Chapter 2
The microphone stood in front of me, and I went cross-eyed as I tried to concentrate on it and not the way my palms were sweating or the way I could hear the blood rushing in my ears despite the echoing of voices across the ice rink. There were so many people here, and despite the cold air rushing over my skin, I felt sickly hot. I turned, and West caught my shoulders in his hands.
“You’ll be fine.” He lowered his head to mine, and his hands moved to my neck, thumbs tilting my chin up. “I promise.”
I locked eyes with him, taking a shaky breath. “You, me, Bobby and our song.”
His lips pulled up at the edges, creating those dimples that made my insides dance. “That’s it.”
He kissed my forehead as Alec walked across the red carpet to us. Thank God he didn’t try to make me do this wearing skates. I was a good skater, but I wasn’t sure how well I’d do with a guitar strapped to me and a microphone shoved in front of my face. My eyes wandered to the crowd as Alec stepped in front of the microphone– over a hundred people filled the stands. Some I recognized, some I didn’t — many of them barely older than eighteen.
I swallowed. These were his kids — the ones he taught to be amazing skaters, hockey players, and competitors. West’s hands moved to rest on my elbows as Alec cleared his throat and it accidentally boomed through the expanse of the room.
“Goodness, this thing is loud!” Alec said, and his deep voice shook with nerves. Someone must have been in the sound room because the audio lowered before as he continued. “First, I want to thank you all for being here. Bobby would be truly thrilled to have so many people he loved here to celebrate his life.” He paused, and I felt goosebumps rise over my skin as I crushed my eyes shut, waiting for Alec to continue. “That’s what this is– a celebration of a life cut too short. He loved this rink. He spent most of his younger years here with my other son Adam, and their best friend River.” I opened my eyes at the sound of my name, and he glanced over his shoulder to smile at me before turning back to the crowd.
“When I heard the rink was going to be shut down, I knew I needed to do something, so here we are today — the rink in beautiful shape to remember a son, a friend, a brother and an amazing soul. My other son, Adam, was unable to join us today because he’s on his first national tour with his band Fade Burn.” Alec paused, and a whistle echoed through the ring followed by clapping. I felt a smile tug at my lips as my nerves paused for a second, only to return in full force, making me dizzy. West seemed to sense it and kissed the top of my head, calming me. Alec continued when the clapping faded. “But their best friend, River, offered to sing us a song in his place.”
Alec turned to look at me and nodded, giving me the soft smile I’d received so many times from his son. West gave my shoulders one more squeeze as he leaned down and whispered, “You, me, Bobby and our song– that’s it.”
I stepped up to the microphone as Alec stepped back to stand next to West and closed my eyes. When I opened them, I focused on the picture of Bobby behind the crowd — him with his first set of kids he coached. That’s all I needed. I gazed down at my guitar, strumming the first few chords and closed my eyes as I hummed. Then the words came to my lips without thinking.
“You and I…
We’re so far apart.”
I stopped strumming, the timing allowing the last chord to echo with my voice as I sang an extended Oh. My fingers returned to the frets as I continued.
“You and I,
We’re so far apart,
But I still feel your heart,
In my chest,
With every breath.”
I picked at the strings, nodding and not paying attention to the crowd. I wasn’t a singer. I wasn’t a performer even, but I loved Bobby, and this was for him.
“You and I,
Please be my guiding light,
For now, I’ll see you in the moonlight,
Dance upon my face,
Open my eyes against this darkness.”
A long strum and my eyes opened to look at the picture.
“You and I,
Oh…
You and I,
We’re so far apart,
But I still feel your heart,
In my chest,
With every breath.”
I looked back down to the strings as I picked at them. It was something I taught myself in the hours by myself when I moved. I hadn’t thought anything of it between glasses of wine and reading, but right now it felt perfect. My lips moved back to the microphone.
“You and I,
Give me faith to get through this night,
To rid the cold from my heart,
Give me time,
Give me time,
Because you and I,
Oh…
Because you and I.”
I paused my voice, letting the guitar’s pleading chords fill the room before I returned to the chorus, my eyes closed and then opened them as I reached the final verse.
“Never leave me,
Oh…
I know we’re so far apart,
But you’ll never leave my side,
I feel you in me,
In my heart,
In every breath,”
This was the hard part; picking and singing the final words. I closed my eyes.
“You and I.”
My hands lifted off the guitar to hold the microphone for one final sentence, sang in a whisper.
“You and I.”
My chest filled with air as I stepped back from the microphone and opened my eyes. The crowd was quiet for a moment, and I wondered if my voice was shot and I hadn’t noticed it, but slowly they began to stand and a deafening applause echoed through the room. My gaze found Dad, who stood with tears in his eyes, holding my sobbing mother to his side. He nodded at me, and I nodded back before turning to Alec and West. West’s green eyes sparkled as he blinked rapidly. Beautiful he mouthed to me as Alec pulled me into his arms.
“Thank you,” Alec’s said, and his words were choked. “Thank you so much.”
He stepped forward with the scissors and looked over his shoulder at me. “Would you do it with me?”
I smiled, handing West my guitar and then stepping forward to put my hands next to his. Then we moved in sync, and the ribbon fell free.
“The Robert Beckerson Memorial Rink is now open to skate!” Alec’s voice boomed through the room, followed by another deafening round of clapping.
Once I was off the ice, the crowd seemed to converge on me, and that was far more intimidating than singing in front of them. It was even scarier when I heard one of Bobby’s prodigies say he was putting it on YouTube, and it was totally going to go viral.After all, the girl’s hot.
I glanced up at West who was biting his lip trying not to laugh.
“I’m like ten years older than him,” I whispered, elbowing him.
“And taken.” He wrapped his arm around my waist.
I smiled up at him just as Mom and Dad managed to force their way up to us. Mom’s eyes were red from crying. She reached out to me, and I stiffened as she pulled me into her arms.
“That was just beautiful. I never knew you could sing– or play guitar,” Mom said as she stepped back and held me at arm’s length. Her eyes ran over me as if seeing me for the first time, and I tried my hardest not to mention the fact she could’ve listened during the talent contests I entered in middle school instead of gossiping about the other parents with Vickie.
I managed to give a nod before extracting myself and stepping back into West’s arms. Dad looked at Mom and me as if he wasn’t sure if he should mention the fact he always knew. I shook my head, and he looked down at his feet. I should’ve called her out on it, but it wasn’t the right time. There never would be a good time, because if I ever brought it up again, she’d just deny it. I was sure there’d be double-handed compliments or blatant insults shortly, anyway.
“Adam taught me to play when we were teenagers,” I said shrugging. “I taught myself how to pick, though.”
“Taught yourself?” she said, and there it was, the blatant insult in the disbelief of her tone. I felt my body bristle once more. My brain was trained to think the worst now. I shouldn’t assume it, but I did.
West’s thumb tucked itself under the back of my shirt, tracing circles against my skin and relaxing me. My muscles softened, and instead of spitting something venomous back I shrugged.
“Yeah. I saw some girl doing it and wanted to learn how. YouTube.”
Mom’s lips curled up, and her eyes softened. “That’s lovely. It’s so good to see you.” Her eyes lifted to West. “And to meet you. It’s great to see her so…in her element.”
I felt him shift behind me as he coughed and then replied, “Thanks.”
I was pretty sure he didn’t know what ‘in her element‘ meant, and neither did I.
Happy?
Yes, but I was good at more than just singing. I was in my element as a marketer, designer, and photographer. Standing singing wasn’t my element– it was Adam’s. The silence stretched between us, one awkward moment piling on the rest before Dad leaned around West’s tall frame.
“Looks like Alec’s opening up the concessions before the free skate– want to get a corn dog or something equally greasy?” Dad asked, and relief flooded my system. Food in our mouths was an excellent excuse not to talk.
We each got something equally unhealthy and went to the stands to eat. Some kids were already skating, foregoing the greasy food for a chance at the clean ice. I was wrong about the food, it didn’t make the silence any less awkward, and Mom kept darting her eyes at West as if she was trying to figure him out.
“So, West, what do you do for a living?” she asked.
He stopped chewing for a second, eyes darting to mine before swallowing and wiping his lips. “I have a degree in business. I own my own company.”
I leaned closer to him, kissing his cheek as he pulled down the sleeve of his shirt which was starting to ride up. His body tensed as I put my half-eaten hamburger down and wove our fingers together.
Mom’s eyes widened, and she swallowed her mouthful of cola.”What kind of company?”
West’s face flushed under his five-o’clock shadow, which was the color of dry dirt, only a bit darker than his blond hair. “Artist.”
“Oh, so you own a gallery or studio?”
I glanced at Dad who looked at a loss for how to stop her. He knew how we met and what West did for a living; most people who watched cable television did. She wouldn’t though; I was sure if she saw the words tattoo she wouldn’t watch it.
West nodded, the flush leaving his face. “Something like that.”
I looked out on the ice, my chest tightening. I didn’t like the fact West was lying. Well, not lying, but skirting around the truth in hopes she’d like him. I was happy with him, and that was all that should matter.
“That’s lovely,” Mom said, and I wondered if that was her new favorite phrase; some veiled insult I didn’t recognize because I hadn’t seen her in almost a year. Or was I being paranoid and it didn’t mean anything? I swallowed, my vision blurring the skaters into blobs on the ice.
“You want to skate?” West asked, squeezing my hand and looking at the ice I stared at.
My head jerked as I came back to reality. “Yes, I’d love that.”
A way to escape.
“Do you mind?” West asked, looking between my parents who smiled and shook their heads. Once we were out of hearing range West heaved a sigh. “That wasn’t too bad.”
“I kept expecting an insult,” I said, closing my eyes and letting him pull me into a hug as we stopped at the line for skates. He kissed my head, and my body melted into his, finding comfort in his touch and smell.
He looked down at me, eyes flicking over my face. “I could tell. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that tense.”
“The worst part is the fact I keep thinking all these stupid things in my head. I feel like I revert to a snobby sixteen-year-old when I’m in her presence,” I said, and West rubbed my arms as we moved up in line for skates.
“Is that when it started? You not getting along?”
I ran my hand through the loose part of my hair. I had French-braided the side with my bangs so they wouldn’t fall on my face while I was playing guitar. “I guess that’s when it really started to get to me. I never fought back until the blowout last year at Thanksgiving. It was like years of holding back came out in five minutes of accusatory bullshit. I feel like I’ve always felt like this, though, waiting for the next insult.”
West was quiet for a moment.
“You know how she is, right?” he asked, and I chewed on my lip, my shoulders lifting.”But maybe she doesn’t get it– or doesn’t care to. She’s not going to change. Maybe if you called her out on it when it happens, it would help.”
I lifted the sleeve of my shirt, so the arrow on my forearm was showing. “Like when she sees this.”
West’s brows rose along with his chest. “You still like it?”
I nodded and lifted the hand entwined with mine up so I could inch up his shirt sleeve before kissing the edge of his tattoo. “Almost as much as I love yours.”
I looked up at him through my eyelashes, my lips hovering over his painted skin.
His voice deepened. “You shouldn’t do that in public.”
“And why is that?” I asked, and he stepped in front of me. He lifted my arm up and pushed the sleeve up again, so the arrows showed. West’s eyes locked on mine as he pressed his lips against the tip of it, and my toes curled in my shoes as tingling rushed from my center and out.
“See,” he said with a wink before turning to the counter and giving the clerk our sizes.
My eyes fell to the tattoo.
Pushing into the positive.
Maybe Mom learned, or perhaps I could learn how to deal with her. I looked up at West, and he winked at me. Possibly with his help, I could. He didn’t hold the anger Adam, or I did, which made him far more rational.
And all the more perfect. I leaned up and put my arms around West’s neck. He cocked his head, in question. I pressed my lips against his and when I pulled away his away were foggy and thin lips swollen.
“What was that for?” he asked.
“Because you make me happy, and I want everyone to know it.”
His lips curled up as he ran his fingers through my hair. “If your singing doesn’t go viral, that kiss will.”
I laughed as we sat down to put our skates on. West smirked as he held his hand out to me when we finished.
His head tipped to the side. “Perfect timing. This is our song.”
“I wasn’t aware we had a song,” I replied as he led me out onto the ice.
“Shh,” he said and then he went behind me, skating in unison with me. I hadn’t heard the song before, but Kellin Quinn’s distinct voice was a giveaway. The words sunk into me as West whispered them in my ear and we flew across the ice just like the lyrics said.