Mackenzie

I can barely breathe as I run down the sidewalk, dodging other pedestrians. Tears blur my vision, and I swipe angrily at them with my sleeve.

Going to see Theo was stupid. Reckless. Desperate. But I’m out of choices. And out of money.

A horn blares when I step off the curb and into oncoming traffic.

Shit. I jump back on the sidewalk, fingers shaking, legs gone to jelly.

“Watch where you’re going!” a man shouts through a car window.

I give a small wave of apology, then rub my hands over my face and wait for the lights to change.

With a trembling breath, I pull the hood of my sweater over my head and tug at the strings, then move quickly across the street, praying that no one recognizes me.

I need to get back. Figure out what I’m going to do. Then get the hell out of town.

But Theo…His face. His voice. Five minutes with him and I feel like I’m nineteen again. Like the past three years, the lies and deception, never happened.

I pass a small bakery and the smell of freshly baked bread drifts through the open door. My stomach grumbles, reminding me that I haven’t eaten today.

The women’s shelter is still a good twenty-minute walk. Fifteen if I run. If I hurry, I’ll make it back in time for dinner.

Despite the heaviness in my body, I start to jog.

Returning empty-handed, I feel like the complete screw-up that I am. No money. No home. No prospects. At least in Clinton, I had a job and a place to stay. Sure, it was a dump, but it was my dump.

The only reason I came back here was to claim the money my great aunt left me.

What a joke that turned out to be.

My fingers ball into fists and I grunt, playing back the scene in my head.

Somehow, my mother tapped into the account and depleted the savings, claiming it was what I owed her.

A small, bitter laugh bubbles to the surface, burning my throat.

The irony of the situation isn’t lost on me. But I learned a long time ago that there’s no point arguing with a narcissistic drunk addicted to pain meds. Even if I confronted her about it, she’d find a way to twist the story around, and become the victim.

Twenty-five hundred dollars wasn’t worth the fight that would ensue.

She can have the money. I’ll find another way to survive. I always do.

A sun-faded poster in one of the shop windows catches my eye. I’ve seen it a thousand times, but it always takes my breath away. Fists up, muscles bulging underneath tanned skin, Theo stares down his opponent. His eyes look dark, almost black, not the rich, warm brown I know they are. His jaw is set, full lips pulled down in a fierce scowl. Dark hair, cut short, unlike the longer waves that fell over his forehead and ears today.

I don’t realize I’ve stopped in the middle of the sidewalk until someone bumps me from behind. The woman grumbles and pushes past. I ignore her and turn back to the poster, stopping myself from reaching out and tracing the outline of his face.

The world has a love-hate relationship with Theo Ryan. It always has. Men love to hate him, and women hate to love him. It’s like people are waiting with eager anticipation for him to step off a cliff. To self-implode. To come tumbling down from the pedestal they placed him on.

But they don’t know him the way I do. Under all his edginess and arrogance, he’s a man who would do anything to protect the people he cares about, even those who’ve wronged him. It’s the reason I had to walk away. So far away that no matter how hard he looked, he would never find me. To give him a chance to live the life he was destined to live.

His success may have shocked the world, but it didn’t surprise me. Ever since we were kids, I knew Theo Ryan was destined for greatness.

The opposite of everything I am.

My reflection in the window ghosts over the poster. Face gaunt, eyes tired, I feel ten years older than I am.

A thousand regrets roll to the surface.

Maybe if things had been different…if I could change that one night...

I shake my head and grind my back teeth together.

Too many ifs race through my mind.

I can’t change the past, and in truth, no matter how messed up my life is, I know if I had the choice I wouldn’t change what I did. That’s the sick reality of it.

I hate lying to Theo. But to tell him the truth would shatter his perfect world.