Fourteen
Erin ran home, her world flipping upside down. She just needed to be alone. She could reject him anywhere. It was a bad idea to be with him when she did it. Too painful. Too raw. She came into the house quietly. Her dad had gone to bed. She glanced in at him for a moment and listened to his breathing before turning all the lights out and shutting herself in her room.
She laid down on the bed and tried to relax. He body raged, her soul twisted into knots. She curled up, holding herself tight around the ball of need in her core. Erin had never felt desire this strong. Why not? A little voice in her head asked. Just go back. Offer yourself up to him. What difference does it make? He’s yours. You’ve already been together anyway. What does it matter if you do him again? You want to. It doesn’t mean you won’t reject him. It doesn’t have to mean anything.
Ugh. She rolled her face into her pillow. She couldn’t go back. No way. What the hell was she thinking? His damnable words came back to her mind. The rain…and your perfect skin…under my hands. She stood up. She’d been in too much pain. She knew how to make the pain go away.
Erin left the house as quietly as she could.
I’m coming back. She messaged him.
She waited a moment. He didn’t respond. She went invisible and ran back through the shadows to where she’d just been. The physical exertion didn’t ease her desire; it nudged it up a level. She slid right through the barrier and marched up to the front door and knocked loudly.
He opened the door, his expression confused.
“What do you want?”
“You. I want you.”
“No,” his voice was ice and he slammed the door in her face.
She stood there and just blinked a few times. Was this a joke? She backed up a step, unsure what to do. She didn’t feel anything yet, she hadn’t processed what just happened. He opened the door again and stepped out shoving his finger in her face.
“I’m sick of being used for sex! I will not be used anymore, and especially not by you of all people. You and I will have something real, or nothing at all!” he backed up and slammed the door again.
Erin wrung her hands, totally discombobulated. Yeah, okay. That just happened.
She turned to leave but couldn’t. Instead, she sat on the front step. She certainly didn’t feel amorous anymore. She pulled her knees up to her chest, thinking about his unexpected response. Then it hit her like a ton of bricks. It was the first time she’d acknowledged Maddox was a real person, with thoughts and feelings. And she could see what he was saying. He was used…all the time. And she had tried to use him, too.
She rubbed her face. Oh, man. The shame was fast and mean…Time slid past her, and she didn’t move. The night matured, and her butt went numb. She thought about him from an entirely different angle.
He opened the door again after a long while. She looked over her shoulder at him.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“Go home, Erin.”
“No.”
He huffed and shut the door on her again. This time, he turned all the lights out in the house, and she was plunged into darkness. She didn’t care. She wasn’t leaving. Not yet. She didn’t know what she was waiting for, but there was something.
Hours passed. No noise came from the house. For a long time, all was still, so she heard him as soon as he moved around the house again. He didn’t turn on any lights.
The door opened. He came out beside her and draped a fuzzy throw over her shoulders. “I don’t want you to get cold,” he mumbled as he went back into the house shutting the door yet again.
She smiled unconsciously and snuggled into the soft fabric. Her thoughts and emotions finally seemed to settle into place. She waited another hour.
Are you awake? She messaged him.
No.
She snorted. Will you come out here and talk to me? I won’t try to jump you. Promise.
It’s the middle of the night. Why can’t you just let me sleep?
Please come talk to me.
She stared at her watch, waiting. Nothing. Her heart sank. Sad, she stood and decided to finally leave. She folded the throw and set it next to the front door. The porch light turned on, and he opened the door. He reached down, grabbed the throw, laid it out flat on the stair, and sat down on it. She sat next to him. He sighed and pulled a joint from his pocket. He lit it, took a drag and handed it to her. She pursed her lips for a second. She’d never smoked anything. She took it and inhaled. Her coughed ripped loudly through the quiet. He chuckled and took it back.
They sat there in silence for a few minutes. She felt a wave of anxiety from him. He finished smoking and stubbed the thing out on the porch.
“I was in love once,” he said abruptly. “I was eighteen. She crashed into my life and took over me, and I loved every minute of it. Bess—her name was Bess. Things got serious with us after we started having sex. She was my first. We were together all the time. We did everything together. She spent a lot of time here with my family. For a while, it all seemed normal and perfect. I thought we would be forever.” He paused and rubbed his head. “Then I learned the truth, and it was freaking Jerry Springer level bullshit.”
“Jerry Springer?”
“Yeah…sorry, I was raised on Earth stuff. Long story.”
“What was the truth?” she prompted.
“The crazy bitch had the hots for my dad. She had a screw loose. Apparently, she’d obsessed about him for years, and she used me to try and get close to him.”
“Oh my gosh! She really thought she could get him? I mean your mom and him…”
He laughed darkly. “Yeah. Screw loose, like I said. My folks haven’t ever stopped being crazy about each other. Their bond is seriously strong. Anyway, that got ugly real fast.”
“I can’t believe your mom didn’t kill her.”
He laughed again. “No need. She’s secure. She knows my dad isn’t going anywhere. She did enjoy scaring the hell out of Bess though before she threw her out. I never saw her again…I swore I would never be deceived again. That no one would ever use me again. I would be the one who used. Of course, despite my resolve, I was used all the time. So I got meaner and meaner to protect myself. People see me. They look at me, but they don’t know me. I don’t show myself to anyone.”
“Will you show me?”
He looked at her sideways. “I want to, but I think I need to protect myself from you maybe more than anyone else.”
“Hmm…” she mulled that one over. “I can understand that…I’ve been out here for hours just thinking about what you said, trying to see through your eyes. I’m sorry for the way I came back here. I was only thinking about myself, and I thought since…”
“What? Since I’m a guy I’d just go for it?”
Her cheeks heated. “I wasn’t thinking much of anything, Maddox. I was hurting. It’s not like you haven’t made some advances toward me, though.”
“Earlier…holding you… Thinking it was over between us, changed things for me. Are you going to end it or not?”
“I don’t know.”
He raised his eyebrows at her. “Well, that’s different. You’re unsure?”
“I…why do you want me, Maddox?”
He looked away. “Lots of reasons…I can’t trust new people. I can’t have a real relationship. But you…you’re supposed to be mine. I should be able to trust you because you’d never want to hurt me. Because you didn’t come to me trying to consume some fantasy idea of a person. Because I feel your heart inside my own. My whole life, I’ve seen what my parents have. Of course, I want that. To be able to trust without restraint…to love you.”
Her heart responded to his words, against her will. “Don’t you feel resentment though, that there was no choice for you? That Melina or someone else that gorgeous and stylish wasn’t picked for you? Instead, you get this?” she gestured at herself.
“You’re insecure? That’s fascinating…All right, I’m giving a lot here, so I expect you to begin to open up soon and let me know about you.”
“Huh?”
He took her hand and held it against his chest. “I want you to know I’m not lying…I saw you before you came here to kill me. In the crowd, on a dance floor. Just the side of your face, that’s all I could see. I immediately tried to get to you, but I lost you. I’ve never chased anyone. The loss I felt was abnormal for such a random passing situation. I was so angry. You possessed me. I was determined to find you.”
“It was probably just our future connection driving you.”
He turned to her and touched the ends of her hair. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You can think disparagingly about your appearance, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and I’m constantly surrounded by beauty. Everyone you passed earlier tonight was stunned. I want you so much. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you. You could rule the world with this face…” his eyes roamed lower. “This body that makes my hands ache to touch. I’m insane with the memory of having you in the rain. Absolutely insane.” He let go of her hand and turned his face away again. “That’s all superficial. Under that, I feel all these things from you. I get this sense you’re an amazing person, but you hold yourself away from me. I feel this potential for us. But you don’t…or can’t.”
She twisted her hands together. “I still blame you for Selena’s death.”
“That’s bullshit, Erin,” his voice went hard. “Yeah, I used her, but guess what, she used me, too. I wasn’t what she really wanted? Well, she wasn’t what I wanted either. I’m sorry for what I did. It was cruel. You accused me last night of having no respect for women. I’m guilty of that on a case by case basis, but look how most women treat me. How can I have respect for someone who has no respect for themselves? But regardless, killing yourself over someone is stupid.”
“She was my best friend!”
“And I’m sure she was a lovely person…It’s still stupid.”
Erin stood, stomped down the stairs, and was about to leave. She stopped, reality slapping her. She looked back at him. “I thought I was furious at you for saying that, but I’m not. I’m furious at Selena. Because you’re right. If she did kill herself, that was the stupidest moment of her life. I’ve been so angry at her, and I didn’t even realize it until right now.” The tears began building behind her eyes again. “It’s not your fault, no matter what you did…but it felt better to blame you.”
He flinched and stood. He came at her quickly. She didn’t move. He picked her up and kissed her hard. They clung to each other with a violence. He didn’t ease off her, and she didn’t back down. Both of them were burning up in seconds. He broke away, breathing hard and shaking his head.
“I want to be sure,” he said as she gazed at him, confused why he pulled away. “I have to be sure with you.”
She ran her hands through her hair and blew out a breath, trying to force her hormones to calm down. “Okay…will you show me your room?”
His eyebrows pulled down. “You’ve seen my room.”
“No. Not really. I wasn’t paying attention. There’s a ton of things I can learn about you, just by being in your room.”
“You want to snoop,” he accused, but he sounded lightly amused.
“I do.”
He smiled and shook his head. “No. I don’t think so. Not tonight. I’ve given you enough for now. You have to give to me now.”
“Hmm…I’ll have to think about that.” She yawned and began to back away. “I’ll see you around, Maddox.”
“Goodnight, Erin.”
She turned to leave, took a few steps, and turned back. His eyes were still on her. “Um…my dad wants to meet you.”
“You told your father about us?”
“Not exactly. He saw you and Jaris get into it on the front porch. He’s met Jaris. He wants to meet you.”
“Sure. When?”
“I don’t know right now. I’ll message you.”
Maddox watched her go. When he was alone, he threw his head back. “Yes!”
He picked up the throw and took it inside. There wasn’t much left to the night. He was really tired, but he felt too hyped to sleep. He climbed into bed and closed his eyes, thinking of Erin. Under his happiness was a nagging fear. It reached up and slithered through him. What if this was her way of truly destroying him? Get him to lower his guard and then she’d really know how and where to strike him. He hoped with his entire soul, that wasn’t what was going on. Trusting her…if he did, it would be the greatest risk he could ever take.
His heart wanted to run ahead, but he had to dig in his heels. If she would give up Jaris… that would make him feel more secure. Time and testing. He ground his teeth. He didn’t want to do either. He wanted her there now. He wanted to take her until they both dissolved.
His watch pinged.
I feel that. Are you thinking of me?
A few replies ran through his head then he typed. Seeing you is like seeing my dreams…the best ones…made flesh.
Kendrick rolled a coin through his fingers over and over as his mind turned on his dilemma. The story of the dead girl had been kept quiet. That wasn’t a problem. He could fix that. The problem was Maddox. He was off. Melina hovered close and Mystery Girl…Maddox was sprung over her. And what was going on between them, anyway? Her brief appearance at the club was weird. He’d been seen twice with Melina. She moved up his list of next victims, but that angered him. He didn’t want to kill Melina. He really didn’t want to kill Melina. Perhaps Erin would be enough, and he could leave Melina alive.
And if he killed Erin soon enough, before Maddox lost interest, that might break him nicely. And if he was screwing her, the evidence would be easy, like Selena. He needed to do a little stalking to make sure he knew where Maddox was at night and just exactly who was in his bed. His rage blinded him for a second, as he imagined that Maddox was having both Erin and Melina.
Time was running out for him to deliver to his mother what she requested. He needed to keep his head on her goals, but that was difficult when all he really cared about was taking Maddox down. That bastard had things too easy. It was time he felt some pain. Kendrick was sick of feeling jealousy. Tomorrow, he would find out what was going on so he could escalate the situation accordingly.