Two Years Later

 

Two days before I was set to graduate, I stood against my locker in a state of shock. People were walking by and going to class, not knowing the hell I was going through—or at least not caring.

Memories of what my mother said to me when I was seven had come back to me right at that moment.

My whole body started to shake.

Why? I wanted to just scream out as loud as I could: Why?

Maybe my mother was right; no man would ever want me or would ever truly love me. I needed to just give up on men for good.

I just wanted Jefferson. When would he get here? I had to tell him what happened. He would know something was wrong the moment he saw my teary, red eyes. He’d know what to do—he always did—and he’d take away this pain before I had to go home and face my mother. I could never let her know what had happened. She would never let me forget this, just like she always brought up Bryce. God, I couldn’t get air into my lungs. I just needed Jefferson.

Jefferson, my older brother by three years, had been the only person in my life to be there for me. He was studying architectural engineering at the University of Texas. He worked his ass off in school to get perfect grades and, having received a scholarship to play football, of course kicked ass on the field as well. He could have gone anywhere, but he stayed in Austin to help take care of my mother and me.

He would not leave me all alone to deal with her. He was all I had in this world.

My father left when I was three. He came back to see us only once after he left. It was right after Jefferson got his scholarship to UT. He had showed up on our doorstep acting like a proud father. I thought Jefferson was going to beat the shit out of him. He only stayed long enough to give Jefferson and me part of an inheritance from a grandmother neither of us remembered. He also caused our mother to go into another drunken stupor and lose another job.

Jefferson made me put the money away for college, and he bought his truck and paid off what was owed on our mother’s house. My mother is nothing but a drunk who half the time does not even remember she has two kids. I’m nothing to her but a reminder of the man who left her alone and unwanted. When I was younger, she always told me how much I looked like him. Her hatred of him drives her to drink away her problems, or at least she attempts to drink them away.

Jefferson is another reminder of our father, but my mother pretty much just ignores him more than she does me. As long as he puts money into her account each month for her alcohol, she is happy. Jefferson has worked since he was fourteen to help keep food on our table. I stopped counting how many jobs my mother has had in the last ten years. Sometimes she would be gone for days at a time, which was fine by us. How Jefferson managed to work, study, and get to football practice all the while taking care of his baby sister, I will never know.

I love my brother so much for all that he does, even for our mom. Jefferson is the only person in my life who has been there for me.

I only needed two people in my life . . . Jefferson and Ryan. Well, shit . . . at least up until thirty minutes ago, I thought the only two people I needed in my life were Jefferson and Ryan. Ryan had been my boyfriend for the last eight months. I had spent pretty much all of my senior year with him . . . what a fucking waste.

That fucker! My body started to shake again as the image came back into my mind. I felt the tears threaten to come again. No! I wasn’t going to cry over him anymore.

I had gotten a text message from Ryan asking me to meet him in the auditorium during sixth period. I was an office monitor and it was not uncommon for me to meet him during sixth period before he left campus for the day. I could’ve sworn he told me he was leaving right after fifth.

Today something was different, and I knew it the moment I walked through the door of the auditorium. I heard moans coming from behind the stage. I slowly walked up and found Ryan behind the stage having sex with Jessica Harris. I thought I was going to throw up. I stood there like an idiot watching them for probably a good minute before my brain started to work again.

I finally was able to turn myself away from one of the worst moments in my life only to walk into a prop for the stupid Wizard of Oz play that the drama class was putting on. It made a loud crash as it hit the floor, and I turned just in time to see Ryan look up at me with a stunned look on his face and to see Jessica give me the evilest smile I’d ever seen. I mean really . . . that bitch could throw daggers at her mother while singing a Disney song. At that moment, I knew this was all her doing. She set it up for me to be there and see that.

I turned and jumped over the prop to run out the door. All I knew was that I could hardly breathe and I really needed to get out of there and fast. I heard the bastard calling out for me.

“Let me explain! Ellie! Please let me explain!” he kept yelling out. Really . . . how could he possibly explain why he was having sex with the one girl in school who hated my guts?

Ever since Ryan asked me to the fall dance, Jessica had made it her mission in life to hate me and take Ryan away. With her perfect blonde hair, blue eyes, and daddy’s money, she wanted for nothing and got almost everything she wanted. I guess she accomplished her mission of taking Ryan from me.

After I spent twenty minutes in the girl’s bathroom ugly crying with my best friend Arianna standing outside the bathroom stall begging me to tell her what was wrong, I was ready to go beat the shit out of Jessica fucking Harris.

Once the sobs settled a bit, I was finally able somewhat to speak to Ari. I slumped against the wall of the bathroom stall.

“Oh my gawd, Ari, that fucker . . . that no good for nothing—” And there it was . . . another round of endless sobs.

“Please, Ellie, you are really scaring me. Please tell me who and what the hell you are talking about before I scale this fucking door and beat it out of you,” Ari screamed over my loud cries.

“It’s . . . it’s Ryan. I saw him having sex with . . . with . . . Je . . . Jess . . . Jessi . . .”

I can’t breathe . . . Oh my God! Why?

“I just saw Ryan fucking Jessica Harris behind the stage!” I screamed out with such a force even I was waiting for someone to come in and see what the hell was going on in the girl’s bathroom down in C hall.

For a few minutes, I thought Ari had left me in my misery. I was alone, sitting in the girl’s bathroom crying over some jerk.

I would always end up alone.

How stupid was I to think that Ryan would wait to be with me until I was ready? I just never felt like Ryan was “the one” I was saving myself for. We had barely even kissed and he never really tried to go any further. My mother told me the first and last time she met Ryan that I was only arm candy for him.

I was always going to be alone. I shook my head . . . That’s not true . . . I had Jefferson. I would always have Jefferson.

Finally Arianna broke her silence. “Holy hells bells . . . Jesus, Mary, and Joseph . . . that dirty, rotten, son of a bitch, cock-sucking motherfucker! I’m going to cut his balls off and . . .”

God, I loved this girl. Arianna had been my best friend since we were ten. She was beautiful, funny, and smart as hell. She was graduating as valedictorian of our class. She was the same height as me—five foot five and we both weighed around 120 pounds—which was perfect since I loved to borrow her clothes.

She had beautiful medium brown hair that fell just below her shoulders. She had hauntingly beautiful green eyes. Her only fault was that she didn’t know when to stop talking. The girl could rattle on all day if you let her. Get her pissed off and you would be shocked at the string of curse words she could fire off.

“Ari, please, if anyone is going to cut his balls off, it sure as shit is going to be me and not you. But thank you for the love,” I said as I walked out of the stall more composed than I really should have been.

Somehow, in the last sixty seconds, it hit me. I was not meant to be happy or find love. Just like my mother told me when I was younger.

I will never be wanted.

Not by anyone, let alone by one of the most popular boys in the senior class. What a fool I had been. Argh, I just needed my brother to get here. He would take me away from this disaster, just like he always has.

Once Ari made sure I was okay, she hightailed it out of the bathroom before the bell rang to let Mrs. Johnson, our science teacher, know I was not feeling well. She was planning on telling her I was having terrible cramps and was in the girl’s bathroom.

She was right, in a way . . . I was in terrible pain, but it had nothing to do with cramps. It was my heart breaking and nothing more. Mrs. Johnson would not care. It was the last day for seniors anyway and all we were doing was playing stupid-ass games.

I had sent Jefferson a text message right when I walked into the bathroom and locked myself behind the stall asking if he could come and pick me up early. Ari had seen me running from the auditorium and came after me.

I had managed to avoid Ryan by hiding out on the other end of the school after I left the safety of the bathroom. I was silently hoping he just left school once he could not find me. It was now between classes, and I was just praying my phone would chirp with “I’m here, honey,” and I could just get the hell out of dodge and into the safety of Jefferson’s truck. If I could manage that and not see Ryan, I would be okay.

“Ells . . . please let me talk to you.” I glanced over my shoulder to see Ryan walking up with a pained expression.

Fuck a duck . . . yep, it was true. My life will never go like I wish for it to. Holy hell!

“Go away, R-Ryan.” Oh, hells bells, keep it together, Ellie. Keep it together. Do not cry in front of him!

“Please, Ells, I made a terrible mistake. Jessica was saying all this shit about how she heard you telling Ari you had no plans of getting closer to me and how you were going to break up with me before summer. And . . . well, shit! Ellie, I was just not thinking straight, honey. I’ve been trying to be patient with you, Ellie, but for fuck’s sake, all we ever do is kiss and well . . . I just broke. A guy has needs and well, um . . . she just broke me, Ellie, with her bullshit and I had a small moment of weakness. I promise you it will never happen again. I promise. I will never betray you again, Ellie. I promise you, honey. Let’s just forget about this, okay? Move on. We can move on, right, Ellie?”

Oh my God, I think I just threw up in my mouth. A guy has needs? Is he insane? He had a small moment of weakness? You have got to be fucking kidding me! Did he really just say that?

I got the courage from somewhere deep inside and turned to face him.

“You have got to be kidding me, right? That is your reason for fucking Jessica? Because I was hoping you were going to at least make it worth my while, Ryan.” I managed to spit that all out even with the tears I was holding back and the anger that was growing.

“Make what worth your while? Ellie, I’ll do anything!” Ryan pleaded.

At that moment, I summoned all the deep-seeded women’s empowerment bullshit that Ari’s mother is always preaching to us. “Girls, you are stronger than you know . . . If you don’t like being treated like a doormat then get the fuck off the floor.” Oh, and my all-time favorite: “If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” That one was a quote from Katharine Hepburn. Ari’s mother adored Katharine Hepburn, and I swear she had made us watch every one of her movies.

Once I had all that empowerment shit boiled up in my small, five-foot-five, 120-pound body, I balled up my fist and hit that motherfucker as hard as I could in the face.

Okay, I’m not going to lie and say it did not hurt. It hurt like a son of a bitch, and I’m pretty sure I let out a scream of sheer pain once I made contact with his jaw, but to see Ryan’s head snap back and students stop and stare—Jesus, it was worth it! Even if I did think I had broken my hand. Shit!

“For making that worth my while, you asshole. Shit!” I yelled at Ryan. For just one second I felt so good, until I felt my hand start to throb harder.

Oh, shit . . .

“Ellie, what the hell is going on?” It was Jefferson. I was pulled out of my daze as I stood there and looked at my rapidly swelling hand.

“I got your text, honey. What is going on?”

Jefferson looked at me, then down to my hand, and then over to Ryan, who was now nursing his jaw, and it must have all clicked in that moment. Jefferson had Ryan pinned up against the lockers in two seconds flat.

“What the fuck did you do to my sister, you asshole? I will kill you if you hurt her!” Jefferson hissed between his teeth.

I walked over and tried to grab Jefferson off Ryan before he hurt him, or worse, got in trouble for beating the shit out of a high school student. I forgot about my hand, and I lurched back in pain and let out a small gasp when I grabbed at Jefferson’s shirt. Just then I felt warm, strong hands on my shoulders and my whole body started to tingle and feel warm inside.

What the hell? What was going on?

“Stand back here, Ellie, so you don’t get hurt, sweetheart.” I looked up and was looking into the most beautiful pair of blue eyes I’d ever seen. I had never seen a guy as good-looking as the guy who was standing in front of me. He must have been at least six foot two, 230 pounds. I know this because Jefferson was six foot one and 220 pounds.

My eyes quickly traveled up and down his body. Holy shit, this guy was built! I always thought my brother Jefferson was the most handsome man I’d ever seen. Jefferson had light brown hair and emerald green eyes. He worked out every day for as long as I could remember. He said it was his way to release his stress. We could not go anywhere ever without every girl tripping over herself to get his attention. The thing I loved most about my brother was that he was clueless to all of it. Just take my brother to the lake and have him take off his shirt and BAM—girls everywhere. He had a beautiful body and had part of his chest and upper arms covered in tattoos. He had a Texas flag tattoo on his upper left arm and a tribal tattoo on his right chest and shoulder that went down a little way onto his back. He and a few friends went last summer and got them.

But this guy standing in front of me was breathtaking . . . I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him.

I heard a small laugh escape his beautiful mouth and noticed he was still holding onto my shoulders. I snapped out of yet another daze.

He smiled down at me, and at that moment everything sounded muffled. I barely heard Jefferson yelling at Ryan, or Mr. Watson, the assistant principle, screaming at Jefferson to let Ryan go and asking why he was on campus. I only saw the most magnificent smile before me. My whole body felt weak, and I had to really think about breathing. I managed to look around him to see what was going on with Jefferson.

He gave my shoulders a small squeeze, and a moment later he turned and grabbed Jefferson off Ryan.

“Jeff, take it easy, man. Calm the hell down, dude. He’s not worth going to jail for,” he said in a soft and calm voice.

Yep, I’d never heard a voice so sweet in my life. Can a body physically melt from a voice? What the hell was going on with me?

“I’m going to kill that fucker if he hurt her in any way, Gunner. I . . . will . . . kill . . . him!” Jefferson shouted as he looked at Ryan.

So, this was Gunner, huh? My brother’s best friend from college. Jefferson talked about Gunner all the time but I had yet to meet him. I had seen him plenty of times on the football field, though. He was teammates with Jefferson and they were both majoring in architectural engineering.

Gunner let out a laugh, which warmed my whole body like a blanket. What was happening to me? I just stood there staring at him. I couldn’t move. What was it about this guy that had my insides just melting? I mean, I just saw my boyfriend screwing someone else and I was never . . . let me repeat myself . . . I was never going to fall in love again. All men were pure scum—evil bastards who just wanted one thing from you: sex. Mention you’re a virgin, and they will invest months of their lives just to say that they took that away from you.

Bastards . . .

I looked at Gunner again. There was something about him. I was shocked by my immediate, intense feelings for him, especially after what had just happened. I looked his body up and down and licked my lips. My mouth went dry in an instant. I tried to tear my eyes away from him but couldn’t. He was built a bit bigger than Jefferson. He had brown hair that had that perfect messy look only a guy this hot could pull off. I looked up to his eyes—holy shit—those beautiful blue eyes. I could see myself getting so lost in those eyes. I dragged my eyes down away from his face and they went right to his large muscular chest. I could see part of his black tribal tattoo on his arm, just sticking out from under his tight white T-shirt. Yum. What I wouldn’t do to get a peek of that and run my fingers along . . .

Okay! Wait . . . Hold the fucking fort, Ellie. Good God, what am I doing? I had to shake my head to clear my thoughts. I was practically undressing my brother’s best friend in my mind.

No! My mother was right; no one would ever want me, and Ryan was proof of that. I was never going to let another man into my life to hurt me ever again.

Just then I was brought back to the real world by Ari asking to see my hand. I had no clue how long she’d been there.

“Oh, fuck, Ells! Jeff! We need to get Ellie to the hospital like right now!” Ari screamed, trying to get Jefferson’s attention. He was pacing back and forth, still trying to calm himself down.

Gunner grabbed Jeff’s shoulder. “Dude, listen to me. Your sister is hurt. We need to get her to the doctor. Don’t worry about this fuckwad, Jeff. We can take care of him later,” Gunner said as he gave Ryan a look that oozed hatred and disgust. If I had not known better, I would’ve thought he wanted to kill Ryan more than Jefferson did.

Jefferson’s body relaxed in an instant. I’ve never seen anyone calm my brother down that fast. Jefferson walked over to Ryan and leaned in close enough so that Mr. Watson did not hear, but I sure as hell heard it.

“I’ll be back for you, bastard,” Jefferson hissed.

“Let’s go, Jeff,” Gunner said as he guided Jefferson away from what Ari was now calling “the crime scene.”

We started to walk down the hall to go outside when Ari started her famous rattling ways.

“They are for sure not going to let you walk now, Ells. Oh my God, what the hell were you thinking, hitting him right here in school in front of everyone? I mean, I know you’re third in the class, but they might not let you walk! I can’t be up there giving a speech knowing my best friend is not going to be walking with me on the same stage. Have I not taught you a damn thing? I mean, you needed to wait—”

“Arianna! Please shut the fuck up, will you?” Jefferson shouted.

Even though my hand was swollen and hurt like hell, I had to giggle. Jefferson and Ari had a love-hate relationship. Ari loved Jefferson, and Jefferson seemed to hate Ari. It hadn’t always been like that, though.

When I was ten years old, Ari and I became best friends after she moved from Dallas to Austin. Jefferson was thirteen and used to play with us and tease the shit out of Ari. Then something changed when we were in ninth grade and he was a senior. He would barely look at Ari. He never wanted to be around her, and that made life a bit difficult for me.

I know he cared for her like a sister, though. When Brad Roberts bragged that he was going to take Ari out to her parents’ lake house one weekend and take her virginity, Jefferson found out about it and beat the shit out of Brad. Ari, of course, took that as a sign of his undying love for her. I took it as him protecting his little sister’s best friend because Jefferson just does things like that. That was why I needed him so much. I’d be lost without him.

Ari and Jefferson continued to bicker back and forth all the way out to Jefferson’s truck. I just tuned them out because my hand was hurting so much, otherwise I would have been annoyed by their bickering.

Jefferson helped me up into the back seat of his Ford F-250. Gunner ran up behind him and handed me a bag full of ice. Huh? Where and when did he get that?

“Thank you, ah, um, Gunner,” I stammered out.

Jesus, what was wrong with me? I couldn’t even talk right. Why did he give me such weird feelings? Just when I thought it could not get any worse, he smiled at me.

Fuck me . . . those beautiful sky-blue eyes and perfect, straight white teeth.

“No problem, Ellie. Try to keep it up above your heart, sweetheart. And here, take these Advil.” He handed me two pills and a bottle of water.

Gulp. I couldn’t even speak. Ari leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Breathe, Ells, breathe.” I sucked in a long breath and managed to thank him for the ice, water, and Advil.

“Hey, I’m Ari by the way. Ellie’s best friend,” Ari said.

Gunner gave her the sweetest smile then leaned in a bit closer to me.

“Let’s get you to the doctor. What do you say?” Gunner whispered against my ear. The feel of his hot breath against my face caused my body to shake.

“Ahhh. Yep, okay. Doctor sounds good. Yep, let’s go, let’s roll, let’s do this thing.”

Okay. Why was my mouth still talking when clearly my brain had checked out the moment he smiled at me? He shut the door and jumped into the front passenger seat. Jefferson started his truck, and of course, Tim McGraw’s “Truck Yeah” started up. God, if I had to hear that song one more time, I was going to hurl.

I looked over to Ari, who had a shit-eating grin on her face. She leaned over and said low enough so only I could hear, “Okay, that boy wants in your panties!”

I gave her my best shut-the-hell-up look and said, “Pssh . . . you’re crazy! Have I told you lately you seriously need therapy? Seriously . . . you do, Arianna . . . I’m beginning to get scared for you.” I bit back at her.

Ari threw her head back and laughed. “Bitch, you can’t tell me I’m wrong on this one. Matter of fact, I would bet you that Coach purse you’ve been eyeing the last three months that that boy wants you.”

I had to let out a laugh, which caused my hand to start throbbing even more and my heart to break.

You will never be wanted by anyone . . .

“Even if I could afford to take you up on that, I know for a fact you are dead wrong on this one,” I stated just a little too loudly.

“Ari is dead wrong on what, Ellie?” Jefferson asked while pulling out of the school parking lot.

“Nothing, Jefferson, she is just delusional, that’s all. She’s seeing things that are clearly not there,” I said as I narrowed my eyes toward Ari.

“Well, whatever crazy shit Ari is going on about, I don’t care. I want to know right now what the fuck happened between you and Ryan!”

Ari shot Jefferson a look and rolled her eyes at him. I’m pretty sure I heard “dickwad” come out of her mouth, too.

Shit, here we go. I had to tell Jefferson what happened and pray to God that he wouldn’t kill Ryan. I mean, I truly did not care what the hell happened to Ryan anymore. I would like to see someone, anyone, kick his ass—but not Jefferson. Jefferson had to consider his scholarship and his future. Not about what some asswipe had just done to his sister, who probably deserved it. Gunner turned around and gave me a smile that melted my heart—not to mention my panties. It was almost like he was giving me the courage to start talking. I gave him a small smile back, and my body actually felt like it was humming. I thought I was going to start having trouble breathing again, but his smile seemed to make me forget about it.

What the hell? I have never had a guy affect me the way this guy did. What was going on with me? I needed to focus. I shook my head again to get these crazy thoughts out.

“Well, it all started when I got a text from Ryan to meet him in the auditorium . . .”