Nineteen

 

 

 

Disheartened and dismayed, Lillia rode beside Heath. She blamed herself for their fleeing the caves. If only she could go back and wed the Sinclair, these good people wouldn’t have to leave their home or be endangered by the king’s men.

Their procession stopped to rest by a stream. Lillia knew where they headed and didn’t have to ask. She sat quietly, stewing in her angst at Heath’s aloof manner. Poor Annag, as aged as she was, packed her belongings and declared she was ready for an adventure. This was no adventure. It was the daunting result of her actions.

Why the guard decided to leave Gilroy behind concerned her. The lad shouldn’t be left on his own, but the guard insisted he keep watch of the caves and be abreast of news from the friar. Such a task endangered the lad because he would have to get word to them if James visited the caves or if the Comyns were seen in the village. Lillia worried for Gilroy being alone in such a desolate place or possibly being followed if he came with apprises.

They traveled with two carts which contained their goods and possessions. Kerrigan drove one cart with Annag and William safely resting in the back, and Makenna with Darcy and her in the other. All readied to continue the journey.

“Come, we’ll reach home by nightfall.”

Lillia gazed at Heath and unfolded her hands. “Are you certain your da will welcome us?”

Heath grinned. “Aye, he will. Cease your worry.”

“I cannot help but worry. What if James comes? What if he searches for us at your father’s keep? What if the king sends his men to seize you and your friends? I wish you’d left me at the king’s fief for we’re all in peril now.”

Heath helped her to stand. “Lillia … Sweetness, you don’t ken our oath to each other. We’ve sworn to stand by one another regardless of the danger. When one of us needs aid, we’re all in support. It’s the way it’s always been since the day we joined the Bruce’s service and were placed in the same unit.”

“Your vow doesn’t include me. You shouldn’t have come for me. Aye, you should have left me there and none of you would be taking this journey.”

Heath pulled her into his embrace. “Your concern is for naught. We shall be safe on my father’s lands. Once the threat subsides, we’ll return to the caves.”

“It’s your home.”

He shook his head. “Nay, my home is yonder on Fraser land. Graeme’s home is on Cameron land, and Liam has his clan as does Brodin. The caves are a temporary refuge. We knew the day would come when we’d have to leave.”

“I detest being the cause. They’ll abhor me now.”

Heath took her hand. “None abhor you. Honest to God, Lillia, will you not listen?”

“I heard every word you spoke. Still, if I were your comrades, I would—”

“You are not they, and they would do all within their power to ensure our women are safe. That includes you, Sweetness.”

Lillia lowered her gaze, humbled by his words. “We’re close. If your father doesn’t allow us to reside within the walls, I will—”

Heath gripped her shoulders. “If I wasn’t so irked with you, I’d kiss you. You’ll do nothing, lass, for I tell you he will support us. He always has. My da has been privy to our secrets since the battle at Methven. He’s never spoken of us to anyone and he certainly won’t open his gate to the king’s soldiers or any knave akin to James that comes.”

“By all that is holy, the king shall besiege us and we’ll starve to death for he’ll await until the end of time before he gives up his search of me. We’re doomed.”

Her husband had the gall to chuckle. “I doubt that. My da has enough stores to last for years. He’s always been precautious. Now come along and cease your arguments.”

They reached the horses and Lillia didn’t feel appeased. She still was ireful that they wouldn’t leave well enough alone and her to her fate. The ride throughout the afternoon progressed slowly. Dusk appeared and shadowed the trail. By the time they reached Fraser land, night fell. Two torches sat beside the gate, the flame high and lit the area well.

At the gatehouse, many sentry stood guard. Lillia was relieved by their presence. If the walls were guarded with as much command, they might be safe. Although she knew not how large was the king’s army. If he tracked them, all the Frasers and the king’s guard would be endangered. They seemed not to take the threat seriously which brought forth more unease. Lillia discerned the king’s mood when she’d met him, and she suspected their sovereign would do all within his power to retain his kingdom.

Heath rode ahead and spoke to the men. Soon after, the gate rose and their progression proceeded. At the main building, Heath bid them to go inside the great hall. The large hearth was welcomed warmth. Lillia grew chilled from the crisp night air. She saw Heath leave the hall, but she waited by the hearth with the king’s guard, women, and children.

Only a few servants sat about the hall. None ever slept inside the keep, for Heath’s parents forbade the soldiers to sleep inside the laird’s living quarters. Most of the sentry slept in the garrison or in cottages with their families. The servants were given lodging within the main keep if needed, but otherwise, they too stayed in cottages.

Heath took long in returning. When he reappeared, his face reflected a sadness she’d never seen of him. Yet she refrained from asking what caused his melancholy.

“My da bids all welcome. You may all rest here in the hall this night and on the morrow, we shall find you cottages. My da tells me there are a few vacated we can use whilst we stay here.”

The king’s guard nodded and immediately set out to get their family situated about the hall. They were too tired to care, to eat, or to argue. Bedrolls were placed and all settled in for the night, except for Heath. He knelt by the hearth and banked the fire. Graeme, Brodin, and Liam joined him and they spoke briefly before joining their wives for the night’s rest.

She waited for the men to step away before she approached him. “Heath …” she set a hand on his shoulder.

“Leave me be, Lillia. I wish not to talk right now.”

“Something has upset you. Please tell me—”

“I said I am not wont to speak. Take yourself to bed.” Heath turned back to the fire and added two logs, thoroughly ignoring her.

“Will you not join me?”

“Nay, I doubt I’d be able to sleep if I tried.”

Lillia’s shoulders slumped at the harshness of his tone. She made a spot to sleep and set several tartans and covers on the floor near Makenna and Liam. Makenna reached out and took hold of her hand and squeezed it, offering solace. Lillia wanted to weep. Sorrow such as she never felt came upon her. A sob closed her throat and she resisted the will to cry like a bairn. Try as she might, she was unable to sleep as well. The thought which kept niggling her was Heath surely regretted marrying her. Given his hostility and the sharp tone of his words all but dejected her.

Morning finally arrived, but it was preceded by the longest night she’d ever experienced. From tossing and turning on the bed covers to stumbling to the garderobe to retch, Lillia likened the feeling to being run over by a horse. Her malady gave concern because she wasn’t sure if she became ill due to all the tension of late or if it was caused by her suspicions she might be carrying a bairn. The last thought caused her gag.

Heavens Above, why didn’t she listen to her sisters-in-law? She rose and watched the bustle of people coming and going from the great hall. Heath’s mother approached with a smile on her face. As always, the woman dressed in fine garments, her hair perfectly coiled in an embellished roll, and she appeared striking.

“Lillia, dearest, I’m pleased to see you. Heath tells me you wed. It has brought joy to both me and my husband. Simon has wanted to suggest a betrothal for years, but circumstances prevented him from doing so. We’d always hoped …” She hugged her affectionately.

She’d always adored Heath’s mother. She was kind, amusing, generous, and never spoke an unkind word of anyone. “I thank you, Lady Fraser. Is Heath about? I really need to speak with him. We didn’t get a chance to discuss our accommodation last eve.”

Lady Fraser gazed about the room. “We’ve already prepared cottages for Heath’s friends. All are welcome. They will be quite comfortable in the lodging.”

“Where might I find Heath?” Lillia didn’t appreciate the avoidance of her question. And she didn’t like her husband’s standoffish nature of the night before. She aimed to tell him so. In all the years she’d known Heath, he had never spoken to her in such a manner.

“Come, we shall speak by the hearth.”

She followed Lady Fraser and stood near the high flames. The warmth calmed her.

“Heath is beset, and I understand why he’s dismayed—”

“He doesn’t wish to be wed to me. I don’t blame him for I should have been honest with him when I first saw him. It is too late for regrets now, is it not?” Lillia shamed by her actions, lowered her gaze and peered at the floorboards.

Lady Fraser lifted her chin with the tips of her fingers and set an arm around her. “Oh, dear, nay that is not why he’s dismayed. That is, he is not ireful with you. He’s distraught because his brother has returned.”

A gasp escaped her before she could stop it. “Roderick … returned? But how? Heath said it was unlikely he’d be freed.”

“My husband sent a small fortune to the Franks for his release. We’ve saved our coin and any wealth we could do without throughout the years and finally had enough to send for recompense. We had hoped for his freedom but were not expecting it so soon.”

“This is well received news. I’m sure Heath must be relieved.”

Lady Fraser shook her head. “Mayhap he is relieved that his brother lives and is finally home. But with Roderick’s return, Heath no longer is in line to succeed his father.”

Lillia’s chest tightened. Yet Heath told her he’d never aspired to be laird. Surely he wasn’t upset by the relegation of his position. “How is Roderick? Is he well?”

“I fear my son lost his spirit. He’s no longer the robust man he’d once been. Mayhap time will heal him and bring about his old self. Heath is with him now. I shall settle his friends. Of course you and Heath will stay here in the main keep. I’m having a chamber cleaned and readied.”

“Thank you, my lady.” Lillia wished Heath would come to her. She worried for him and hoped to soothe the strain that surely plagued him.

The hall cleared as Lady Fraser took the king’s guard and their families to settle in the cottages. That left her alone to ponder the horrid circumstances of late. She looked at the table laden with food, but she turned away, unable to eat even the smallest bite.

Lillia decided to go and search Heath out. Before she left the great hall, Andrew Fraser entered. She stepped aside to allow his entry and tried to move through the exit, but he blocked her from leaving.

“Ah, Lillia Hunter. I’d heard ye were here. Does your father ken? He’s been frantically searching for ye, lass.” The man scowled at her, but she wasn’t sure if he was ireful with her for he always wore such a look.

She stepped back for she wasn’t fond of Heath’s uncle. He was always quarrelsome and eager to dispute any issue. Moreover, he often provoked an argument and had the inability to confess his grievance in a sensible way. She considered his gruff nature deliberate. Though she’d never been the cause of his anger, she sensed it coming from the man in all his manners.

“No, my lord, he doesn’t know I’m here. I shall send word to him at once.” She quickly genuflected and dipped her head, hoping he would take it as her wish to leave.

Andrew stepped toward her and she hastened back. “I heard tell ye went and married our Heath.”

His words filled with rancor as if he was displeased and yet it affected him not. She didn’t know how to respond, but said, “Aye, we wedded. If you’ll excuse me, I need to find my husband.”

Andrew snickered in a mock sound. “Are ye certain he wishes to be found?”

Lillia held her throat which heated from their round of discussion. What exactly was he implying? She daren’t ask.

“He’s with his brother discussing matters of import, clan matters that don’t pertain to women, a mere Hunter lass, or misbegotten wives.”

“I see,” her voice strained getting the words out. Lillia wanted to flee. The man made her nervous as if he would lunge at her and strangle her with his bare hands. He likely was much stronger than she was even at his great age, and probably capable of such a foul deed.

“Do ye, lass? Now that Roderick has returned, Heath can at last pursue his desire to serve God as he’d always intended. Och, but that shan’t be. Not since he wed you, a nobody from an insignificant pathetic clan. Oh, how your father plies my own brother with his sorrowful excuses and concerns. Mayhap one day your clan might protect themselves instead of compelling all their allies to rescue them.”

Lillia kept moving away from the vile man. She didn’t like his harsh tone or the surly way he looked at her. His words affected her, and she despaired that Heath was put in such a position. And the way he spoke of her family, not only angered her, but brought forth her fear.

“I must leave. I bid you a good day.” Lillia fled the hall and escaped to the outside. The cold wind swept through her and she shivered. She wasn’t sure the chilly air was the cause of her shiver, for Heath’s uncle would send shivers of dread through the most courageous of woman.

She strolled along with nowhere to go in sight. Woeful yearnings came. She’d caused Heath nothing but trouble since she’d found him at the caves. There was only one way to rectify the situation and that solution caused her heart to ache with a vengeance.

Snow cascaded and fat flakes spotted her overdress. Lillia didn’t feel the cold any longer–only the intense pain of disappointment.

“There you are.”

She spotted Heath walking toward her. How handsome he appeared. He’d always been attractive to her with his bonny blue eyes and light brown hair. She noticed every hair, every curve of his face, the dip in his chin, the fullness of his lips, and the despair in his eyes. Her heart weighed heavy.

“Sweetness, you’re going to freeze out here.” He removed a layer of his tartan and set it around her shoulders.

She reveled in its softness, his scent, and its warmth.

“Something is bothering you. What is it?” He reached out to her.

Lillia withdrew and stepped back. “Nay, nothing is bothering me.”

Heath smiled and she longed to touch him as she was wont, to smooth her hand along his firm jawline and offer empathy for their latest bout of problems. Lillia wanted him to kiss her and distract her from thinking of the plight before them.

“I didn’t mean to be cross last eve. I might’ve been a wee bit harsh. But it wasn’t—”

“You have good reason to be ireful with me,” she said and pulled the tartan tighter around her. She wanted to defend herself, but the severity of her words dejected her nonetheless. There was nothing to do but confess her musings.

“Do I? What could you ever do … Have ye done something wrong?”

Lillia’s shoulders sunk a wee bit. She needed to yell, shout, or scream the vex that plagued her. Instead, she took a calming breath and spoke clearly, “You know right well what I’ve done.” She turned away from him and wouldn’t look upon his beautiful face.

He embraced her from behind. “Lillia, nothing you do would ever cause me to be ireful with you. I meant no offense last eve. I’d received shocking news and I reacted badly. My wrath was taken out on you and I fear I’ve hurt you. Tell me that is not so and that you forgive me.”

Tears gathered in her eyes. She spun in his arms and wept akin to a bairn. It wasn’t like her to be emotional, but there she was, completely undone. With all her heart she wanted to forgive him. But it was his forgiveness she sought.

“Ah, lass, it’s not as bad as that … Is it?” He lifted her chin and set a light kiss on her lips.

“Aye it is. It’s because of me that your friends had to leave their home. I caused you nothing but hardship and now … You can’t even pursue your life’s ambition.”

He caressed her hair. “You heard about Roderick’s return.”

She nodded. “I did. Your mother told me. And now you’re free to do as you are wont. Only, you’re not because we … married. I won’t let you sacrifice yourself once again. I shall write to my father at once. He will gain a dispensation from the church. You’ll be free to serve God as you are wont. I won’t interfere. I only beg for your forgiveness, Heath, for putting you through this hell these past months. But I beg you not to worry for me. I shall fare well.”

“But, Sweetness—”

Lillia freed herself from his hold. She held out her hand, stopping him from stepping forward. “Nay, Heath, you never wanted to marry me and only did so to be honorable. You did so to keep me from being imprisoned by the king. I heard you say so. I won’t let this continue. Please, I must go.” She turned and ran along the lane, past the cottages, past the corral where the horses whinnied, past the kitchens where smoke billowed through the openings in the thatch.

But Lillia was blinded by her tears. Heath shouted after her, and she ran until she was breathless. When she stopped running, she stood by the high willows whose remaining leaves showered upon her intermixed with the fat snowflakes. The large willows reminded her of when she’d shared her first kiss with Heath.

There was nothing to do but wallow in sorrow for she’d lost—lost the only person who had ever mattered to her.