CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

 

Rose

 

Staring at the bracelet once again, Rose obsessed about her never-ending theories as to why for the last time. Rose’s latest theory? She now suspected maybe he’d done this on purpose. Maybe this was his way of getting away from her. Maybe her too-eager response about moving in together had scared him. He hadn’t asked her much about her mother when she mentioned she might be moving back, and that conversation had felt so awkward. Maybe he hadn’t believed her. Maybe he really thought she was apartment shopping even though he hadn’t brought it up once since the first time. So when the idea of him leaving was brought up, maybe that was why he’d accepted so easily.

Taking the bracelet off a little brusquer than she’d originally intended, she blinked away the hot tears that had begun to fill her eyes once again. She was so sick of driving herself crazy with all the maybes. The bottom line was he knowing and willingly did something that could cost them time together. That alone was enough to infuriate her. Why shouldn’t even matter.

She was glad that the day she’d found out he went to Iraq she shredded every single one of his letters without even opening them. She wouldn’t put herself through reading even one more word from him. She had to move on. But how much longer would she be crying for Vincent already? How much longer would she be such a mess?

The doctor said no stress. She had to stop this. The symptoms of her deficiency had already begun to lessen. Though it could be her imagination, the symptoms seemed to act up when she cried. It just drained her to the point she could barely get out of bed even with the injections. And this whole thing had confirmed something she’d always sort of known; she’d never make it in the medical field.

The YouTube videos she’d watched had been absolutely informative, and on paper she now knew exactly how to inject herself or someone else. Unfortunately in the videos it didn’t show you how not to be squeamish. There was no way she was going to inject herself if she didn’t even want to look at the needle breaking through her skin.

Luckily Ben’s being pre-med was coming in handier than she’d ever expected. He’d already given her the first two injections, and he promised to continue as long as he was around. If he hadn’t, she’d be looking at wasting hours at the clinic because there was no way she was injecting herself.

She now blamed her diagnosis for everything including her blubbering episodes, especially during that time of the month when she’d cry at the drop of the dime. Of course she did all this in the privacy of her own room, usually at night when everyone was asleep. You’d think with all the time that had passed, she’d be better about not getting emotional anytime something brought back memories of him.

She even cried when she found out Lorenzo was coming to work at the restaurant for the entire summer. She hated that he’d be around so often now because here she was trying her damnedest to forget Vincent, and Lorenzo reminded her so much of him. Thankfully he’d be working at Sal’s brother’s restaurant on the marina, not the La Jolla Shores restaurant that Sal and Grace owned where Rose worked. It’d be torture to be around him so much. He even laughed just like Vincent: that carefree yet sexy laugh she’d loved and heard so often when they’d been together.

It was bad enough she had to brace herself to see him at all with all the memories he brought back, but now she’d have to see him tonight at this stupid party they were having for her, and he’d see her with Ben. All hope of things ever working out with Vincent were long gone, but she knew tonight would seal it. Physically Ben hadn’t changed much since that day at the park, and she was sure Lorenzo would remember him as the jerk that tried to piss Vincent off. More importantly the fact that she’d be introducing Ben to everyone as her boyfriend would stop any more letters from Vincent.

Even though she hadn’t read his letters since the first few, each new one that arrived had been the tiniest bit of consolation, knowing he was still thinking of her after all this time. It had been over a year now since he’d left, and only now did it feel like the real beginning of the end. Vincent would never forgive her for this.

Before any of this happened Rose wouldn’t even consider being with anyone else. Like she’d always assured him, he owned her body and soul forever. She now saw tonight as symbolic way of moving on because, even if she couldn’t move on, Vincent would for sure once he found out about Ben. It’d be a slap in the face, but Rose couldn’t help that things turned out this way.

Grace was pregnant again and had her hands full with the baby as it was. The last thing Rose wanted was to add to her burden by continuing to be a depressed and now ill hermit. But she was in no way ready to put herself out there yet. This would have to do to convince Grace she was actually doing so.

With a deep breath she walked out of her room and out into the kitchen where she could see through the window that some of the guests had already arrived. Sofia was the first to greet her as she reached the patio door.

“Congrats! Oh my God, I’m so proud of you. That was fast. It took me two full years to get my AA.”

Rose smiled as she took in all the decorations and flowers then frowned. “Yeah, but it’s just my AA. I’m almost afraid to think of what they’ll do when I get my bachelors.”

Sofia laughed. “Oh, don’t worry. Whatever they do, it’ll be huge and there will be tons of food.”

They walked out together to where Sal stood talking to his brother Alex, Sofia’s husband Eric, and Romero. They all turned as the girls walked out and smiled. “It’s the sweetheart of the hour,” Sal said opening his arms out for her.

Rose felt herself blush as she leaned into a big hug from him and then was hugged and congratulated one by one by the other men, each smelling better than the next. She had to agree with Candace. Even though they were all older, well older than the guys she and her friends would ever date, they were a handsome bunch. She only admitted it once to Grace but wouldn’t dare say it out loud since they were all married, and she loved all their wives as well, but since Angel was closest to her in age, she always got a little tongue-tied around him. The thing about this family was that they were all as sweet as they were good looking—even their wives.

She felt guilty now that she’d been so angry and resentful with Sal in the beginning when Vincent first left. He’d done so much for her since she’d come to live with them, and he really didn’t have to. Just because she was Grace’s younger sister, he’d completely taken on the older-brother role, but many times it felt more like a fatherly role with her. His brothers now acted like uncles to her, too. She’d never felt so much sincere warmth from anyone as she had from this entire family.

Rose glanced around the patio quickly taking in all the guests. Her eyes came to a stop on her mom. For the past several months she’d been in limbo staying here with them until Grace found her a suitable apartment. There was plenty of room for her to just stay here, but Rose could tell that Sal didn’t care for her mother, and who could blame him? She hadn’t changed a bit.

When she and her ex-husband Ruben separated almost a year ago, she’d begun hounding Grace about letting her move out here and work for her and Sal at the restaurant. Grace only agreed because her mother said she wanted her own place. She claimed she didn’t want to crash Grace’s marriage that was still in the honeymoon stage for the most part. But ever since she’d moved out here, she’d found one thing after another to object to with every apartment Grace and Rose had found for her.

As usual Sal was the epitome of patience. He’d even gone so far as to suggest they wait until after their second baby was born to look for a place for her mother. The last thing he wanted was for Grace to stress about this while she was pregnant. While Sal had his priorities straight—his pregnant wife’s health came first—her mother as usual thought only of one thing: herself.

Even this brought on thoughts of Vincent. Grace and now Sal and his family showered her with all the love and affection Rose needed, but Vincent’s intense and unconditional love had all but smothered any lingering hurt she felt about her mother’s blatant indifference for her: an indifference that carried into even today. Not once had she mentioned or even asked Rose if she’d be interested in moving in with her if she ever got her own place. Rose knew she shouldn’t care. She was perfectly content living with Grace and Sal. It just seemed that an invitation to have her single daughter live with her and take the burden off her nearly newly wedded daughter, who was just now starting her own family, would be the courteous thing to do: at least for appearance’s sake. Rose certainly wouldn’t take her up on it. It’d just be nice to know that being part of Rose’s life even though she was all grown up now was something that had actually crossed her mother’s mind.

Laughter and a rise in voices coming from the inside brought their attention to the kitchen window. Rose’s heart did a little nervous jump. Ben was there. She hated having to do this, but Grace was right smack in the middle of it all already, smiling big and introducing him to Sal’s parents. Taking a deep breath, she turned to Sal who smiled playfully at her. “Bring him out here. He’s gonna have to meet them all eventually.”

Alex chuckled, sipping his beer as he glanced toward Ben still mingling with his parents. “Yeah, let’s meet this guy already.”

Sofia raised an eyebrow. “You guys better behave. Poor guy.”

“Nah,” Eric laughed. “Let him pay his dues. Lord knows I had to with this family.”

They all laughed, and Rose braced herself as she walked into the kitchen. Ben smiled as soon as he saw her and reached his hand out. She slipped her hand in his and smiled big at Grace. Let the performance commence.

After chitchatting with Grace’s and Sal’s parents a bit more, she led him outside to where the guys stood wearing mischievous grins.

Sal was the first to greet him. “How goes it, Ben?” He reached out and shook his hand.

As one by one she introduced him to all of them, she was relieved that they all did just as Sofia had asked—behaved. That is until Romero started up on him.

“So I heard you’re a player?”

Alex’s eyebrows shot up as did Ben’s and Rose’s.

“What?” Ben asked confused.

“You play college ball,” Romero turned to Sal, “right?”

Both Rose and Ben exhaled at the same time as Romero smirked. “Yeah, I play basketball at UC San Diego.” Ben smiled.

The guys weren’t as bad as Sofia had made it sound like they might be. There was a little teasing and some light-handed warnings about messing with someone in their family. Romero cracked his knuckles a few times, but otherwise it went well.

As Rose and Ben made their way through the guests, making small talk and answering some of the nosier questions from a few of Sal’s aunts, Rose stomach did that little thing it did when she saw Angel and Sarah walk out into the patio. But it was quickly squashed when she saw Lorenzo just behind them. Sarah smiled when her eyes met Rose’s then glanced curiously at Ben.

The moment Lorenzo spotted Ben, Rose knew—he remembered. Immediately she regretted not warning Ben that Lorenzo would be there because Lorenzo glared at him then at her, making no attempt to hide his distaste for what he was looking at.

Thankfully Angel and Sarah walked up to Rose, each hugging and congratulating her. Any pitter-pattering her heart would’ve normally done because of Angel was drowned out by the feeling of dread: dread that Lorenzo might actually say something to Ben.

“Thank you,” she said quickly. Even though Lorenzo had walked in a different direction and at this point showed no interest in meeting Ben, Rose was very aware that he hadn’t taken his eyes off them. She introduced Angel and Sarah to Ben. “You guys, this is my friend Ben.” She turned to Ben. “Ben this is Angel, Sal’s youngest brother and his wife, Sarah.”

A little annoyed at herself that she chickened out of referring to Ben as her boyfriend just because Lorenzo was within hearing distance, she continued the small talk pretending not to notice his heavy presence. He moved about the backyard a few times, but the entire time made it very clear he was watching them.

Everything had been going so smoothly up until he arrived. She’d finally relaxed enough and tried to enjoy herself. Now she couldn’t even think straight. This was ridiculous! And did he have to make it so obvious that he was watching her? He may as well have held up a sign that said, “I’m watching you with this asshole, and I’m disgusted.” It was exactly the message his body language and facial expressions conveyed.

Finally unable to take his scrutiny, she decided to leave his sight at least for a few moments, so she excused herself to use the bathroom.

She was in there for just a few minutes. Looking at her reflection, she practiced her fake smiling a little and tried to shake off the discomfort brought on by Lorenzo being there.

Walking out of the bathroom and turning up the hallway, she was startled by Lorenzo’s voice behind her. “So how long did you actually wait after my brother left to start seeing this dick?” Rose spun around to face him. He was leaning his shoulder against the wall, arms crossed in front of him. “Or were you seeing him before Vince left?”

“No, if you recall, I’m not the one that messed things up between me and Vince,” she reminded him standing her ground.

He dropped his arms and pushed away from the wall: the very wall Vince had once kissed her so passionately against. “How long?”

“That’s none of your business,” she said trying to drown out the hurt that came with the memory of Vincent’s kisses.

“Oh, I think it is.” Lorenzo and Vince were one and the same when they were angry, and she saw it in Lorenzo’s eyes now. He was hot. “Because if that fucker was pulling a fast one on my brother, messing with his girl even before he left, I’ll go out there right now and kick his ass.”

“No!” She gasped, knowing that from everything Vincent had told her about Lorenzo, she knew he’d have no qualms about making a scene even here. “It’s only been a few weeks.”

“You told Sofie he was your boyfriend at Uncle Sal’s party. It’s been longer than a few weeks, and even then she’d said it’d been months.”

His eyes were as piercing as Vincent’s, especially right now that he looked so determined to get to the truth. She knew he’d been listening that day; she just had no idea he’d been listening this closely. That alone told her one thing—Vincent knew. As adamant as Lorenzo was being now, she knew there was no way he hadn’t told his brother. Her heart ached, remembering her promise to Vincent that she’d belong to him and only him forever. He was now under the impression that she’d broken that promise when her irrational heart still secretly didn’t ever want to.

“It’d been months since I started talking to him again, and Sal and Grace had met him long ago because he and I went to high school together. But I’ve only been seeing him for a few weeks.” She lifted an eyebrow as she turned to walk away but stopped and added. “And it’s not even that serious.”

Angry that she’d given into her heart and added that last part in hopes that he’d make sure he told Vincent that, she started to walk away.

“Serious enough that you’d have him meet the whole family?”

Rose slowed but didn’t respond to that. She didn’t even turn around.

“He still loves you, Rose.”

Squeezing her eyes shut, she struggled to keep her composure but couldn’t even speak; she was so overwhelmed with emotion. She panicked when she opened her eyes and saw Grace walking toward her.

“There you are. It’s time for the cake,” Grace said as she got closer.

Blinking her eyes a few times hoping that they’d swallow up the tears that had begun to well in them, she smiled. “That ridiculous three-layer, double-A-shaped cake?”

“Three-layer, chocolate cake,” Grace reminded her with an even bigger smile, “your favorite.”

Alex’s twin girls ran after little Chava just behind Grace, laughing loudly—a reminder that there was more to it than simply giving into her more-than-willing-to-forgive heart. How could she be sure Vincent wouldn’t go back to dealing again? He’d risked it all more than once already. Rose had given a lot of thought to what Grace had said the day she last spoke to him. He was dangerous—not just to her but to her family.

Rose walked back to the kitchen with Grace, never addressing Lorenzo’s comment. He didn’t stick around to watch the rest of her and Ben’s performance, and she couldn’t have been more relieved. She appreciated Ben’s efforts and his going along with this. He was a good friend, but this was the last time she was doing this. She hated that now not only would Vincent know she’d broken a promise she couldn’t even imagine breaking but he’d be under the impression she’d done so with Ben.

After walking Ben out and giving him nothing more than a kiss on the cheek, Rose was surprised to see her mother waiting just inside the door. She had a mischievous smile on her face. “I didn’t know he was studying to be a doctor. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Rose rolled her eyes. Of course this would be the only thing that interested her mother. It wasn’t enough that already one daughter was practically supporting her. Two daughters who married well were better than one. She just may get her dream of retiring early and never having to work another day in her life if she had the both of them paying her bills.

“I didn’t think you’d care,” Rose said flatly continuing to walk through the front room.

“Rose,” her mother said in a tone so unlike her, Rose had to turn and look back at her. “I know I haven’t been the greatest mother to you or Grace, but I do care. I’ve never been able to express myself like most mothers, and you may never forgive me for that, but I want you to know that I do care. I’ve always cared.”

Rose stared at her wanting to ask her so many things like, first and foremost, why the hell hadn’t she ever said it before, but this wasn’t the time or place. Already people were headed toward them on their way out.

Before Rose could say a thing, her mother turned to Alison and her boyfriend Ezekiel. “It was very nice to see you again Mrs. Zendejas,” Alison said.

As Rose said her goodbyes to her friend and her boyfriend, her mother disappeared back into the party. By the time Rose got back, her mother was gone. Grace said she’d gone to bed. It was for the best. Rose wasn’t up for that conversation just yet. She had enough going on in her head. She’d take the fact that her mother claimed to care about her as a win and leave it at that before pushing and getting the real truth: a truth she wasn’t sure she was ready to hear.