CHAPTER NINETEEN

 

Rose

 

Days after the party Rose waited tables at the restaurant, her mind still on what Lorenzo had said. Even through all the anger and pain, she’d never once doubted Vincent’s love for her. She felt his love right down to the very core of her being.

As the time passed and especially now after hearing Lorenzo’s declaration at the party, Rose came to the realization that she could easily forgive Vincent for his weak moment. She was miserable without him, but there was one thing she couldn’t justify not even as much as she loved Vincent: that being with him might ultimately put her or her family in danger.

Vince had said so himself. They could break into his place for the drugs and hurt his family. What if she or Grace and the baby were around like Lorenzo had been the day Vince was jumped? Rose would never forgive herself if that ever happened.

She wanted to. God, did she ever want to just forgive him and believe that he really had changed this time. But that was just it. Rose had no idea if that had been one moment or just the one time he’d been caught. He may’ve been doing it all along. She didn’t know what to think anymore. If it hadn’t been for Lorenzo bringing him up at the party, she wouldn’t even be thinking about him now. She was so done with this torture—so ready to move on.

Doing a double take, she watched in disbelief as Lorenzo strolled into the restaurant with another busboy she recognized from the marina restaurant. They were both wearing the restaurant’s polo shirts. Rose finished jotting down the order from the table she was at, slipped the pen behind her ear, and rushed off toward the back. As soon as she saw Sal, she asked the burning question. “Why is Lorenzo here? You said he’d be working at the marina restaurant this summer, not here.”

“Relax, Rose,” Sal smirked. “We’re short this week. It’ll only be for a few days. Besides the only reason I asked for him specifically is because I need some work done around here. He’s really good at fixing stuff and putting things together.”

Rose hated how even this tiny tidbit about Lorenzo brought back memories of Vincent telling her about Lorenzo being the family handyman. He’d sounded so proud of how good his little brother was with his hands.

Shaking thoughts of Vincent away, she focused on the only thing that mattered right now. “Which days?” Rose was scheduled all week, but she’d rearrange her shifts or take off a few days if she had to. Then she remembered that’s why he was here to begin with. They were already short-staffed. She couldn’t take days off.

“Today and the next three.”

Of course.

“What shift?” She asked glancing back as she followed Sal into the back room.

Sal laughed now. “Same as today, what’s the big deal?”

As soon as Sal’s eyes met hers, his smile dissolved. He must have read her tell-all expression. Aside from Grace Sal knew better than anyone how hard Vince’s departure had been for her. She tried to soften the utter desperation he must’ve seen in her face about not wanting to be around Lorenzo. God, she was an idiot. Here she’d gone all out these last few months to prove that she was in fact over Vincent. She may’ve just blown her whole cover.

“I can see if they’ll send someone else the rest of week.”

“No, no that’s fine. You don’t have to do all that.” She recanted quickly. “It’s just that after seeing me with Ben things might be a little, you know, awkward between me and him.” Sal lifted his brows, nodding. Hopefully that meant she’d shifted his gears into thinking that was the only reason. “But if this is the time he’s gonna come in every day, then it should be fine. We’ll only be around each other a couple of hours.”

She smiled and rushed out, turning the corner just as quickly as she’d gotten there. With a poof she collided right into Lorenzo’s hard chest. “Whoa,” Lorenzo said holding her arm when she stumbled back, “you okay?”

Oh God, looking in his eyes was just like… “Yeah, I’m fine,” she said pulling her arm gently so he’d let go. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.”

He smiled, and again she had instant memories of Vincent flooding her mind. “Yeah I guess you weren’t.”

The other waiter walked past them into the back room, leaving them alone in the hallway. She smiled as the emotions started setting in, and she began to walk away. “I’ll slow down, I promise.”

She could do this. She could do this. It was only for a few hours for a couple of days. She’d get through it. She had to. Gulping back the reality that not only would she continue to have to be around Lorenzo here at the restaurant occasionally but at a lot of the family gatherings as well. Someday it wouldn’t be just Lorenzo, it would be Vincent.

She waited by the bar for the order of drinks she’d put in. It’s been a year now. She chided herself. Get over it.

“Get over what?”

She jumped at the sound of Lorenzo’s voice. Looking up at his playful eyes, she couldn’t believe she was still doing that. Geez how hard was it to keep your mouth shut when you’re thinking! Before she could come up with a suitable response, he answered his own question with a smirk, “Vince leaving?”

Feeling herself flush, she glanced away as the bartender let her know her tray was ready. So grateful to have a reason to not look at him at least that second, she took the tray from the bar, placing it on her forearm.

Rose didn’t even have to think of how to respond to that because he went on. “About that, Rose, when you get a chance I need to talk to you.”

“I’m done talking about that,” she said walking away from the bar and Lorenzo. This was exactly what she’d been afraid of. She’d been trying so hard to finally just get past it, and now he wanted to talk about it? Reopen all the wounds that only recently began to heal? No thanks. “There’s nothing more to talk about, Lorenzo.”

“But there is,” he said.

She continued to walk, and he didn’t follow. “Not happening.”

She thought that was the end of it, until he called out her name just before she reached her table, and she turned to him, irritated now.

He finished up with his apron and picked up the empty plastic dish container he’d set on the floor. “It’s happening.” He winked, walking off looking way too smug about having a conversation she absolutely refused to have.

 

~*~

 

The temptation Rose was feeling now about reading the last letter she’d received from Vincent was the exact reason why she’d told herself to just shred it the moment she saw it. It’d come after she’d shred all the others, and she hadn’t received another one since. She was also very aware this was one that came after she’d confirmed she had a boyfriend to Sofia. Since apparently Lorenzo was listening so closely, she was sure he’d told Vincent.

After Rose showered that evening, she sat on her bed with the towel still wrapped tightly around her head, staring at the envelope. His letters had come like clockwork about every two weeks. It had been much longer than two weeks since she received this one, and she hadn’t received another since. This letter was also much lighter and thinner than most of his other letters. She knew he was either telling her off or simply saying goodbye once and for all. Did she really want to put herself through this? No, but she needed the closure.

Her heart sped as she shook the envelope to slide the letter inside over then began to rip away slowly at the other side. Taking a deep breath, she focused on not choking up. It had been long enough for Pete’s sake. She couldn’t mourn about this forever.

Slipping the folded paper out, she could see it wasn’t even a page long—definitely goodbye. With another deep breath she unfolded the paper; seeing his handwriting alone was enough to choke her. Stop. She read her name at the beginning, her eyes refusing to look down, but then she forced herself and began to read.

 

Dear Rose,

 

I wasn’t going to write this. After what Lorenzo let me know, I was never going to say or write another word to you again, but that lasted for about a week. I just want you to know that I understand now why you won’t forgive me. And as much as it KILLS me to know that you’ve obviously found someone else, I wanted you to know I’m happy for you. I know I’ll never be happy without you in my life. But I did this to myself. I guess in a way I’ve always known deep inside that we could never be. Somehow I’d find a way to ruin that just like I’ve always ruined anything good in my life, and you are by far the very best thing to ever happen to me. You didn’t ask for this, and you deserve to be happy. So yeah it hurts, but I’m glad you’ve moved on.

 

I’ll always love you.

 

Vince

 

There was no way the tears weren’t coming now. She read it a couple of more times, wiping away the tears as she cried openly. As painful as this was, this was the closure she’d needed. He was saying the very thing that she’d wondered about all this time. He would never change. And what hurt most is he’d always known it. No matter how much he’d assured her he loved her and wanted to change, deep inside he’d always known he couldn’t. Not even for her like he’d said so many times. This was who he was.

Reaching for her pink Baloo who sat on her bed staring at her as if he knew it was finally over, too, she wrapped one arm around him and held on tightly to Vincent’s farewell letter, laying her head down onto her pillow. She didn’t think it possible that she had any tears left for Vincent, but she did—lots and lots more.