When I wake up again, he's gone and the bed is empty. There's a Post-It on the bedside table saying "Noon." I think my phone is downstairs. I hunt for my pajamas, which are on the nightstand, folded neatly. I pull them on before I go to Danny's room. He's still asleep, but I take him out anyway.  I put the crib attachment on the top of the Pack n Play and settle him there. He's sleeping more deeply than he ever has before. I realize that last night was the first time I didn't have to do a midnight feeding, although maybe Jeff did.

I go to my phone and text Jeff. 

Where should I meet you and did you feed Danny last night?

His reply is pretty swift.

Office and yes

He woke me up last night for sex but not to do my job? That was...I don't know, sweet, I guess. I shake my head. I warm up a bottle so that Danny will have something to eat when he wakes up. Then I drift into my bedroom to get dressed. I remember now that my toothbrush is upstairs. I have a spare manual toothbrush in my bag, which I use rather than run up and down the stairs. I'm tying a scarf over my hair when I hear Danny's breathy little cries.

I go straight out to the living room, where Danny is fussing just a little bit.

"Hey there," I say. I put him in the high chair and give him the warm bottle that I prepared. 

He seems a lot happier than he was before. It looks like I'll be giving him the midwife's magical potion every day. I kiss his little head as he eats his breakfast a little more slowly than he did yesterday. When he's full, he sets down the bottle and grins at me. After grabbing a burping cloth, I pick him up to burp him and he nestles into my shoulder.

When I think that he's been burped enough, the two of us get onto the blanket in the living room that has become our play place. I dump a big basket of toys onto it and he spends the rest of the morning crawling around, stacking things on top of each other, and either watching them fall down or knocking them over himself.

When I see that it's about 11, I go, change him, and make sure that I'm ready for lunch. I put on two layers of lipstick, ombré style. I don't want to look like I'm trying too hard, but I also want to look like I made an effort.

I'm driving my dad's car to the office. It has a parking permit, so I won't have any trouble. I put a spare car seat into Dad's back seat, buckle Danny in, and drive us towards the office. It's not far, but it feels weird driving a baby around, like there's a lot more weight even though he's not that heavy. I have to be careful.

I get there with about 5 minutes to spare. I pull Danny out of the car in a carrier and get into the elevator.

"Hello, Marjorie," I say when I recognize the lady next to me.

"Elia!" Marjorie pats my arm. "What a lovely surprise."

My eyebrows furrow just a little bit. "Didn't you know that I was coming?"

"No," she says. "Why on earth are you here? Did your father ask you to pick something up? We could have it couriered over, you know."

"I'm here for lunch," I say, gesturing to Danny. She looks at the baby. "Danny's used to being around his dad a lot more often than he has been for the last few days, so we thought it would be a good idea for Danny to visit his father at work for a little while. Danny doesn't cry as much when he's around his dad."

"I see," Marjorie said, sounding skeptical. The elevator chimes as we got to their floor.

"Your lunch appointment is here," Marjorie calls. "And I'm going to take my break." She flips a switch on the phone to forward all the calls downstairs, where there is a freelance pool of temps. They can take messages and all the calls are recorded.

"Elia!" Jeff says, leaving his office. I notice that his suit jacket is on the back of his chair. "Danny!"

Danny stretches out his arms. I set him on the ground so that Jeff can hold him. The instant that I unbuckle him, Danny is kicking his legs to try to wiggle out of the chair. Jeff scoops him up and holds him tightly. 

"I missed you," he says, kissing Danny's temple.

"You saw him a few hours ago," I say.

"Still missed him," he says, grinning at me. Marjorie is watching all of this with the focus of a referee at a tennis match. She seems unhappy, the corners of her mouth pointing down. With a sniff, she picks up her purse and walks out the door.

"What did you want to eat for lunch?" I ask. "I don't actually come here for lunch that often..."

"There's a hotel restaurant that serves really good food. I think that it's family friendly." Jeff readjusts Danny in his arms. "It's close enough to walk to."

The three of us take the elevator down and walk two blocks away. I'm holding an empty baby carrier and Danny is swiveling around, trying to take in all the sights. His wispy hair is getting a tiny bit windblown. Jeff's grown-up version of that same hair is getting tousled. He looks like a model next to a wind machine. It's unfair. If I hadn't wrestled my hair into braids, my hair would be a wind-tossed frizzy cloud of sadness. I'm not the kind of girl who has to tease her hair for volume, I can tell you that much.

When we get to the hotel, he slips $20 to the hostess and asks for a table that's somewhat private. We don't mention Danny's colic.

She brings us to a table near the back. I can hear the bustle of the kitchen. We slide into the seats. I put the baby carrier under the table and hope there's nothing sticky under there.

"Your server will be right with you," the hostess says. "Enjoy your meal."

She walks back to the front. I'm covertly looking under the table for any signs of gum. "When do you need to be back at the office?"

"Two hours. I have a meeting at 2."

"Good," I say. Before I can say anything more, his mouth is brushing mine. And then he's kissing me harder, pushing his tongue inside of my mouth. We're both breathless by the time that he's done.

"I couldn't do that in front of Marjorie," he murmurs. Danny is distracted, looking at all the other diners. I don't think he's even noticed what his father is doing, since he has his back to us. Jeff has a hand on Danny's squishy tummy.

"We're in public," I try to say, but it comes out as a moan. I've soaked my panties. It kind of feels like I held them under a waterfall.

"I couldn't wait," he said. "And I'm not trying to hide whatever it is we're doing."

I think about it. My dad is out of the country, and he's really the only person who would fervently object. "I guess so," I say. "But I don't know what we're doing."

"We're dating," he says, tugging lightly on one braid. At least he doesn't chew the ends like Danny does.

He says it like we've discussed it, like it's a done deal and of course we're dating. I suppose he did take my virginity, which means something, right?

"I don't know."

He raises his eyebrows. "Do you think we aren't?"

I lift one shoulder. "I guess we are."

"I know we are." He sounds very sure. "I haven't dated anybody seriously since she died," he continues.

I nod. I know it's true. I've seen women stumbling out of his house in the morning, but never more than once.

"And when it's right, it's right. You're the one."

I'm kind of freaking out. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you're not a one-night stand," he says.

"I hope not," I say. "Considering what we've done..."

"Yeah," he says. "And you're living in my house." He sounds really smug, a little too smug. I twist my hands in my lap and decide to change the subject.

"What do you want to get?"

"I always get a chicken BLT when I'm here. They melt Gruyere, Parmesan, and Romano cheese together on top and it's divine."

"Sounds good. I'll get that too. I'll take your word for it." I frown at the menu. "But I'll ask for a side of mashed potatoes instead of fries. Boiled potatoes have a lower glycemic index than fried potatoes."

"It's lunch," Jeff says. "And I don't think you have diabetes."

"You can't be too careful," I say. "It runs in my dad's side of the family."

Jeff shrugs. I feel really weird, like we aren't gelling. Our lunch date isn't really bonding time. Danny wiggles enough for Jeff to turn him around and help him stand on his thigh, looking over his shoulder. He turns so that Danny can still look at the rest of the restaurant.

Abruptly, I feel very cold. I look up. There's an air vent right over where we're sitting, which is awful. Right now I feel like the only reason I'm having lunch with him is the cover story I gave Marjorie. Watching him take care of his young baby is nice, but I feel like I don't really belong here in a hotel getting a power lunch with my boss. I don't feel like repeating this experience.

We're getting looks from other diners. They can see that I'm not Danny's biological mother. He looks just like Jeff, with the same blond hair and startlingly blue eyes. Danny doesn't resemble me at all.

I want to go home. There’s a really bad feeling in my stomach. I touch the back of my neck and rub it a little bit.

“Could we get the food to go?” I ask.

“Sure,” he says, a light in his eyes that says that he thinks I’m asking for something else. I look at Danny, who reaches for me. I pick him up and pull him into my lap. He pulls himself up with his little fists gripping my shirt.

“You’re getting stronger every day, aren’t you?” I say, kissing his tiny nose.

He yawns so hugely that it’s almost comical.

“You want to go back in your carrier, don’t you?”

Instead of answer me, he pulls himself close to me and buries his face in my shoulder.

“That’s okay, Danny,” I say. “Let’s put you down.”

Jeff holds the carrier still while I put Danny in and drape a blanket over it. Somehow, it’s easy for him to go to bed in public. That new recipe is a miracle.

Our waitress comes. I see the way that her eyes linger on Jeff’s shoulders. He has really broad shoulders. I irrationally want to jump between them and cover him up, even though he’s fully clothed.

“We’d like two chicken BLTs to go.” He points to Danny. “Our kid is asleep.”

I can see her visibly deflate. With the blanket over Danny, she can’t see that Danny isn’t my baby.

“Yeah, no problem,” she says. “I’ll put in the order right now.”

The chicken BLT must be ultra-popular, because the waitress is bringing out a box with the sandwiches in less than 5 minutes.

“That’s the fastest I’ve ever gotten this.” He puts a twenty in the waitress’s hand. “Thanks. I’ll pay the bill up front.”

“Sure,” she says, a smile on her face. “Have a nice day.”

We take the boxes and go outside. I’m holding the baby carrier while Jeff pays the bill. And we’re out on the street.

“Where do you want to eat?”

My mouth feels dry right now.

“The park, I guess.” I’m feeling oddly fragile. We walk to a small park where there are tons of kids all over the playground. I try to ignore the ants that are on the ground and the small anthill that they are streaming out of.

The first bite of food hits me almost as hard as an orgasm.

“Oh my goodness,” I yelp when I’ve swallowed my first bite. “What’s in this?”

“A mix of cheeses created by the hand of God,” Jeff says, laughing. “I told you it was good.”

“What an understatement,” I say. “I’ll get so chubby if I come down here every day.”

He squeezes my hand. “You’re perfect just as you are, Elia.”

I think about my high school crush who told me that I was cute but too fat for him to date.

“Sure,” I say.

“I mean it,” Jeff says.

“It takes more than one sentence to fix a lifetime of insecurity,” I say. “It’s not like I had a mom who could explain all the changes that puberty brought. I had a school nurse and Marjorie, but that was pretty much it.”

“I know,” Jeff says. “Thank God Danny isn’t a girl, or I’d be in the same situation.”

I shrug. “Well, he’s not.” I choke back tears. I’m not usually this emotional, but the idea of a tiny little Danielle who had to grow up without proper support. I’d obviously take a hand and Marjorie might have interfered, but she has to be retirement age now. I wonder for a moment if she stuck around so long because she was keeping an eye on me.

I finish the rest of my sandwich and close the box which has a few shreds of lettuce in it. I’m feeling better with a little food in me.

Jeff must have finished a few minutes ago, because he already threw away his sandwich box.

“You looked lost in thought,” Jeff says.

“Just thinking about what it would be like if you had a little who grew up without a mother, like I did.”

“Maybe I’ll get married again. Your father certainly could have, if you hadn’t despised every candidate on sight.”

I smile. “I stopped screaming eventually. It’s not like it was an eternal scream.”

“Your father respected your wishes.”

“Do you think that a kid can decide that kind of thing?”

“You didn’t have a mother, but you also didn’t have to deal with an evil stepmother.”

“True.”

He looks at his watch. “We should walk back now.” He picks up the baby carrier and we go back to the office building. We get into the elevator. It’s just us, a sleeping baby and a man with a look in his eyes as if he wants to ravish me right here. Before we get to his floor, he leans in and kisses me, baby carrier and all.

“Ahem!” Marjorie says as the doors open.

I blush furiously, my cheeks flooding with heat. She looks between us, a disapproving frown on her lips. “That’s enough!”

“I better get going,” Jeff says sheepishly. He gives me the baby carrier and presses the button for the ground floor. “I’ll see you at home tonight.”

Marjorie looks at my kiss-swollen lips for a minute, shakes her head, and walks away. I cringe inside but take Danny back downstairs to get my dad’s car so we can drive home. I want to take a shower and wash away Marjorie’s disapproval.