ELLIE

HIS HAND WAS too tight in mine; my fingers were starting to lose feeling. Squeezing back gently, I winced in his direction, nodding toward our intertwined hands, silently telling him to relax. Jamie smiled apologetically and loosened his death grip, moving my hand into his lap, tracing my knuckles with his thumb.

My gaze flicked up to my parents, who were sitting opposite us on the other sofa. Both of them looked shocked. My mom’s shock was mingled with horror, my dad’s with worry.

“So, let me get this straight. When you finish high school, you two are planning on traveling the world. That’s what you just said, correct?” Mom asked incredulously.

I nodded, trying to appear confident even though her hard eyes were burning into me. “Yeah, for six months,” I confirmed. “Or, well, until we’ve had enough and want to come home, but that will be the maximum, so that I can go to college next year.”

At my answer, my mother made an angry scoffing noise in the back of her throat, and my dad sat back, running a hand through his hair. “I’ve always wanted to travel,” he mused.

My mom gasped and slapped his chest with the back of her hand, her eyes flashing with anger. “Michael, we’re not allowing this!”

My dad cocked his head to the side, looking at her. An amused smile played at the corners of his mouth as he said, “Ellie has your spirit and fight, Ruth; you honestly think that we’d be able to stop her from going? She’s an adult now; she can do what she wants.”

I almost choked on air. I’m nothing like her, she’s a bitch!

“Michael, seriously? Don’t you think it’s about time you stepped up and behaved more like a father should?” she snapped.

His shoulders stiffened at that remark. “Don’t even think about questioning my parenting skills. You know I love my girls, all three of you. Just because I don’t rule with an iron fist like you do doesn’t mean I’m not a good father!” he practically growled. “You of all people should know what it feels like to be repressed by a parent, yet you’re doing the same thing now.”

Whoa. Go, Dad! Dad one, Mom zero.

Hurt flitted across her features. The anger immediately dissipated from his face as he reached out, placing a hand on her knee, squeezing gently. “I know you want the best for her, but what you need to realize is that sometimes the best things come from unexpected places,” he continued. “Happiness was all that mattered to us at their age, so you can’t begrudge Ellie the same thing.”

Mom pouted some more, and I watched her curiously, wondering what he meant about having a repressive parent. My maternal grandparents lived on the other side of the country; we didn’t see them often. Thinking about it now, my mother never truly relaxed when we visited them. She always had to check and recheck her makeup, fussing over me and Kelsey to make sure we looked respectable enough before she knocked on their front door. My maternal grandfather was a little strict, quiet, reserved even. Had he been controlling of her when she was younger? Maybe it was a learned behavior, and she was the way she was because of him and her upbringing.

My dad turned back to me and Jamie as we silently watched the exchange between them with interest. “So, how are you planning on paying for this trip?” he inquired.

“Granddad’s inheritance money,” I answered at the same time that Jamie said, “I have enough money saved up.”

My dad nodded, pursing his lips. “Okay, so Jamie can pay for himself, and you’re planning on using the money my dad left for you in his will, Ellie?” he clarified. I nodded, hoping he’d go for it. “What about when the money runs out?”

“We’ll get jobs or something,” I replied quickly. Jamie made a little strangled noise from next to me, like he was going to speak. I squeezed his hand, urging him to remain quiet. I knew what he was thinking: He had enough money to pay for us both for six months without jobs.

My dad nodded thoughtfully, turning his full attention to Jamie. The silence became uncomfortable as he seemed to be assessing Jamie’s aura or something. “I can trust you to look after her, can’t I?” he finally said.

Jamie’s hand left mine, his arm snaking around my shoulder possessively. “Absolutely. No worries there at all,” he confirmed confidently.

My dad stroked his chin, seeming to ponder it for a few seconds more. All three of us watched him—my mother included. “Okay, we’ll allow it,” he agreed.

At his words, my mom gasped, her eyes widening. “Oh no! No chance, it’s not—”

My dad cut her off quickly, his voice resonating with that firm tone that he’d used earlier. “I said we’ll allow it, Ruth.”

Make that Dad two, Mom zero!

Her mouth snapped shut, her teeth clicking together from the force of it. When no more protests left her lips, Dad smiled and bent forward, kissing her softly. “She’ll be fine with Jamie,” he whispered as he pulled back, cupping the side of her face with one hand. “You need to let go of her sometime.”

I knew I should respect their soft and tender moment, but I was just too damned excited to sit still for a second longer. I sprang from the sofa, literally doing a little happy dance as I fist-pumped the air. My years of being a cheerleader wanted to surface in me as I struggled not to do a full-fledged cheer routine in the middle of my living room, including backflips and the splits.

“This is gonna be awesome!” I practically screamed.

Jamie laughed and gripped my hips, pulling me into his lap. I squealed excitedly and looked up at his face. He was grinning ecstatically, his eyes sparkling with happiness as he bent forward and kissed the tip of my nose. Telling them had gone a lot smoother than anticipated. We’d both been dreading this conversation with my parents for the last two weeks, since we’d first come up with the idea.

“Now all we have to do is plan out where you want to go,” he said, stroking the side of my face.

“England.”

We both looked up, shocked because that answer had come from my mom. She smiled weakly, gripping my dad’s hand tightly, seeming to need the support.

“England is somewhere I’ve always wanted to go. Maybe you could go there and send me some photos?” she continued.

I gulped. Us traveling was obviously a big thing for her to concede on, and I needed to appreciate the gesture appropriately. “Sure. Maybe we could look on Google later, and you could show me some of the things that you wanted to see,” I suggested, not quite knowing how to connect with the woman after all this time of her being a standoffish parent.

Her smile was pained as she nodded. I could see how much effort it took for her to let me go. Maybe all the time that I’d resented her controlling, bitchy nature, she’d actually been struggling to show me how she felt. Maybe control was how she showed affection. I didn’t know, but either way I was getting to go traveling with Jamie, so I didn’t really care how that came about.

* * *

As I stretched out on my bed, combing through my books, trying to study for my biology final, Kelsey sat next to me cutting out pictures of places that I wanted to go.

“Tag ma hall? What’s that?” she asked, frowning at my list of things I needed to see.

I laughed at her pronunciation. I was actually really going to miss her. “Taj Mahal,” I corrected. “It’s one of the seven wonders of the world. It’s a mausoleum an emperor had built in memory of his late wife,” I explained.

Her nose crinkled in confusion. “What’s a mausoleum?”

“It’s like a resting place for the dead. Her body is inside the Taj Mahal,” I replied, flicking through one of the travel brochures and finding a picture to show her.

“So it’s basically like a grave?”

“Kind of. But it’s also a symbol of the love that the emperor had for his wife. It took over twenty years to build. I would love for a guy to be so devoted to me that he would do that,” I gushed, raking my eyes over the picture of it.

Kelsey nudged her shoulder against mine. “Jamie loves you that much.”

Heat flooded my cheeks and my stomach fluttered at the mere mention of his name. “Maybe,” I allowed.

She nodded confidently. “He does. He’s taking you to all of these places, so he must love you a lot.”

Kelsey adored Jamie. He was great with her too, playing games with her, buying her candy and magazines, listening to her ramble on about school and never once showing he was bored.

“He does,” I agreed. I still had no idea why he loved me, but I knew he did.

“I’m gonna miss you both. I really can’t come? Not even for a week?” she begged, shooting me the Puss in Boots eyes.

Kelsey had been hanging around me constantly since I told her I was leaving. She was like my new shadow, wanting to be in my room all the time. Sometimes, like now, I didn’t mind because I could keep her distracted by getting her to do little menial things for my plans. Kelsey clipped out pictures to perfection, and she spent ages pinning them on the huge world map that I had stuck on my wall. The three of us had covered it with clippings, Post-it notes, and colored pins. It was a mess, but it made my heart race every time I looked at it. Even my mom had helped search for a few pictures to go on there.

Other times, like when I wanted some alone time with my boyfriend, Kelsey was like a thorn in my side.

As a result of her clinginess, I only really got peace and quiet when I was at Jamie’s place—but even then I used the time to study. I missed Jamie. I saw him every day, but what with everything going on and my finals approaching, I didn’t get to hang out with him and enjoy his company like I wanted to. Plus, he worked a lot. Weekends, nights, days; he was so busy that he was practically exhausting himself, too.

Studying, planning our trip, sleeping, and eating. That was literally all my life consisted of right now.

* * *

The two months passed. Slowly, but they passed. It wasn’t smooth sailing by any means—there was a lot of stress, sleepless nights, and studying involved—but I finally made it through all of my exams and graduated.

To celebrate our graduation there was a huge party at Sebastian’s house for seniors only. I hadn’t planned on going at all, but Stacey convinced me to go for a little while. Apparently this was my last duty as head cheerleader, and then I would hand the title off to Marie, my successor. I was actually pretty happy to give it away, to be honest.

My plan had been to stay at the party for only an hour, but I’d already been there for almost two. It seemed like everybody wanted to talk to me about my trip, which started tomorrow. There were just way too many people to say good-bye to. It didn’t help that Stacey was hanging all over me, blubbering about how much she was going to miss me.

I was flying solo tonight too; I had no boyfriend to get me through the night and keep me sane. Jamie and I were spending the night apart. If I finally managed to escape Stacey’s clutches, I was going to head home and spend some time with my family and call it an early night. But Jamie, well … Jamie was doing something more … risky.

Last week he’d finished his agreed time with Brett, but somehow he’d been roped—or maybe forced, because he didn’t look happy about it—into doing one last job. He was going out around eleven o’clock to meet with his boss.

Since he planned on working into the early hours of the morning, he would be seriously tired tomorrow and no doubt would sleep through the entire flight to Rome. That meant I wouldn’t be joining the mile-high club. Well, not tomorrow anyway, but there would be plenty of opportunities for that; we had lots of flights planned.

A sloppy kiss on my cheek and a squeeze to my shoulder brought me out of my reverie. “Not fair. I hate it, I tell you,” Stacey slurred, nuzzling her face against the side of mine.

I smiled, supporting most of her weight as she swayed unsteadily. It was only seven thirty, but due to the fact that she’d started drinking at five, she was wasted already. “I’ll email all the time, and send postcards, lots and lots of postcards,” I assured her for the hundredth time.

She pouted. “But what am I gonna do without my bestie? You’re gonna forget all about little ol’ Stacey Gordon.” She hiccupped as she spoke, her watery blue eyes locked on mine.

I cupped her face in my hands, looking at her sternly. “Stace, I couldn’t forget about you even if I tried,” I promised.

She seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. While she was temporarily placated, I decided it was time to go. I’d already said good-bye to everyone and done my duty, passing the cheerleading torch to Marie. Now I wanted egg rolls and family time. “I’m going. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” I kissed her forehead before stepping back and nodding to Paul, who was watching the scene. Stacey sniffed and turned to him, immediately crying into his chest, wailing that her “bestest friend in the world” was abandoning her.

I winced, wondering if I should take her home.

As if answering my question, Paul motioned toward the door, smiling as he patted Stacey’s back, soothing her as if she were a hysterical child.

I took a deep breath, taking one last glance at the people around me. Most of them were fake friends and popularity seekers; to be honest, I wasn’t going to miss this scene much at all. My high school career was over, but I was moving on to more exciting things, so there was no nostalgia at all.

Making a swift exit through the front door before anyone else could approach me, I finally stepped out into the fresh air. A happy smile crept onto my lips. Tonight was the start of the rest of my life. I practically skipped toward my beloved Beetle.

However, about thirty steps from freedom, someone called my name. I looked over my shoulder to see Miles. Suppressing a groan, I waved, trying to be friendly. “Can’t stop, I was due home thirty minutes ago,” I called as I continued my escape.

“Ellie, I need to talk to you.”

I shook my head, turning to face him but walking backward toward my car as I held my hands up in protest. I knew what this would be about, and I didn’t want to hear it. I’d had plenty of lectures from him over the last two months about the huge mistake I was making by traveling instead of attending school in the fall.

“Gotta go. Go have a drink and enjoy your night,” I suggested. I reached the car then and jammed my key into the driver’s side, opening the door and preparing to get in.

“Ellie, can you just stop for a minute?” Miles asked, frowning as I continued to try to escape.

I sighed and turned to face him, already expecting this to be something along the lines of a last-ditch attempt to get me back with him. He knew I was going away tomorrow with Jamie, so this was probably the last big push to put a stop to that. “What is it, Miles?” I threw my purse into the car.

He stopped in front of me, his eyes searching mine. “I know you’re gonna think I’m making this up in an effort to get you to stay,” he started. Bull’s-eye! I put my hands on my hips, waiting. “Well, I’m not, honestly. I’m just telling you this because it needs to be said. I’m actually not allowed to tell you; my dad made me promise because, technically, I’m breaking some sort of law right now.”

“Huh?”

He blew out a big breath and ran a hand through his hair, leaning against my car. “Your boyfriend isn’t as great as you think he is. In fact, you don’t even know him at all.”

This conversation was starting to make me feel a little nervous. I didn’t know Jamie at all? What on earth did that mean? “Miles, just spit it out, you’re making no sense!”

He nodded. “I’ve been helping my dad a lot at the law office recently. Last week, he needed me to research a couple of things for a high-profile client of his,” he explained.

“Okay,” I mumbled, waiting for him to continue.

“At first I wondered what was so special about this case. It was just a grand theft auto, nothing major. But my dad seems to be working so hard on it, putting much more effort in than normal.”

I gulped, slowly understanding what this was about. Shaun. Miles’s dad is Brett’s hotshot lawyer for Shaun?

“So I start helping with the case, right? It turns out that the cops are trying to pin a load of other stuff on this guy, too. They’re trying to link him to other known criminals and turn up other illegal things that he’s into, arrest more people and stuff. My dad has a friend inside the police department who told him all about this case they’re trying to build,” he said, looking at me intently, as if checking whether I was following what he was saying.

Was I following? I still didn’t understand why he was telling me all this. “Miles, this is a great story and all, but …” I shrugged, looking at my watch obviously.

He nodded. “I’m getting to the point,” he confirmed. “Yesterday I stumbled upon a stack of files my dad had in his office. I’m not sure he was supposed to have them because they looked like police surveillance stuff to me.” He reached into his pocket, pulling out a couple of folded-up sheets of paper. “Inside one of the files was all sorts of information about my dad’s client, him meeting up with known criminals and things like that. They have photos, times, dates, all that stuff. One of the guys in the photo, well, it was Jamie.” He held out the pieces of paper to me, keeping one back to himself.

My heart clenched with worry, but I knew I needed to play dumb. I couldn’t let Miles know that I knew Jamie was stealing cars and working for this Brett guy. “My Jamie? Don’t be so stupid!” I retorted, willing my voice to come out strong and not show the total panic that was brewing inside me.

Miles nodded. “Yeah. I’m pretty sure it’s him; it says his name, too. Jamie Cole. Look at the photo, it’s him, right?” He motioned to the paper he was still holding out to me.

I gulped and took it, opening it up. Immediately I was confronted by a black-and-white photo of Jamie laughing with three other guys.

Miles pointed to the younger one. “That’s my dad’s client, the car thief. And that’s Jamie with him, right?”

I nodded, unsure what I should say that wouldn’t incriminate Jamie further.

“Ellie, he’s not who you think he is. There was lots of information about him in the file my dad had. Jamie’s not a good guy,” he whispered, producing another piece of paper from his pocket.

I opened my mouth to defend Jamie and rebut that statement, but Miles cut me off before I could protest.

“He’s been to jail, Ellie. I looked it up. I have his rap sheet here,” he said, unfolding it slowly.

I recoiled. Jail? What the hell, no way! “No,” I muttered, shaking my head fiercely. Jamie would have told me if he had. Sure, he had secrets and his past was bad, but he would have told me something serious like that, definitely!

Miles nodded, frowning. “Yeah, Ellie. He … He killed someone. He was let out of juvie a few months ago, around the time you two met, actually.”

I couldn’t breathe.

Killed someone.

Jamie had killed someone? Did Miles seriously just say that?

“No,” I muttered again, trying not to let myself even entertain that thought. He was wrong. My Jamie couldn’t kill anyone; he was too adorable and sweet.

Miles held out the last piece of paper to me. “Yeah,” he stated. “I don’t have any details, but it says he was sentenced to five years in juvenile detention for murder. He was only fourteen.”

Murder. The word made my blood go cold.

I snatched the sheet out of his hands, not believing him, but the words were clearly printed there. Jamie’s name, date of birth, known affiliates, dates of his sentence. He was released from juvie just under a week before I met him and is currently on parole for the remainder of his sentence.

Suddenly it felt like a fog had been lifted off me and I could suddenly hear words that Jamie had spoken to me all those months ago. “That’s my little sister, Sophie. She died. She was murdered, four years ago.”

“Oh God.” My eyes filled with tears as the reality of it all sank in. Jamie had murdered his little sister when he was fourteen?

“You okay? You look a bit pale. Want to sit down?” Miles offered, taking hold of my elbow and guiding me to sit back into my car.

My heartbeat was so loud that it almost deafened me as I pictured the little girl from the ruined photo, the one with the lovely smile. She had been murdered … by her brother? My boyfriend?

There had to be some mistake, there had to be some explanation for it. Maybe it was an accident but he was charged with murder? I needed to see him. I needed to look him in the eye and ask him. I needed him to tell me that the person who I’d fallen hopelessly in love with wasn’t in fact an act, that the Jamie Cole who had stolen my heart actually existed and wasn’t just some illusion.

Had I really let myself fall in love with a murderer?