Chapter 9
Ashley
Living alone for so long with only my child as company had changed me. I wasn’t used to the hustle and bustle of a large family. The house was packed. Hank and Leslie had both come for a visit and brought their families with them. Hank’s two boys, eight and ten, were teasing the heck out of Leslie’s twin ten-year-old girls with her seven-year-old son adding to the chaos. Poor Jasper was a bit overwhelmed at first, but soon enough he jumped into the fray.
My dad had gone to bed a while ago. His chemo treatment yesterday had zapped his energy. I knew he loved the house loud and chaotic, filled with the laughter of his grandchildren, but he needed to rest.
I wanted to say I missed this kind of chaos, but I didn’t. Maybe I would feel differently if they were all my kids and I knew how to best control the situation, but they weren’t, and it seemed like no one was trying to control anything.
“Outside!” I shouted, unable to hold out another second.
Leslie looked at me and smirked. “Just wait until you have a house full. You’ll learn how to block it all out.”
Hank’s wife, Teresa, looked at me and laughed. “Yep. It is a learned skill.”
I shook my head. “You ladies have the patience of angels. Bless your hearts.”
“We better go make sure they don’t get into any trouble,” Teresa said, grabbing Hank’s hand and leading him out the door.
Anna was sitting on the couch, her arms crossed over her stomach and a glower on her face. “They’re all brats. You guys need to learn to control them.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Those brats are your nieces and nephews. Show a little respect.”
“Ashley, why don’t you crawl off your high horse, pull that stick out of your ass, and shut up!” she shot back.
My eyes widened. I’d had about enough of her crap.
“Anna, what is your problem? You have been a total bitch to me since the minute I got home. Really, why do you hate me?”
She shrugged. “Because you think you’re so perfect. I’m sick of it. You aren’t any better than the rest of us.”
“I never pretended to be.”
“Ha! You took off and never set foot in town again, like you thought you were too good for us.”
Leslie cleared her throat. “Anna, I don’t think that’s the case at all. You know there are reasons she stayed away for so long.”
“What’s really bothering you?” I pressed. I knew my sister well enough to know this wasn’t her usual self. Yes, she could be cranky, but even this was a little much for her.
“You wouldn’t understand.”
Leslie and I exchanged a look. “Actually, I think we would.”
Anna leaned her head against the back of the couch and stared up at the ceiling.
“I’m pregnant,” she blurted out. “I know you two already know so don’t pretend to be surprised.”
“Do you not want to be pregnant?” I asked softly.
She shrugged. “I did. Or I thought I did, but Donnie says he doesn’t think he’s ready for a kid.”
Leslie laughed. “Nobody is ready for a kid. It happens and you roll with it.”
I nodded. “Exactly. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, but I wouldn’t change a thing.”
Anna sat up and looked at us both. “I don’t like being pregnant. It sucks.”
Leslie and I both laughed. “It gets better.”
“Whatever. I know you two are lying.”
My dad came into the living room, and I jumped up. “Hey, Dad. I thought you were taking a nap?”
He shrugged. “I did. I feel better.”
Hank and Teresa came back into the room, saying the kids were settled outside and playing a game of horseshoes. I wasn’t convinced that was the best game to play, but they assured me no one would get hurt. I positioned myself in a chair by the window so I could keep an eye on things. I didn’t want a horseshoe hitting anyone in the head. I remembered playing with my siblings when we were younger, and it tended to get a little violent after someone lost.
“So, who can pitch in to help pay the back mortgage?” I started, not willing to wait for someone else to bring it up. We needed to address the situation and quit pretending everything was fine.
“Who said we were going to pay to keep it?” Hank said.
I looked at him. “What are you talking about? Of course we’re going to fight to save the farm!”
“I don’t want it,” Anna said petulantly.
I looked at Leslie, praying she was on my side. “Oh, I’m all in. I think we need to scrape whatever we can together and find a way to keep the farm.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. At least we were evenly divided. I didn’t think I could go up against all three of them on my own.
“I’m not putting money into a place I don’t even live. Anna comes and goes, but none of us live here for good. None of us want to live here. I could invest in my own home,” Hank said, irritation in his voice.
“Hank, this is our home. It’s where we grew up.”
“So?” Anna interjected. “We grew up here. We don’t live here now. It’s just a house.”
Leslie had my back. “It isn’t just a house. If you remember, Dad lives here. What are you suggesting, that we throw him out on the street? Or is he moving in with one of you?” She looked at Anna and Hank.
“Uh, he is right here and can make his own decisions about where he lives,” my dad said in a weak voice.
We all looked at him but went back to our own bickering.
“What about what I want?” Dad said again in a much firmer tone.
Leslie waved a hand at him. “We’re going to take care of you, Dad. Don’t worry about it.”
I watched as he shook his head and walked out of the living room. He walked out on the porch and watched the kids for a moment before he made his way to where Jasper was playing in the dirt. Dad dropped to his knees beside him and chatted away, Jasper holding up a rock now and again. It warmed my heart to see them bonding.
I wanted Jasper to have these memories on the farm with my dad and his cousins. I wanted him to know the love of a big family. I could see us coming home for Christmas and summer vacations. I couldn’t imagine not having the farm to escape to. Even though I had made a good home for myself in New York, I always knew in the back of my mind that if things got really bad, I had a backup plan.
“How did it get this bad?” I asked, aware that Hank, Anna, and Leslie were right here. Why had they let things get so out of control?
“What do you mean?” Hank asked.
“All of you live here. Did none of you come by and check on Dad? I mean, how could you not know that he was in serious financial trouble?”
Anna scoffed. “There she goes again, back up on her high horse.”
I stood and faced them, my hands on my hips. “I don’t understand why we are in this position today. Why are we having to decide whether or not to save the farm?”
“We have lives, Ash,” Leslie said. “We have our own homes to tend to, our own bills and our own kids that keep us busy.”
“What about you?” I turned to Anna. “You live here, right?”
She shrugged. “I stay here on occasion, but I don’t think I actually live here.”
“That’s a cop-out!”
“Ashley, Dad doesn’t exactly tell us what’s going on,” Hank added. “He’s a grown man. I wouldn’t want my kids or any of you meddling in my affairs.”
I rolled my eyes, “Hank, this is completely different. Dad has been battling cancer. How’d you think he was paying the bills?”
He shrugged. “It wasn’t something I considered. He never said he was having financial trouble.”
I turned to my oldest sister. “Leslie, you called and told me I had to come home because Dad was in real trouble. What exactly am I supposed to do? You all live right here and none of you could do a damn thing. How is it that it falls on me?” I asked, suddenly feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Everyone started talking at once, everyone blaming each other. No one knew and no one had bothered to ask. I didn’t care to hear what they had to say. The little meeting had been completely unproductive. If this was to be my last time at the farm, I wanted to enjoy it instead of arguing with my sisters and brother.
The problem felt like it was mine. If it was mine, then fine. I would deal with it, but I wasn’t going to waste another minute inside when I could be outside.
“I’m done. I am not going to sit here and argue with all of you,” I said, throwing my hands up in the air.
“Run away. Again. That’s what you do best,” Anna spat out.
I turned to glare at her. “It’s better if I walk away before things are said that can’t be taken back. I’m here to see Dad, not to sit here and argue about whether or not our family home is worth saving.”
I headed outside to join Jasper and Dad, leaving my siblings bitching at each other behind me. Leslie called out for me to stop, but I kept going.
“Hey,” I said, dropping to my knees beside Dad and Jasper. “Sorry about that. We shouldn’t have argued like that, and we definitely should have listened to you.”
He smiled. “It’s okay. The last thing I want is for all of you to fight. That was never meant to happen.”
“I know, and we should have behaved better. It’s not about us. It’s about you and what you want.”
He stared out at the cornfields. “What do you think your mother would say if she saw and heard all that nonsense?”
I laughed. “Oh, Dad, she would have never allowed any of this to happen. She would have kicked your butt a long time ago.”
He chuckled. “You’re right. I don’t know what happened, Ashley. I mean I do, but I always figured there would be a way out. My doctor was convinced I wouldn’t need a second round. That’s what really set me back.”
“I know. It’s okay. We’ll fix this. I promise, I will listen to you and your wishes. But like you said, what would Mom have done, or what would she have wanted?”
He let out a long sigh. “This,” he said, rubbing Jasper’s head. “She would have wanted her grandkids to know this place. I imagine she would have wanted big family gatherings out here at the farm and the whole nine yards.”
“Yes, I think you’re right. I’m sure of it. Hey, Dad?”
“Hmm?”
“Why haven’t you remarried? Mom’s been gone a long time.”
He scoffed. “Oh, now, I don’t know. I’ve dated a few women, but none of them were right.”
I knew exactly what he meant. You never got over your first love. Every person who came after that first love was measured against him or her. I had a feeling my dad was looking for Mom 2.0. He would never find her, just like I had never found Brock 2.0. God, I hoped I didn’t end up alone for the rest of my life. I didn’t want to be where my dad was now, facing this horrible crisis alone. Kids didn’t count. He needed a true partner. So did I.