Chapter One
Can I go to jail for this?
The question snakes through my mind as I make my way down Dead Oak Street. The sound of my tennis shoes smacking against the cracked sidewalk fills the cold, almost-dark night. I pull my hoodie closer and hold my purse to my side like a weapon.
A full moon makes its appearance early, hanging in the sky that’s still clinging to a spray of gold left over from the sunset. I chose this time purposely, hoping everyone would be in their houses eating dinner, doing homework . . . not out watching for strangers trying to slip something into their mailbox.
Getting caught isn’t an option. Never mind if it’s illegal—though it shouldn’t be, I’m doing them a favor—it would bring questions down on me that I’m not prepared to answer. That I’ll never be prepared to answer.
I catch an address on the street curb. My heart thumps and vibrates against my breastbone.
Three houses to go.
I keep moving and, staring down, remember the old song lyrics, Step on a crack, break your mother’s back. Since my mom’s dead, I don’t have to worry. But what was the second chorus? Step on a line, break your father’s spine.
Maybe I should avoid lines. Dad has enough crap on his plate. Crap I wish I could help him with, but I don’t have a clue how to do that.
Taking a deep breath, telling myself this favor is almost done, I keep walking toward house number thirteen. Why did it have to be an unlucky number?
Homes on each side of the street line up like dollhouses and seem to be watching me. Some of them are dark, and have almost a menacing look. Others have gold light leaking out of their windows like love lives there. Through one, I see a TV airing the evening news. Through another, I spot a family of four having dinner. I wonder what it would be like to have that. To be part of a family. To be more than just “Dad and me.” The before-mom-died memories are so few, and even those are vague. Considering I was four, I guess I’m lucky I have any at all.
Only one house to go.
I see the house. It’s dark as if no one’s home. The mailbox catches my eye. It’s leaning, looking tired and old. The metal door flap is hanging open.
This might be my lucky day.
I reach into my purse and pull out the envelope.
The tightness in my chest releases. I can do this.
I take the last few steps, avoiding cracks and lines. A dog barks from across the street. The barking rings like a warning, announcing a stranger is present. And I’m the stranger.
The yowling grows loud as if the animal is approaching. I accidently let the envelope slip from my fingers. I look over, hoping I’m not about to be mauled. The dog’s in the middle of the road, yelping, alerting the neighborhood.
I stomp my foot, and the canine scurries back across the street.
Heart pounding, I kneel down, snatch up the letter, and slip it into the mailbox.
Done. Problem solved. I can go home now.
And so can you, Bessie.
I look up at the bowl of darkening sky. Right then I see a shooting star race across the night, leaving a trail of glitter in its wake. I smile. I know what it means. A rightness enters my chest.
Before I take my first step away from the mailbox, I hear something . . . someone.
“What are you doing?” The girl’s voice rings out.
The rightness is shattered.
I freeze and pray her words are for someone else. Then I see the dark shadow sitting on the edge of the porch, almost hidden behind the hedges. It’s from house number thirteen.
The air locks in my throat, a jolt of pin-prickling pain races under my skin.
I am so caught.
The figure pushes off the porch, walking toward me.
I consider running, but my feet feel nailed to the sidewalk. Panic fills my empty stomach.
Even worse is that when she gets closer, I recognize her. Dark hair, light olive skin, dressed in black.
I don’t remember her name, but I have two classes with her. English and History. She keeps to herself. Not coming off as shy so much as . . . a loner. Maybe even someone with a chip on her shoulder.
I saw her roll her eyes at some girls who were being loud and obnoxious in History today. I wanted to roll my eyes too. Their behavior was out of line.
“What are you doing?” she asks again.
Yup. I am so caught. So screwed. My mind races, seeking an answer she’ll believe. One that would completely avoid the truth. Not that she would believe the truth. Sometimes I still don’t believe it.
I gulp down the knot of panic in my throat. “I, uh . . . A piece of mail had fallen out of your mailbox.”
That sounded convincing, didn’t it? I pray she believes me. Pray she hadn’t seen the envelope in my hand before I’d dropped it.
Her brow pinches. “Oh.” She stares at me, recognition widens her light green eyes. “Aren’t you the new girl at school? Riley, right?”
I nod. The fact that she remembers my name when I don’t recall hers makes me feel slightly guilty. “Yeah. Sorry I don’t recall yours.”
“Kelsey,” she spouts out matter-of-factly, not in an insulted kind of way, more like in a don’t-give-a-damn way. Then she continues to stare at me suspiciously. “You live in the neighborhood?”
“Two blocks over,” I say. “I was just . . . taking a walk.” I swallow, again feeling the need to get the hell away from there. Away from her.
“I should . . . go.” I’m ready to step away when I hear a truck pull into the driveway across the street. Doors open and slam closed, and male voices boom out.
I look over. The streetlight is on, and I recognize one of the two boys. Jacob Adams. Tall, light brown hair, and an oh-so-confident way of carrying himself that most teen boys his age don’t have. He laughs at something the other guy says, and the sound seems swallowed by darkness.
The fact that I know his name says something. It says he’s one of the best-looking boys at school. But it’s not just that. He’s also one of the few kids who’s actually spoken to me my first ten days of school. Not a whole conversation, but just a quick introduction and welcome to Catwalk, Texas. Surprised the hell out of me.
The two boys, almost too loud for the night, go inside the house, and silence falls on the street again. I can hear the streetlights buzzing, spitting out voltage. I feel a similar nervous buzzing inside me.
“So that’s why you’re here.” Kelsey makes a disapproving noise from the back of her throat.
I don’t understand what she means at first, and then bam! I get it. She thinks I’m stalking Jacob. I start to deny it but then realize I could use this. It’s a plausible reason for being there. One that has nothing to do with the real reason. And really, what do I care if she believes I have a thing for Jacob. I kind of do.
“Don’t waste your time,” Kelsey says. “He’s going out with Jami Holmes. Popular, big boobs, and a cheerleader.”
Yeah, I kind of knew that too, which is why I wouldn’t have bothered stalking Jacob even if I’d known where he lived. I try to think of something to say, but nothing comes out. So I just shrug.
She reaches into her mailbox and pulls out the envelope I just placed there along with two or three other pieces of mail. “But he is nice to look at,” she says. “If you like his type.”
“Yeah,” I say like a confession, and wonder if that’s what she was doing, hiding on her front porch. Stalking Jacob.
She holds the mail in one hand and gives me one more look. “See you around.”
It feels as if I’m being dismissed. I can take a hint. I walk away. As I hurry back to my house, I wonder if Kelsey is kin to Bessie? Bessie is black and Kelsey‘s skin is much lighter, though her dark hair and olive complexion could mean she’s of mixed race. We’re all melting pots. Dad swears he’s part Italian.
I’m a block from my house when I feel it. The sensation of being watched. The fine hair on my arms stand up. My skin tightens. My next breath brings in the scent of . . . I inhale again . . . of jasmine.
I don’t think it’s Bessie.
I speed up, hoping whoever it is will take the hint. Right now, all I want is to get home. Not that it feels like a home yet. We’ve only been in this place two weeks.
The temperature drops, chills start at the base of my neck and slither down my spine. A new scent—this one spicy, earthy, like aftershave—fills my next breath of air.
I hug myself, watch my feet move, and increase my speed. One foot in front of the other, faster, and faster.
• • •
By the time I cut the corner to my block, the strip of gold has faded from the sky and the moon hangs bigger and brighter. I look down the street. Dad’s car is parked beside my old Mustang in the driveway.
Crap. He’s probably worried. I start jogging, my feet slapping against the pavement. The second I reach the driveway, my phone rings.
It’s probably Dad. I check. Duh, of course it is. No one else calls me. Well, Shala, my best friend who I left in Dallas a year and two moves ago, occasionally calls. But like Carl, the one-time love of my life, she’s moved on. She found a new best friend, leaving me pretty much friendless.
Moving when you’re in high school is hard. Everyone already has their confidants and cliques. Add to that what my dad does for a living, and in their eyes that makes me a freak. Or at least a freak’s daughter.
Not that I’m pissed at Dad or consider him strange. I’m proud of him. Very few people can do his job. I’m not even really pissed at the kids either. Truth is, I’m not just a freak’s daughter, I’m a bigger freak than they could ever guess. Than anyone could guess. But that’s my secret.
I bolt inside. “I’m here.”
Pumpkin, my red tabby, rushes me, meowing. I pick him up.
Dad walks out of the kitchen, his cell phone in his hand. His dark hair is disheveled as if he ran his fingers through it one too many times. He needs a haircut. Normally, he’s as groomed as a guy giving the six o’clock news—camera ready.
Another sign that things are going downhill. Again.
“Where were you?” he asks.
“Walking.” It’s not an out-and-out lie, but the twinge of guilt tugs on my conscience.
“Alone?” he asks.
“Yeah, just checking out the neighborhood.”
“I prefer you do that when it’s light,” he says. “Or at least leave a note. You scared me.”
“It was light when I started out. And you’re a little early. But I’m sorry.” I put Pumpkin down and go right for a hug. He hesitates, then puts his arms around me.
His smell is so familiar, so comforting. How long has it been since I hugged him?
“Seriously, don’t scare me like that.”
“I won’t.” I keep my cheek on his warm chest. Even with his life in chaos, he hasn’t stopped parenting. I appreciate that. Not that I’m one of those kids who needs a lot of parenting. Shala used to say I needed to lighten up. That I acted like a nun.
I reminded her that I wasn’t the virgin, but she wasn’t referring to sex. She meant stuff like drinking, smoking weed, and skipping school. Stuff most kids do. I’ve never been like most kids.
To make her happy, I finally played hooky a couple of times.
“You okay?” my dad asks when I pull back.
I guess the hug was a little too much. “Yeah. I got dinner ready.”
He follows me into the bright yellow kitchen, but frowns and puts a hand on his stomach. “I ate one of those twelve-inch sub sandwiches, when I should have stopped at six. But I’ll sit with you while you eat.”
“You should eat a little something,” I say. “It’s beef stew.”
“If I get hungry, I’ll fix myself a plate later.” He grabs two waters from the fridge and sits at the table. I’m not hungry either. The earlier panic took a bite out of my appetite, but I snag a bowl and dish myself a small helping from the crock-pot.
“How’s school?” Dad unscrews his water and pushes the other toward me.
“It’s okay. The new semester starts next week.” I run my spoon around the chunks of beef, carrots and potatoes before I take a bite. Pumpkin leaps up on the table, landing with feline grace.
“Down,” Dad orders.
Of course, Pumpkin doesn’t obey. He’s a cat. I pick him up and set him down. Then I drop a piece of beef from my bowl onto the floor.
Dad sees me and shakes his head. “You’re too soft.”
Guilty. I hate disappointing people or even pets.
“You still planning on taking auto tech?” he asks, and almost sounds disapproving.
“Yes. Why?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I wonder if there are even any other girls taking it.”
“I don’t care. I’m not scared of boys.”
“You should be. All teenage boys are dogs. I know. I used to be one.”
“I’m not afraid of dogs either.” As sad as it is, I kind of agree with him. I mean, look how fast Carl moved on.
Dad frowns. “I don’t want my little girl to grow up to be a mechanic. You’re going to college.”
I roll my eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with being a mechanic. They make a killing. But for your information I’m not interested in being a grease monkey. And I am going to college.” I say that with confidence, because I’ve already researched school loans.
The one time I brought up getting a school loan, he said no, that he could afford it. But I know after his time on the unemployment list, money is in short supply.
Which is part of my reason for taking auto tech. I don’t want Dad to have to fork out money to fix all the little things that go wrong on an old car. The more I know about the Mustang, the more independent I am. And I kind of like my independence.
But eventually going out on my own means I’ll be leaving Dad alone. Who’ll watch out for him?
Pumpkin paws at my leg, wanting another taste. I ignore him.
“Besides, you probably already know everything the class covers,” Dad says.
“Because I had a good teacher. But I could still learn a few things.” I smile. He’s right. I spent a lot of time under that car—with Dad. He put himself through college working for a garage. Together we redid the Mustang’s engine. It was my fifteenth birthday present. Our neighbor had put a for-sale sign on the car, and the moment I saw it, I wanted it.
Not because I’m a car freak, or a Mustang freak. But I’d seen a picture of one my mom used to own. Honestly, I didn’t plan on getting my hands dirty working on that car. At first Dad insisted, and then he didn’t have to insist. Not because I enjoyed working on the car, but because of how much I enjoyed spending time with him.
It was our first real bonding experience. Before that, I’d always gotten a feeling Dad didn’t know how to parent a daughter. My first bra and the whole starting-my-period experience almost killed him. And not once has he said the word “sex.”
Working on that Mustang gave us something in common.
“Speaking of cars,” Dad says smiling, “I’m about to make your day.”
“Really.”
“Yup. I got your insurance card in the mail.”
“Yes!” I do a little victory dance in my chair. When he lost his last job, he had to cut the insurance on my car, so I haven’t been able to drive it for almost two months.
“So I can drive it to school tomorrow?” I ask and squeal a little.
“Yeah.” He chuckles. “You and that car.”
Thrilled I don’t have to walk to school anymore, I dish a big bite of stew into my mouth and taste it for the first time. It’s good. “You sure you don’t want a bowl?”
“No.”
He sips his water. I eat. The almost empty echo in the house reminds me how big it is. All our houses in the past have been small, older. They seemed to fit us better.
“Have you made any friends at school?” Dad asks.
I almost lie then decide against it. “Not really.”
A sudden puff of steam rises from my bowl. A chill runs down my spine. I continue to eat and ignore it. Pumpkin hauls ass out from under the table and darts under the sofa.
Dad frowns. “You should put yourself out there more. Make some friends.”
I point my spoon at him and force my eyes to stay on him. Just him. “Says the man who never puts himself out there.”
“I’m around people all the time.”
“Dead people don’t count.” I lift a brow and take another bite.
“Not just dead people.” He turns the water bottle in his hand. “Did you get into the honors classes you wanted for next semester?”
“I think so,” I say. Good grades mean a possible scholarship. I’m going to need one.
My next intake of air brings with it a hint of jasmine. I remember smelling it earlier.
Dad leans back in his chair. “There’s an antique car show going on downtown this weekend. I thought we’d go. Hang out. Talk cars with people.”
“Great idea.” I finish my last bite of stew and go rinse out the bowl and put it in the dishwasher. Then I pull out containers to store the leftovers.
I hear his chair scrape across the floor. “I’ll put the stew away.”
“I can do it.” I take a deep breath. The jasmine scent is stronger now.
“Don’t you have homework?” he asks.
“Yeah, but it’s not—”
“Then go. You do too much around here,” he says. “You should be hanging out with girlfriends and not taking care of a household.”
“I don’t mind.”
He steps closer and brushes my hair off my cheek. “I swear you look more and more like your mom every day.”
I’m surprised at his words. He hardly ever mentions her. Right then I see a familiar sadness in his light brown eyes. I go in for another hug. A short one.
When I pull back, I look at him. “You still miss her, don’t you?”
“A little.” He turns back to the crock-pot, away from me. Maybe away from what he’s feeling.
I fill Pumpkin’s food bowl. The cat comes running. I stare at Dad’s back. Even his posture seems extra sad.
“How was work today?” I ask, wondering if that’s the problem. Hoping that’s the only problem. He swears it doesn’t affect him, but I know it does.
“The same.” He moves to the counter and lifts the lid off the crock-pot. A big puff of steam rises. He looks back. “Go do your homework. I’ll close up the downstairs. I think I’m going to retire early with a book.”
I stand there and watch him pour the stew into two bowls. “Did you get a new client today?”
He frowns up at me. “I told you, a mortician should never bring his work home with him.”
But Dad does bring his work home with him. Or maybe his clients just follow him. Like right now.
The young woman stares at Dad, looking as if she’s walked out of the yellowed pages of an old photo album. She appears confused and lonely, wearing an orange sundress and jasmine perfume.
Dad can’t see her, can’t talk to her.
But I can.