CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The lips covering mine were soft and supple – perfect, just like I always knew they would be… just like their owner.
Wisp.
Wisp was kissing me – pressing her mouth against mine firmly, with purpose.
And I was too shocked to do anything but lie there stiffly.
I felt the moment her confidence faltered at my non-reaction, the way her lips grew tentative, and I knew she was going to pull away.
And in that moment, I had a choice to make. I could either let her go and let her down gently, explain to her all the reasons this was a very bad idea. Or I could pull her in closer.
I knew what a gentleman would have done, a man with any sense of honor or morals. But I was neither. I was precisely what I had told Wisp I was: a villain. And instead of allowing her to slink away, I cupped the back of her head and brought her in closer.
I tried to be gentle with her, but my desire made me rough: I knew my fingers were entwined too tightly in her hair and that my mouth was moving too harshly against hers, but it already took all my restraint not to hold Wisp down and take everything she was so naively offering me.
Her cloying scent clogged my nose. It was so sweet, like honey, and I wanted to devour it – her.
I nipped at her bottom lip before sucking it into my mouth, and when she rewarded me with a breathy little moan – the noise went straight to my dick – I couldn’t resist pressing forward with my tongue.
She opened perfectly for me, like a fucking flower budding for the sun, and I wanted to explore every inch of her mouth – every inch of her.
In one swift motion, I rolled her over so that she was pinned under me. I sucked on her ear and ran my teeth along the edge of her jaw before yanking down the collar of her shirt. My eyes took in the smooth, creamy skin of her neck. Her scent was so heady there – it was fucking intoxicating, like a drug – that I didn’t even try to resist the urge to bury my nose into her neck, to suck on the syrupy-sweetness of her shoulder, to tongue the pulse throbbing beneath her skin.
Wisp clung to me, keening at the attention I was lavishing on her, and underneath the heavy fog of desire, my inner beast preened.
More, he beseeched me to claim – to take.
Just the thought of Wisp being mine forever sent a shock of desire so strong through me that, almost involuntarily, my hips jerked forward and knocked into hers. Her legs were already wrapped around my waist so there was no way she could miss the proof of my arousal pressed hard against her crotch.
Instead of showing alarm or sputtering protests, however, Wisp merely gasped before thrusting her hips forward, pressing herself against me in turn. Her body molded perfectly against mine – like she was made just for me.
And, fuck, I shuddered. It was goddamn pathetic, but I was on the brink of coming from just this.
I hid my face, burying it into her neck in an effort to calm myself, but breathing in Wisp’s sweet scent was a mistake.
Christ, her scent.
The only way to describe it was sweet – sweetsugarhoneyhomeMINE. I wanted to memorize it (with my tongue), burn it into my brain so that I’d know it forever. Forever.
Fuck.
Take her.
Make her yours.
Fill her with your cubs. Then she’ll never leave you.
The errant thought came out of nowhere, and I stiffened at the impossible suggestion – I couldn’t… She couldn’t… – and the reminder of who – what – I was.
And even though it wasn’t even possible for me to get her pregnant, the fact that I would even think it – think to trap her that way – was like a bucket of ice water being dumped all over me.
Was I really so desperate to keep her that I would resort to that?
It sickened me that my immediate answer wasn’t “no”.
I jerked away from Wisp with more force than was necessary, desperate to put some distance between us. I scrambled to the edge of the bed, digging the heels of my palms into my eyes and trying to force away the image of her belly swollen with my babies.
What the hell was the matter with me?
For a moment, it was silent save for the sound of us both trying to get our heavy breathing under control. “What… what’s wrong?” Wisp asked tentatively.
Me. I’m wrong.
But what came out instead was: “This is a bad idea.”
And even though my back was turned to her, and there was at least three feet of space between us, I could feel the way she stiffened in surprise.
Can you blame her? You were basically having clothed sex with her a minute ago.
“W-what?” she sputtered. “But I thought-”
“Well, you thought wrong, alright?” I snapped, finally standing and facing her. I immediately regretted it. Because I was forced to watch the way her eyes pooled with tears, the way she bit harshly into her bottom lip in a stubborn effort to hold them back.
My resolve wavered, and I dragged a hand roughly down my face before forcing myself to once again meet her gaze. “Look, you’re just a kid, alright? You don't know what you’re doing. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that.”
And that was precisely what I was doing: taking advantage of her misplaced trust and naiveté.
“Don’t,” she snapped at me, wiping harshly at the bottom of her eyes
I was taken off-guard by the sudden spark of anger. “Don’t what?” I demanded.
“Don’t tell me I’m just a kid!” she all but snarled at me. “I certainly don’t feel like one! If you don’t like me like… that, then fine, but don’t talk to me like I’m a child.”
I raised my eyebrows, snorting incredulously. “You are a child.”
“I’m eighteen!” she shot back hotly.
“And I’m thirty-two!” I snapped, real anger leaking into my voice. “I’m way too...” grisly, short-tempered, wild “…old for you,” I finished lamely.
Her eyes narrowed at me. “Shouldn’t I get to have a say in that? You claim I don't know what I’m doing, but I… I know what I want.”
I want you.
She didn’t say it, but it’s what she meant.
The trouble was she didn't know what having me entailed. I was a monster whose grasp on his control was shaky at best. I would break her. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday I would. I knew it intrinsically.
And I could never – would never – allow that. Even if it meant hurting her in an entirely different way right this moment.
“Did you ever consider that I know what I want?” I asked slowly, taking my time to annunciate the words – to drive the point home. “And that it’s not you?”
Wisp tensed. “What?”
The lie left a bitter taste in my mouth, but I wouldn’t have taken the words back even if I could. “Come on, Wisp, I’ve tried to spare your feelings, but think about it. Do you really think I want to share my bed with some girl who doesn’t know where she came from, who doesn’t even know her own name? Some hapless, helpless child who follows me around like a lost puppy all day, filling my ears with incessant chatter?”
I wanted it so badly.
But she could never know.
Wisp screwed her eyes tightly shut, her brow crinkling as she took in what I’d said. For a second, I thought she was going to cry and tried to prepare myself for the onslaught of tears, but when she opened her eyes a moment later, they were dry. “I may not know my name,” she muttered, lifting her gaze from her lap to meet my eyes, “but at least I know my own feelings.”
It sounded remarkably like an accusation – a challenge.
She had pretty much called me a liar.
I was stuck between feeling irritated and impressed she hadn’t folded like I’d thought she would. But under those surface feelings was an emotion much more intense: fear. Fear because if I couldn’t get Wisp to believe that I didn’t want her, she’d do something as perilous as kissing me again, not realizing the danger etched into the simple act. There was a chance I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back. My self-restraint only extended so far.
“I don't know,” I spit out, finally managing to make myself speak, “right now I’m feeling pretty fucking exasperated.”
“I could say the same,” she bit back, still not backing down.
“What’s keeping you here then, huh?” I half-asked, half-shouted, rounding on her where she sat on the bed. Her brown eyes widened, a hint of hurt shining in them (finally), but I steeled myself against it – against the urge to immediately apologize, to hold her until the disappointment in her gaze ebbed away. I reminded myself that this was what needed to happen. “Why are you still here, Wisp? Why?”
How can you stand to be near me? Can’t you see how broken I am? I’m trying to protect you. Please. I don’t want to break you, too.
She pressed her lips into a thin, pale line. “I thought I knew, but now… I’m not so sure.”
I snorted, purposefully filling the sound with as much disdain as possible. “Not sure about much of anything, are you?”
She flinched, and I knew I wasn’t being fair, but I had to make her listen.
“Derek…” she protested, reaching out for me – reaching out for comfort. My heart ached in my chest, but I couldn’t let her touch me. If she did, if her fingers curled around my arm, or even the sleeve of my shirt, I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back. I would pounce, trap her beneath my body, and never let her leave my bed again.
I jerked away before she could make contact. “Get out of here, Wisp,” I said, voice strained. “I mean it. Just… fucking go.”
Please, for your own sake.
Her breath hitched, but if tears gathered in her eyes, she hastily blinked them away before I could see. She swallowed hard. “Fine,” she said, standing. (The word was spoken with such finality that if I was in my right mind, I probably would have been able to identify it as what it was: a predecessor of what was to come.)
I couldn’t bear to watch her leave, so I stared at the bed as her feet shuffled across the floor until the quiet click of the bedroom door shutting reached my ears.
I should have been able to relax once she was gone. I should have been able to think clearly without her honey scent invading my mouth, my nose, my brain, but my muscles stayed tense, and all I could think about was the hurt look in her eyes, and that even though it was for her own good, I had caused it.
“Fuck!”
Unable to control the cocktail of emotions – self-loathing, regret, exhaustion – brewing beneath the surface, I violently flipped the night stand on its side.
Rage boiled in me, too. He was pissed at me for letting her leave. He couldn’t understand why we – why I – had let her go.
You hurt her.
Bring her back.
Mine.
I snarled at his – at my – thoughts, sinking down against the wall until my ass hit the floor. I pulled hard at the roots of my hair in an effort to anchor myself, to distract myself from the thoughts invading my brain – mostly because they were so damn appealing.
I focused instead on my breathing, on the harsh in and out of oxygen filling my lungs, until my baser self’s voice finally began fading away, until my breathing became steady.
It wasn’t until an undeterminable amount of time later that another noise managed to break through the forced calm.
Thane was whining at the bedroom door, his nails intermittently scratching against it.
Batting down my annoyance, I stood, approaching the door in two quick strides before jerking it open. “What?” I snapped.
Thane was on his belly, his snout resting on his paws as he sniveled pathetically, and guilt assaulted me almost immediately. I sighed, bending down to soothingly stroke the fur between his ears. “What is it, boy, huh? What’s wrong?” I asked.
I didn't think I had ever seen him act this way before, not even those first few weeks after I’d found him on the side of the road, and hell, he’d been practically euphoric since Wisp had shown up.
Wisp.
Why wasn’t she comforting him? Of the two of them, I didn't know who had who more wrapped around their finger.
I stood. “Wisp?” I called, eyes searching the dark living room for her familiar form, but I didn’t see her anywhere. After a quick investigation, the dining room and kitchen proved to be empty as well. “Wisp?” I called again, ignoring the sound of my own heart suddenly pounding loudly in my ears.
My heart. That’s right.
I strained my ears, trying to pick up on the familiar sound of her lub dub, but only the buzzing of the kitchen appliances met my ears.
“Wisp!” I cried more urgently, frantically searching everywhere she could be, going so far as to throw open kitchen cabinets and turn over the couch.
My own words resounded in my head, the last thing I had said to her: “Get out of here, Wisp. I mean it. Just… fucking go.”
I had only meant the bedroom. Surely, she had known that.
I rushed to the front door, Thane a shadow behind me, and anxiously searched through the shoes laying haphazardly on the floor there. Her sneakers were missing. So was her jacket.
Maybe she’s just outside on the porch, a hopeful voice suggested.
I threw the front door open, my ears immediately assaulted by the din of falling rain. I usually enjoyed the fresh scent that accompanied a summer storm, but the steady downpour only ignited more panic in me.
My eyes searched the porch, but it was empty.
“Wi-sp!” I tried to call her name, but choked on it half-way through when a growl threatened to materialize.
There was no response.
Wisp was gone.
And for the moment, it was all I could do to wail my displeasure to the night sky.