CHAPTER 15
Jane
Today was a really good day, but it was painful too. I had an amazing time with Kyle, and I watched him come out of his shell more than ever as we acted like tourists. After coffee in the bookstore, we visited several local artisan shops and galleries. We then had a lunch of thick deli sandwiches and decided to drive Park Loop Road, which enabled Kyle to have a taste of Acadia National Park. The scenery, as always, was stunning and reinforced one of the many reasons why I continue to live in this area rather than go out and explore the world.
Kyle seemed to really enjoy the day. It’s almost as if he “needed” to relax. Once he gave into it, I got to see more of his wit and humor as the day went on. Not to sound too cheesy, but he was kind of like a flower that bloomed under the sun.
But it was painful to me as well, because it only made me like him more. I had suspected there was more behind those walls he’d erected, and the more he showed it to me, the worse I felt because I’d never get to really touch the real Kyle. Because he’s insisting we are nothing but friends, I’ll only have him on the most basic and shallow level.
We catch the last ferry back to Misty Harbor. The sun is setting as Kyle drives his truck off the dock. I’m hungry and I’d like to suggest we go grab dinner, but I’m hesitant to do so. I don’t want him thinking this is me pining for another date—which makes me look pathetic—and I have a feeling he’s probably had about as much friendship frolicking fun as he can handle for one day. He’s slipped back into his quiet mode, not having said much on the ferry ride.
So I remain quiet as we drive down Front Street, staring out the passenger window at the point where Misty Bay meets the Atlantic. The sky still has some pale pink up high, but the horizon is already purplish-gray, signifying dusk has arrived on the East Coast. The lighthouse comes into view, its revolving strobe winking at me on each half-turn. The lighthouse has always made me feel a little sad as it stands tall and alone, removed from the rest of the town because its duty is first and foremost to protect the incoming water vessels. It reminds me a little of Kyle, actually.
When Kyle turns onto Gray Birch Street, which borders the south side of my house and intersects with Cranberry, I reach to the floorboard and grab my purse, preparing to exit the vehicle after a quick and friendly goodbye. While in my very own romance novel, Kyle would pull me back and kiss the hell out of me, I know that’s not going to happen because he’s drawn a line in the sand, and it’s not likely he’ll cross it. He seems like a determined man in all things, and wishy-washy doesn’t describe him at all.
Kyle pulls into my driveway. Before he comes to a complete stop, I grip the door handle, prepared to make flight. I’m totally shocked to inaction though when he shoves the truck into park and turns off the ignition.
What the hell does that mean?
“I’ll walk you up,” he says as his gaze rests on my front porch. “You didn’t leave your light on.”
Oh, okay. Safety. He’s being a gentleman. A good friend, so to speak.
I don’t respond, just open the door and hop out of his truck. My hands go into my purse for my keys. By the time I have them, I’ve rounded the front of his truck and we head to the porch steps in silence.
Kyle follows behind me, and even though I know he’s merely being polite, my skin starts to tingle over the memories of our first kiss that occurred right here five days ago.
I don’t have a screen porch door the way Kyle does, so I’m able to quickly unlock it and push the door open a few inches. With my hand still on the knob, I turn to Kyle with a hammering heart because if he’s going to do something, now is the time.
“Well, hope you had some fun today,” I say with a cheerful smile, but I’m sure with undisguised hope in my eyes.
Kyle’s own gaze is soft, and I know he sees what I feel. He nods and gentles his voice for my benefit. “Yeah, I did. Thanks for inviting me.”
I wait, because if he’s going to kiss me, it should be now. But he only stares at me a moment more before tipping his head. “Good night, Jane.”
My heart sinks in disappointment, because those words ring with finality. Still, I put on my bravest smile. “Good night, Kyle. See you around.”
I get a long, thoughtful look before he gives me a small return smile. “Yeah, see you around.”
Kyle turns and jogs down my porch steps. I step inside, close the door, and lean my back against it. Shutting my eyes, I let out a long-suffering sigh. I am all kinds of stupid to let myself get caught up with him. I reason to myself that it’s only because he’s intriguing, incredibly hot, and he’d be a great summer diversion, knowing those are all legitimate reasons to crush on someone. But if I’m honest with myself, I know it’s because there’s something about him that speaks to me on a deeper level. While he’s still as much a mystery as he was the day I met him, I realized something about him today as I tried to unobtrusively observe him.
As I watched him loosen up, start to unwind, laugh a little more easily, I realized that Kyle was like a sponge, soaking up the goodness of a simple, yet ordinary day. We didn’t do anything more than visit a few shops, eat some food, and drive around to look at scenery. It was low pressure and spontaneous, but it was just ordinary living. And as I watched Kyle soak it up… no, savor it… I realized that he’s not had this in a very long time. Hell, maybe he never had it.
But I could see it written all over him.
He wanted it and he wanted it badly.
I open my eyes. With another sigh, I start to push away from the door.
Only to be really “pushed” away from the door as it opens up on me, some unknown force propelling me gently into my living room.
I spin around and see Kyle standing in my doorway, his hand on the knob. “You didn’t lock your door,” he says while staring at me with veiled eyes.
“I was just getting ready to—”
“You didn’t invite me in,” he says gruffly, and then steps inside my house.
My jaw drops open, because he knows damn well why I didn’t invite him in. Because we’re friends only, that’s why.
Kyle shuts the door behind him, and then completely confuses me when he says, “Didn’t even give me a chance to kiss you goodnight.”
My head spins one full loop before I orient myself. Placing my hands on my hips, I narrow my eyes at him. “You know damn well why you weren’t invited in.”
He gives me a sage nod. Without taking his eyes off me, he says, “You’re talking about that whole friends thing, right?”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah… that whole friends thing. You were pretty clear about it.”
Kyle doesn’t say anything, but he never takes his eyes off me as he flips the lock on my door. Something about that snicking sound makes my legs feel rubbery. “Yeah, well, I changed my mind about that.”
“What—”
But I don’t get another word out because in one long stride, he’s got both of his palms against my face, pulling me halfway up to meet his mouth as he tilts his head down. He strikes fast and hot, immediately seeking a deep, wet connection with our lips and tongues. And I know he likes it because he gives a half-groan of appreciation with a half-snarl of need for something more.
My brain starts to question whether or not this is a good idea, but my body already made the decision. My arms go tight around his neck, and I plaster myself to his frame. My tongue duels with his, greedy for more.
As if he’s satisfied with my hold on him, he drops his hands and they go to my ass. His palms are huge and his fingers dig in against that crease that separates my butt from my leg. With an effortless heave, he picks me up. My legs automatically wrap around his waist, and then Kyle is spinning me toward the small hallway that leads to my bedroom.
To. My. Bedroom.
I tear my mouth from his and pant, “Wait.”
Kyle immediately stops, but his hands grip my butt tighter. He peers down at me… eyes darkened with need and frustration.
“What are we doing?” I breathe out softly.
“We’re going to fuck,” he growls impatiently.
Admittedly, even though those words are crude, the way he says them hits me straight between my legs. I’m not quite sure what that says about me, but I give a slight shake of my head. “You said you only wanted to be friends. This isn’t what friends do.”
“I was wrong about the friend thing then,” he mutters impatiently.
“So we’re not friends?” I press him.
“Yes, we’re friends,” he says in exasperation. “And soon to be lovers if you’re done questioning me.”
“So is this a one-time only thing?” I ask, because even though he’s trying to clarify things, I’m not sure I really understand, and that’s because Kyle is so freaking complex and mysterious. I can’t make any sense of my feelings, so perhaps if I understood where he’s coming from, it would be a bit clearer to me.
“Jane,” Kyle says gruffly. The heat in his eyes indicates perhaps more frustration than the sexual promise I’d seen there just seconds ago. “I don’t know what the fuck this is. I just know I want you and I’m tired of fighting it, so I’m not going to fight it. I’m giving in and taking what I think you’re offering. So do you really have to know more than that? Because if you do, you need to know I don’t have the answers. I don’t have the answers, so I’ll just set you down right now and go home. We’ll just be friends, and it will be fine.”
Just the thought of him putting me down and walking out my door freaks me out, and I involuntarily clutch my legs and arms around him tighter while shaking my head. It’s with no amount of urgency that I say, “No! Don’t put me down. I don’t need the answers.”
That’s an absolute lie. I so need the answers, but I’ll just have to wait for them.
“My room’s to the left,” I say as I incline my head that way, because he’s looking at me dubiously.
“Jane,” he growls low. “I need to know you’re okay with this. I’m not promising you anything but tonight and that I’ll make it so fucking good for you, I swear. But that’s all I know at this moment. Are you okay with that?”
My head nods up and down furiously, my arms and legs tightening even more. “Yes,” I assure him breathlessly. “I’m okay with it.”
Immediately, the anger and frustration melt from Kyle’s face, and a look that I’d characterize as immense relief mixed with extreme hunger replaces it, and that causes flutters in my belly.
Kyle maneuvers me through the hall and into my bedroom, where his knee goes to the mattress and he lays me down. I release my hold on him and watch as he just stares down at me, one foot still planted solidly on the floor.
“I know exactly what I’m going to do to you,” he whispers as his eyes start to burn hotter. His hand comes out and touches the side of my leg lightly, causing goose pimples to spring up. “I’ve spent so much time these last few weeks imagining what I’d do to you if I had you in this position that I know down to the fine details how this night is going to play out. And I swear to God, Jane… it’s going to be so fucking good.”
A cramp of longing hits me in two places at once. Right in my sex and right in the center of my chest. Those words and the promises of pleasure they held may have been the sexiest, most erotic thing I’ve ever heard in my life. The look of stark need on his face, and the reverent way he just spoke them, made my heart contract with hope. I know without a doubt Kyle has been missing something in his life by the way in which he’s looking at me, and knowing I can fulfill whatever this void is gives me all the feels.
It gives me the best kind of feels, and I know after tonight, my life is not going to be the same. I’m pretty sure Kyle’s won’t either.