I can’t tell Rory the truth, that I’m no more ready to have a baby than she is. But this realization that she’s pregnant has flipped a switch in me. It’s as if everything I’ve fucked up over the past six months has faded away and I can finally see clearly. This is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for. This is going to make all the lies and the guilt worth it.

I kiss the top of her head and she sobs into my T-shirt. “Hey,” I whisper in her ear. “I know you’re scared, but I think I know how to fix that.”

She swipes the back of her hand across her nose and I can’t help but smile. I grab the back of her neck with one hand and with the other hand I pull up the bottom of my T-shirt to wipe her nose.

She laughs as she pushes me away. “What are you doing?”

I chuckle as I grab her face so she can’t get away. “Come here, Scar. Let me wipe your snot.”

“Ew! Stop it!” she protests, giggling hysterically as I try to wrangle her in.

She loves it when I call her Scar. It’s short for Scarlet, for her red hair, but also because sometimes she’s as mean as Scar from The Lion King.

“See, I’ll make an excellent father. I’ve watched The Lion King and I know how to wipe snot. You don’t have to be afraid.”

“Shut up.” This takes some of the fight out of her, but she’s still smiling uncontrollably as I pull her close. “Stop trying to make me laugh. This is serious.”

I kiss the tip of her nose and wrap my arms around her shoulders. One of the things I love the most about her is that, at five-foot-four, she’s twelve inches shorter than I am. I just want to tuck her in my pocket and keep her with me everywhere I go.

Plus, it makes for great wall sex.

“I know this is serious, which is exactly why I’m trying to make you laugh. That’s the only way we’ll get through this.”

Her arms loosen around my waist and she looks up at me with those round hazel eyes that have never seen the real me. “What do you mean by ‘That’s the only way we’ll get through this’? How are we going to get through this?”

I know there’s only one correct response to this question, but I don’t know if I can bring myself to say it. Once I say the words, there’s no taking them back. I’ll have to back up those words with actions, because there’s no other alternative. Not for me.

I consider leaving the room to get the ring I have hidden underneath our bed, but I’m afraid I’ll talk myself out of it in the short time it will take to do that. I’ve already spent the past couple of weeks since I got her the ring trying to talk myself out of it, convincing myself that nothing good will come of it.

That’s it. I’m doing it.

I take both her hands in mine, then I step back and look her in the eye as I get down on one knee. Her eyes widen and her whole body begins to tremble. She knows what I’m about to do.

“Rory—Aurora—well, I—I don’t know the proper way to do this.”

“Houston, please, you don’t have—”

“No, just listen.”

Rory knows there’s no use trying to talk me out of doing something once my mind is set. But is my mind really set on this?

She smiles as she kneels before me. “Then I’m coming down here with you.”

“Get up, baby. It’s my turn to get on my knees.”

She smacks my arm and I smile as I try to help her back to her feet, but she refuses to stand. “I’m not getting up. If we’re doing this, we’re doing it together… from beginning to end.”

Her words make my stomach vault into my throat. I can’t do this. If I marry Rory, then I’ll have no choice but to tell her the truth. And I love her too much to do that.

“Get up, Rory. We can’t do this.”

“What?”

I stand up and hold my hand out to help her up, trying not to look her in the eye so I can’t see the hurt. She stands up and I don’t see her hand coming at me until it’s too late. Her palm lands hard on my jaw, making a popping sound so loud I think she may have broken something.

“What the fuck?” I roar at her, rubbing my face to soothe the burn.

“I knew you were an asshole, but I never thought you’d do something like this. You just made a fool out of me. What kind of person stops proposing in the middle of the proposal? An asshole.”

“Getting married isn’t the answer.”

She storms off toward the bedroom and stuffs her laptop back into her backpack. “I’m leaving.”

“Rory, please, just stay. We need to talk about this.”

“I don’t want to talk to you.” She pulls the backpack on and rounds on me. “I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to know you.”

My chest aches as I finally grasp that this is it. This is the solution I’ve been waiting for since the day I realized inviting Rory to live with me was a huge mistake. Though I know this is what I’ve been waiting for, there is no sense of relief and it doesn’t hurt any less. On the contrary, it fucking kills.

“You don’t have to leave. The rent is paid up until the end of June. That’s thirty-four days. You can keep the apartment and I’ll stay with Troy until I find another place.”

She laughs as she wipes tears from her cheeks. “I knew this would be your reaction. I knew the minute they told me the test was positive that this would happen. You’re so fucking predictable it’s disgusting.”

I know I deserve this, but I wish I could grab her and shake her and force her to see the truth. The truth that has been right under her nose for six months. The truth that I have so foolishly hidden from her when I should have told her everything from the beginning. Then I wouldn’t feel like the past six months of my life were a lie.

I want to take her in my arms and apologize for not being a better man, but she needs a clean break. She doesn’t need me begging for forgiveness and further confusing the situation. This is the end. It has to end now or it will only get worse before it ends later.

“What do you need?” I ask, breaking the heavy silence.

She looks up at me, confused by this question.

“I mean, do you need money for the… procedure?” I clarify.

Her lips tremble as she presses them together and turns her head so she doesn’t have to look at me. “I need you to get out.”

“I don’t want you to do this alone.”

“Just get out,” she whispers.

“Baby—I mean, fuck, Rory. Come on. You can’t do this alone.”

She steps around me. “Fine. I’ll leave.”

I grab her forearm to stop her. “No, I’ll leave. You stay.”

I can’t allow her to leave this apartment. I don’t know where she’ll end up. She doesn’t have any close friends anymore.

Striding past her, I turn around when I reach the doorway, marveling at the mess I’ve made. “You’re staying. I’m leaving.” I grab the doorframe for support as it hits me that I’ve just made the worst mistake of my life. “And I promise I won’t bother you, but I need you to promise me something, too.”

She stares at the carpet, unwilling to meet my gaze.

“Rory, please promise me you’ll call if you need anything. Ever.”

She steps backward and sits down on the edge of the bed, still refusing to look up at me. “Just get out.”