THE DRIVE TO Jamie’s apartment seemed to take forever. Questions were forming in my head, so many questions. And anger, a lot of anger, was settling in the pit of my stomach because the guy I was in love with hadn’t told me any of this. I’d asked him to be honest with me, and he’d told me about the cars. He’d also told me he did other stuff for this Brett guy, but he wouldn’t tell me what. I knew it was bad, though; I knew he hated doing it; I knew that he didn’t sleep properly on the nights when his knuckles were bruised. But I never pushed the subject because he didn’t want me involved. Murder was different. And this was his past; he’d lied to me by keeping this from me, allowing me to fall in love with a person who didn’t actually exist!

When I pulled up outside, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go in. What if he told me it was true? What if he had murdered his little sister? How was I supposed to feel about him then? Would I look at him differently? Would I no longer want his hand to take mine because subconsciously I’d be thinking about the fact that that hand belonged to a convicted murderer?

I groaned in frustration. The anger was still there, but sadness was taking over as the dominant emotion in my body. I loved him so much—maybe too much. What was I going to do?

After taking a few deep breaths, I forced myself out of the car. His truck was parked in his allocated space, so I knew he’d be here. He’d told me he wasn’t starting his “job” until eleven, so I had time to speak to him before that.

Zombielike, my legs carried me up the two flights of stairs, and I stopped outside his door. My whole body felt cold. I didn’t want to know, but I had to. Why did Miles have to tell me? I had been perfectly happy not knowing this little piece of earth-shattering information, but now my life was threatening to fall to pieces around me.

“Please let this be a mistake,” I whispered as I knocked on the door. As I waited, I imagined all sorts of scenarios, accidents that could have resulted in her dying and him being wrongfully charged with her death. After a few seconds, the door swung open and there stood the love of my life.

“Hey!” he greeted me, his expression shocked.

The sound of his voice made my stomach ache; the tone was so rich and welcoming. His voice alone made me swoon. I dragged my eyes over his handsome face, biting my lip so that I didn’t just burst into tears. A smile was stretched across his face, his eyes soft and tender as he looked back at me.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, grinning, reaching for my hand.

I gulped, unsure what I should say. My eyes searched his face as his fingers linked through mine and he stepped a little closer to me. Could this beautiful, thoughtful, adorable boy standing in front of me really be a killer? Was it even possible?

A sob rose in my throat and I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.

“Ellie, you okay?” He cocked his head to the side, regarding me worriedly. “I thought we weren’t seeing each other tonight.” He tugged on my hand, making me step into his familiar apartment.

I had no words, so the only thing I could do was reach into my pocket and pull out the crumpled piece of paper that Miles had given me. Jamie’s “rap sheet,” as he’d called it. I held it out to him, and he frowned, looking confused as he took it from my hand and straightened it out so he could read it.

I watched his face as he scanned it. His eyes twitched, his jaw tightened, his shoulders seemed to stiffen. He blew out a big breath and his eyes flicked up to meet mine. I was praying for some emotion to cross his face, any emotion: anger, shock, disbelief, just something to disprove the words on that piece of paper. But what I saw instead broke my heart even more. I saw guilt, plain and simple. His sad brown eyes said it all—the truth was printed on that sheet.

“Ellie, where … where did you get this?” His normally smooth and silky voice was tight with stress and emotion.

“Miles,” I croaked.

“Miles … What? How?”

I sniffed, wiping the tear that escaped even though I was trying to hold it back. Was he seriously not going to tell me? Was he stalling for time so that he could come up with a lie? “Shaun’s lawyer is Arthur Barrington, Miles’s dad. Miles has been helping with his case. He told me that the police are trying to link Shaun to other crimes and criminals,” I muttered. I needed to sit down; my legs were becoming weak as we stood there assessing each other.

Jamie nodded, his face hard and emotionless as he closed the door, shutting us both in the apartment. “Miles’s dad? Well, that sucks,” he grumbled, balling up the paper again and throwing the crumpled ball onto the end table. “I already knew about the association thing, Brett told me.”

I looked at him incredulously, waiting.

His eyes met mine, and he gulped loudly. “I should have told you,” he mumbled.

A humorless laugh escaped me. “Really, ya think?” I snapped. He grimaced, stepping closer to me and stretching out his hand toward me, his expression pleading. Instinct and anger made me slap his hand away just before he touched my cheek. “Don’t touch me,” I growled.

His hand immediately dropped down to his side again as he looked at me so remorsefully, so softly, that it made my heart ache. “Ellie, please, I love you,” he whispered.

His words were painful. Emotion was washing over me as my eyes stung with tears that I refused to let fall. “You went to jail for murder?” I questioned, my voice barely above a whisper.

He nodded slowly, his eyes locked on my face as he raised his hands innocently. He was doing everything so slowly, almost like I was a frightened animal and he was trying not to scare me off. “I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want you to look at me the way you are right now. I didn’t want you to know that side of me. That’s not the person I want to be.”

My chin wobbled as he stepped closer to me. Too close. So close that I could feel the heat coming from his body. I couldn’t let him that close to me, I couldn’t concentrate when Jamie was in such close proximity, so I stepped back and shook my head. I was fighting a losing battle to hold on to my anger as it was, and I didn’t need him stepping into my personal space and getting behind the barriers I was trying so hard to keep up. His shoulders slumped as he hung his head almost shamefully. He looked so defeated that it broke my heart.

“I had a right to know. That’s not something you can keep from someone. You should have told me!” I cried angrily.

Again he nodded. “I know, but I didn’t want to lose you. Then, as time went on, it became more like I couldn’t lose you. It got harder and harder to tell you, then it was impossible because I’d left it too long,” he explained, still looking at the floor.

“Jamie, you killed someone! You didn’t even tell me. You let me fall in love with you knowing that the person I was falling for didn’t exist!” I accused. He shuffled on his feet, his eyes firmly fixed on the floor, and I hated that he wouldn’t look at me. “Oh, just give up the lost-little-boy look, for Christ’s sake, that’s not helping your case, so man the fuck up and look at me!” I slapped his shoulder as hard as I could, resulting only in making my hand sting from the blow. “Ouch,” I muttered.

“You okay?”

I laughed incredulously and rolled my eyes. “Screw you,” I snapped. He needed to give up the kind-and-caring-boyfriend routine. The stupid boy was a murdering car thief who worked as part of a gang. This was the real Jamie Cole, not the illusion that he’d shown me for the last six months.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his face a mask of sorrow.

“Sorry just doesn’t cut it,” I retorted.

He sighed deeply. “This is exactly why I didn’t want you to know. I can’t stand this, this hardness, this revulsion, not from you,” he said quietly.

“This hardness is because you lied to me about who you were!” I practically screamed as I slapped his shoulder again for emphasis, this time ignoring the pain in my hand.

“I was scared of how you’d react, Ellie! I guess now I know, and I was right to have been scared.” He ground his teeth and shook his head.

I snorted. “You don’t know how I would have reacted. You should have told me and let me decide if I could deal with it; it wasn’t your choice, that wasn’t fair.”

He raised one eyebrow. “And how would you have reacted to being told that I was a convicted murderer? Would you have given me the time of day? Would you still have fallen in love with me? No, you wouldn’t!” he replied, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

“Well, it’s too damn late to find out now, huh?” I glared at him for a few minutes while he just stood there, looking at me apologetically, seeming to be choosing his words, or maybe he was just waiting for me to bitch him out some more. I sighed. I just needed to know once and for all; this was killing me slowly. I thought I knew who he was as a person, I thought I knew all of him, but I was so totally wrong, and that was what hurt the most. Betrayal was probably the word that best described my emotions; it was almost like he didn’t trust me with his secrets.

“Jamie, just … just tell me what happened. Was it an accident? If it was, then that’s different. If you didn’t mean to kill her, then it’s something different entirely. Please, just tell me what happened,” I begged, hanging blindly on to the small hope that it had been an accident.

Jamie took a step back, his eyes tightening as he looked at me with a bewildered expression on his face. “Her? What do you mean, her? Why are you assuming it was a girl?”

I frowned. “I thought … You said she was murdered.” I stumbled over my words and suddenly his whole posture seemed to tighten as he practically glared at me.

“Sophie? You’re talking about Sophie? You think I killed my little sister?” His voice was full of acid as he straightened his shoulders, raising himself to his full height so that he towered above me.

I flinched from the abrupt change in tone. “Yeah?” I confirmed weakly, but it came out as more of a question because of his disbelieving expression.

He made a strangled growling sound as his eyes burned into mine. “Seriously, even after all the time that we’ve spent together, you really think that I’m capable of murdering my own sister?” His tone was truly menacing, and for the first time, I could see the “hard Jamie” that he said he turned into when he was working.

I didn’t know what to think now; confusion was settling over me. He looked so angry with me for suggesting it that I actually felt terrible for even entertaining that thought. Obviously this wasn’t about his sister, I should have known that. I’d jumped to the wrong conclusion, I could see that now.

“I just put two and two together,” I replied quietly.

“And came up with thirty-fucking-five,” he barked, sneering at me. An involuntary whimper left my lips as he stepped forward. His whole body language was menacing and intimidating.

“I thought it was an accident or something. I was hoping it was an accident,” I explained, trying to look away from his accusing eyes as he advanced on me.

His teeth ground together as he stepped even closer, so close that I stepped back to get some personal space and bumped into the wall behind me. He bent down so our faces were on the same level, our noses almost touching as his hard brown eyes met mine.

“So that’s the type of person that you think you fell in love with? If you think I’m capable of murdering a little girl, then what’s to stop me from killing you, too? I could do it, you know. I could put my hands around your neck and snap it like that,” he growled, snapping his fingers on the last word. “I could cover it up too, have someone bury you somewhere your parents would never find your body. Easy, I could get away with it this time.”

I raised my chin, keeping eye contact with him, knowing he was angry and just trying to push my buttons and scare me. But the thing was, I wasn’t scared of him. “You wouldn’t hurt me. You love me,” I said confidently.

His hands traced up my sides, making my skin prickle like it always did when he touched me. They came to rest on my throat. His fingers wrapped around my neck, his thumbs applying the softest pressure against my larynx.

“I loved her too, but I still killed her.” His grip tightened just enough to let me know where his hands were, but he applied no pressure at all.

Somehow I knew it wasn’t true. From how he’d reacted, how angry he’d gotten when I said the words, I knew he hadn’t done it. He was clearly outraged and hurt that I had even suggested it in the first place.

I didn’t break eye contact as I shook my head awkwardly because of the placement of his hands. “Jamie, just cut the act. You wouldn’t hurt me, so stop acting like you would. I’m not scared of you.”

His jaw tightened as he moved even closer, pressing me into the wall with his hard body. “You should be, Ellie. The information that Miles gave you was right; I am a convicted murderer, and not the accidental kind, either. I did kill my baby sister. I also beat someone to death with my bare hands, the same hands that are currently wrapped around your throat. Don’t think I’m not dangerous, Ellie. I don’t regret what I did; I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

My brain struggled to comprehend what he was saying; everything was so jumbled in my head that it was making my ears ring. Looking at Jamie as he pinned me against the wall, I knew only one thing: He would never hurt me.

Behind the tough, scary act, his eyes were begging me to stay and love him unconditionally.

I raised my hand and gripped his wrist, pulling his hand away from my throat as I shook my head. “Stop it. It’s not gonna work. Now just tell me what you should have told me six months ago, and stop trying to scare me away from you so that you don’t have to deal with it,” I ordered.

His face softened as he looked at me, shocked. He’d truly expected me to run out of here screaming. He closed his eyes as I slid my hand down his arm to take his hand, squeezing gently to prompt him. It didn’t really matter what he said next, I’d already made up my mind; his past was his past, and it had no bearing on the future I still envisioned for us. Yes, I wanted to know the truth, but only so that nothing could ever come between us again.

“I love you, Jamie, but no more secrets. Stop shutting me out, please,” I begged.

He groaned, resting his forehead against mine, his shallow breath blowing across my lips. His other hand, the one that was still wrapped around my throat, moved to the side, cupping my neck instead, his thumb stroking my cheek softly.

“It’s bad, Ellie,” he whispered.

I nodded, trying to prepare myself once and for all to hear about his past. I was confident in the knowledge that no matter what came out of his mouth, I was doomed to be in love with him.

I wrapped my free arm around his waist, holding him tightly as he spoke. “Ralf Montague. He was my mom’s pimp, and the prick who killed my little sister right in front of me. That’s who I murdered.”