Chapter Five
“Because . . .” Shit!
Until right then, that moment, Lucas hadn’t let himself see how much he’d hurt her. He’d been a fool—a fool to let the Council steal away his time from Kylie. A fool to take her love and patience for granted. Not that he really thought the Council was trying to break them up, but in his quest to make peace for his people, he had neglected the most important person in his life.
He looked at her, hugging her knees on her bed, the bed he so often slept in with her, the bed where they’d made love. She looked so soft, so innocent, so hurt.
“Kylie, all you have to do is tell me you don’t want me to go and I’ll stay.”
Surprise widened her eyes. She sat up a little straighter. “You would?”
“Yes. If that’s what it takes to make you happy. And I’m sorry I’ve let this go on so long. I’ve been blindsided by trying to fix things with the were community.” He leaned in to press a kiss on her cheek.
She turned her cheek. Okay, that hurt.
“And what about what you want? What makes you happy?”
“You are my happiness.”
She blinked. “No. You want to fix things. It’s your life quest. If I take that away, you’ll resent me for it.”
“I’d rather resent you than lose you.”
Her eyes widened and grew instantly wet with emotion. She scooted away from him, just an inch, but that tiny space seemed to mean something, and it wasn’t good.
Had he said the wrong thing? “I didn’t mean . . . I just meant—”
“Stop. I know exactly what you mean. The last thing I want is for you to resent me. Resentment doesn’t belong in a relationship. You have to go.”
He searched for the right thing to say. Not that he was overly confident. He obviously sucked at arguing. Since they seldom argued he hadn’t realized how bad he was at it until now.
His mind spun, wanting to make this terrible feeling go away. “Fine, I’ll go, but tell me that you aren’t going to get angry. And when I get back I promise to change things. I swear I’ll make this right.”
When he saw doubt in her eyes, and anger, he threw out more words to fix it. “The Council has given me their word that when I return they will listen to my points. Things will settle down.” He would damn well make sure of it, too.
She didn’t say anything. She breathed in. Breathed out. She shook her head. “They won’t stop until they break us up.”
His stomach clenched. “I know you believe that. I even see why you would have come to this conclusion, but . . . the Council doesn’t work that way. They give orders and expect you to follow. They lead with an iron fist, not trickery.”
Her face tightened, her eyes, her mouth. He could swear her heart did the same. Tightened as if to close him out. Again, he’d chosen the wrong thing to say.
“Then believe what you want.” She jumped out of bed and moved to the window. She gazed out, just so she didn’t have to look at him. Her posture came across so angry, he felt lost, helpless.
Should he just keep his mouth shut?
She turned. Tears slipped down her cheeks.
Anger and hurt slipped into his heart. “Kylie, I just—”
“No, go Lucas.” She pointed to the window. “And when you get back, we’ll decide if I really fit into your life plans.”
He held his hands in the air, unsure how he could fix this. “Don’t say that. We’re life mates. Nothing is going to come between us.”
She inhaled a shuttered breath. He felt each little catch. Every little hiccup of sound chipped away at his dreams, his life plans. His sanity.
“I won’t let them come between us.”
“They already have. Go.”
He felt slapped, cornered, baffled. How could she say that? How could . . . “I said I wouldn’t go if you asked it. So ask it.”
“And to ask it would destroy your life quest. I refuse to do that. So just go.”
He reached up, running his hand through his hair. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Then don’t say anything.”
“You are being unreasonable,” he said, his frustration spilling out of him.
“Maybe I’m unreasonable. But I’ve put up with this for . . . too long. I know I have some fault for not speaking up earlier. But you, Lucas Parker, are blind. And until you see this for what it is, I don’t think we can get past it.”
“What this is, is a mistake on my part. I get tunnel vision sometimes. I’m apologizing. I won’t let it happen again.”
“How? How can you stop that you don’t think exits?”
He stood there trying to find the right thing to say, but not even sure there was a right thing. “Kylie, this is crazy. Every time I open my mouth, I’m making it worse.”
“It’s not what you’re saying, it’s what you refuse to believe.”
His frustration shot up along with his blood pressure. “You want me to lie to you and say I believe something that I don’t? Fine, I’ll lie. They are trying to break us up. Does that make you happy?”
He heard the frustration in his voice and regretted it the moment the words left his lips. Regretted it more when he saw that his words caused the person he loved even more pain.
Her chin shot up just a notch, a sure sign of her anger. And Kylie Galen didn’t do anger. Not often anyway. But shit! He’d come here to fix things, not to make them worse.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to . . .”
She pointed to the window again. “Go. Please.”
“Not until . . .” He caught her and pulled her close. “You are my everything. You are more important to me than being on that Council.”
The sigh that whispered off her lips told him she still cared. He kissed her then. She didn’t resist. She even kissed him back. But he could taste her salty tears on her lips. Feel her hurt and lingering anger in how she held herself. How she didn’t lean against him completely. How she ended the kiss a second too soon.
He pulled back. “I love you. I give you my word that when I get back it won’t be like this anymore.”
She didn’t say anything, but she nodded. He knew he wasn’t out of hot water. He’d have to prove to her that she meant more to him than anything. Not a hard task, because nothing was truer.
“I’m not going to have my phone, but you could dreamscape and we could communicate.”
She blinked. Her lashes still webbed with tears. “The last time I tried to do it, I . . . couldn’t make it happen.”
“Try again. I’m going to miss you.” He hesitated again. “Do you not want me to go?”
“You have to go,” she said, but the hurt in her words ricocheted and got him right in his heart.
• • •
Friday night, after two days of suffering from Lucas withdrawals, Kylie hid away in her bedroom, trying once again to dreamscape and attempting to push away the anger she felt.
She failed at both things.
Yup, she was still totally, completely, over-the-moon pissed at the guy who she loved with all her heart.
This afternoon, she’d even gone to Holiday asking for help on the dreamscaping. Holiday offered her two reasons why it might not be working. One was the anger she nursed deep in her heart toward the person with whom she attempted to connect, the other was her recent shifts into a paranormal that wasn’t gifted with that talent.
Not fair, she wanted to rant to whoever set these stupid rules and hadn’t given her a handbook. She punched her pillow and groaned words her mother would wash her mouth out with soap if she heard them.
The loud knock on Kylie’s bedroom door had her bolting off the bed. She yanked the door open to find her two roommates.
“What?” Kylie asked, her frustration ringing so loud in her one-word question, she cringed. Just because she felt like crap didn’t give her the right to toss handfuls at anyone who crossed her path.
“Wow! The princess didn’t want to be disturbed,” Della mouthed off. She looked at Miranda standing next to her.
“Sorry,” Kylie muttered to her closest friends. But holy shit, she didn’t like this place she was in. A place where she couldn’t get past the anger. Where everything and everyone irritated her and turned her into a “b with an itch” on roller blades.
“You should be,” Della said, never one to let anyone off the hook.
To her credit, she was just as hard on herself.
“Stop!” Miranda gave Della a pointed elbow-jab in the ribs. “Kylie’s going through a hard time. We have to give her some pissy-tude wiggle room.”
“Pissy-tude wiggle room?” Della asked. “All I said was—”
“I know what you said,” Miranda snapped. “I was here. But watch and learn . . . vamp. This is how good friends are supposed to behave in hard times.” Miranda turned to Kylie. “I’m sorry you’re hurting. Come here.” The witch moved in and wrapped Kylie in a warm embrace.
Kylie let the witch hug her. A caring, I-gotcha kind of hug. It felt good. She just wished the arms holding her were Lucas’s. Or not, her anger sparked, again. The high-low sparks of anger were making her dizzy.
At least she wasn’t alone. Kylie and Della were . . . her best friends—the glue that kept Kylie sane. And right now she needed a lot of glue.
Miranda gave her another tight squeeze then let go.
“Better?” she asked Kylie.
“Yeah, thanks.” And she meant it.
“Huggers!” Della smirked which caused Miranda to swing around and embrace her.
“Oh, gawd!” Della muttered mid hug, but didn’t resist.
Kylie could even tell the tough-on-the-outside but tender-on-the-inside vampire enjoyed it. Not that Kylie would dare tell Della. The girl would have a shit fit.
Della finally pulled back. “Can we move past the mushy stuff? I’ve got a game and Diet Cokes waiting.” She waved to the kitchen table. “It’s time we laugh.” She cut her gaze back to Miranda. “Which, by the way, is better than hugging.”
Five minutes later, they were in the small green kitchen. The fridge hummed in the corner, a few dirty dishes littered the brown-and-cream fake granite, which could use a good scrubbing. But it had been Kylie’s day to clean house. And she’d been too busy sulking.
The three of them had found their spots sitting around the table, sipping fizzy, problem-solving soda and watching Della shuffle a small deck of cards. In truth, it wasn’t really the soda that brought on peace, but the company. Yet since the drink always accompanied these round table meet-ups, the sizzle of carbonation set the stage for the on-coming healing laughter.
“What kind of game is it?” Kylie asked, her angst leaking out of her a little at a time. Socks, the cat Lucas had given her, made soft, furry figure eights around her ankles, trying to find a way to sneak up onto Kylie’s lap.
“It’s called Silly Girl Talk,” Della answered. “Sort of like Truth or Dare, but without the dare. You get it as we go.”
Della gave the cards another shuffle. Her cat, Chester, curious of the ruffled noise and cards, jumped up on the table. The vampire ran her hand over his head and down his back, then set him on the floor.
She dealt them each a card. “We take turns pulling a card and answering a question. Unless you draw a card offering a free pass or with other instructions.” She placed the deck in the middle of the table.
Kylie picked up and read her card and snickered. What non-sexy part of your boyfriend’s body do you find incredibly sexy?
She didn’t mind answering that one.
Because it was the vampire’s game, she went first. Della picked one card from the deck, squealed and showed the free pass card. “But I’m saving it and will answer this one.”
She sat up straight. “Oh, I forgot to say, no lying! And since I’m vamp and can hear your heart, I’ll know.”