It’s Christmas Eve, one of my favorite holidays, but I don’t feel much like celebrating. Emma refused to let Olivia and I be alone for the holiday, so here we are at Katie’s with the girls and kids, but I’ve never been so alone. I can’t help but hide away from everyone as they enjoy opening presents and spending time together.

I’m trying to put on a brave face for Olivia but having not heard from Justin in over a week is breaking my heart. Now that I finally decided to admit that I have feelings for him, it’s too late. I let my fear keep me from something that could have been amazing for both Olivia and me.

“Why so serious?” Katie says, in her best Heath Ledger impression. She seriously sucks, but I can’t help but smile.

Before I have a chance to stop myself, I murmur, “I just miss him.” A single tear escapes and I swipe it from my cheek. Katie wraps her arm around me in silent support. All the girls have rallied around me this past week, sensing my spiraling mood. Even Avery and Amber, being new mothers, they have no time for anything, but they seem to make time to make sure that I am alright, even if it is only a phone call. It’s reassuring to know that although I have lost that connection to Justin, I still have my new “family” here to support me. I don’t think I could bear any of this alone.

“It’s going to be okay, I promise. We are going to Skype with the guys soon, you can at least check to make sure he is alright. I know you have to be worried.” Katie gives me one last squeeze before reaching for my hand and pulling me toward the living room where everyone else is situated around the television.

I’m shocked at how much care Logan and the rest of the team have gone through to make sure they can all see each other during the holiday. The entire room is outfitted with surround sound and projector TV, this way the kids don’t have to be confined and everyone can see each other at the same time.

Avery and Amber are situated on the couch with Bristol and Braxton cradled in their arms. Emma and Jimmy are snuggled on the other end of the sectional with Olivia plopped right on Jimmy’s lap. Olivia has decided since she can’t have her Batman for Christmas, she can settle for Grandpa. Jimmy pretends to be grumpy about it, but we can all tell how much he loves having her around. I keep telling Emma she needs to give that man some babies, but she’s young and has her whole life ahead of her.

Just as I have a seat next to Emma, the room erupts with cheers as a ringing comes through the speakers. It seems I’m just in time for the call. “I can’t help but feel like I’m intruding.” I lean over and whisper into Emma’s ear.

“You’re family,” Emma says before wrapping her arm around me. I lay my head on her shoulder as Olivia climbs over everyone to get into my lap.

“We see Ba’man, Momma?” The hope in her eyes almost breaks my heart. I’m at a loss for words. He doesn’t want us, but I can’t tell her that. Sensing my hesitation, Emma chimes in.

“Batman is working right now, but if he finishes in time, he will come see us for sure! Why not come meet Uncle Charlie and Uncle Logan?!”

“Unca Chawee?” Olivia’s face immediately lights up with a smile.

“I call dibs! I don’t know who she belongs to, but she is mine now,” I hear a voice boom over the speakers.

“Oh no mister, you have two boys of your own. This one belongs to me,” I smart back, trying to fake a smile. I see the spitting image of Bristol and Braxton on the screen. I don’t know how anyone is going to tell people apart in that family.

“Maybe we can work out a custody agreement or something?” Charlie says with a smirk, I can tell that Avery and Amber have their hands full with this one.

“Sure, do you babysit?” I ask with a smile, already knowing the answer. Before he can even respond, Avery chimes in.

“He has a serious case of diaper duty when he comes home for the foreseeable future.” Amber nods her head in response. “The only babies you will be babysitting are your own, Mister Mom.” You can see nothing but love radiating off of these three as they stare at each other, I can’t help the jealousy that I feel. Not wanting to sour everyone’s mood, I try to find a place to escape to.

“Now that no one is trying to steal Livie, I am going to grab something to drink. Anyone want anything?” I plaster a fake smile on my face, but Emma notices. She gives my hand a squeeze before shaking her head no and whispering for me to go on ahead. Barely able to keep it together long enough to make it into the kitchen.

The pain engulfs me as soon as I turn the corner, barely out of sight of everyone in the living room. I slide down the wall to the floor, covering my mouth with both hands to hold in the sound of my tears. I cry for so many things at this moment—for the loss of my first love, for the loneliness I feel right now, for the loss Olivia must feel only having a mother. However, most of all, I cry for the loss of Justin, my friend, that has come to mean so much more to me in such a short amount of time.

I thought that any feelings of love had died with Trent, that I only had room in my heart for Olivia. However, just the short amount of time I have spent writing and getting to know Justin has meant so much to me.

I jump in surprise as a hand rests on my shoulder, turning to see Emma looking down at me with tears streaming down her face as well.

“I’m so sorry that I can’t make the pain go away. I wish I knew what was going through my brother’s head or why he is being this way right now, but I do know one thing. He is a good man, and he would never desert either of you. Believe in that, please.” She holds out a thin wrapped package and envelope to me. “Merry Christmas, from Justin. I already gave Olivia hers. He sent them to me before you guys stopped speaking, but I am sure he would have wanted you to still have it.”

“I can’t,” I begin, but she shakes her head no and turns to head back to the living room. With shaking hands, I open the envelope.

Shaking my head, I begin to unwrap the present. What I find shocks me to the core. A signed copy of the first appearance of Catwoman - me. His Catwoman.

Without words, Justin has told me everything that I needed to know. He wants me, both of us for the long haul. That no matter what he will protect us from everything, just like Batman does. Tears spring to my eyes as I let out a full belly laugh, even in my nerdiness, this man gets me. Pushing up from my position on the floor, I head back to the living room to join my family and finally face my fears.