Chapter 20
Adam
I rubbed my sweating palms against my jeans and looked over at Tara again. She didn’t understand my need to fix things with River. I tried to play it off as West was one of my good friends and from what I gathered from Dad, he wasn’t going anywhere.
I was okay with that.
Tara didn’t think I was.
I couldn’t tell her why I was. It was wrong. Everything was. It had been since Bobby passed away. My chest tightened, and my mouth dried. I took a drink from my water. We were in a restaurant, somewhere neutral, where I felt Tara might not fly off the handle. I could easily order a Jack and Coke, or, my Achilles heel, SoCo on the rocks.
My throat remained dry. Just like me. I hadn’t picked up a drink since the day River walked away from me, or me from her. I wasn’t sure which it was.
Tara’s lips twitched as her eyes flashed to the door. They weren’t here yet. I smiled at her, and the tension in her shoulders let out.
“Thanks,” I said, and she shook her head. “For being there for me all the time. I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for you.”
Tara licked her lips. “I don’t know that I’ve made much of a difference. We’re here now.”
“I do. You encouraged me to follow my dreams. Kept me on the straight and narrow–“
Tara cut me off, her eyes cold. “I won’t take credit for that. River can take credit for that.”
“Take credit for what?” River asked, and her voice sent chills down my spine.
“Reverse breaking Adam,” Tara replied, sitting back with her arms crossed.
River stood looking between us as West put his hand on her lower back.
“That’s not fair, T,” I said, shaking my head at her.
She widened her eyes at me. “Am I wrong?”
I gritted my teeth, and West cleared his throat.
“What does that even mean?” he asked, and he raised his brows at Tara. He wouldn’t put up with her bullshit towards River.
Tara shrunk. Most people wouldn’t call her out, well, other than me and I always covered with a softness in my voice. That was missing from West’s, and I didn’t blame him.
Tara’s eyebrows twitched. “She left. He stopped drinking.”
“Sounds like a good thing,” West replied.
“It is. That’s why she’s pissy,” River said, crossing her arms. There was a fierceness I knew so well in her eyes. It was one that used to be there when she called me or my brother’s bullshit. I hadn’t seen it in over a year. I chuckled, and Tara kicked me under the table.
“Maybe we should switch,” West said, nodding for Tara to sit next to me.
“Probably a good idea, but you sit across from me. I won’t try to strangle you.” She gave River a pointed look and River responded by cocking her head. The feeling was apparently mutual at the moment, and from the look on River’s face, she wasn’t scared of Tara’s prissiness.
We sat in silence for a moment before the waiter came over and took our orders. I was pretty sure none of us had an appetite, but we were at a restaurant, and food would hopefully diminish the awkwardness spreading between us. I cleared my throat.
“So…”
River looked up at me, her eyes flicking back and forth.
“I think we’re all on the same page that we should attempt to fix things,” I said, and Tara scoffed. I turned to face her. “We don’t all get second chances. Bobby didn’t, and I’m not going to screw this one up.”
Tara’s chin lowered to her chest, and her eyes fell to her hands.
“I agree,” River said, and I waited for Tara’s nasty retort. None came. River’s gaze moved to Tara and then me. “What do you think would’ve happened if…things were different.”
I leaned back in my chair, and the things I’d been reflecting on for months played over in my head. If I said them out loud, they couldn’t be taken back, and I didn’t want to hurt River more. She leaned in with her eyes locked on me. If we were starting fresh, we needed to start with the truth.
“Honestly, I love the life I’m living now.” I paused, my hand reaching for Tara’s knee. She was trembling. “We wouldn’t have worked. We never balanced one another. Bobby balanced me and Tara you…or maybe…”
My voice drifted, and I looked at Tara out of the corner of my eyes. “Or maybe it could’ve been the other way around. Bobby balanced you and…”
I couldn’t say the words. Guilt twisted into me and I coughed, looking at my hand on Tara’s knee. Her fingers snaked between mine, giving me the strength to continue. There was a smile curling onto River’s lips that I didn’t understand. She didn’t seem surprised. I swallowed before continuing.
“Once Bobby was gone, everything was screwed. We’re both high strung and determined. I always wanted this, Riv. I wanted music as my life. I just could never bring myself to tell you.”
River took a deep breath, closing her eyes. “You’re right. Did Bobby know?”
“That I wanted to be a musician?” River nodded. “Probably. I told him when we were kids, and I think he just assumed it when I didn’t stop playing as an adult. He tried a few times to get me to do a demo, but I figured he was just trying to fuck things up between you and me.”
River laughed. “He probably was. I’m too logical for the idea of music as a career. No offense.”
“Yet you’re dating a tattoo artist.” Tara tipped her chin towards West.
He rolled his eyes. “Do you watch TV?”
“You’re successful for now. It’s just like music, tomorrow your business could close,” Tara replied, and I squeezed her hand hard.
River leaned back. “Glad you don’t just save the bitchiness for me.”
Tara made a choking noise. River defending herself was something new. I smiled, she’d done it once or twice with my parents, but this was different. It wasn’t like she had a chip on her shoulder. It was as if she knew exactly who she was and didn’t give a crap what anyone else thought.
“I’m sorry I’m a bit cold to the world,” Tara snapped back.
“We all have a reason to be, Tara. Not all of us take it out on everyone else,” River replied, her voice soft.
Tara rolled her eyes and then zoned in on West.
Fuck no.
I squeezed her hand, trying to stop the inevitable word vomit. She didn’t take the hint. Instead, she yanked her hand from mine.
“What’s so bad about your life, West Brighton?” She crossed her arms, looking smug, and I put my head in my hands.
“You don’t have to answer that, West,” I said, and Tara’s head shot around. She narrowed her eyes at me. She thought I was picking sides.
I hated it when she was like this. There were no sides, but since River and I split, she felt there was, no matter what I said to her.
It was us against River.
West looked at the ceiling, running his tongue over his teeth before looking back to Tara. “Every single one of us has buried a person they loved.”
Tara’s breath came out in a whoosh.
“Sophia was younger than Bobby,” he said, playing with his napkin. “And I’m the reason she’s dead.”
“I…” Tara stuttered, and West shrugged.
“No, you didn’t know. That’s the point. A lot of assumptions have been made at this table. That has to stop.”
Tara’s jaw shook. “I guess so.”
“Look, Tara.” River’s eyes softened. “I know you don’t agree with the choices I made after Bobby died, but we all made mistakes. In the end, we each have to deal with them, but Bobby would’ve never wanted his death to break us apart. Especially, after we had just started patching things up. I miss you both, and I hope you can get past whatever is making you hate me so much so we can be friends again.”
Tara’s gaze drifted to me, and her red lips pressed down.
“I’m sick of living our lives in the past. Let’s move forward.” I nodded over to West and River. “Together.”
Tara inhaled through her nose, and my jaw clenched. If she said no, it would be the end of a future that hadn’t even started yet.
“Fine,” she said, and I pulled her into my arms.
“Thank you,” I said into her hair.