Ethan

 

 

 

 

 

“I JUST WANT TO MEET him, Cody,” I say.

Cody zips his jacket up and checks the pockets for his gloves and says, “Why is this so important to you?”

“Because it is,” I say.

“He said he’d call me again once he was in,” he says. “If he calls then we’ll go.”

“Good,” I say.

“Can we go for a walk now?”

We make our way downstairs and he puts his arm around my shoulder as we make our way down the block. The air chills against my cheeks and I deepen in my coat to stay warm.

“I don’t want to make you resent me from pressuring you to talk to him again,” I say. “I just think that since he’s going to be living up here, you could at least have dinner with him and catch up.”

“I’m never going to be able to forgive him for what happened,” he says. “It’s just not going to happen.”

“All wounds heal,” I say. “Trust me.”

“Like I said, if he calls then we’ll have dinner with him.”

We walk across the street to the bridge that goes over into the city. At this time of the night, the sun has just set and the city lights have started to light up the sky. We get a perfect view as we make our way to the middle of the bridge and see three more bridges as the water continues in front of us.

I yawn and lean my head against his shoulder.

Cody getting attacked brought back a lot of bad memories. Getting jumped myself last year, for one, and Rick’s abuse. I know in my gut that this wasn’t random. If it wasn’t for this mystery guy at the hospital then it might have been, but this is personal and I know it has something to do with me, which makes it even worse.

“What are you thinking about?” Cody says.

“How happy you make me,” I say.

That’s all I feel with Cody: happiness. With him, I don’t have to worry about where my next bruise will be on my body or if I looked at someone too long at a restaurant. I don’t have to wonder which personality I’m getting and I don’t have to feel obligated to be with Cody because I don’t want to be alone. I know now that I deserve better and that I deserve a love better than I thought I deserved before.

“When my brother didn’t come home,” Cody says, drawing me out of my thoughts, “it felt personal. All he said was that he couldn’t make it back. That’s all he said. No reason as to why and no phone call once she did pass to tell me he was sorry that we had lost our mom. He never asked me how I was doing after the fact, either, or cared that I was eighteen years old and on my own.”

“Did you ever ask him why?”

“No,” he says. He puts his hand in my hair and sets his chin on top of it. “I didn’t care.”

“Do you care now?”

“Maybe,” he says. “I don’t know. It’s complicated. In the back of my mind, I’m just waiting for him to disappoint me again and leave. He moves up here and I talk to him again and then he leaves.”

Cody’s phone starts ringing and I feel the vibration against my side. He lets go of me and pulls it out and says, “It’s him.”

“It’s your choice,” I say, leaning my hands on the railing of the bridge.

I look out into the water and arch my head back, looking up at the sky.

“Hello,” he says.

 

***

 

We walk into the restaurant and Cody spots Nathan at a booth towards the back. He leads us to the table and, on the inside, I’m hoping that everything goes as planned. Well, that everything goes the way I have planned it, meaning, Cody gets along with his brother and nothing bad happens.

We get to the table and Nathan gets out of his seat. He goes to give Cody a hug and Cody sticks out his hand instead for a handshake. If it bothered him, Nathan doesn’t show it and he smiles instead and says, “Good to see you, Cod.”

Cody doesn’t say anything and sits down in the booth across from him.

“Ethan,” I say, sticking out my hand.

He shakes it and says, “It’s nice to meet you. Cody has said nothing but good things. The little he’s told me about you at least.”

“Same,” I say, clearly lying and Cody lets out a small laugh.

I get into the booth next to him and pick up my menu.

“I hope you guys are hungry,” Nathan says.

“I forced him not to eat much today so he would be hungry for tonight,” I say.

Nathan laughs and says, “Well, good.” He looks up at Cody, who says nothing, and looks back down.

“So,” Nathan says, “how’s work going, Cod?”

“Good,” he says. “Besides getting attacked last week.”

Nathan looks up from his menu and says, “What?”

“I was leaving work and someone hit me from behind.”

“Did they catch the guy?”

“No,” he says.

“We checked all the security tapes,” I say, “but you can’t make out his face.”

“That’s just this city for you,” Cody says. He focuses in on his menu and coughs. “So, what are you doing here?”

“I’m checking things out,” Nathan says. “I’m trying to decide on which neighborhood to live in and how close it is to work.”

“So,” Cody says, “it’s a work thing?”

“I got a job offer to help train some fighters here,” he says. “I wasn’t going to take it, but moving closer to you seemed like a good idea.”

I don’t see an asshole sitting in front of me when Nathan talks. I know what an asshole sounds like, and Nathan isn’t one.

“I figured maybe you were going to fight again yourself.”

“I haven’t fought in years,” he says. “Not since…”

Cody looks up at Nathan and Nathan looks away.

“So, you were you a trainer in Texas then?” I ask him, trying to break the tension.

“Yes,” he says. “To be honest, Texas is hot and I also wanted to see what it was like on the opposite end of the country. Chicago seems nice.”

“It’s dangerous,” Cody says. “I’m sure you’ll have your fair share of people wanting to fight.”

“I won’t be training any professionals or anything. Just some people looking to get their start in MMA and then I’ll mostly just be teaching people how to defend themselves in general.”

“When are you officially going to be up here?” Cody asks him.

“After Thanksgiving,” he says.

Cody nods and looks back down to his menu. Nathan looks over at me, smiles, and then looks back down at his menu as well.

I almost want to laugh from how awkward I feel right now, but that probably wouldn’t be a good idea and Cody wouldn’t appreciate it.

“So,” Nathan says, “what do you do, Ethan?”

“I do security stuff for different companies around the city. It’s pretty boring, but I’m good at it and it pays really well.”

“I should give you the name of the gym I’m going to be working at,” he says. “The security is awful there. He doesn’t have any sort of system.”

“What gym is it?” I ask.

“McIntyre’s,” he says and I freeze.

“What?” Cody says.

“It’s down on—“

“Fourth and Hudson,” Cody says, “I know. My friend owns that gym. I go to the gym to workout.”

“I didn’t know you—“

“Of course you didn’t,” Cody says. “You don’t know anything about me because you haven’t talked to me in years. You just now starting talking to me again because you just so happen to be moving here and now, you’re going to be working where I spend a good part of my week.”

Cody puts his jacket on, laughs, and says, “This was a bad idea. I can’t…I can’t be here right now.”

“Cody,” I say.

“Let me out, Ethan.”

I get up and watch him as he storms down the walkway and out the front door. I close my eyes and sigh, sitting back down in the booth.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “He’s still recovering from last week and—“

“It’s me,” Nathan says. “He hates me, I know. He has a right to be. I abandoned him and I know he’ll never forgive me for everything.”

“He will,” I say. “Eventually.”

“There’s a lot that he doesn’t know,” he says. “A lot about me and my past and things that I’m not proud of. I have answers to all of his questions and I’m just too ashamed to give them to him.”

Nathan closes his eyes and looks away as a tear makes it’s way down his cheek. He looks over at me and smiles and says, “I just want my brother back.”

“You’ll have him back,” I say. “Trust me. I’ll talk to him.”

“Don’t tell him what I just said,” he says. “Please.”

“I won’t,” I say. “It was nice to meet you, finally.” I get out of the booth and shake his hand again. “I’m gonna go talk him down and I’ll see you again soon.”

“I’m glad Cody has you, Ethan,” he says. “If I never see you again, it was nice to meet you too.”

 

***

 

 “I just think you got a little too excited is all,” I say, shutting the car door and making my way into the apartment complex. “And I think there’s more to your brother than you might know. Maybe he has reasons for everything that has happened.”

“Then why doesn’t he tell me?” he says. He unlocks the door and throws the keys on the table. They slide off and onto the floor, but he ignores them and goes straight to the fridge. “I’m done talking about it.”

“Cody, you—“

“Done, Ethan,” he says. “What do you want for dinner?”

“I don’t care,” I say, sighing.

I want to tell him what Nathan told me, but I know what Nathan is thinking: he doesn’t want Cody to come to him because he feels bad. Nathan wants Cody to talk to him because Cody wants to and not out of guilt.

“We could just go back out,” I say. “Have dinner just the two of us. It is Saturday night, after all.”

“Yeah,” he says, closing the fridge.

“Unless you want cereal or something?”

“Shut up,” he says. He rolls his eyes and a hint of a smile crosses his face as he grabs the keys off the floor and makes his way out the front door.

 

***

 

 “You’re gonna have to talk to him eventually,” I say, twirling my fork around my spaghetti.

“Ethan,” he says, raising his eyebrows.

“I was thinking of inviting Hadley and Ian over for Thanksgiving,” I say. “Unless you’re mad at him now.”

“Ian doesn’t know about my brother,” he says.

“How?” I ask him. “He’s your best friend.”

“We just don’t talk about stuff like that.”

“I see.”

“That’s fine, though,” he says. “I’ll cook.”

“Good,” I say. “Hadley can’t cook worth shit and you know how well I do.”

“What about the others?”

“We had one together last year, but El and Will are going to Will’s sister’s house and Sam, for reasons I still don’t understand, is going back home with his sister for their family one.”

“What about your family?” he asks me.

“Hadley is coming.”

“Your mom and dad.”

“I haven’t had a Thanksgiving with them since before I graduated high school.”

“Why?”

“If we can’t talk about your brother,” I say, “then we aren’t talking about my family drama, either.”

“Yours is a tad different from mine,” he says.

“Yeah,” I say. “My reasoning is that my family doesn’t support who I am. Yours is because you’re stubborn and won’t talk to your brother.”

“Stubborn,” he says, laying his fork down on his plate.

“I just think there is more going on than what you know about him. If you want a relationship with your brother, then I think you should talk to him. I don’t want a relationship with my parents. I may regret that later, but right now, I don’t give a shit.”

He doesn’t say anything and continues eating his food.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I didn’t mean to piss you off.”

“You didn’t,” he says.

“Yes, I did.”

“It’s fine,” he says. “I’m just being stubborn.”