Bryan

“So, how did this gig with us switch?” Drew asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean this whole thing where you spend more time in the office than I do. How did that happen?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “Just did, I guess.”

“Still got Hailey on your mind?” he asked.

“Seriously? You’re gonna say her name, just like that?”

“I’ll take that as a hard ‘yes’. Dude, I’m really sorry about all that shit. It’s messed up as hell. You really had something good with her, and I really liked her sister.”

“Yeah, we all know you did,” I said, grinning.

“Hey. I’m a gentleman. None of that stuff happened.”

“Wait, you didn’t sleep with Anna?” I asked.

“Nah, dude. That night when we split ways after the fireworks, we just went back to Hailey’s apartment and had wine and talked. She isn’t ashamed of drinking the cheap stuff, man. It was awesome. I enjoy a woman who owns up to her stuff without shame.”

“If only the apple didn’t fall far from the tree,” I said.

“What do you want out of life, Bryan?” he asked.

“What the hell kinda question is that? Drew, I got a lot of work to do. Can this wait until later?”

“No. Because you’re still moping around. Now, what do you want out of life?”

I watched Drew shut my office door before he pulled up a chair. There was a small grin on his face like he had something up his sleeve. I finished typing up a document I needed to get sent to my foreman Duke before lunchtime rolled around. Then, I shut my computer down and decided to go ahead and take my lunch break.

“Okay. I’ll bite. I want to continue helping people.”

“Good. Nice start. What else, man?”

“I want to continue holding the memorial ceremonies for my brother,” I said.

“All right. Good stuff. What else?” he asked.

“I’m not sure if construction is the way to do it,” I said.

“Wait. that’s new. When did this happen?” he asked.

“I want to keep giving away a home on each property to renovate and build upon, but I don’t know if the homeless outreach is the way to be helping people anymore.”

“But it does a great deal of good.”

“I know. I guess I don’t really want to stop it. I just ...”

“Wanna expand it?” he asked.

“I guess. I don’t really know. I haven’t been sure about anything for weeks now.”

“Hence why we’re having this conversation. I have a feeling you’ve been cooped up in this office because your head isn’t in the game anymore, dude. I think you go out there and see those homeless guys you employ, and it reminds you of Hailey. So you sit up here, thinking you can escape it by not facing it.”

“I’ve faced it enough,” I said.

“Yeah. Staring down the top end of a beer bottle. You know why I went into construction work?”

“Because you didn’t think you could support yourself doing all your tattoo work,” I said.

“I bring all this shit up because now that I’m the boss alongside you, I’m not so sure about construction work being my life forever.”

“We did talk a couple months ago about your hypothetical tattoo shop. You given any more thought to that?” I asked.

“A lot of thought, actually.”

I was a bit surprised. Yes, Drew had always been into tattooing and things, but he’d always given off the vibe that he enjoyed this place. We grew this business with our bare hands, pulling eighteen-hour work days building up sites by ourselves just to garner a reputation. Hell, our initials made up the name of the company that was just now starting to grow beyond San Diego.

“Are you thinking about leaving?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m kind of sitting in the same boat you are. I know how I feel. I just don’t know where to go from here, dude.”

“Well, you’ve got the smaller share of the company. It’d be easy for you to sell it off to me and take the money to go start your new business venture. Or, you could sell part of it and still keep a small chunk of the company as cash flow for when you need it. It’ll take time for you to be profitable, but I think you could handle it,” I said.

“You seem to have given this a lot of thought,” he said, grinning.

“I’ve been entertaining the idea of running this place alone ever since we had that conversation that night. I want to be ready with steps and options for whenever you do make your decision.”

“Well, don’t go kicking me out yet, man. I’m still not sure how I feel,” he said.

“I can sympathize with that,” I said, sighing.

“Maybe you should drop back down to hiring one homeless person per project. Maybe you’re simply taking on too many.”

“That could be it. I don’t know. My head hadn’t been in the right space lately,” I said.

“And I think I know why,” he said.

“Don’t say her name.”

“She who shall not ever be named is swirling around in your head. What the hell happened with that conversation anyway?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said.

“You gave me the gist, but there’s something that isn’t sitting right with you.”

“There’s a lot that isn’t sitting right with me like the fact that I still dream about her.”

“You were in love. You still are. That’s obvious, and that takes time,” he said. “But there’s something else.”

“Yes, there is.”

“Talk to me, dude,” he said.

“No. because I don’t know if it’s true.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” he asked.

“Because her answer to the first question I ever asked her was a fucking lie,” I said.

“Okay. Point proven, but still, after falling in love with you—and we know she did—why would she lie to you then?”

“To keep me around so she could continue to use me in whatever other ways she wanted.”

“Use you?” he asked.

“Yep. I cut a deal with her, and she used me for my construction work. She asked me out to dinner, so she could use me to quell her own guilt that stems from her own history with John, and she used me for her own stress relief by telling me whatever I wanted to hear so I’d sleep with her.”

“Is that all the shit you think?” he asked. “Are you even listening to yourself?”

“She fucking lied to me, Drew. About everything.”

“I don’t think she lied to you about as much as you think. She withheld a great deal, yes. Should she have told you? Definitely. But the only lie she told was about not being there at that bar, and that reason could’ve been as simple as ‘I didn’t wanna piss him off.’ ”

“Why the hell would that have pissed me off?” I asked.

“Because she was a stranger to everyone in that room. She knew your brother, sure, but you were surrounded by family and best friends. Maybe she thought you would’ve regarded her as an intrusion. Maybe she thought you were coming over to bitch her out. You’re a scary dude when you don’t smile. Any number of things could’ve been running through her head, man.”

“Whatever,” I said.

“You know what it sounds like you need?” he asked.

“A beer?”

“No. A thorough chat with Hailey.”

“What?” I asked.

“Yeah. I think you need to track her down, sit her down, and have a level-headed conversation.”

“I’m not sitting down and talking with that woman,” I said.

“I think you should. Make it clear you aren’t there to reconcile and then ask questions. From what you’ve told me, it sounded like she threw a lot of information at you while she was crying. Things get muddled and misinterpreted. If there’s one thing you deserve, it’s the truth, but it’s hard to convey the truth with emotions. Find her, sit her down, and have a level-headed conversation where you ask the questions and she answers.”

“What if she doesn’t go for it?” I asked.

“She’s been hounding you for over a month. She’ll be happy you showed the fuck up. Plus, you need to be able to get back to that end of town. I miss that diner something fierce.”

“Seriously? You’re telling me to do this because of food?” I asked.

“No, I’m telling you to do this because it’s for your own good, although I happen to have a stake in it too.”

“Which is food,” I said.

“Yes. Get over it. We’ve both been avoiding the place since the break-up, and our new diner doesn’t cut it.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“They don’t even have homemade milkshakes,” he exclaimed.

“No, they most certainly don’t.”

“Talk to her,” he said.

“It’s pointless. I’m through with her.”

“We both know that’s a bullshit lie,” he said. “From what I saw of you when you were on your break and what I’m seeing now, you’re anything but done with her.”

“Yes, I am,” I said.

“Keep telling yourself that, but it’s not true. See how it easy it is to lie?” he asked.

“Fuck you.”

“Yeah, yeah, but you know I’m right,” he said.

“It was just a physical attraction,” I said. “Nothing more.”

“All the more reason for you to go see her. If it was only attraction, have some stereotypical hate sex, fuck her out of your system, and move on.”

“I don’t operate that way, and you know it,” I said.

“Yeah, I know, but it’s worth a shot because you can’t keep going on the way you’re going,” he said.

I knew he was right. No matter what I chose to do, I didn’t have closure. I had so many things I wanted to say to her, so many emotions I needed to get out, and drinking them away wasn’t going to work. I had to breathe life into the feelings swirling through my body. I needed to sit her down and look her in her beautiful eyes while I told her how much she hurt me. I had questions I needed answers to, and I needed to be sitting face-to-face with her.

I needed to make sure she wasn’t lying to me anymore.

“Just think about it,” Drew said as he got up. “You’ve got options, but whatever you choose, make sure you make the most of it. Whether you yell at her, talk with her, or fuck her into oblivion, she’s probably not going to want to see you after that, dude. Make it count.”

I sighed as Drew left the room, and the only thing I could think about was how he was right.

I wasn’t going to fuck her, but I did need to talk with her.

Soon.