Back in my chamber, I curse as I attempt to undo the side laces of my harness. There’s no reason I can’t wear the new garments to bed where no one will see. Soft material on my skin! The locked side door I attempted to open earlier crashes open. I grip the loose ends of my outfit and whirl toward the disruption. A part of me already knows who it is. Only one person throws doors around like the doors purposely try to slow him down.
Jovan stalks into the room, slamming the door behind him. His face is tight with fury. The King of Glacium doesn’t bother with greetings.
“Do you have any idea, the shit you’ve caused?”
I jerk my head towards the front of my chamber. Surely the guards would hear his roar from outside.
“The walls are thick,” he says.
“They’d have to be really thick,” I mutter. I catch him looking at the unfettered laces down the side of my breasts. I turn from him and quickly do them up.
“I get a message halfway through the tour informing me the Tatuma has disappeared. Do you understand how much time I…how much time the Watch wasted looking for you? And now you turn up without your veil. Are you fucking insane?”
“Jovan, give me a minute to explain,” I say. I know he’s been looking for me. I saw him with Rhone in the Sixth Sector. Somehow I don’t think he’d be happy to hear this.
“You took your chance to run back to Osolis,” he continues, ignoring my request. “I gather what you encountered on your way was more than you planned for. You were trapped in the Outer Rings. And you can fight,” he accuses. “You hid your skill the whole time.”
“It wasn’t exactly in my best interest to tell everyone,” I say calmly.
“And I thought I had to look out for you because you’re so small. What a fool you must have thought me this whole time,” he says.
I frown. Out of everything I’ve done, this is what annoys him the most? “I don’t think you’re a fool. I’ve hidden my ability to fight my whole life. Only two people on Osolis know,” I say.
I see a tiny flicker of interest amongst the fury in his eyes. “And there never would be a third person if you’d been successful in getting to the Great Stairway.”
“Jovan, that’s not─”
“Don’t lie to me,” he booms.
I sigh and turn away; he’s still treating me like a child. He is right, in part. I didn’t expect the Outer Rings to be quite so…savage. But I never planned to go back to Osolis. I’m not that stupid. Even if I made it, mother would kill me. I go to the tub and push the screen back, picking up the washcloth. A servant has been in to empty the dirty water.
“What are you doing?” he demands. “We’re talking.”
I shrug without turning, continuing my tidying. “No, you’re talking. I don’t think I’ll waste my breath. It’s like talking to a wall.”
The hairs on the back of my neck prickle. I whirl around to find him right in front of me. He’s still bare-chested from the dome. My eyes move over the hard planes of his chest and down to his ridged stomach. I look back up to his face, confused, and see a tinge of smugness in his furious gaze.
“Olina, I have thought you dead for the last month or more. Did you die alone in a blizzard? Were you raped by criminals? Or murdered for the quality of your coat? Did you starve on the stairway?” He runs his hands through his hair. “A whole sector has passed. I’ve been half insane with the wondering,” he says in a soft voice. His dangerous voice. “Do you have any idea what you’ve put your friends through?”
I hang my head, unable to meet his gaze. Guilt floods through me with his words. His question unlocks feelings which I’ve forced into a box for the last six months. “Please believe me when I tell you how sorry I am. Hurting my friends was never my intent. There was a lead on Kedrick’s arrow. I expected to be back in a few days, but my veil was ruined and I couldn’t return.” Or didn’t want to return, I add silently.
“Hmm,” he replies doubtfully. My eyes fly back to his. Disappointment clouds his features as he looks down at me.
“You still left as our worlds were on the brink of war. I understand you wish to find my brother’s killer, as I do, but there is a time to pursue this. It shouldn’t have been your priority in that moment. What’s your justification for abandoning your people? I didn’t think you were a coward, or without honor.”
“Are we at war?” I quickly ask, searching his face. I let his other remarks go. They’re just bait.
“Do you even care what my answer is?”
I narrow my eyes. “Of course. They are my people.”
“You have a funny way of showing it,” he scoffs.
I sigh. “Don’t be petty. My decision wasn’t clear-cut. I lost my veil. How was I supposed to return?” I try to turn away to collect myself. He spins me back and grabs both my arms as he has done in the past. This calm façade he’s had since entering the room has finally cracked, his anger unleashed.
“Bullshit! You could have just come to me. You could’ve crept into the castle. Apparently you’re an expert at sneaking around. I could have found a damned veil for you.” I look pointedly at his hands and he lets go, clenching his fists by his sides.
He hasn’t finished. “And what was that idiocy you pulled in the dome? You backed me into a damn corner with your foolish act. There were at least two dozen times you could have died out there!” I watch him pace. “And you risked everyone finding out who you really are. Why did you not take my offer? Is it out of some kind of loyalty to the scum now sleeping in my castle?” he shouts.
I swallow. “They are my friends, Jovan, believe it or not. I had to try and save them. I apologize for the position I put you in. But I would do it again. And I did look for material.”
“You seem awfully chummy with the men downstairs. I’m sure you’ve been trying your hardest to get back.” His sarcastic reply. “And to think I was worried about someone hurting you.” Every line in his face is fury. I always knew it would be bad when I came back, but this was beyond my expectations. A bad scolding, ignoring me, pinning me to the wall, but not breaking past all my flimsy excuses.
“I don’t think anyone has connected Frost and Olina,” I say.
“Then you haven’t seen the looks Rhone is giving you. You better be damn careful no one figures out who you are.” That was news to me, but I shouldn’t have expected less of the astute delegate.
“No one has more personal interest in keeping that a secret,” I say. His eyes lock on mine and I refuse to flinch away from the chill there. “Do you want to know what delayed my return?”
“I think I’ve made it abundantly clear that I do,” he says.
I ignore his response. “Who will follow a blue-eyed Solati?” I try to say it matter-of-factly, but my voice wavers a little. His arms are crossed over his chest. He doesn’t reply. Because there’s nothing to say. He knows as well as I do.
“Furthermore, what damage could knowledge of a blue-eyed Tatuma do, in the wrong hands?” I look at him and see he understands. He’s probably already figured all this out. “Yes, the thought of remaining anonymous in the Outer Rings has an allure. It still does.” I sigh and move around the room briefly lost in my coveted thoughts. “No responsibilities, no past. And by staying there I might be doing my world a service. I might be saving my people from future harm, rather than the immediate harm of the war.”
I walk up to him. His eyes move down my body and return to mine. I give him the same smug look he gave me earlier and his eyes glint. “I always knew there was something wrong with my face. A deformity of some kind, or maybe I was just ugly, though nothing felt unusual to me.” I shrug. Jovan snorts.
“I can assure you that’s not the case.” My heart skips, but I pretend not to hear him.
“The moment I looked in a mirror, I knew.” I gaze at him but he doesn’t show surprise as he lowers himself to sit on the bed. He’s heard about the broken mirror at Fiona’s and he pieced the story together.
“I could take my veil off, and become an outcast. This would pitch Osolis into anarchy while the people dethroned my mother and found another leader - a person who had not disgraced herself by sleeping with a Bruma.” I glance at Jovan wondering why he hasn’t interrupted, but he’s just listening…calmly, even. I sit next to him and continue, watching him closely. “Or I could leave my veil on and remain the outcast I was before, just not as obviously. And one day I will rule - if I survive this long - and be forever afraid someone will reveal my own secret. Perhaps they will use the knowledge to blackmail me. Perhaps they will use it to blackmail my children after me. And what if my children have blue eyes? I could not veil them, as I have been.” I give him a fleeting look. “So yes, staying in the Outer Rings crossed my mind. A part of me desires that life, but it might also be the best alternative for my people.” I repeat and rest my head on the stone pillar beside me. I’m so tired.
“You are worried I might do this,” he says.
I close my eyes against his angry tone. “I’m still figuring that out.” Who knew a stone pillar could be so comfortable? I yawn.
“Did anyone mistreat you there?” he asks softly. I shake my head.
“Am I forgiven yet?” I ask into the silence which falls after his question.
“Forgiven, perhaps. Trusted - no.”
I pull my lips down in a weary pout, but really, I wouldn’t expect any different. “Fair enough,” I mumble.
“How long have you been fighting? You’ve destroyed my dome. We’ll have to reattach the beams, with chains this time. Every piece of scum will try to cut through the ropes after your stunt.”
“A long time.” I sigh, ignoring the second part of his comment.
I’m lifted up and deposited onto something soft.
“That arrow is going to be the death of you,” a deep voice whispers in my hair. “I wish you’d let him go.”