coming through.”

“A’ight. Let me tell John.” Tyheem left out.

I grabbed my phone from the other side of the bed and called the restaurant on my way to the bathroom. We were out of the suite less than ten minutes later and headed to the elevator.

“Aye, Trent,” John started as we stepped on. “You’re cool with Ragee and his camp, right?”

Tyheem hit the panel button for the lobby and I backed into the corner.

“Why you ask?”

“That girl I told you I’ve been dating.” His white teeth were almost as glistening as his jet black curly hair. I couldn’t remember what chick John was talking about. He had so many. Dude’s Italian swag appealed to women of all ages and colors. “She loves Rage. I heard he’s going to be at MetLife next month. It’d be nice to score good seats.” He waggled his eyebrows.

I chuckled. Dude was bipolar. He could be a hopeless romantic one minute, but as soon as we hit the streets, he was like a savage weapon. The Kings paid top dollar for him. It didn’t take long to understand his asking price.

“Yo, Young Lord gone be at Yankee Stadium in September!” Tyheem cut in. “You gots to hook me up, yo. I need ‘bout five of them joints!”

The elevator landed, dinging to let us know.

“I ‘on’t know about five. I wanna take Jade, depending on how everything go with the baby,” I shared as we stepped out, into the lobby. “If not that one, then definitely when he comes to Hotep in November. It’s on an off night from the season.”

“Hey, man,” John spoke up while we made our way to the entrance. “Don’t forget about me for Ragee. This may be the future missus.”

We laughed. See. Playboy. Hopeless playboy.

“I got you, man. I’ll hit him and see what he can do. But what’s her name?” I asked over my shoulder. “Is it a “Isha” or “Becky?” Maybe he can add her name to the lyrics or—” I saw when John’s playful grin disappeared.

But he stopped before it registered I should, too. When I did, I looked over to Tyheem, whose eyes were wide with recognition, too. I turned to see what had my security’s attention. Right away, I recognized familiar faces. They were security, too… And Terrell.

Brielle…

She looked to have the expression of shock wash over her already. I was the last to realize this crossing. B stopped, crossed her arms, and cocked her head to the side. For a while, only security exchanged words. Tyheem had to tell John to be easy; he was familiar with her people. Once that quieted down, I waited for her to say something.

She didn’t.

“Nice to see you, Terrell. Off my property,” I joked, but it came out nasty.

Terrell’s face opened nervously, eyes shooting over to Brielle to bail him out. I stepped to move past them.

“I was coming to see you.” Her words stopped me before we were shoulder to shoulder to them. When I didn’t respond fast enough, she demanded, “We can do this here or back in your suite.”

I backed up to get a full view of her, because I hadn’t before. Was she serious?

“How’d you know I was staying here?”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s one of your favorite spots.” My head cocked to the side, pissed that she’d stalked me. How did she know I was in town? “I meant what I said. You’ve been dodging me long enough. I don’t deserve this. I’m prepared to make a spectacle.”

“B!” Terrell cried like a little punk.

Jade brought up their visit again a month ago and mentioned how shady Terrell had been to her and Brielle. I knew him from her crew and Pixie’s. He considered them his besties and acted more queenish than the divas put together. We never had any problems, but he and Brielle knew I didn’t like Terrell. He was too shifty.

She was still pretty: fair skin with a fit frame, showing off her toned thighs in booty shorts and high chunky heels. Brielle’s head was high, daring. Her pink lips trembled a little. The sight of them reminded me of how I used to tease her about how thin they were. I’d call them European-sized, out of fun. They were cute, though. Not tease-worthy, but I was comfortable joking with her almost right away.

It would always crack me up how thick she’d line her lips at the edge to make them appear bigger. The third or fourth night we hung out, I told her the makeup artist she used should be paid like a plastic surgeon for the magic trick he pulled. Brielle’s response was how incredible they’d feel wrapped around my dick. She could blow me like they were soup coolers, and that’s what I should be concerned about. That night she did. Brielle blew my mind when she showed me her deep throat game was one for the record books. I had to shake those thoughts off, now out of the web of confusion from those days.

I had a bigger issue on my hands. This was an ambush. The last thing I needed was a scene in West Hollywood. I’d been doing good, keeping under the radar. I’d be damned if Brielle cast me out. But no way was she coming up to my suite. Jade would hem my ass and hers.

I scratched my nose with my thumb. “I’m on a mission for food. If whatever you been ‘needing’ to kick it with me about is that important, there’s your chance to make it happen. After that, it’s a no.” I stepped off.

“Where?”

“Santa Monica.” I spoke in movement, needing to get this ‘talk’ over with before her trying to contact me got out of control. My wife could have been with me when she pulled up to this place. Two problems with that. Jade was a hothead…and pregnant. I couldn’t have her risking my baby girl for this foolishness. “DiFillippo’s.”

I wiped my mouth, took a deep breath then dropped the napkin in the plate.

“Man, B. I’m sorry you been going through this with your parents. I know Alice been through the ringer with Tom, with the women and coke. I do. But you gotta figure out a way to manage his madness.”

“Like what?” she asked with her head to the side, her hand holding the fork, stabbing her salad in the plate. “I’ve already fired him as my manager. My mom filed the divorce papers two months ago. What more can we do?”

I shrugged, not prepared to give advice.

“I ‘on’t know. Maybe cut him off. He’s made millions off you, managing your girl group when you was a kid and first hit the scene. He’s been in on movie sign-ons with you, perfume deals, and fashion lines. He was holding your hand along the whole ride. Maybe if y’all backed up off him…” I shrugged, again, not feeling comfortable telling someone to drop their parent.

I’d never had a bond with mine and didn’t want to project that onto anyone else.

Brielle’s wet eyes rolled toward the wall next to us. “And the woman who’s having his baby?” I nodded to acknowledge I was with her. “He met her when they took me to that doctor’s office for the abortion. Can you believe how little shame he has? His daughter’s in the next room, having an abortion while he’s out at the front desk applying for a hookup. That’s what pushed my mother to file the paperwork, finally.”

I was almost there again. Listening to Brielle’s most intimate secrets, playing her diary. It’s what we always did. We’d kick it—or she’d kick it with me about everything she couldn’t share with fake friends like Tynisha or Terrell, or any other phony members of her small crew. She didn’t keep many around, but even those she did, Brielle didn’t trust. But for some reason, she trusted me. She’d tell me personal stuff then we’d sex it out of the front part of her head, back it up, and repeat. It wasn’t until the concert last fall when she told me the lyrics to her hit single was about me. Then there was another one Young Lord co-wrote and produced with her called Secret Lovers. It’s funny how two people can be in the same relationship and have two different perceptions of it. But that was then.

Now was…never.

My eyes bounced around to find the right words to use for what I needed to say.

God, help me…

I said a short but sincere prayer. Brielle was crazy sensitive when it came to her family. For years, before her father’s reckless coke and infidelity habits came to light, they were thought of as the perfect American family. Before Brielle made it big, Tom was a corporate executive and her mother owned a dry-cleaning business. They were tight before the Hollywood gift and curse. It was something she blamed on her success. So, I had to tread carefully.

“Yo, B,” I started, eyes falling from her face as I licked my lips. They swept against my wedding ring. I found myself twisting it. “About me being out of touch—”

“You’re with someone now. I can’t assure you that I’m okay with it—I mean, I don’t even know where she came from. You were released from prison, we hung out, then you freaked over the thing with Allison,” she whispered that part. “Then I didn’t hear from you in months. It hurt me. But you, up and getting engaged to a stranger…” She shook her head, voice a little elevated. “That was insane, especially for you. But when I showed to your house—that I couldn’t even recognize from what I could see in the doorway, by the way—to a girl with a belly full of human? That rocked my entire universe, Trent.”

“B—”

“And the worst of it all?” I saw her eyes brimming with tears. “To hear there was a rumor about you getting married in May from a stylist I used while in Houston for a show when my regular got sick…” Her nostrils grew. “He said she knew for sure because one of his clients had scheduled him for the job. When I called Tynisha, and she confirmed it...” The tears spilled and Brielle’s shoulders shook, her jaw trembled. “That gut—ted me, Tre—nt!” she breathed out the last words.

My eyes went across the private room. Brielle was full on sobbing, and it actually hit me.

“I know I grew up under your eyes,” she could hardly speak. “I know I made lots of mistakes and took forever to own up to my feelings, but you meant more to me than you obviously thought. I would have never done that to you, Trent, and you know it.” I gave her a minute to control her lungs and the tears in silence.

Yeah, Brielle and I may have been at an impasse with how we viewed our relationship, but there was no question as to whether we genuinely cared for each other. We did. We just didn’t view one another as candidates for something real. And now, hearing her side of the story… It sounded pretty harsh on my part.  

“Yeah, B. Don’t forget how I did a eighteen-month bid and you ain’t send word, visit, or write a lyric dedicated to me then.”

Her face opened. “You told me not to!”

“Yeah. I was mad at the damn world! I got sentenced over some bullshit!”

“None of us expected it to go that far. You had the best legal team in the business. It was a blow to a lot of us. But you shut me out even then. You remember when I called you while you were on trial and we got into that big blow up?”

“Yeah.” I remembered us going at it, but couldn’t think of why. “You blew up on me over something stupid while I was fighting for my life.”

“I confronted you about sleeping with my cousin!”

My face wrinkled. Then it hit me. “Tralaina?”

“Yes—”

“You hit me over sex with Tralaina?” It was all coming back to me now. When I was arrested, tried, and convicted life was a blur of details. Tralaina was her younger cousin, like two years behind us. The cousin who was thirsty for some play from me. Brielle used to tease her saying when she finally got it, it would blow her mind. One night, JJ and I were in Miami on Bye week and ran into Tralaina at a boat party. She was fresh off a tour with Brielle, as one of her ‘assistants’. We got drunk and went back to a mansion JJ and I rented on Marye Island. Tralaina asked to see my room. Before we made it upstairs, she’d jumped me, tongue all down my throat. “That was just once. You knew that was coming.” My tone was indignant.

That was before my conscience began catching up to my ego.

“She was my cousin, Trent!”

“You knew she wanted to. You were smashing Manny Rodriquez back then.”

“But she was my cousin. Like Le’Onna was my friend!”

Another jab. I had to think of who Le’Onna was for a minute.

“Your background singer?” My face was screwed again, not believing this was all coming out now. None of this mattered to me then either.

“Ex background singer. I fired her.”

“Why?”

“Because she knew I was sleeping with you—”

“And other dudes,” I reminded her. “I wasn’t the only one, B.”

“Because you never wanted to be!” she screamed, making my head swing back. “Every man I’ve slept with at least asked for more. They made me feel like a prize. You—” She pushed her finger across the table, voice lowered again. “—were the only one who made me feel average. It turned me on and fucked me up at the same goddamn time, Trent! I wanted you to see me as the girl you proposed to after two weeks! I wanted to be the one you gave a baby to without question!” That last line was breathed out. “I wanted to be the one marching down an aisle with you!”

I shook my head. “You ain’t want that with me, B! C’mon now. You’re Brielle. You can’t do traditional or ordinary. You ain’t want that life.”

“I wanted you! Even when you came home from prison I swallowed my pride and called you. Acted as though the previous two years didn’t happen.”

“Yeah, by adding that Allison chick?” My mouth was twisted.

“By behaving in a manner I thought you’d want. By being that wild friend. The daring lover.”

“B, you wasn’t experimenting that night and you know it. Save the bull for a fool. I ain’t that dude.”

“I never said that. I admit that was extreme, but I have no reason to lie about my feelings for you. I may have been a fool for hiding them, but they were real. And now you’re married.”

“With a baby due next month,” I made clear. “Listen, B, we can’t go back and forth about who did what and who was right or wrong. I don’t have time to do that. It’s obvious that I had some savantry about me back then. Stuff I had no idea how cold it was.” And just to think, I was saved… I didn’t recognize the man she described, but couldn’t deny it was me. “I’m sorry for betraying you, disrespecting you, and overlooking you—if you believe all these years is what I did.”

Brielle sat back in her seat, her arms crossed under her chest.

“But…” she pushed.

“But I can’t go back and fix what I did.”

“You can make good by being at least a friend now.”

I shook my head, my eyes closed.

Finally, I looked up at her puffy face, red with sadness. “I can’t even have you call when you need to talk. I can’t be that type of friend no more.”

“Why?” Her hands went in the air. “Because you’re married? Your wife’s not secure enough to let you have female friends?”

I shook my head again. B probably thought I was disagreeing with her sarcasm. I was responding to the truth.

“This is a fresh start for me, man. She’s the real deal. No industry gimmicks. No recycled groupie. No gold-digger on a come up. She’s my grace.”

Brielle started crying again. I could tell she hated she couldn’t help them. Her eyes rolled away and she tried using her fist to cover her mouth.

“She said you were ordained for her,” she tried through crying.

A silly laugh burst from my belly, my eyes closed and head turned as I tried to hide it. 

“Her little ass ain’t tell me that,” I whispered, not for Brielle to hear.

She acted wounded from Brielle and Terrell’s visit. Like they’d gotten one up on her. She didn’t mention she clapped back. How did I not expect that from her?

Jade is so sneaky! 

“Don’t tell me you met her in church?” Brielle’s voice had calmed a lot, her eyes on me, wanting to know.

I took a deep breath before standing from the table. “Nah. I brought her with me.”

She didn’t speak, but I saw when her mouth dropped and she caught it was time to go. Or maybe that was her reaction to what I’d said. Either way, she stood and grabbed her things. I peeked out of the curtain for a waiter and to let Tyheem and John know I was ready. I’d gotten the attention of Tyheem when Brielle called my name.

I turned to face her.

She couldn’t look at me when she spoke.

“I…uhhh…” She swallowed. “…heard about the charity in Shank’s honor.” Her eyes lifted to me. “I want to donate—” Her palm pumped the air and head shook. “—anonymously, of course.”

“B, that ain’t necessary. Why go through all of that? There’re other organizations raising money for the cause.”

“Because I’ve now known two people with the virus. Shank was the first.” Her eyes bounced from me to the floor, back and forth.

“You mind if I ask—”

Her eyes squeezed closed. “My father.”

It felt like the air was knocked out of me.

I was surprised she was walking out with me, her face so swollen from crying. She seemed so not like the strong, untouchable Brielle we all knew. She walked fast through the restaurant, her people who waited in a different room while we ate flanked around her. Her clasped fists were to her mouth and head bowed.

Outside, we had to wait for our cars to be pulled around. It didn’t take too long for mine. Tyheem must have gone for it when I looked out from the curtain earlier. When the truck stopped in front of the restaurant, I gave Brielle a final look. I had the intent to say goodbye. But when I saw those light brown eyes surrounded by redness, I thought she deserved more than that. What was crazy is I made one step in her direction and Brielle ran the rest of the way into my arms.

“I hate that we ended this way. I swear I hate my life, Trent.”

Her team quickly jumped into action, circling us. I didn’t think we’d have anything to worry about. DiFillippo’s had a strict anti-paparazzi policy. We actually employed security outside to prevent it, which is one of the reasons why we were so popular in the industry.  

But this was Brielle. One of the biggest names in pop culture and music. She was iconic, even way before the age of thirty.

“You be good, Bri-Bri.” I meant that from the heart. I hadn’t called her that nickname in years, but my emotions were that surfaced in the moment. Brielle and I had undeniable history. “I’m gonna be praying for you and your family. A’ight?” I tried smiling to pull one from her.

It worked because she gave one back. “Wish you could do it by my side. That could be us, but you got a wife and child now,” she joked.

I laughed quietly. Proudly, feeling released all of a sudden. Shedding more of my past.

I reached down and kissed her forehead then hugged her again.

“Two,” I whispered. “A big boy and a incoming baby girl. I’m the richest man, yo.”

“You deserve it,” she spoke into my chest hugging me back.

We broke apart and I didn’t look back when I walked over to the back seat of the truck where John was waiting with the door open.

When I got settled in, I pulled out my phone to check the status of the juvenile home visit.

“As you can see, we have lots of space for just three letters.” My short arms stretched high over my head on the gentle green wall with off white polka dots. I tried demonstrating an outline for the baby’s name for the artist, who was over to discuss what I wanted done. “My issue now that you’ve shown me the different styles is it being gawky.”

“Hmmm…” April rocked in the linen swivel glider with her laptop open on her lap. “Maybe. Depending on which style you choose.”

“We can always include her middle name underneath…” he offered as a solution.

I backed away, considering that. Trent and I hadn’t settled on a middle name. He wanted Luna. I didn’t agree. It was Latin and wouldn’t be very authentic for us to name our black child something that blatant of a different culture. But I’d been considering it for peace. Ness was my counter. It blended well with Ava. Ava Ness Bailey. But even that was a Scottish baby name for a boy.

Maybe Nese with two E’s instead of Ss, but the same pronunciation…

I took a deep breath, rolling my eyes. “I don’t know. This is something I wish Daddy could make the call on.”

“Let me go run out to my truck to get the measuring tape. It must’ve dropped from my satchel.”

I nodded as my phone rang in my hand. With my mind still racing on all things baby, spacing, designs, and missing football-playing husbands, I answered right away.

“Hello…”

“Oh, you answer?” I rolled my eyes.

Why did I not look before picking up?

“Kind of busy over here. What’s up?”

“Where’s Ky? He ain’t answering the phone.”

Because it’s not a phone. It’s an iPod for the millionth time. No wifi, no communication!

“He’s with my mother for the night. They’re probably out of the house.”

“Oh, so what you doing?”

My brows met. “Being busy. Why?”

“I just wanted to know if you still mad at me. Still waiting on that apology?”

I heard the cockiness in his tone. I didn’t have time for this.

“Not today. Won’t be tomorrow. And now that I’m thinking about it, not yesterday either. Hope that answers your question. I have to go now.”

“Whoa…whoa…whoa! Don’t hang up. I’m just trying to be a familiar friend in the line of fire. I’m sure you done heard about ya hubby being a real man.”

“What?”

“The honeymoon done ended, I see.” I could hear the antagonizing amusement in his throaty delivery.

I gripped my forehead. “Again, Ryshon, I’m busy and don’t have time for romper room ludic frolics today.”

Behind me, I could hear the artist was back, pulling the tape out of its case.

“Now. Now. Now,” he warned, almost like groaned. “Don’t go white girl on me. I’m a familiar friend. You gone need me now that he showed his ass. Unless you gone stay with him. It ain’t fair if you do. You always rode my ass when I was doing the same shit as him. Only difference is his shit on blast through social media. Me? I’m just a local ass nigga. Only E.O.” I moved toward April and put my phone on mute.

“Go to Spilling That Hot Tea website,” I ordered curiously.

Impatient, I decided to go from my phone as Ryshon continued.

“And all he fucks with is bangers. They all got long weaves down they backs, big asses that bounce, titties that dance for him. They got pretty faces, too. You ain’t got nothing they ain’t got. But they got something you don’t. They got a stash. You ain’t got no job, working on ya second baby daddy, and because you married, you think you covered. Lemme put you D, baby girl: dude got big time lawyers that ran circles around your ordinary self. You ain’t got access to no real paper and when you leave, it’s gone take a minute for you to get the pennies you think you deserve. So, what you gone do now, Jadee?”

My heart thundered as I made it to Spilling That Hot Tea’s IG page. Two pictures into the page were images of Trent, standing outside of DiFillippo’s in a deep embrace with none other than Brielle. My hands began to tremble with what they held. Ryshon’s sinister tone came from them, and a video, as I swiped, played of my husband, smiling betrayingly down into her eyes. Her legs were bare in short shorts as they reached up his towering frame, calves tight and extended from long chunky heels. She was too happy there, too familiar in those big arms I called home.

I sucked back a cry, head spinning.

“Jade!” April called me. My eyes shot to her, watching her approach. Her expression told me everything. She’d seen the pictures and video, too. “You okay? You’re shaking, baby!”

“I’m just ya friend,” Ryshon continued, not knowing he’d been muted. “Look. You know I always got Ky, but I’ll be good to you, too. I’m investing in real estate in Irvington. I can probably hook you up with something once I get shit poppin’. If you get a job, I could use ya credit and cut you in, even.”

I was on sensory overload. Realizing I could eliminate one stressor, I tapped away to disconnect the call. In the next beat, another came through. Lashawn. I tapped to reject that call, needing to go back to the pictures and videos. This couldn’t be true. Trent couldn’t have kept running into Brielle from me. After all we’d been through with her… How understanding I’d been. Had I played that much of a fool to him?

Is this what I should expect from a man of Trent’s caliber?

My phone rang again. Elle. I tapped to reject the call. My eyes closed from the wave of nausea washing over me. Then I felt pressure around me, deepening and deepening.

“Jade, baby!” April cried. “It’s just me. You okay?” Her expression was alarmed.

I was out of breath, eyes and mouth wide open. Van, the artist, peering over to me with red cheeks.

“He’s asking if he should get started on the outline now,” April sounded as though she was repeating that information to me.

I found my head shaking before I did the words to corroborate the action.

“No!” I spat quickly. “I-I’ll call you when we’re—I’m ready to get started.”

I couldn’t process his response, but saw him pack up his things.

“I’ll walk you out!” April wobbled after him as I sat down in the glider.

My cell sounded again. Again, I rejected the call, wanting to go back to the pictures and video. When the calls grew excessive, I grabbed April’s laptop from the ottoman and viewed the blog from where she had it pulled up.

This felt like déjà vu. Last year, right after we were married, I’d crudely learned they even knew each other and were once lovers. I let the concert fiasco go. She showed up on his doorstep with familiarity, and I’d dismissed it. I learned he’d possibly impregnated her, and dropped it immediately. And what good had that done me? We weren’t two months from our wedding day and I’m being embarrassed again.

And I finally included him on my Instagram! What a slap in the face!

This was beyond an assumption of cheating. It was about Trent continuing to keep pertinent information from me. Like his mother being in the hospital and him attempting to see her several times. He may share his bank account with me, but that isn’t all he’s made of. My husband still didn’t trust me. We would never get around that.

“Jade, I know what it looks like.” April was upon me. At first my eyes were out of focus, I was so engulfed in my thoughts and the images of my husband engaging in an intimate juxtaposition with another woman. “We need to think about this and wait for Trent to explain it.”

Too easily, I forced a smile to my face. I closed the laptop and stood, handing it to her.

“That isn’t necessary.” My phone sounded of a text. It was Ryshon, still talking about my marriage being over so soon. Another cry wanted to erupt and I caught it again. I took a deep breath. “You got everything packed? You’re going to be hitting the road soon, right?” I made my way to the door, April was on my heels. “I’m going to pull out those brownies and ambrosia for you. Okay?”

I didn’t wait for April to answer as I ambled down the hall, rubbing my belly.

“You sure you gone be okay?” April asked from the front seat as I placed the pans of sweets on the floor in the back seat.

I closed the door and walked over to her on the driver’s side.

“Woman, I’ll be fine!” I tried to laugh.

“Just call him. You gotta hear from him what happened.”

“I know.” I tried to be silly and roll my neck.

I wasn’t a good actor, but I tried deflecting.

“You ladies don’t drink too much of that E&J!” I giggled.

“Girl, I stole a bottle of Trent’s Mauve!” She fell into a fit of giggles. “We gone be eating and sipping good these next few days!”

I tapped her arm inside the car then backed away. Tell your sister I said happy birthday. I’ll see you in a couple of days when you get back.”

April was going down to Camden to celebrate her sister and a family-friend’s birthdays.  She planned on returning in two days. Since she’d been staying with us, she’d spent no nights at her place. She’d only go down every other week or so and spot clean. It was fine with me. April had become a fixture around the mansion. We all enjoyed her.

“You gone be here by yourself tonight, Jade.” Worry etched her face. “What you gone do?”

I took a deep breath, with my arms folded over my round belly, I sighed. “Buy some furniture. You know me: always setting up shop.” I smiled tightly.

Then I blew her a goodbye kiss, prompting her to pull out of the garage. April’s face was doused with confusion.

My mind was not.