Chapter Three
Five miles and one sunset later, Kylie and Lucas lay stretched out on a blanket, holding hands and staring up at the bowl of a night sky, the new stars, and the half moon. She had changed into a werewolf, so she could commune with nature as much as Lucas.
When in were mode, her sense of smell increased nearly four hundred percent. The moist earth smelled richer, the trees and their fallen leaves smelled crisper, and the pheromones of the man she loved smelled even more irresistible.
He rolled over onto his side. Propped himself up on his elbow and stared at her with honest affection.
Leaning down, Lucas’s lips met hers. His taste exploded on her tongue. His soft vibrations stirred her desire. His hand slipped under her shirt.
Tempting.
Teasing.
Tantalizing.
Quickly realizing they hadn’t talked, she caught his hand. Threading her fingers with his, she felt their palms touch, melt against one another.
He lifted up and met her eyes. “What is it?”
“We need to talk.” Her heart did a jolt. She hated conflict. Hated talking about conflict. Hated confessing that she’d seen Lucas’s laptop and read something she shouldn’t have. But more than anything, she hated that there had to be secrets between them. Why hadn’t he just told her what was going on with the Council?
And while she suspected this was just a bump in the road, it was a bump she’d run into before. One that had almost severed their relationship and her trust.
It had been his need to be on the Council over a year before that had caused him to agree to the engagement his father had arranged. Sure, he hadn’t planned on going through with it, but keeping it from her felt like a huge betrayal and spoke to how far Lucas would go to secure his place on the werewolves’ governing body.
He squeezed her hand. “I told you, I’m only taking one class next semester.”
She bit down on her lip. “It’s not your school and you know it.”
He inhaled. He exhaled. He closed his eyes. After a few seconds, he opened them. “The Council is just going through a rough patch.”
She saw and heard his tone slip from the truth. Not really a lie. He didn’t lie. But he excelled at not telling her things. Of keeping them to himself.
Dropping her hold of his hand, she sat up, pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them. “What kind of a rough patch?”
“It’s nothing that won’t get worked out.”
“What needs to be worked out?” Her grip on her legs tightened.
“Just things. You need to trust me Kylie.”
That word. The “T” word echoed inside her. She didn’t trust the Council. And as hard as it was to admit, when it came to the Council, she didn’t completely trust Lucas.
Lifting her chin, feeling the spike of anger, she didn’t hold back. “What if I can’t?”
A scratchy sound escaped from the back of this throat. He sat up. “What do you mean you can’t?”
Hurt echoed in his tone, and she hated knowing she was responsible, even when she felt justified. “I know how far you’ll go to secure your place there.”
From the look in Lucas’s eyes, she suspected he knew she referred back to the whole engagement chaos.
“Damn it, Kylie. That’s in the past. Way in the past. Bringing up old shit is crazy.” He groaned and pressed a hand to his forehead. Then he looked at her. “I admitted I was wrong. I said I was sorry, but if you need to hear it again, I’ll—”
“Stop.” She shook her head. “I’m not . . . I don’t need you to apologize again. It’s not what you did, Lucas; it’s the reason you did it. It’s how far you’ll go to make the Council happy. It’s the fact that you hide things from me where the Council is involved.”
“I don’t . . .” He stopped short of lying. “I’m not doing anything wrong.”
“You keep things from me.” She sucked in her bottom lip. It tasted like his kiss, and she wished they weren’t mad right now. They had so little time, and spending it in anger was just wrong.
“I just don’t share everything. And . . . and it’s not just me. You don’t share all your ghost stuff with me.”
“Because you don’t want to hear about it. Besides, it doesn’t involve you.”
“And you think the Council stuff involves you?”
That stung. “Yeah, I do.” Her grip on her legs grew tighter as if to hold off her anger.
“Well, you’re wrong.” His shoulders tightened. His defense of his almighty council never weakened.
She looked down at the blanket, trying to say what needed to be said while holding her fury back and not using words as weapons. “I saw your notes that you presented to the Council.”
“What?” His tone, slightly accusatory, had her anger bulldozing through her resolve.
“The notes about justifying mixed marriages. It was on your laptop.”
“You snooped in my computer?” Anger hung on his words, then slipped off and sank into her skin. Into her heart.
“I wasn’t snooping. You left it on the screen.”
“When?” he asked, the one word oozing accusations.
“Last Monday when you asked me to meet you at your cabin. I went there, remember? And you weren’t there. Then you called me, when I was already at your cabin, to tell me you had to run off to another emergency meeting. Your computer was on the kitchen table. When I sat down, I . . . I wasn’t snooping. It was there and I started reading it.”
His chiseled features tightened. “You shouldn’t have—”
“Fine, I shouldn’t have read it.” Anger, like tiny little soldiers, marched around her heart, bumping into her better judgement. “But in my defense, I didn’t think you had secrets.”
“It’s not a secret.”
“How can you say that? You’re upset I read it. You were keeping it from me. What is your definition of a secret?”
“I wasn’t . . .” He closed his eyes, took a deep breath as if he knew conversation was out of hand. “Look, I knew it would hurt you to think I’m still having to fight that battle. So I just—”
“Kept it secret,” she said. “And yeah, it hurts me. It hurts me that you are so loyal to these people. It hurts me that you hide things like this from me. It hurts me that you can’t see what your precious council is doing.”
He looked hit. “What are they doing?”
“They’re trying to break us up.”
He shook his head, slow at first and then faster. “That’s absurd.”
“Is it?” she asked. “Why is it that they never hold an emergency meeting when you have to work, or when you have classes? I can’t remember you ever telling me that you had to leave work or class. It’s always when we’re together.”
He practically rolled his eyes at her. “That’s because they have my schedule.”
His answer took a few laps around her ribcage, scrubbing against nerves, knocking loose more anger until her chest swelled with pressure. “Oh, and I’m not on your schedule?”
He frowned. “Of course you are, but I don’t tell them when we’re together.”
“And why is that?” She shot to her feet, needing to move. Too angry to sit still.
He bolted up from the blanket she’d brought. “Woah. Stop! I’m completely lost here. Where the hell is this coming from?”
“From the obvious,” she snapped, even when a voice told her she needed to take a step back to think before she spoke. There was no stepping back now. “You don’t tell them about us because you know they would have a problem with it. Yet . . . what do you believe they think you’re doing when you’re not in school or work? Isn’t it logical that they would know you would be with me?”
“It’s illogical to think they are conspiring to break us up.”
“So I’m illogical now?”
“I didn’t say . . .”
“I know what you said.” She took two steps away then turned back. “You admit they are against mixed marriages, so do you think they haven’t concluded that you and I are going to get married? Or have you kept that a secret from them?”
“Damn it!” He cupped his hands behind his neck and looked confused, angry, and flustered. Those eyes, slightly orange, met hers. “It’s bad enough I have to fight with them, I shouldn’t have to fight with you, too.”
“And I shouldn’t have to fight to spend a few hours with you.”
Her anger faded to a different emotion. Hurt. His inability to see what was happening hurt her. The kind of hurt that left a bruise. The kind so ugly you couldn’t hide it.
He stood there, feet planted slightly apart, too silent, too still. “You know how important being on that council is to me.”
“Yeah, I know.” Her voice echoed what she felt inside. Defeat, loneliness. “What I don’t know is how important I am to you.”
“Shit!” He unlocked his hands from behind his neck. “How can you even think that?”
“How can I not? We’ve barely seen each other for two months.”
For one second she thought she’d finally gotten through to him. “Just let me complete this damn sabbatical thing.”
It took effort to wrap her head around what he said. “What sabbatical thing?”
“They’re sending me away for a vision quest over the Christmas holidays.”
“This Christmas?” Her words, so tight, slipped off her lips and cracked in the air.
He nodded, and she saw the apology in his eyes, probably another perfect one, but she was too far gone to care.
“For how long?”
He scrubbed a hand over his mouth before answering. “The entire two weeks, but when I get back, they have promised to listen to my views. And all these—”
“You’re supposed to spend that time with me. You even told my mom you were going with us to New York.” Now it was her tone that rang of accusations.
He tried to reach for her, and she jerked back.
“Kylie, I know this has been hard and . . .”
“And what?” she snapped. “You’re sorry? If that’s all you have to say, I don’t want to hear it. Because I’ve heard it over and over again.”
He ran both hands through his hair. “Kylie, please—”
“Don’t you see what they’re doing?”
“Don’t do this,” he said.
“Me? News flash!” she snapped, her tone so loud the birds fluttered away. “It’s not me, Lucas. It’s your precious almighty council doing it. Tell me, what’s going to happen when I go away for college? When are we going to see each other then?”
“We’ll figure it out.” He sounded confident, but she didn’t believe it, buy it, or feel one iota better hearing it.
“How? When we can’t find time now and we still both live at Shadow Falls?” She bent down, snatched up the blanket then stuffed it back into her backpack.
He reached for her arm.
“No.” She yanked free. “Go on your sabbatical, Lucas. And while you’re there, spend some time thinking about us, too. About if you have time for me in your life. I’m tired of being at the butt end of your totem pole.”
“You’re being ridiculous,” he accused.
“No. I’m finally being honest with myself. Frankly, I’m furious that I’ve put up with this for so long.”
She swung around and started back down the path. The walk back felt a hell of a lot longer. Her future a hell of a lot bleaker. Her heart a hell of a lot heavier.
• • •
“What happened?” Holiday asked the next day when Kylie walked into the office. Kylie didn’t even have to say anything, the fae’s empathetic antenna picked up on the trouble the second Kylie walked in.
“It’s so wrong.” Kylie had spent most of the night reliving the argument. She saw where she could have maybe said something different, but she mostly blamed Lucas.
Holiday’s exhale of breath sounded heartfelt, a verbal band-aid for emotional wounds. But it was going to take more than a band-aid to fix this.
Holiday’s shoulders released. “I admit when you told me this, I thought maybe you were exaggerating. But I spoke to Burnett about it, and he said he’d been suspecting the same thing.”
So everyone suspected it but Lucas. He didn’t see it because he didn’t want to see it.
Now that Kylie had told Lucas about what she’d read on his laptop, she didn’t mind telling Holiday. “He was writing notes to present to the Council about why they shouldn’t rescind the law that allows mixed marriages. They don’t approve of it, and I think they’ll do anything to break us up.”
Holiday’s eyes filled with empathy. “Did you talk to Lucas?”
The question had Kylie’s emotions bubbling to the surface. “Yeah. He got upset that I’d read his notes. Even accused me of snooping. I wasn’t, I swear. He left the notes on his opened laptop on his kitchen table.”
The hurt bumping around in Kylie’s chest tightened. “Even worse is that he refuses to believe they’re doing this on purpose. But it’s so apparent that they’re trying to break us up. And it’s working.”
The lump in her heart climbed up her throat and made breathing painful.
“Then you can’t let them win.” Holiday’s voice held an edge of steel.
“How can I fight this when Lucas won’t even admit what they’re doing?”
“Why don’t you two go somewhere over the Christmas holiday? Burnett said Lucas is taking two weeks off. Take the time to—”
“Can’t! The Council made other plans.” Kylie dropped into the chair across from Holiday’s desk. Her hope of ever solving this oozed out, leaving her to feel empty, helpless.
“What plans?”
Kylie pulled one knee up, needing something to hold on to, to keep from feeling as if everything was falling apart. “We were supposed to spend it together, but those plans are dead because the almighty Council is sending him away on a sabbatical.”
Holiday’s roundish eyes rounded a bit more. “The whole two weeks?”
Kylie nodded. “And he still refuses to accept what they’re doing.”
Holiday slumped back in her chair. “I’ll have Burnett talk to him.”
“No,” Kylie said. “I don’t want . . . Lucas is private, and . . . he’s not one to really listen to other’s input. If this is going to work, he has to figure it out for himself. Or maybe, deep down, he does know it.” She attempted to swallow another lump of pain. “He knows and is ignoring it because he realizes that he has to make a choice between me and the Council.”
She bit down on her lips so hard she almost tasted blood. “I’m scared it’s a contest I’ll lose.”
“Kylie, Lucas loves you. I’ve never been surer about anything.”
The words, as well-meaning as they were, ripped another piece of her heart out. “I know he loves me. But . . . maybe loving me is getting in the way of his life quest. Maybe love isn’t enough.”
“I don’t believe that for one minute. Love is always enough. And I’ve known Lucas for years. People always come first to him.”
“I want to believe that but . . .” She touched the ring that hung on a necklace. It was Lucas’s grandmother’s engagement ring. He’d given it to her and told her he knew they were too young to be engaged, but he wanted her to wear it around her neck to remember she belonged to him.
Kylie tightened her hand around the ring. The gold felt cold against her palm. She’d never doubted that she would one day wear that ring on her finger.
Until now.
She looked up at Holiday. Steam slipped from the fae’s lips. Only then did Kylie notice the cold. The unearthly kind of cold.
“Is that your ghost or mine?” Kylie asked, hoping it was hers. It didn’t matter that she really didn’t feel up to dealing with a ghost while dealing with her broken heart. The spirit’s voice had been ringing in her head, the desperation in her voice clung to Kylie’s conscience.
“I’m not sure. But I’m not working with one right now. So, I think . . .” Holiday pulled her jacket from the chair and slipped her arms into it. Then she looked around. “Show yourself and speak up. We can’t help you unless you tell us what’s going on.”
The cold started slacking off.
Holiday looked at her. “Did it not feel the same as your ghost?”
“I don’t know.” Kylie pulled the sleeves of her hoodie down over her hands. “She didn’t hang around long enough for me to get a sense of her.” Frustration swelled inside Kylie’s already frustrated soul.
“So you haven’t heard from her again?” Holiday asked.
“No. Just early yesterday morning. I’ve asked her to come back like six times. I got nothing.”
Kylie sighed. “She seemed so desperate. She pleaded for me to save someone. Which means there’s someone in trouble out there who I’m going to let down because she won’t . . . or can’t . . . tell me anything.”
Holiday stood up, came around the desk, and hugged Kylie. Hugged her tight and soft at the same time. “It’s gonna be okay.”
“Which one? The ghost issue or the Lucas issue?”
“Both.” She gave Kylie another squeeze.
“I hope so.” Kylie absorbed the calm and peace from the fae’s touch. She needed it to help counter the chaos in her life.