Hailey B ryan was getting frustrated, this much I knew. He was beginning to figure out something was wrong, which meant I wasn’t doing a very good job of concealing all this from him. I cursed myself for coming out tonight while we rode in silence back to my apartment, and all the while, I kept thinking about an appropriate time to do all this and to instate the plan I knew would eventually be good for Bryan. But was this really the time to end things with him? We slowly pulled up into the parking lot of my apartment complex, and he cut off his truck. We sat there for a little bit, simply digesting the night while my head laid against the car window glass. I was actually feeling a bit better, honestly. The nausea that had accompanied my headache and rid me of my appetite was finally gone, and I felt the creeping hunger I knew would ensue after it. I unbuckled my seatbelt and went to get out, but at that moment, Bryan reached out and grabbed my hand. I panned my gaze over to him, his eyes filled with worry while he studied my body. He was clocking things about me and trying to put all the puzzle pieces in place. “I’m really sorry for ruining dinner,” I said. “I want to get one thing clear with you right now,” he said. I felt my blood run cold at the tone of his voice. “My only concern in life right now is you. I know something’s not right. I know you’re hiding something from me, and I know you’re hiding it because you’re afraid of how I’ll react. But I need you to believe me when I tell you that I love you, that I care for you, that I’m here whether you want me to be or not. What happened at dinner, I don’t give a shit about. What I care about is making sure you’re okay. You will always be my main concern, Hailey. Always.”
Tears of shock rose to my face while my eyes danced wildly around his body. His grip was tight on my hand, but it wasn’t hurtful. Just reassuring. Comforting. Like the words he pieced together in the lower register of his voice that always made me sigh and shiver. I felt the love he had for me radiating through our connection point, warming my skin as I nodded my head.
“You’ve been a bit distant lately,” he said.
“We’re just busy,” I said.
“Hailey...”
“Look. We’re busy. Really, really busy. And a lot is happening in all of our lives. All of ours. And I love you, too. So much, Bryan. But we all have other important things we are trying to accomplish to make our lives what we want them to be. And sometimes, those dreams mean sacrifices of time and people, of homes, and of other things. Chasing our dreams means we’ll have to sacrifice time with one another. Don’t misconstrue our lack of time together as distance. It only means we’re chasing our dreams.”
“You didn’t mention your dreams at dinner, though,” he said. “Why didn’t you talk about your art therapy classes?”
“I haven’t had anyone interested in them yet,” I said.
In truth, I hadn’t advertised them yet. There was no use in advertising classes I wouldn’t be alive to teach, but I couldn’t tell him that. I couldn’t tell him that I was going to dump him and travel Europe and sell my artwork and die so he could get the millions from my sold artwork to help even more people.
How the fuck was I supposed to tell him my own plans for my future?
“That’s why I wanted you to move in with me because even those passing moments amount to so much,” he said. “Bryan, you know we—” “Move in with me, Hailey. I’m serious.” “It’s not the right time,” I said. “Whatever’s holding you back, I’ll fix it. I’ll pay to get you out of your lease. I’ll give you the extra gas money to get to and from work. Hell, I’ll help you move the gallery closer to my place if it means I get to hold you at night,” he said. “Bryan, come on. You’re not even being reasonable,” I said. “Why?” he asked, the irritation growing in his voice. “Why is wanting to know what’s wrong with you unreasonable? Why is you moving in with me unreasonable?” I could hear the irritation growing in his voice. I wasn’t ready for this conversation. Not yet. I wrenched my hand from his grasp and threw his truck door open, sliding to my feet as I walked up the steps to my apartment. I heard Bryan hot on my heels, his presence following me like a looming shadow I wanted to pretend didn’t exist. I wanted to pretend I wasn’t sick, so I wouldn’t have to think about it while I was with him. I didn’t want my illness tainting the beauty I experienced with him. “Just talk to me, Hailey,” he said. “That’s all I’m asking you to do.” I threw my apartment door open, and I heard Bryan shut it behind him. “Hailey, stop,” he said. I couldn’t take this anymore. He was hell-bent on getting me to talk tonight, and I wasn’t ready to. I whipped around and looked at him, his wild eyes drifting over my form again as he slowly approached me. But before he could say another word, I threw my lips into his. I wanted to distract him, to derail him from the train of thought he was going down. I knew Bryan well, and I knew when he got latched onto something, he wouldn’t let it go until he’d figured it out. I knew if I could kiss him deeply enough, I could get his mind off of what he had been trying to figure out all evening. However, I didn’t expect his kiss back to be so passionate after being so frustrated, and soon, we tumbled to my couch while my nipples rose to painfully wonderful peaks. My back hit the couch while his hands explored my body. He groped my breasts while his tongue prodded my mouth. His hand raked through my hair while my hips rolled into his. His hands fluttered up my shirt, raising goosebumps off my skin with every caress his warm fingertips made against my body. And right then, I allowed Bryan’s love for me push all of my worries from my head. His lips traveled down to my neck, sucking in patches of skin as he covered me in reddened marks. My hands raked down his back, feeling the strength of his muscles against his suit coat before I slid it from his shoulders. I sat us up and laid him down on his back, my breasts pressing into him while my lips fluttered along his neck, pulling a groan from between his lips as I smiled. How I would miss those sounds of his. His hands massaged my ass, grinding me down harder into his growing thickness while my hands pulled his shirt from his jeans. I slid my fingernails up his rippling abs, feeling the strength of his chest moving as he drew in a shaking breath. My teeth raked across his neck while his hands wrapped up in the faded tresses of my hair, and our lips were swelling underneath one another’s as he rolled us to the floor. His body was on top of mine while he slowly removed my shirt. He took his off, his skin pressing against mine, and I could feel his warmth filling the coldness of my aching bones. His lips dipped to my nipple, my breasts pulled free from my bra while his hips rolled effortlessly into mine. I pressed his face deeper into my bosom while I reveled in the sensation of him.
“You are, without a doubt, the best thing that’ll ever happen to me, Hailey,” he said as he kissed my breasts. “No matter what.” His words rangheavily in my ears. His body descended between my legs while my hands rubbed up and down his naked back. I looked deep into his powerful brown eyes while his hand continued to play with my nipple, and I sighed with relief when he tugged at it. “I love you so much, Bryan. I need you to understand that,” I said. “I love you, too, Hailey.” “No,” I said as I opened my eyes. “Listen to me.” I finally had his attention, and I pushed him off me before I stood and took him with me. “I love you. With every fiber of my being. You always talk about how Isaved you, but the truth is you saved me too. We saved each other. You’ve opened my eyes to a world of love I never knew existed, especially after being abandoned by my parents. I always wondered what was so wrong with me when they did that and wondered what they hated so much that they were just willing to forget about me and act like I didn’t exist.” His hand came up to cup my cheek, and Inuzzled into the palm of his hand. “I need you to understand that all I want to do is make you happy. You deserve nothing but happiness in your life, and I’m trying so hard to give that to you. Okay?” I could feel the intensity of his stare on me as I turned and pressed a kiss into his palm. I knew he wanted to keep asking questions. I knew he wanted to keep prodding. But as I stood there, removing my bra and allowing my breasts to finally hang free for him, all I wanted was to feel his beauty against my body. All I wanted to do was feel normal. Just for a moment. With him. I took his hand without another word and slowly led him to my bed. He gathered me up in his arms and swept me off my feet, settling my stomach onto the bed before his hands slid down my sides. I shivered as my body came into the contact with my cool bedsheets, but the moment he slid his broad, strong hands down my back, my skin immediately warmed underneath his touch. Suddenly, his hands started at my shoulders. He slowly massaged my aching muscles, almost like he knew I was hurting, and I groaned with relief. He straddled my hips and propped himself up on his knees while his thumbs dug into my muscles, and all I could do was moan and groan while he slowly worked down my back. Goosebumps were rising on my skin while I felt myself flushing with his every touch, and it wasn’t long before he had worked all the way down to my ass before he pulled my skirt off my body. “So beautiful,” he said. His hands delicately massaged my ass, and I felt my panties soaking with my want for him. I raised my hips up into his hands, seeking more and more pressure as he dipped his lips to my skin. He kissed the small of my back, pulling a whimper from between my lips as Ispread my legs for him. I was even trying to prop myself up on my knees while his hands slowly removed my panties. He knocked my knees out from underneath me, and I giggled as I crashed to the bed. His lips kissed the globe of my ass time and time again while his hands slowly massaged my legs. It had been weeks since I’d felt this relaxed, and I allowed myself to lose my mind in his ministrations even while my arousal pooled onto the sheets of the bed. He massaged me all the way down to my feet before his calloused
hands lightly drifted up the backs of my legs.