19
JUSTIN
This past week has been hell. I responded to Becca’s email and expected things to go back to normal, but instead, there has been nothing but radio silence. I have even resorted to asking Emma what’s going on, but all she says is to ask Becca. If only it were that easy. So instead, I torture my men.
Gone are the lazy days playing volleyball and hanging out in the bunk room. If we aren’t on watch, they are training, if they aren’t training, they are sleeping. I am sure when they go to sleep at night, they curse my name, but I don’t even care anymore. Misery loves company, so I want to make them as miserable as I am right now.
After coming back from chow, I walk into the bunkhouse and am greeted with Avery and Amber video streaming with Charlie. Two beautiful baby boys fill the screen. Dark hair with eyes just like their father. We got the call just a few hours ago, letting us know that the girls had gone into labor. Charlie begged everyone he could to be able to go home, but a sniper is mission essential. He is not going anywhere any time soon, but we did manage to get him out of duty, so he could Skype with them and see his baby boys.
Jealousy immediately fills my veins as I stomp toward my bunk, throwing my footlocker open. What I wouldn’t give to be able to chat with Becca, or even to hear Olivia call me Batman one more time. My heart squeezes tightly, I reach up and rub my chest, hoping to ease the pain.
“Looks like someone else is just as hard up as you,” Amber purrs, shaking me out of my angry haze.
Charlie spins around. “Ever since Becca gave him the boot, he has been grumpier than a horny rhino.”
“You’re one to talk. You are damn lucky Bristol and Braxton are so damn cute, or you wouldn’t be getting any for the rest of your life, Pussy Destroyer,” Avery snipes in response, as she stares at their little boy.
“Becca and I had to be something for her to give me the boot. She was just a pen pal, nothing more, nothing less.” I let the lid to my locker slam shut. “I’ll let you guys be alone to finish your call. Congratulations, the boys are beautiful.” I barely hear their response as I quickly retreat from the room. Heading into the officers’ tent, I have a seat and begin to pen one final letter to Becca. I have no idea whether she even read my email or not, but I am not going to let this go without getting everything out there in the open.
* * *
It’s been another week since I finally decided to let go of Becca and Olivia. After writing the letter, I decided to file the experience under lessons learned and move on with my life. I apologized to my men for letting my personal life and feelings get in the way of the mission and promised not to let it happen again. They seemed to be shocked at my apology but took it all in stride.
We just got out of another brief for an upcoming mission, this one will be much longer than the last. I should call my sister. With it being Christmas Eve and all I’m sure everyone is together. I don’t want to ruin everyone’s holiday spirit with my bad mood.
I wonder if Emma is still going to give Becca and Olivia the gifts I arranged for them for Christmas. I was able to snag Becca an original Batman #62, the first appearance of Catwoman in her iconic catsuit signed by Stan Lee himself. A buddy of mine that is now a bodyguard for Mr. Lee was able to get him to sign it and shipped it off to Emma for safe keeping for me in time for Christmas. I found the cutest little doll of a little girl dressed up as Batgirl on Amazon, it wasn’t Robin, but I knew Olivia would love it nonetheless.
Being gone on the holidays is always tough but being alone is the worst. All the guys are off having video or phone calls with their families or loved one. Here I sit alone, hoping to hear from two people that I know I never will. Trying to lift my spirits, I open my footlocker and grab my laptop. I can at least send Emma an email to wish her Merry Christmas; my parents are technologically impaired, but they manage to send off an email for Christmas.
My email is full of Merry Christmas emails from my family, but to my surprise, I have one email dated about a week ago from the only person I want to hear from—Becca. I immediately open it and begin reading.
From: [email protected]
Batman,
I’m sorry it has taken me so long to write this email, but I had no idea what to say to you in response. I wasn’t expecting it. You don’t know me or Olivia other than through some emails. How can you be so sure you want to be in our lives for the long haul?
I had that once. I’d known Trent nearly my whole life, and he left me. It wasn’t his fault, but he left me alone, pregnant with no one to support me but my parents. Do you know how that feels? To be alone in the world with a tiny infant whose life depends on you to not mess up? Let me tell you, I would rather be over there in the war zone than do that ever again.
Now that you understand where I’m coming from, please know that it was never my intention to hurt you. I was just trying to protect Olivia from pain. But when I took the time to think about it, I was trying to protect myself as well. I care for you Justin, more than I probably should at this point.
With all that, I’m just asking we take this one step at a time. Emails and letters, that’s all I can give you right now. Maybe a Facebook message chat every once and a while, but no more video calls, for now. I’m not saying never, but I just need time to adjust.
Letting people in is not easy for me,
Catwoman
Hope begins to bloom in my chest. I thought I had lost them, but Becca has given me another insight into what has been going on in her mind these past few weeks. I understand where she is coming from, she doesn’t know me other than from the letters and emails we’ve been exchanging with each other. Right now, I will take the little bit that she is willing to give me. However, when I make it out of this godforsaken sandbox, I will show both her and Olivia that I have no plans of going anywhere in the near future.