~Leslie~
She ran up the driveway to his house as fast as she could, tears in her eyes.
“Come on, Blake,” she murmured to herself, banging on his door with her fist, glancing at her watch, hoping that he was already awake.
Last night had been wonderful. He’d brought her here to cook dinner for her and to get her opinions on how he needed to decorate. It was a bachelor pad, for sure, but she could see the potential it had to become a family home one day. Maybe.
Family. She’d started thinking that way in the few weeks they’d been… well, whatever they’d been. Dating? Spending all of their time together? Falling back in love just like they’d been as teenagers?
“I was so dumb back then for ever letting you go,” he’d murmured into her hair, as he’d held her close.
“Why did you do it?” she’d whispered back, her heart feeling nothing but forgiveness, while in the back of her mind, reason and bitterness called, remembering just what she’d found out about Blake…
“I got it all wrong,” he’d answered softly. “I didn’t know you like I know you now. I didn’t know myself like I do now. Everything is different now.”
She hadn’t asked more questions. She’d just taken leave when it was time, going home and feeling warm, considering a future that could surely eclipse those past hurts that still threatened to make themselves known.
She’d been thinking about it all when she’d finally gone to sleep, hoping to sleep in late that next morning.
Jordan had blown that to bits, though, by calling right at sunrise.
“We’ve been at the hospital all night,” he said, sounding like he hadn’t slept in weeks. “Brooke’s been in labor for a full day now. Can you come?”
That had been all she needed to hear. She wanted Blake there, too, knew that Jordan would appreciate having one of his best friends there with him as well.
She’d driven over to his house with the tears already gathering in her eyes, thinking of Brooke becoming a mother, thinking of Holly so far away from them during this special time, thinking of her own parents becoming grandparents –
“Blake!” She pounded on the door again. Suddenly, she didn’t care about the hour. She needed him out here with her, then there with her, and –
The door flew open beneath her fist, with Blake standing there blinking in the early morning sunlight. “What?” he asked, seeing her, panic taking over his tired expression. “What’s wrong?”
She briefly registered that he was just wearing shorts, having obviously gotten straight up out of bed and over to the door.
“Brooke is having the baby!” she said. “And I need to get there!”
Then, she was crying. What sense did that make?
“Okay, okay,” he said, pulling her into his arms, where she inhaled his scent and relaxed, just fractionally. “Let me get dressed, and we’ll head out there together, okay?”
And things were okay again, as she let him lead her into his house and take care of the details.
How long was this going to take?
They’d been at the hospital all day. All. Day. Brooke hadn’t gone right to the hospital when labor started the day before, which meant that she’d been in labor for… well, forever?
Leslie wasn’t sure.
“How long do these things take?” she asked, halting the mindless pacing she’d been doing all day and flopping into a chair next to Blake.
“You’re asking me?” he said, putting down his phone. “I don’t have a clue about these things.”
Travis, who had been sitting like a statue the majority of the day alongside Jordan’s younger brothers spoke up.
“Avery says it can take days,” he said somberly. “Though her frame of reference is livestock, so…”
“Seems to me,” Avery said, patting Jordan’s mother’s arm before turning back to the seats and interjecting her wisdom, “that if Brooke wasn’t in active labor, they would never have admitted her to the hospital. So this is not like two whole days of a heifer going through labor pains and nesting. This is the real deal… it’s just taking forever. And is likely excruciatingly painful.”
Blake watched her for a moment, silent. Then he turned his attention to Travis. “Does that make you feel any better?”
Travis smirked at him. “My sister isn’t giving birth to a calf, based on that assessment. So, yeah… kinda? Except not at all.”
He and Blake both laughed at this, and Leslie smiled herself. Who knew what the process of bringing Blake here as a pastor had looked like? It must, though, have included a lot of talks between the two men, getting to know one another in a new capacity, and falling into an easy friendship. A friendship, Leslie had noted, that had made Travis look at her approvingly as she’d come in with Blake earlier, her hand in his.
“Surely Jordan will come out and give us an update soon,” she said.
Travis’s phone buzzed as the words left her mouth, and he pulled it out to check, a grin tugging at the corners of his lips. “Holly keeps texting to ask about the progress,” he said. “And she keeps apologizing, as though she’s interrupting me. Like I’m the one in labor.”
“Let me text her back,” Leslie said, taking his phone and typing out a response, wondering at how best to say that none of them had any idea what was even –
The door between the waiting room and the labor and delivery ward opened before she could hit send.
There was Jordan, standing in the doorway, looking pale and terrified.
Travis was on his feet first, then Avery. Then Leslie, Blake, Jordan’s parents, his brothers, all of them staring at him, and –
“What’s going on?” Travis asked, all business, even though Leslie could see the vein bulging in his forehead, a clear sign that he was stressed out.
“No progress,” Jordan mumbled, for once in his life not looking calm and capable, Brooke’s anchor in the storm. “They said there’s no progress. They’re going to do a c section.”
Jordan’s mother stepped away, already murmuring prayers as Leslie opened her mouth to ask what all was involved in a c section.
But she didn’t get the words out before Jordan put his hands to his hair, a wild look in his eyes. Little surprise there, since he probably hadn’t slept at all in at least forty-eight hours.
“I don’t know what to do!” he exclaimed, his eyes on Travis. “I mean, she’s in pain! She’s been in pain for hours, Travis! Literally! I’ve had to watch her cry through contractions for the past two days, and there’s nothing I can do! She’s worried about the baby, and she keeps asking me if it’s going to be all right, if the baby is okay, and I don’t know and –”
And with this, he took a gasping breath, choking out a sob.
He was freaking out. Totally freaking out.
Avery looked as though she might offer some comforting words, and Leslie cringed, imagining that it would be about how baby calves are delivered or something unequally helpful.
Travis beat his wife to it, though, grabbing Jordan by the shoulders and frowning his fiercest scowl.
“Look here, Sanders,” he spat out. “You’re going to stop acting like a little girl right now, you hear me?”
And even as Jordan continued breathing erratically, he locked eyes on Travis. “Yes, sir,” he managed.
“And you’re going to go in there, do whatever the doctors tell you, and be a man. Be a man! You got that?”
Jordan blinked at him for a second… then nodded.
And the entirely unsympathetic words seemed to have the desired effect as Jordan finally nodded, stood taller, and said, “Okay.”
“Get in there,” Travis said, slapping Jordan on the back, giving him a little push with the command.
Jordan did so, steeling himself with a taller stride and leaving them all behind.
Travis turned to the rest of them. “C section?!” he said, panic in his own voice. “Isn’t that surgery?”
Leslie let out a long breath, exchanging a look with Blake as he took her hand in his.
It looked like they were in for a long night.
An hour later, it turned out that they were all wrong.
After all that long labor, the c section had been quick and efficient in comparison and certainly easier on Jordan, who had held the baby up to the nursery window with a wide grin on his face, showing off his daughter to the whole family.
By the time they got back to Brooke’s private room, all the panic and worry of the day was all but forgotten as Jordan placed the newborn right into Travis’s arms.
It should have been Brooke introducing Molly to her family, but Brooke was still out of it thanks to the drugs they were pumping in her system to keep her from feeling the effects of major surgery.
No worries. Jordan was doing a great job of making the introductions on his own.
“This is Molly Elizabeth Sanders,” he said, grinning like the proud daddy he’d told everyone he would be. “Molly, meet Travis.”
“Hey, there,” Travis said softly, cradling her like a pro as he gazed down on her with a goofy grin. “You look like your mommy.”
Leslie smiled, glancing over at the newborn. She didn’t see it. “Maybe a little,” she said anyway.
“Maybe a whole lot,” Travis said. “I remember when Brooke was born. I missed an eighth grade basketball game because of it.” He glanced up at the bed where Brooke was snoring. “Thanks a lot, Brookie Cookie.” His attention was back on the baby again a few seconds later, his voice now dripping with tenderness. “And this is just exactly what she looked like.”
“Lucky Molly,” Jordan said, beaming. “She’ll be a beauty, then.”
“And kind and sweet,” Travis murmured in response, doing a baby voice now. “And probably messy and sassy. Just like her mommy.”
What was it about a man with a baby? Travis was transforming from the big bad boss man to a softie, right before their eyes. Leslie could see the others smile at each other in the waiting room, most of them having never seen the sensitive side of Travis.
But Holly had. And Brooke had, too. Neither of whom could mention it now here in the hospital room, with Brooke out of it and Holly so far away.
Leslie could, though.
And with Blake’s hand in hers and her eyes still on her brother, Leslie remembered one of the darkest times of them all.
It was right after she and Blake had broken up. She’d gone back to class that next week, telling herself that she’d just have to get through one day at a time. That’s how she’d survive it. One day at a time. She’d have to figure out a way to skip chemistry, but she could get through the rest. Surely.
Homeroom was quiet for the most part as everyone worked on their homework for different classes, up until the last few minutes.
Leslie had been able to tell that someone had moved into the chair next to her and was watching her.
Not Blake, thank God. He didn’t have this homeroom.
She looked over.
Chase. Just as bad in some ways. He and Blake had been buddies once.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” she responded, hoping that if she didn’t meet his eyes, he’d get the hint and move on.
“Sorry to hear about you and Blake,” he said.
So much for that.
She stayed silent, willing herself not to cry. It was time to get tough, to not let anyone see her feeling anything. Feeling something real for Blake had led to nothing but heartache and regret.
She wouldn’t make that mistake again.
“You’re better off,” Chase said to her, and Leslie had to bite down even harder on her lip, certain that she would start crying in earnest if he kept talking. “He was only with you so he could get in your pants.”
Wait… what?
“What are you talking about?” she asked, feeling the blush creep up her neck at these unexpected words.
“He bet us all, back at the beginning of the year, that he could get you to sleep with him,” Chase said, looking just a little embarrassed at being the one to share this news. “I didn’t think he could, because I know you’re a church girl and…” He shrugged. “But I guess I was wrong. Because I saw you at my party, and Blake broke up with you a few weeks later, so he must have –”
Leslie didn’t wait to hear anymore. She couldn’t. She stood to her feet and began throwing things back into her backpack, certain that she wouldn’t be able to stop the tears from coming. Tears of fury, of anger, of resentment, of rage… of grief, of sadness, of desperation.
And confusion. Because why would he have said these things and done what he did without sleeping with her? She’d practically begged him to do what he’d apparently been boasting about. And yet he hadn’t.
She’d credited it to him being a godly man, to doing the right thing, but now, she wasn’t so sure.
And then, he’d broken up with her, without any reason. Why had he done what he’d done?
“Hey, Leslie.”
She took a breath to calm herself down, then forced her face into a smile as she turned to Chase, as though nothing at all was wrong. It was a brittle, unwelcoming smile but a smile nonetheless. This wasn’t his fault that Blake had done this, that she’d fallen for it, that her reputation was in tatters.
“Yes?”
“You wanna go out with me this weekend?” Chase asked.
Why did he want to go out with her? It was obvious, wasn’t it? She was that girl now.
Except not. Because Blake hadn’t touched her body in that way. No, he’d just touched her heart, and he’d only done that to end up breaking it into tiny pieces that could never be put together again.
She’d still been crying late that night when Travis had come back home.
She cried a lot after the breakup, but Travis had somehow known that this was different. It was probably the loud, angry music that Leslie had been playing.
“Are we transitioning to a new phase of grief?” he’d asked rather calmly as he’d come into her room that night, heading straight for the stereo, which he’d turned down.
“Not grief,” Leslie said, her chest still hollow and hurting. “I’m angry.”
“That’s a stage of grief,” he said. “I’m sorry that Blake is gone and that –”
“I’m not,” she said shortly. “I hate him.”
And at this, Travis paused for a long moment.
“You hate him?” he asked. “Just a few days ago you loved him.”
“I loved who I thought he was,” she said, her voice eerily calm. “But it was a lie. He was lying to me.”
“Lying to you? How do you figure?”
“I heard what he’d been saying about me,” she said, a little warble in the words. Maybe she didn’t hate him as much as she needed to. There was still love there. She had to work harder on hating him, on distancing herself from all the heartache.
“What did he say about you?” Travis asked, tightness in his voice.
There was heartsickness, deep and debilitating, as she’d told him
“He told them that he’d… that he’d get me to sleep with him.” She said it softly, thinking about the night that she’d wanted to, that she would have, that it would have taken no effort on Blake’s part. But it had taken effort, because he’d stopped her, he’d stopped himself, he’d told her that she was worth waiting for…
Then why had he said what he had? Why had he ever bragged to his friends like he had, before they even began dating, claiming her as a conquest before he convinced her that he’d fallen in love with her? Was he waiting for another time to take her virginity? Was he biding his time so it would hurt worse when she found out what he’d said, when he’d left her after using her? And why had he left her the way he had?
She wasn’t sure. She was both thankful and angry that Chase had said all that he had.
Travis was just angry, though.
“Did he?”
“He said it,” she nodded, knowing that Blake hadn’t denied it.
“No, Leslie,” he said. “I mean, did he have sex with you?”
After all the awkward conversations he’d had with her over the years, she was no longer surprised that he’d finally figured out how to have them without embarrassment. Just anger. At her, for living the way he hadn’t wanted her to, for ignoring him when he’d told her to be careful, for going to parties and into situations that weren’t good for her…
“I didn’t have sex with him,” she said quietly.
And that was all thanks to Blake. Why, though? Why had he been so gentle and godly about it all?
She could see Travis calming down fractionally. There was still plenty to be upset over, but the emotional toll over this very adult passage of life was something that Leslie wouldn’t be dealing with now.
It was something to be thankful for, but Leslie wasn’t feeling thankful about anything, honestly.
“Leslie,” Travis said, kneeling down so that he was on her level.
She looked at him with tears in her eyes.
“It wasn’t right what he did,” he said softly. “And it’s not your fault that he did it.”
No. It was just her fault for believing in him. For loving him. For letting herself trust him so much and give her heart to him.
“It’s not your fault,” Travis repeated. “What he did was not your fault.”
She could almost believe this, hearing Travis say it as emphatically as he did.
She managed to nod.
“And Blake…” Travis bit his lip, a struggle evident in his face as he chose his words carefully. “I don’t… I don’t think he meant to hurt you. I think there must have been something else going on.” He paused for a moment, then decided to say it again. “He didn’t mean to hurt you.”
But he had.
“It still hurts,” she whispered. “No matter what he meant.”
No one had ever hurt like this. She was certain of it, as she felt like all of the good things that could ever happen in her life were slipping away and would never return. Hopelessness, heartache, so intricately tied together that she couldn’t differentiate one from the other, knowing only that it hurt so much…
“It’ll hurt a little less tomorrow than it did today,” Travis said, hearing what she had no words to express on her own anyway. “And the next day, it’ll hurt even less. Until one day? It won’t hurt at all.”
She’d clung to those words, but there was no truth in them. Because here she was, all these years later, in the hospital room, still hurting at the mere remembrance as though Blake had broken her heart yesterday.
Travis continued to coo over the baby, cradling her close and murmuring to her softly.
“You just call Grandpa Travis anytime you need anything, and I’ll make it happen,” he said. “Anything at all, Molly.”
“Grandpa?” They all looked to Brooke, who had come to enough to narrow her eyes at her brother. “You aren’t her grandpa. You’re her uncle.”
“Old enough to be your grandpa,” Travis murmured to the baby, ignoring Brooke. “Raised your mother by myself from the time she was five. I think that earns me the title of Grandpa, right?”
Molly yawned appreciatively, falling right to sleep in his arms.
“Anything you need,” he said again. “You remember that.”
Leslie felt Blake squeeze her hand in his, and she closed her eyes. Was he making a similar promise to her? How could he when he’d done what he did?
She kept her face impassive and unyielding, focusing on the baby and her sister’s new life, refusing to look at Blake until it was time to go.
That’s when she turned towards him, away from everyone else and told him what she’d decided.
“I can’t be with you.”