CHAPTER 17
Jane
I stare down at Kyle, his jaw tight but his eyes burning as if possessed by a fever. His entire body is coiled with tension as I sit atop him.
Full of him.
So damn full of him, and it feels amazing.
I’m not the most experienced girl when it comes to this, but I’ve had a healthy sex life and I’m an adventurous spirit. Kyle commanded me on top, and I wasn’t about to back down from that challenge. But as I look down at him, I can see that yes… he’s coiled with sexual frustration and the need for release, but he’s also worried. I can see that clearly in his eyes, and I have to wonder why that is.
I mean, Kyle definitely knows his way around a woman’s body, but I also sense that he’s very lost right now and unsure of himself. Since I know that has nothing to do with sex since he’s quite good at it so far, that must mean it has to do with me. He must be worried for me, or afraid of me.
This makes me sad.
It also makes me determined.
When I feel Kyle’s grip relax against my hips, I press my hands to his stomach for leverage and push slowly upward to test his reaction. Kyle’s jaw goes tighter and his eyes burn hotter.
When I reach the end of his length, I sink back down onto him, relishing the glide of his shaft within me and the pleasure it produces. When I press my pelvis back against his, a tiny shudder courses through me. Kyle lets out a soft hiss of breath.
“Like that?” I ask him in a low murmur. He asked me to go slowly, so that’s what I’ll give him.
“Yeah,” he says in a hoarse voice. “Just like that.”
I nod and start to rise again, but I falter when he slides one hand from my hip to where we are joined together. I watch almost hypnotized as his hand splays and he touches his fingertips to my lower belly. He moves his thumb inward and presses it against my clit, causing a tremor to race through me. I watch and wait for him to do something, but he doesn’t.
My eyes slide to his, and he’s smiling at me in amusement. “Go on, Jane. Fuck me.”
I don’t question him, but my body immediately rises. Kyle’s hand moves with me so his thumb stays on my clit, and oh wow… oh, damn. I can feel the friction of his dick to my clit as Kyle presses down, and my eyes practically roll in my head. I lose track of what I’m doing, so infatuated with this new sensation that I start pushing down again before I get too far.
And oh my God… that feels even better.
“Kyle,” I whisper with my eyes squeezed shut as I bottom out on him again. “I can’t… when you do that… I can’t…”
“Can’t what?” he murmurs as his other hand, which is still on my hip, urges me upward again. My leg muscles cooperate and I glide up his shaft, but that pressure he keeps on my clit muddles my head. It’s intense and overwhelming, and I know it won’t take long for me to come.
My eyes fly open as I stare down at him. “I can’t concentrate.”
“Don’t want you to,” he says in a low voice. His hand on my hip guides me back down again. “I told you I want you to come on my dick, so that’s what you’re going to do. I’m just helping you along.”
Oh, God.
Those words.
Those dirty, filthy words that have never been spoken to me before by a man and which would normally cause my nose to crinkle in distaste. But coming from Kyle, in this moment, while he’s doing to me what he’s doing…
My blood is racing and my clit is actually pulsing with agonized pleasure as he holds his thumb there to keep the friction going with my movements.
Kyle speaks very clearly, still with amusement though. “Jane… baby… ride my cock and get yourself off. I want to watch you come.”
“Oh, God,” I moan as I practically fall back down on him again. The force causes him to go deep inside. His thumb presses tighter to me and stars start winking in my peripheral vision.
My entire body is as coiled as I noted his was a few moments ago, and I think I might go crazy if I can’t release this tension. Suddenly, I become obsessed with having this orgasm, knowing it’s going to blow me wide apart, and needing to give that to Kyle because that’s what he asked for.
In the dirtiest of ways possible, he told me he wants me to come on his dick, and even as my face flames red, I start to move a little faster. I move up and down, my breath now coming in short, staccato bursts. I feel that lovely cramping feeling from deep inside as I coil tighter and tighter. I move faster, using Kyle’s thumb and dick to create constant friction, and I can’t even think about his pleasure right now. All I want is to give him exactly what he asked for.
“So fucking beautiful,” Kyle murmurs, and I make the mistake of opening my eyes. Kyle’s gaze is pinned to where we are joined, watching his thumb and his dick claim me. He looks rapturous, like he’s never seen something like this before. Like I’m a mystery and a miracle all at the same time.
And I explode.
Just like that… because of the way Kyle is looking at me, I just burst apart.
I give out a cry that sounds almost inhuman and my entire body bucks from the pleasure as it ripples outward, tearing me to pieces. I fall unceremoniously back down onto him, his dick pressing in further than ever, but I’m almost incoherent as I’m overwhelmed with the force of my orgasm.
“Just fucking beautiful,” Kyle mutters, and then he’s rolling me to my back. I’m as limp as a rag doll, which means I’m pliant, and Kyle doesn’t waste any time.
One hand goes under the back of my leg and he lifts it up. The other hand plants down hard into the mattress near my ribs to hold himself steady, and then he starts to move.
Hard.
And fast.
And rough.
I grunt when he thrusts in deep. While he doesn’t stop moving, he does slow down. “You okay?”
I nod my head quickly. “Yeah.”
“Too hard?”
I shake my head even quicker. “No. I liked it.”
And I’m not sure if those were the right words or not, but Kyle’s eyes flash in triumph. He raises my leg even higher, props it on his shoulder, and well… damn… didn’t know I was that limber.
That position opens me wider and allows Kyle to thrust deeper. He picks up the pace again and starts to really fuck me hard.
My hands go to his chest, not to help him in any fashion but to just feel him. I purposefully keep my eyes averted from the leering skull tattoo and the words of warning that I should fear this man. Instead, I watch his face carefully, his eyes almost completely fogged over with lust and passion as he drives into me. Sweat beads at his temples and he grits his teeth as harsh bursts of breath blow through them. He’s almost in a frenzy, and every time he thrusts into me, I can feel another orgasm starting to build bigger. Every time he hits me deep, an animal sound of desperation rumbles out of my mouth.
I have never, ever been taken like this before. My entire body right now is completely enslaved to him, not only by his strength, but also by the way he’s making me feel. It’s not just the feel of him inside of me, but by how much he needs me in this way.
I watch in fascination, turned completely on, when Kyle pushes up to his knees, wrapping an arm around my leg to hold it tight to his shoulder, and then his other under my ass to lift me up so I can meet his thrusts. He drives into me over and over again. I groan and writhe and when my orgasm can’t coil inward any further, when it becomes so painful for me to hold it off, tears start leaking out of my eyes.
Kyle doesn’t see this as his own are closed and he’s practically hurling himself into my body. His fingers are digging down into my thigh and ass, and I can tell he’s completely lost to sensation right now.
He might be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in this world. Right now, he’s stripped down to his rawest form, and this is the closest I’ve ever been to the true essence of Kyle Harding.
“Jane,” Kyle rasps out, almost as if he’s in pain.
I can’t even answer because he surges into me one last time as he throws his head back and roars out his release. It’s spellbinding and erotic, the way he falls prey to pleasure, and it makes my own orgasm fire off.
“Ohhh,” I cry out as I buck from the initial burst of pleasure. Kyle’s head comes down and his eyes snap to me. They’re still fogged, but they watch me in fascination as I tremble from the remains of another climax, my inside walls squeezing against his dick.
Kyle’s fingers relax and he drops my leg down to the mattress before coming down to lay on top of me. He keeps his weight off by digging his elbows into the mattress, but he moves his face closer to mine.
“Are you alright?” he asks, his eyes solemn in their need for this information. My heart squeezes as it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand he’s worried he hurt me. I mean, he was rough and that was hard, but holy hell… that was the best I’ve ever had.
Who knew?
I raise a hand, placing my palm to his cheek. He sucks in a soft breath and leans slightly into my touch even though his gaze is pinned on me as he awaits my answer.
“I’m more than alright,” I tell him with a reassuring smile. “I mean, I came twice, so yeah… I’m totally alright.”
“You’d tell me if I hurt you, right?” he presses.
I bring my other hand to his opposite cheek, pulling him down to me. I place a light kiss on his lips. “I’d absolutely tell you if you hurt me, but Kyle… I loved that. That was amazing.”
He lets out a relieved sigh and smiles back at me, and I’m glad to see that it’s genuine. “Good. I just… I’m sorry if it was too rough.”
“It wasn’t.”
Kyle’s eyes hold mine for a moment, then he gives a little nod. “Okay.”
I expect him to settle down for some post-sex cuddling, but instead, he pulls out of me slowly, which causes an embarrassing moan from me. Kyle doesn’t seem to notice as he rolls right off the bed and walks out of my room. I hear the bathroom door close a few seconds later.
Rolling to my side, I curl an arm under my head and wait for him to come back. I assume he’s coming back as I don’t think he’d walk home naked.
Less than a minute later, Kyle’s back in my bedroom. He walks straight to the bed, his face impassive. I push up to one elbow, aware and self-conscious that we’re both naked now that the heat of passion has cooled. His eyes slide to my breasts for a brief moment before returning back to me. He sits on the edge of the bed, completely unfazed by his nakedness, and says, “We need to talk.”
I let out a groan of frustration and sit up further. “Let me guess… this is the point where you tell me this was wrong, you shouldn’t have crossed that line, and then you’ll give me the let’s-be-friends line again, right?”
“Wrong,” he says quietly, and that gives me pause. His voice gets a little frostier though. “I did cross a line I didn’t mean to, but I can’t find it within me to be sorry.”
“Oh,” I say, completely confused by this. “Then what do we need to talk about?”
Kyle stares at me a long moment. I can see whatever he’s getting ready to tell me is going to take some courage on his part.
I sit up straight and look at him with panicked eyes. “Oh, God… was I bad? And that’s why you don’t want to see me again?”
“Jane—”
I flop back down to the mattress and drape my arm over my eyes to shut the sight of him out. “Oh, this is humiliating. I just—”
“Jane—”
I remove my arm from my eyes just as suddenly and plead with him. “You just need to go, Kyle. We don’t need to have that talk. I get it.”
“Jane,” Kyle snaps at me harshly, and I jerk from the tone of his voice. But then his hand reaches out and he slowly strokes my collarbone. He watches his hand draw a light pattern on my skin for a minute before looking up at me. “You were amazing. That… what we just did… was beyond amazing.”
Pure, unfiltered joy pulses through me, and I grin at him impishly. “So we’ll have sex again?”
“Maybe,” he says slowly, and I deflate.
“Maybe?”
“Hence the reason we need to talk,” he says pointedly.
“Okay,” I say hesitantly, and I feel completely vulnerable. I sit up against the pillow but reach out to the edge of the comforter, pulling it over to cover as much of my body as possible.
But Kyle covers my hand with his and stops my movement. “Don’t.”
“Don’t?”
“Don’t cover yourself around me,” he says gruffly as he holds my gaze. “Just… let me look at you as much as I can, okay?”
“So,” I say slowly as I release my hold from the blanket. “You just want me to walk around naked all the time?”
“If there was a God,” he mutters as his eyes slide down to my breasts for a moment. When he looks back up at me, he says, “I just mean don’t hide yourself from me. You’re beautiful like this. When we’re together, don’t hide it.”
“When we’re together,” I repeat. “So this wasn’t a one-time only thing?”
Kyle takes a deep breath and rubs his palm over the back of his neck, his eyes scrunching a bit in what looks like guilt, but I can’t be sure. He focuses back on me and says, “Jane… I’m not going to stay here forever. In fact, I’ll probably be heading out in a few months.”
“Where will you go?” I ask softly.
“I have no clue yet,” he tells me bluntly. “But when I do, it will be alone.”
After what we just shared, after he called me beautiful, and after he said what we had was amazing… well, I’ll have to admit this is a crushing statement to hear. I mean, it’s not like I’m already planning my life with him, but his words are clear in their meaning that I am nothing more to him than a temporary measure.
A diversion, I guess, to while away his time.
“I get it,” I say softly but with acceptance. “This is just a fling, so to speak.”
“Label it how you want,” he says gently, but there is no mistaking his commitment to what he’s saying. “But you need to know I’m leaving soon and, because of that, this has an expiration date on it. If that’s not something you want to get tangled up in, I’d understand that.”
I hate this conversation, but I ask for clarification, “So we’ll have a sexual relationship with an expiration date? I think what you’re saying is that you’re afraid my heart will get tied up in this, so you want to prepare me right off the bat that you’ve got nothing to give in that department, right?”
“Pretty much,” he says bluntly, but then tempers it with, “But we’re friends, Jane. That hasn’t changed.”
“Oh, you mean the type of friends who won’t stay in contact once you leave, right?” My sarcasm is unmistakable.
Kyle doesn’t respond, just stares at me guardedly. Yes, the blush of pleasure is gone and Kyle is down to business. Which means I need to pull my heart out of the equation right now. I have to give him some small measure of credit… at least he is trying to prevent me from getting hurt.
And I know Kyle could totally hurt me down the road.
For that reason, I need to use caution and careful, reasoned thought.
“Let me think about it,” I tell him with truthful candor. “This is a lot for me to consider.”
He blinks slowly as he takes in my words, and I can tell he didn’t expect that. In fact, I can tell he fully expected me to open my arms to him and tell him I’m fine with him having sex with me for the next few months, then we’d both sort of ignore the fact I was falling hard for him. We both know that’s probably how he thought it would go down because, let’s face it… I’m the one who has pursued him from the start.
But I’m really not sure I can handle the limits he’s put in place. While I’ve acted quite impulsively when it has come to Kyle, I need to heed his warning and think very hard about what it would mean to be involved with him and the boundaries he’s laying down. It’s not going to be an easy decision to make, and I’m going to carefully guard my heart throughout all of this.