I wake the next day as someone whistles outside of my tent. It takes a while to remember where I am and how I got here.
I crawl outside and blink up into green eyes.
“Is all that hair yours?” he asks.
“There used to be more of it,” Crystal calls. My face warms and I duck back inside to put on more layers and braid my hair.
I exit and join him where he’s receiving breakfast from Isha. She hands me a type of dense bread and fried mushrooms with a sad smile. I heard mother and daughter arguing as I left the fire last night. It was impossible not to overhear. Isha felt betrayed she was the last to know about her daughter’s rape. I could understand why Crystal told strangers first. It was like Ashawn making his confession, or like me showing Kedrick my face, instead of showing my brother. Sometimes it’s easier to tell a person you don’t know. Then if the person judges you, it doesn’t mean as much.
“I’ve slept late,” I mumble around my food.
“It’s normal until you get used to the thin air up here,” Isha says. “Now, your routine. Until you have learned to fly on your own, you will do half a day with Hamish and half a day looking after the children at Nursery Rock.”
I nod and shove the food into my mouth so I can take the clothing she’s holding out. She smiles again as she turns away and a pang of guilt hits me. They all expect me to stay. Less than two days and I have a job, a house and clothing. How can I tell them?
Stooping over in the tent and with more than a little difficulty, I shrug into the tight-fitting garment. The material is similar to that of the flying contraption, but not as thick and a bit shinier. I do a few experimental squats. It’s flexible and doesn’t limit me. It will do.
The flight over to the practicing area is uncomfortable, to say the least. It’s not often I’m pressed flush against a male body. It’s happened more in the last two days than the rest of my life put together. I clench my teeth so tightly they grind, to distract myself from comparing Jovan’s chest to the one currently behind me.
When we land, I barely feel the impact through the balls of my feet. The Soar he’s using is different. He said it’s made specifically for two people. It has two sets of straps and is wider. With this, Hamish glides off Isha’s rock, instead of plunging off like Crystal the day before. He unstraps me and I look around to avoid his gaze.
There are two sides to the island. One side is sheer and drops away into nothingness, like most of the rocks. The other side has five steps cut into it. Each step is bigger than the one above it. The top step is only half a meter. The final step twenty times this height. It’s called the Training Rock.
“Usually we teach the kids from the top, the smallest step, in case they fall, but you can handle a bit higher. You should be flying by lunch time. We’ll start you on the third step down,” he says. We walk down a stairway carved into one side of the training steps. I peer over the edge of the third step. There are only a few meters between here and the dark, solid rock at the bottom. The surface is smooth, possibly from years of children landing there. It will hurt if I mess up, but it won’t kill me.
Hamish has brought a second Soar. As he shows me, I start to understand how when you push and pull on the bar with your hands, it shifts the rods in the top of the frame to tilt the wings. This is how you change your speed and control your landing. And when you pull up on the bar, the rods at the top slide into one another, drawing the wings inward. This is how Crystal gained height, by drawing the wings in and then flinging them out again. I go through assembling it for an hour before he’s confident I’ve gotten it right. I welcome the mental distraction it brings. At least the soreness isn’t around to remind me today.
“I want you to catch the air and attempt a circle before you land. Do you remember what I told you? You have to go against your instincts. You’ll want to bring your legs down, but if you do this while your feet are in the loops, you’ll tilt backward and won’t take flight. Push and pull on the bar to slow before landing and only take your feet out the moment before touching the ground. You’ll be fine - it’s simple.” I give him an uneasy look. It seems like a lot to remember.
I stand on the edge and shuffle the weight of the Soar until it’s in a comfortable position. My set of wings is smaller than Hamish’s. More like Crystal’s.
“Don’t hurt yourself.” He winks and moves a few steps away. His lack of concern gives me confidence. Children do this. I’ll be fine.
I take a deep breath and launch myself off the step.
I groan and roll onto my back at the bottom of the third step, looking up at the underside of the island above.
“Willow!” Hamish looms over me. I wheeze back at him, it’s all I can manage. Veni, that was higher than it looked.
He deftly unstraps me and then sits me up. “Why did you put your legs down? I said not to do that.” He is hugging me now that he’s rattled my teeth.
“I think…I panicked.” I gasp. At least that’s the only explanation I have to describe the feeling of my body overruling my mind a few minutes ago. Normally when my body does that, it’s to help me. Not to smash me against rocks.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone actually fall before. I mean it’s not far, but it doesn’t have to be because the Soar should catch straightaway. Really, the steps are just meant to build confidence before you jump into thin air for the first time,” he babbles. Great. So I was the only person in the history of the Ire to get this wrong. He bends my arms and legs to make sure they’re okay. It’s a nice gesture, but becomes annoying after a while. I push him away and stand, picking up the Soar.
“Alright, let’s go again,” I say, swinging my arms in circles.
Hamish laughs, but breaks off at my curious look. “What? You’re serious?” he asks. “No way are you doing that again. You need rest or something.”
I roll my eyes and hike up the stairs on the side. Hamish checks the Soar for damage and I strap myself in once more.
“This is a bad idea,” he says.
“It will be with that attitude,” I retort and jump.
I glare up at him, temporarily unable to speak due to the air being forced from my lungs.
“It’s not my fault,” he says, “I told you not to go again.”
I don’t even know what I’m doing wrong. It’s like my mind has absolutely no say in what happens and then it’s over by the time my body decides it can’t work the Soar by itself.
Hamish calls it a morning and we head back to Isha’s. I’m going to be covered with bruises by tomorrow. There’s already one forming on my arm.
“How did it go?” Cris asks.
Hamish looks at me and grins. “Uh…not well. I’ve seen five year olds who─” He backs up a little at my scowl. “But it will get better!” he rushes to say. I snort and drag my aching body to my tent.
“I hope,” he says to my back.
The next morning I’m demoted to the second step of the Training Rock for “safety”. All it means is I practice eating rock from a lower height. Looking after the younger children yesterday afternoon was a breeze compared to this humiliation.
“I’m going to strap your bloody feet into the Soar soon!” Hamish says.
“I’m not doing it on purpose,” I snap, rubbing my left shoulder. Thanks to my training in the barracks, my shoulder has fully recovered after it was dislocated during the climb up Oscala a year ago, but I am still wary of reinjuring it.
A hand rests on my shoulder. “I’m not angry at you, I’m angry you’ve been hurt. It’s not nice to watch. Plus, I can’t tie your feet, you won’t be able to land,” he jokes, green eyes lighted with mirth. I give him a dry look and step away when he doesn’t move his hand.
Hamish drops me at the Nursery after our lesson. A large net is strung up between the four islands surrounding the nursery as a safety against children escaping through the fence and falling. I hobble over to Mona, who is what I would call a Matron.
“Flying lessons not going so well?” she asks blandly. She isn’t actually interested in my answer, but feels she has to ask because I’m limping.
The women here are polite to me, perhaps reserving judgement for the moment while they test me. Better than name calling and wiping spit off my boots, I say. And I honestly don’t care what they think. A large part of me knows I’m unlikely to be here long enough to make real friends and their treatment is manageable, so I shrug and get to work, fixing a patch in the low fence surrounding the edge of the island. There is no lack of attention from the tiny children who are curious about the stranger, and too young to dislike me for it. It’s nice to know, wherever I go, children are always the same.
Crystal joins me at the fire that evening and bursts into laughter at my sullen look when she asks how my flying went. She laughs for so long, I eventually join in. It’s a bit ridiculous after all. I’m the best pit fighter on Glacium, but I can’t get the hang of a stupid bit of material on pieces of wood.
“You’ll get it. You’re just overthinking,” she says.
Footsteps sound behind us. I tense, but roll my shoulders to relax them as Hamish thuds down beside me.
“What are you doing here?” Crystal asks. “Again.”
Hamish shrugs, but I don’t miss the fleeting look he sends my way. Neither does Crystal.
She crosses her arms. “Please Ham. She is so out of your league, it’s not funny.”
I stay silent in case Hamish is offended. He stiffens the slightest bit, but jokes it off. “Well, I’d hardly go for someone in my own league. Plus, I have a secret weapon,” he whispers loudly.
“Persistence,” he says to Crystal’s questioning look. She scoffs. Both of them talk like I’m not here.
He clucks his tongue, just like Mona does in the nursery. “You just wait. I’ll wear her down and eventually she’ll just give up and settle for me.”
I blink at his response. That sounds horrible. “Would you want to be the person someone settled for?” I ask. Crystal laughs, but I’m completely serious.
“No,” Hamish admits, “But my ego is so big, I don’t actually think you’ll have to settle. You’ll eventually fall in love with my charm.”
I make the expected giggle, but his words concern me. With Sin, I always knew his attention was for fun. But Hamish beams at my giggle as though I’ve given him a present.
This sparks a thought. “It’s my birthday soon!” I say.
“That was a change of subject if I ever heard one,” Crystal mutters.
I count the days. “I think it’s in two days. I’ll be nineteen,” I look between them waiting for their gleeful reaction. Hamish congratulates me with a bemused expression I can’t understand. Crystal smiles at my confusion.
“We don’t celebrate birthdays here. Not like they do on Glacium. We’re closer to the Solati in this custom. I’m afraid there won’t be any presents this year,” she says.
I look back at Hamish and find he’s looking at Crystal. “What? Why do they celebrate birthdays?” he asks. “That’s weird.” His reaction almost exactly reflected my own when I was dragged to my birthday party a year ago. I clamp down firmly on a bubble of laughter.
The Ire was a blend of customs from both Glacium and Osolis. They asked questions, but they didn’t celebrate birthdays. Some were careful with their body language, like Isha. Others, like Hamish, were expressive. Many of the Ire folk had appearances which would allow them to live on either Osolis or Glacium, people like me or Crystal. Others I’ve seen here would be recognized as mixed in an instant. There is a little girl at the Nursery Island who has different colored eyes, and there are several people with red or blond hair with brown eyes, a combination not seen on either world.
Despite my own troubles, the workings of the sanctuary make me deeply excited. It is solid proof our two cultures can live together if there is a strong enough reason to. The Ire have to come together to hide their mixed heritage and survive. The key to sustained peace between Glacium and Osolis is finding something to unite them in a common cause.
The third morning I’m taken to the first step, the baby step. Just to further accentuate my failure. If anything, I do worse with the smaller distance - though it doesn’t hurt as much.
I’m not leaving the damn Ire until I learn how to fly.
Hamish throws stones off the side of the step where we sit after I’ve failed enough times to satisfy him.
“I don’t know what else we can do. I guess we just keep on going until you get it,” he says. I flush and brandish a pebble, throwing it to the wind. It falls off into nothingness. I hope it doesn’t land on someone below, but Hamish doesn’t seem worried.
“This is a new experience for you, isn’t it?” he asks.
“What? Flying?” I ask. He shakes his head.
“Sucking at something,” he says. I think about showing some offense, but he seems like he’s genuinely asking. I shrug and nod.
“Thought so. You kicked Rub and Tommy’s arses the other day, when you were talking to Adox. How long have you been fighting?” he asks.
I stand up and brush off the back of my black flying suit. “A while,” I say. I don’t want my past following me here. Most mornings I wake up, I expect someone to have connected the dots. To realize I’m Frost and then to realize I am the Tatuma. How many lies can I tell before I’m caught? I’m lucky no one except Jovan and possibly Rhone knew Frost and Olina were one and the same.
“Alright, alright. I get it. No talking about the past.” He stands up and lifts his hands in surrender. I turn to him.
He got my hint. I don’t think someone has caught one of my hints in nearly a year. It’s a nice change from the Bruma. He catches my look of surprise and takes it as an opportunity to push my braid back over my shoulder.
“I just want you to know, watching you drop them both was one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen,” he says.
Now would be the ideal time to get in my own Soar and glide off, but that would mean I could actually fly. I stand, tense, while I’m strapped in front of Hamish for the return journey.
Over the next few weeks, I realize there’s a pattern. Every Sunday, the Ire gathers at Adox’s island where they share stories, food and dancing. They’ve taken the custom of music from Glacium, though there’s no alcohol in sight. Crystal says it is banned because it was too dangerous. People have stumbled off the sides, never to be seen again and there were some instances where people flew into rock faces. This doesn’t stop the Ire folk from celebrating. The more time that passes, the more my mental unrest grows. I could stay here. Life could be this easy. But could it be enough for me? And how long would the Ire be peaceful if I did not return. A war between the unsuspecting worlds would affect their trade and their way of life.
I couldn’t shake the feeling of something being unfinished. Belatedly, I see it would have been easier to talk to Jovan right away. Each day which passes makes the thought of facing him more awkward. I should have learned this from removing my veil the first time; rip the bandage off.
A pair of familiar green eyes stare at me. Hamish hasn’t given up on me, either with flying lessons or with ‘wearing me down’. I like Hamish, I really do. He’s handsome and funny, like Sanjay. But every time he grabs my hand or smiles, I compare him to Jovan against my will. Hamish’s eyes make me smile, but they don’t heat my skin like the King’s piercing gaze. Is this normal after sleeping with someone? I know people move onto other partners. Bruma do it all the time. Maybe it’s just different for Solati. I bet Jovan has already been with someone else. He’s probably already forgotten our night together.
A thought occurs to me. “Hey, you’re not sabotaging my flying lessons to spend time with me are you?” I ask Hamish. He laughs and I notice many of the young women give him yearning looks. Surprisingly, they don’t seem to begrudge me for holding his attention. Either they’re being respectful or they’re good at hiding their thoughts.
He shies back in a dramatic gesture. “No, I swear I’m not. Though I wish I’d thought of that. I’m afraid you’re just genuinely bad,” he says. Crystal laughs with him while I pretend to scowl. I’ve had a hard-to-swallow lesson in humility with the Soar, but I’ve decided to try and see it in a funny light, like everyone else does.
I watch as Hamish and Crystal talk.
“I’ll be heading back tomorrow.” The words break me from my thoughts.
“You are?” I ask Crystal.
She nods. “It’s a shame you can’t fly yet. You could have come for a visit,” she says. “Although, it’s probably not safe to do that. Best you stay here.” I try to think of some way around her comment. Some way to let her know I want to go back, without revealing my pitiful reason for exposing her.
“Yes, it’s probably best,” I finally echo.
Sighing, I turn my attention to the family next to me. Jimmy, the young red-haired boy who had flown around Isha’s island for a full day when I arrived, is trying to sneak unobtrusively into the celebrations.
“Jimmy! You better not have been soaring your nose in the wrong places again,” his mother yells. There are loud chuckles from the watching crowd. Jimmy is always off exploring, much to the exasperation of his mother. His father is often away trading on the black market with Osolis, as many of the men who passed for Solati or Bruma did.
“But Mama, you know I see stuff. You liked it when I warned you about all those Bruma and the veiled lady that time,” he says. I freeze.
“We have scouts for that. It’s too dangerous for a little boy,” she scolds him while juggling two other young children and a parcel of food. I see Adox watching me and smooth my features. The small boy crosses his arms and sulks, muttering under his breath. “Well Hannah just sleeps on her watch, and no one goes as far as I do.”
“Can we go exploring one day?” I ask Hamish. He thinks hard for a moment. His playfulness reminds me of Kedrick sometimes.
“How about when you can fly, we’ll go exploring,” he says.
I arch my brow in an expression of innocence. “Oh, you don’t want me strapped to you for the whole day?” I ask. I laugh at his crestfallen expression. Crystal high-fives me as we walk to our Soar.
“You’ve got him dancing in the palm of your hand.” She laughs and then stops me with soft pull on my forearm. “Don’t hurt him, though. He’s kind of like a brother to me. And an idiot most of the time, but…he’s nice,” she says. “And we both know that’s not a quality every man has.”
“I don’t think I could be with him,” I admit. She waits for me to expand on my comment. I shrug. “I have too much behind me and too many obstacles in front.”
She is silent while she thinks about my words. It’s one of the many things I like about her.
“If so, you need to tell him you’re not interested,” she says.
I turn to her. “Why do I have to do that?” If I ignore his advances he’ll get the hint. This is how it works on Osolis anyway. Much better than the cringe-worthy conversation she advocates.
She shakes her head. “He shows an interest and you let him know if he’s got a chance or not. That’s how it works. If you don’t, he’ll get hurt in the long run and it will ruin your friendship.”
I think her proposed plan would ruin our friendship, but I don’t say anything. “Okay, I’ll think about it.”
Crystal’s right about one thing. Hamish is nice. I can’t help but feel he’s too nice for the person I’ve become. He would have been perfect for the girl on Osolis before Kedrick died, but too much has happened. I can’t drag him into my mess of a life. He doesn’t deserve it. And I wasn’t entirely sure he could handle it either.
The women at the nursery are still distant. I’ve guessed it’s me caring for their children which makes them so untrusting. I stand to one side to practice strapping myself into the Soar. Hamish says if I can beat him, we can go down to the pathway tomorrow.
“Cara, come back here!” one of the petite blond women calls to the sweet toddler with the unusual eyes. Cara continues on, oblivious. I trace her current path to the edge fence, only a couple of meters in front of her. I’m about to look away again when I see the small hole in the barrier.
“Cara!” The woman is running now, but I’m well ahead of her, already standing on the edge ten meters from the small girl. I leap over the low fence, shove my feet in the loops and snap the bar down.
There’s a high pitched scream as Cara realizes she’s on the edge. Her balance at this age is not good enough to correct her mistake. She flails and disappears over the edge.
I’m only a split second behind her. I snatch the back of her clothing, thanking whoever makes these flying suits when the material holds.
Clinging to her with one arm, I force the trembling muscles of my free arm to pop the wings as I’ve felt Crystal and Hamish do before. I bring us back around to the nursery and fumble my way through a landing. The women are in various states of shock, except for Mona. Cara is squealing in delight, wriggling in my tight hold.
Mona takes her from me and gives her to the now sobbing blond woman who first spotted the toddler. Mona pulls me into a hug.
“Thank you. Thank you so much.” She pulls back. “The nets are there, but there have been incidents before. You know, broken necks. Parts of the net giving way.” She squeezes my shoulder again.
The nets. I’d completely forgotten about them. I’m a bit ashamed of my panic now. Though if what Mona says is true, the nets wouldn’t have assured Cara’s safety.
“Hey, Willow!” another young woman calls. “You flew! We all saw you.” The others shout their congratulations.
A wide grin spreads over my face. “You’re right. I did it!” I just soared.
I couldn’t wait to tell Hamish.