My heart is tripping like crazy as we get out of the truck at the restaurant and Jake slips his hand into mine. “You look really beautiful,” he says. His eyes slide slowly up and down my body.

“Thank you,” I say quietly as I push a lock of hair behind my ear. I feel like I’m sixteen again, rather than a thirty-five-year-old woman with four children and a stalker. “You look really handsome.” I reach up to touch his face, but at the last minute I pull my hand back. He sets the car seat down, reaches for my hand, and lays it on his cheek.

“You can touch me,” he says. My insides do that flippy thing again.

“Okay.” His jaw is scruffy but soft. “I like this.” I grin at him.

He turns his head and kisses my palm. Then he grins. “Let’s go eat.”

The restaurant is directly on the lake, and it’s early enough that it’s not yet packed. I see Jake slip folded-up money into the hostess’s hand and she leads us to a secluded area on the deck. No one else is out here and it’s quiet and peaceful.

“Is this area even open?” I ask the waitress.

She grins at me. “It is now.”

She helps Jake set the car seat up in a free chair that she flips over for stability, and puts Hank right next to Jake’s knee.

“Did you do this?” I ask, looking at Jake and the perfect setting.

“Maybe.” He grins. He grabs the arm of my chair and yanks it closer to him. I squeal and he laughs.

“You still have moves, Jake.”

He stares into my eyes. “You are so beautiful.”

My breath catches. “Jake—”

And then he kisses me. First, his lips touch the corners of my mouth, and then the tip of my nose, and then, right when I think I’m going to go crazy, his lips touch mine.

His hand slides around to the back of my neck and he holds me close while his lips devour mine. He sucks my lower lip between his, and gently touches his tongue to mine. I moan against his lips. He pulls back ever so slightly. “Too much?” he whispers.

“Not nearly enough,” I say.

The waitress clears her throat and Jake and I spring apart.

“I’ll come back,” she says with a giggle and she walks away.

I press my hands to my hot cheeks. Jake opens my menu and laughs. “Pick out some food.”

The waitress comes back with glasses of water and takes our order.

“So,” I say to break the silence at the table.

“So.” Jake laughs and takes a sip of his water.

“What do you want from me, Jake?” I suddenly blurt out. I drop my face into my hands because I’m even more embarrassed asking this question than I was when the waitress caught us kissing.

Jake’s green eyes stare into mine. “You really don’t know, do you Katie? You have no idea how I feel about you.”

“How do you feel about me, Jake?” I whisper back.

“I never wanted to be a father,” Jake says.

“Oh.” I sit back. My world is crumbling beneath my feet, and I hold tightly to the arms of my chair to settle myself.

“Stop it,” he chides. He takes my hand in his. “Stop it, now. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. Can I explain?”

“Please do.”

“Laura always wanted a baby, and I really didn’t. She talked me into it, and then making a baby became a job. It sucked all the joy out of it. When I imagined fatherhood, I imagined some little snot-nosed brat waking me up at all hours of the night, kids crying for food at inconvenient times, and someone taking Laura away from me at his or her own whim. I didn’t want kids. But then I met yours…” His voice trails off.

“And what did you think?” I hold my breath.

“They were a part of you, so I had no choice but to love them at first sight.” He chuckles. “Trixie woke me up last night because she said there was a blue raccoon under her bed and Sally was too big to go under there and look.”

“And you’re so much smaller than Sally.” I laugh. I had no idea she was waking Jake up. “I’m sorry she woke you.”

“I’m not. I had to get out some blue raccoon spray.”

“There’s blue raccoon spray?”

“A bottle of air freshener. I sprayed it under her bed and all was well. Then I stayed with her until she fell asleep. Sally sneezed for a good half hour and Alex woke up to ask me who farted.” He chuckles.

I laugh too. “I’m so sorry. I’ll tell her not to wake you anymore.”

“Oh, please don’t,” he says. “I loved it. It wasn’t a chore. It was nice.”

“You didn’t sign on for fatherhood.”

“I think I would. If you wanted me to, that is.” He coughs into his fist and his cheeks turn pink. “I mean…if you wanted me to be their dad, I’d be honored.”

Tears sting my eyes and I blink them back. “They had a great father. And he can’t be replaced.”

“I know that. And I don’t want to take Jeff’s place. But I want to take my place. And I want to feel like it’s mine. Forever. Always. I don’t want to be him. I want to be me, and I want to be what I am to them, whatever that might be.” He leans close to me and whispers, “And then there’s you.”

“What about me?” I whisper back.

“I want to be deep inside you, even when I’m not.” He laughs. “And trust me, I want to be deep inside you all the fucking time, Katie. All the time.”

My belly takes a dive down toward my toes and my head starts to spin all at once. I wave my hand in front of my face. “It’s getting hot in here.”

“Feet to the fire, Katie. Do you want me or not?”

“I want you, Jake,” I tell him. I lay my palm on his cheek. “I do. I’m just afraid.”

“I know. I’ll help you through it if you’ll let me.”

I nod and sit back. Hank starts to squirm in his seat, and Jake unbuckles him, taking him out of the car seat. It’s hot out, so he’s only wearing a onesie and his diaper. He stretches his skinny little body as he wakes up.

“You might want to feed him before our food comes.”

I didn’t think this through very well, because this dress is not made for nursing. I look around. “I should probably go to the bathroom or something.”

Jake grabs the spaghetti strap on my shoulder and tugs until the bow comes loose. This dress has a built-in bra, so I’d stuffed it full of leak pads and called it done. Jake hands me a lightweight blanket from the car seat and I toss it over my shoulder, and then I adjust all my parts and Henry latches on. I flush when I realize that Jake can hear him drinking greedily.

“Not very sexy, huh?” I say. I want to bury my face in my hands. But Jake lifts the blanket off my shoulder and looks down at where Hank is suckling.

“Sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” Jake breathes.

The dark edge of my areola is visible around Hank’s mouth. Jake kisses my naked shoulder and then drops down low and presses a soft kiss against my breast, right above where Hank is latched on. My belly flips again. He comes up quick and presses his lips against mine. “I want you to be mine.”

I nod and clear my throat. “I want that too, but…”

He stares hard at me. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m a package deal, Jake.”

“I know.” He wipes away the tear that slowly tracks down my cheek. He grins. “So, you want to be my girlfriend?”

I grin too, and wipe beneath my eyes with my free hand. “I’ll be your girlfriend.” My heart flips over in my chest, and for the first time since Jeff died, I feel hopeful that there is more to life than death and regret.

“And I’ll be your boyfriend,” Jake says to me.

The waitress brings our meal. “You guys are so cute together,” she says on a laugh. Then she disappears again.

“This is the best date ever,” I tell him.

He grins at me and helps me tie my straps back up when it’s time to switch sides, and I swear that I see him adjust himself when he sits back again.

“Breastfeeding is not sexy,” I remind him.

“No, but you sure as hell are.”